Veronica stares broodily at her shitty school holiday-themed dessert. Duncan sits down excitedly, but Veronica's got no time for happy and cuts right to the "Your comatose girlfriend is pregnant" chase. Duncan confesses that he found this out from reading Meg's letter, and Veronica's upset that Duncan didn't tell her. Dick arrives to break the tension by inviting them to a big holiday party, which Duncan can't attend. Dick also nonchalantly exposits that Meg woke up. (L: God bless Ryan Hansen for trying to make this exposition work.) Once Dick leaves, Veronica gets into PI mode, pulling out her VISITOR pass from the last episode, assuring Duncan that she can get them in to see the no-longer-comatose Meg.
Democracy Diva: And her superhero vampire slayer fetus that can survive explosions and bus crashes and comas.
Rosewood's One Coffee Shop, after-hours because there is no one around. It's the same day as the last episode so the beginning exposition ("Any word from Jason while we've been together this entire time?") is especially clunky. Emily has not heard anything from Jason. Hanna wonders if now that the whole National Adolescent Terrorization Club is out of Rosewood, A will retire. Spencer gives the appropriately jaded, "YEAH RIGHT." response.
Emily redirects the conversation over to Cece lying to them about knowing Wilden. The girls wonder if maybe she's Red Coat. Spencer is distracted by an incoming text message. Aria asks her what she thinks and she's all, "maybe Cece is Red Coat!" Aria tells her to pay attention.
Emily redirects the conversation over to Cece lying to them about knowing Wilden. The girls wonder if maybe she's Red Coat. Spencer is distracted by an incoming text message. Aria asks her what she thinks and she's all, "maybe Cece is Red Coat!" Aria tells her to pay attention.
Prue and Phoebe arrive from a shopping excursion and Piper comes from inside the house, shirt open, giggling, led by an also partially undressed Leo. Freaked out by the appearance of her sisters, she freezes time, trips over Leo and slides all the way toward EMBARRASSING.
Piper is only momentarily distracted by all of the shopping bags and asks Prue if maybe she's just depression shopping. No matter how many times I regret retail therapy, I will never speak ill of it. It hurts so good. Piper pushes her sisters out of Leo's sight. She runs back, puts her hand in his, and when time unfreezes, continues her run upstairs with him.
Piper is only momentarily distracted by all of the shopping bags and asks Prue if maybe she's just depression shopping. No matter how many times I regret retail therapy, I will never speak ill of it. It hurts so good. Piper pushes her sisters out of Leo's sight. She runs back, puts her hand in his, and when time unfreezes, continues her run upstairs with him.
At Rosewood High School for Nervous Breakdowns, Emily, Aria, and Hanna are freaking out because Spencer Hastings is no longer showing up for school. Hanna's less concerned, though, because she figures that Spencer's just hurting and lashing out and needs to work through her pain.
Emily resolves to comfort her and share the I Dreamed A Dream of Girls in Red Coats news, because this plot is now being openly fueled by stress dreams. Hanna supports this by saying she maybe also imagined a Blonde in Red Coat at her fake job interview.
Emily resolves to comfort her and share the I Dreamed A Dream of Girls in Red Coats news, because this plot is now being openly fueled by stress dreams. Hanna supports this by saying she maybe also imagined a Blonde in Red Coat at her fake job interview.
Lorraine: Veronica is looking very intensely at a display of dessert. Veronica Voice Over asks us, "if a school bus traveling 40 miles per hour drives off a cliff and plunges 90 feet into the jagged coastline, how many seconds do the six high-school students, their teacher and bus driver have to contemplate the fact that they're about to die?" No wonder V's serving some pie and she can't even look happy about pie. Those are some morbid thoughts.
Sweeney: This is the brain space of Veronica Mars we're talking about here.
Sweeney: This is the brain space of Veronica Mars we're talking about here.
At Rosewood's One Coffee Shop For Girls Who Need to Learn About Sleeping In, the girls are sitting on the couch that they seem to always commandeer as Aria tells them that Ezra sent an, "I'm here" text but otherwise, hasn't communicated with her. I guess he's too busy meeting his child to text his child-girlfriend. Spencer is still acting all shifty and excuses herself to get a coffee refill, leaving the rest of the Liars to discuss whether or not Detective Wilden has already read the Biology Cluebook, meaning he knows what they know. Which is what we know and translates to, "three seasons of very, very little." Something like that.
Sweeney: In the years of working on this blog, I've learned that a lot of people are making very good money by taking things they've already written (or that someone else already wrote) and basically throwing a thesaurus at the situation in order to come out with a "new" thing, for which they can be paid again.
Sweeney: In the years of working on this blog, I've learned that a lot of people are making very good money by taking things they've already written (or that someone else already wrote) and basically throwing a thesaurus at the situation in order to come out with a "new" thing, for which they can be paid again.
Phoebe runs into Qua ke and some bro comes over to ask if she's a terrorist because she's the bomb. As much as I'm sure I could end the recap there, another random bro taps into this bad pick-up line ring, asking if it hurt when Phoebe fell from heaven. She whispers in his ear that she's a witch, not an angel, because she's on a one woman mission to basically announce that to everyone, ever.
Phoebe joins her sisters, who are staring at a couple making out at the bar. Phoebe and Piper moan about being single. A cheery waitress delivers a drink to Prue and points out the man in the restaurant who sent it to her.
Phoebe joins her sisters, who are staring at a couple making out at the bar. Phoebe and Piper moan about being single. A cheery waitress delivers a drink to Prue and points out the man in the restaurant who sent it to her.
We begin in the Mars Investigations Offices with Veronica tutoring Weevil in math. This scene not only gives us some adorable Veronica/Weevil time but also reminds us that the gang leader with the heart of gold is not only sweeter than he lets on, but smarter than the school system gives him credit for. He dismisses a word problem he doesn't want to answer by giving Bob the fictional Word Problem Guy some financial advice. I'm overselling this - that advice was basically, "Illegal stuff makes a lot of money!"
Lorraine: Because the gang leader with a heart of gold is also poor. So, you know.
Lorraine: Because the gang leader with a heart of gold is also poor. So, you know.
We begin at Neptune High, where a "Total Eclipse of the Heart" banner is hung up to notify us that there's a dance a-coming. (L: Another one!) Veronica and Logan are discussing Lisa Rinna's credit card statement - she used her maiden name for this card. And rented a red Benz convertible, which I think is the same car she allegedly crashed on the bridge. Maybe get a yellow one next time, just to go a little more incognito? Anyway, Logan sincerely thanks Veronica for helping him.
Duncan is helping plan the 80s dance and wants to know if anyone has asked Veronica to the dance; she snarks that she's just waiting by the phone for that special boy to call.
Duncan is helping plan the 80s dance and wants to know if anyone has asked Veronica to the dance; she snarks that she's just waiting by the phone for that special boy to call.
The previouslies, the last five seconds of the last episode and the beginning of this episode bleed together, so that Veronica opens the door to find Logan, he asks her to find his mother, and then Veronica, with some genuine concern in her voice invites him into the Plush Poor People Apartment.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
It's same night as the events of the S1 finale and Sarah is running in the rain (though it wasn't raining then). (L: It started raining because she's distraught and TV weather is effected by the MC's emotions. Everyone knows that.) (S: True. We learned that lesson watching Ever After - her mood didn't call for rain until the very end of that episode.) She leaves Felix a voicemail explaining that Mrs. S and Kira are missing. She ducks into a small, empty diner, where the proprietor hooks her up with free tea. She tries to call the other pink clone phones, but they're disconnected. She finally tries Paul and leaves him a voicemail that she needs to talk immediately about her missing family. Seconds later, she gets a return call from his number, but it's Rachel.
Hanna and Spencer are in the former's room as she tries on outfits and complains that nothing covers the bandage on her leg from her gigantic improbable stab wound. There's always... pants?
Lorraine: MIND BLOWN. The Improbable Wound is mid-thigh. I'm not sure she should be having this much difficulty finding something to cover it.
Sweeney: You live in Pennsylvania. There's no way that you don't own clothing that will cover past mid-thigh. Winter is coming, girl. (Eventually. One day. Maybe.)
Lorraine: MIND BLOWN. The Improbable Wound is mid-thigh. I'm not sure she should be having this much difficulty finding something to cover it.
Sweeney: You live in Pennsylvania. There's no way that you don't own clothing that will cover past mid-thigh. Winter is coming, girl. (Eventually. One day. Maybe.)
We watch as an ambulance carries a broken Kira to the hospital, and then as paramedics rush her into an operating room. Kira and Siobhan follow behind them closely, crying and distraught, until they are told they can go no further. Sarah's outcry makes me... have hay fever. It's the weirdest thing.
Sweeney: IT'S THE WORST. I was already pretty devastated over the wounded child but mother-losing-her-shit is a kind of heartsick that is fully contagious.
Sweeney: IT'S THE WORST. I was already pretty devastated over the wounded child but mother-losing-her-shit is a kind of heartsick that is fully contagious.
Sarah and Cosima are video chatting. Sarah is freaking out because Paul has been called in by Olivier and she hasn't heard from him since. Cosima is cosima-ing, rolling a joint while telling Sarah that everything is totally fine because Paul is on their side. Trouble is, Sarah isn't so sure Paul is on their side. He could be ratting them out at this very moment.
Sweeney: Cosima's nonchalant attitude about serious shit is like Orphan Black's much more intelligent version of the Aria shrug.
Sweeney: Cosima's nonchalant attitude about serious shit is like Orphan Black's much more intelligent version of the Aria shrug.
We open in a dirty-looking room with some of that murder lighting Helena seems to carry around with her. She's passed out and a man whose face we cannot see is cleaning up her wound. Helena stirs just in time to name this man Tomas. The camera is doing all kind of unfocused zooming in and out just so we're clear that we're in the crazy part of town.
Sweeney: The part of town where they drug our friend the Zoomy Cameraman. Not even he knows what he's trying to tell us now.
Lor: Sarah's at Beth's house, video chatting with Alison, who is nervous about the fact that Helena is still out there. Plus, Alison doesn't see how Sarah quitting Beth's job is beneficial at all.
Sweeney: The part of town where they drug our friend the Zoomy Cameraman. Not even he knows what he's trying to tell us now.
Lor: Sarah's at Beth's house, video chatting with Alison, who is nervous about the fact that Helena is still out there. Plus, Alison doesn't see how Sarah quitting Beth's job is beneficial at all.