CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! (S: THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DOOONE.)
That's right, friends. It's the final episode of the season, and that means it's time for the previouslies to take us right back to the beginning and remind us of all the major plot points from the past five seasons that may prove relevant here. But mostly it means a full minute of jamming to Kansas because I have not so secretly terrible taste in music.
The previouslies take us right back to Jessica, followed by a reminder about the Croatoan virus and Crowley, so clearly we're in for a good time.
We open in a medical research lab, full of lab rats and lab monkeys. A janitor mops the floor as two medical researchers in lab coats talk about how it seems crazy to jump straight to human testing when neither of them have seen the vaccine yet. They study the monkeys and jot down notes as they talk. One looks like a short version of Barack Obama, and it's very disconcerting. The janitor turns towards them and says that he's seen the vaccine. They're all "The fuck?", and he grins that he's running an experiment of his own.
We open in a medical research lab, full of lab rats and lab monkeys. A janitor mops the floor as two medical researchers in lab coats talk about how it seems crazy to jump straight to human testing when neither of them have seen the vaccine yet. They study the monkeys and jot down notes as they talk. One looks like a short version of Barack Obama, and it's very disconcerting. The janitor turns towards them and says that he's seen the vaccine. They're all "The fuck?", and he grins that he's running an experiment of his own.
We open at a bar. A late 30s blonde sits at the bar, sipping a cocktail and looking bored. Sam sits down next to her, acting super weird. He shows off his licence dramatically, talking about how he's 26. The bartender's all "I do not get paid enough for this shit", which is legit. He proceeds to order a banana daiquiri. Blonde Cougar introduces herself, and Sam says that his name is Gary. She flirts with him, and he's all "RIGHT?? I'm totally hot!"
His daiquiri arrives and for some reason, with every sip he takes, we're treated to that "okay, seriously, your drink is finished, stop convincing yourself you can get the last drop through the straw" sound, which makes zero sense.
His daiquiri arrives and for some reason, with every sip he takes, we're treated to that "okay, seriously, your drink is finished, stop convincing yourself you can get the last drop through the straw" sound, which makes zero sense.
In the process of setting up this post, I realised which episode this is, and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE. DO NOT WANT. Can we just skip ahead and pretend this one doesn't happen?? No?
Well, fuck. Let's raid the Supernatural drinks fridge and do this thing.
Samantha: Oh my god, I started drinking a full 24 hours before in preparation. NO PLEASE.
K: We open with a middle-aged dude in a limo pulling up under a freeway interchange. He buries a box in the dirt. "Mr Pendleton, I presume?" comes a British voice from behind him. He turns around and it's MARK SHEPPARD!! Mark Sheppard is in at least one episode of basically every show I've ever loved.
Well, fuck. Let's raid the Supernatural drinks fridge and do this thing.
Samantha: Oh my god, I started drinking a full 24 hours before in preparation. NO PLEASE.
K: We open with a middle-aged dude in a limo pulling up under a freeway interchange. He buries a box in the dirt. "Mr Pendleton, I presume?" comes a British voice from behind him. He turns around and it's MARK SHEPPARD!! Mark Sheppard is in at least one episode of basically every show I've ever loved.
Is anyone else going to spend the next eternity with that stupid song lodged in their brain on an endless loop, or is that just me?
Anyway. Alliance, Nebraska. A college aged girl sits way too close to the TV, brushing her hair. There's a noise from the back of the room. She looks around, a little freaked, and the music gets all "OMG WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THIS IS SO TENSE!!" as she walks slowly towards a big cupboard. She pulls open the door, and the kid she's babysitting is in there, pretending to be dead. He's got one of those fake arrow headbands on, and has covered himself in tomato sauce. (That's ketchup to you, America.)
Anyway. Alliance, Nebraska. A college aged girl sits way too close to the TV, brushing her hair. There's a noise from the back of the room. She looks around, a little freaked, and the music gets all "OMG WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THIS IS SO TENSE!!" as she walks slowly towards a big cupboard. She pulls open the door, and the kid she's babysitting is in there, pretending to be dead. He's got one of those fake arrow headbands on, and has covered himself in tomato sauce. (That's ketchup to you, America.)
The previouslies remind us of the Croatoan virus and I suddenly get very excited because I just remembered which episode this is. Also how much of a bitch it was to find gifs for Croatoan when I recapped it JUST after Croatoan Day last year. BUT I DIGRESS. (S: Croatoan is one of my top ten favorite episodes so I also get excited for this one.) (K: Legit.)
Dean pulls the Bromobile up on a city street and hops out. An escapee from the Book of Mormon cast asks if Dean's taken time to consider God's plan for him. "Too friggin' much, pal," Dean says with an eyeroll.
Dean pulls the Bromobile up on a city street and hops out. An escapee from the Book of Mormon cast asks if Dean's taken time to consider God's plan for him. "Too friggin' much, pal," Dean says with an eyeroll.
We open basically where we left off, with Sam locked in Bobby's panic room. Dean opens the hatch on the door and Sam demands to be let out. But Dean's all "LOL NOPE" because Junkie Sam needs to get clean. Sam insists that it's a bullshit comparison because he's not doing it to get high. He's doing it to get strong enough to defeat Lilith. Dean scoffs and says he's being weak and pathetic.
Sam snaps that killing Lilith is what matters, and Dean's all "I TOTALLY AGREE". That's why he and Bobby are going to deal with it while Sam stays in the naughty corner and thinks about what he's done. Dean shuts the hatch and walks away.
Sam snaps that killing Lilith is what matters, and Dean's all "I TOTALLY AGREE". That's why he and Bobby are going to deal with it while Sam stays in the naughty corner and thinks about what he's done. Dean shuts the hatch and walks away.
A bunch of old women stand in a circle, calling on something named Cryto. One of the ladies has a little coughing fit, but she urges the others to keep chanting. Even though they've been at it for 15 minutes, she's sure Cryto will show up.
Stephanie: Before we get any further can we just take a moment to go WTF at the weird Leatherfaceness of this episode's title?
Mari: Absolutely!
Stephanie: Before we get any further can we just take a moment to go WTF at the weird Leatherfaceness of this episode's title?
Mari: Absolutely!
We open in a messy house, with a scruffy looking guy asleep in his underwear on the sofa. The shot flickers and he twitches in his sleep, then we're thrown into a montage of shots of various things, including Sam and the Bromobile in a weird grey-scale. Then we get a close up of a guy reaching for a comic book and the colour resolves. The boys walk in and introduce themselves as Agents DeYoung and Shaw, both of whom are in Styx. WOO, FAKE NAMES.
First things first, friends. I was a teenager in the 90s, so obviously all I can think of when I see this episode title is this:
We should really #snarkathon that, now that I think of it.
Marines: Not a bad idea. I'll remind you of this when it's your turn to wake up stupid early on Sunday to lead one again.
K: Thank you.
We open at a mental hospital. A girl named Anna stares spacily out the window as she's informed that she's in a mental hospital.
We should really #snarkathon that, now that I think of it.
Marines: Not a bad idea. I'll remind you of this when it's your turn to wake up stupid early on Sunday to lead one again.
K: Thank you.
We open at a mental hospital. A girl named Anna stares spacily out the window as she's informed that she's in a mental hospital.
Sam watches his brother sleep in the Motel of the Week, then sneaks out the door. Outside, Ruby 2.0 picks him up and they speed off into the night. Back in the motel room, Dean has nightmares about being in Hell, and wakes to find Castiel sitting on the bed.
Marines: Castiel, friend. We're not fond of characters who watch people sleep around here. Just FYI.
K: Truth.
Dean jumps, and asks what Castiel wants. "You have to stop him," Castiel says. He presses two fingers to Dean's forehead, and Dean wakes up on a bench.
Marines: Castiel, friend. We're not fond of characters who watch people sleep around here. Just FYI.
K: Truth.
Dean jumps, and asks what Castiel wants. "You have to stop him," Castiel says. He presses two fingers to Dean's forehead, and Dean wakes up on a bench.
CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! That's right, friends. It's the season finale.
Marines: My first one! High fives all around!
K: WOO! Only a million to go!! *cries*
Marines: My first one! High fives all around!
K: WOO! Only a million to go!! *cries*
We open outside a hospital at night. Two doctors walk out discussing their plans for the night, and how one has to start work stupidly early the next day. They go their separate ways, and we follow one to his car. He puts a bag into the boot and promptly gets shoved in there after it. He bangs on the closed lid. Cut to him staggering into an emergency room, holding his stomach. A nurse walks up and kindly says that he can move his hands because there's nothing she hasn't seen before. She pulls his hands away, and his intestines fall out onto the floor. She screams.
First things first: this episode is a bitch and a half to find gifs for on account of the Jus in Bello convention. So I'm sorry about any giant slabs of text...
Monument, Colorado. The boys break into an incredibly white hotel room and search it. Apparently it's Bela's room and they're looking for the Colt. Suddenly the phone rings. After staring at it awkwardly for a minute, Dean answers. It's Bela, who informs him that she's two states away already. He demands the Colt back, and she's all "LOL NOPE". He murder-nounces that he's going to find her because he has nothing better to do with his life, and she informs him that he's about to get suuuuuuper busy on account of she gave the cops a tip off. The door bursts open, the cops appear, and the boys are arrested.
Monument, Colorado. The boys break into an incredibly white hotel room and search it. Apparently it's Bela's room and they're looking for the Colt. Suddenly the phone rings. After staring at it awkwardly for a minute, Dean answers. It's Bela, who informs him that she's two states away already. He demands the Colt back, and she's all "LOL NOPE". He murder-nounces that he's going to find her because he has nothing better to do with his life, and she informs him that he's about to get suuuuuuper busy on account of she gave the cops a tip off. The door bursts open, the cops appear, and the boys are arrested.
Maple Springs, New York. The tinkly orchestra tinkles as we pan across a billboard for a housing estate that starts "Once upon a time". You know, just in case you couldn't tell this was going to be fairy tale themed. We pan down further to the construction site where three somewhat chubby brothers are talking. There's a growly sound and one looks around. His brother pooh-poohs the noise, and the trio go back to arguing about whether they should be using cinder blocks or bricks rather than timber in the construction, because "One gust of wind and the whole place is gonna blow over!". Do you get who they are yet, or should the writers hit us with the obvious anvil a few more times?