I know you guys have all been waiting to find out what question Edward is going to ask Bella, right? It must be BIG because Stephenie Meyer decided to end her previous chapter and start a whole new one!
Here we go!
"Can I ask just one more?" I pleaded as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street."
Aw, man! Stephenie! You cheated!
Edward allows Bella one more question but his lips are "pressed together in a cautious line." Is this like his "careful eyes"? Are all of my features reckless? Are they bad to the bone?
Previously: Max stares at Alessia creepily while she cleans. — Marines: Alessia is super excited because she’s entering his apartment. Will she ever use his name in this book or is that going...
Previously: Edward kills a spider for Bella and falls in love at midnight. — Annie: The chapter opens with Edward following Bella using his creepy powers to watch her through people’s eyes....
Previously: Edward had some dirty, dark fantasies and they all involved Bella dead. — Annie: Edward is laying half-buried in snow, out in the Denali wilds. He’s being very emo about...
It starts with a Bible verse.
Sorry, sorry, I just feel like this book is already taking itself too seriously, but okay.
Kirsti: Technically, it starts with a dedication to her sister Emily, "without whose enthusiasm this story might still be unfinished." DAMMIT, EMILY. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
Mari: Perhaps when we get particularly frustrated with the story, we can just yell, "EMILY."
Onward to the preface. An unidentified someone says she has never given much thought to how she would die, but had she thought about it, she wouldn't have imagined this. Let's just call this unidentified person Bella, okay?
Sorry, sorry, I just feel like this book is already taking itself too seriously, but okay.
Kirsti: Technically, it starts with a dedication to her sister Emily, "without whose enthusiasm this story might still be unfinished." DAMMIT, EMILY. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
Mari: Perhaps when we get particularly frustrated with the story, we can just yell, "EMILY."
Onward to the preface. An unidentified someone says she has never given much thought to how she would die, but had she thought about it, she wouldn't have imagined this. Let's just call this unidentified person Bella, okay?
Previously: Hardin leaves after a text from Jace, and Tessa is gonna get to the bottom of this. — Marines: I remember taking lots of celebratory drinks while nearing the...
Previously: Something is wrong with Hardin so Tessa leaves Noah in the dust. — Marines: Landon texts Tessa an address, which she copy and pastes into her “maps program.” Why are...
Bella wakes up and describes what the sky is doing, and I'm telling you just in case you maybe forgot that is a thing Meyer does in 90% of her chapters. Edward leaves Bella alone so she can get dressed and she tells us that she's thankful for this moment to think. I guess the down side of having your boyfriend around every waking moment and, hey, also around watching you sleep is that you feel like you never have a chance to think.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
We open this chapter in the car, on the ride home from the graduation party. Bella is being her usual ungrateful self and is complaining about how the graduation party was way too long.
You should try reading these goddamn books, Bella. (C: Seriously.) (K: AGREED.)
Edward is petting her arm, because she needs soothing. Like a baby. Bella tells us all the ways the vampires soothed her: Alice patted her, Esme kissed her forehead and Emmett burped her, then swaddled her. Probably.
Marines: I wonder if anyone thought to try a binky. I hear it helps.
You should try reading these goddamn books, Bella. (C: Seriously.) (K: AGREED.)
Edward is petting her arm, because she needs soothing. Like a baby. Bella tells us all the ways the vampires soothed her: Alice patted her, Esme kissed her forehead and Emmett burped her, then swaddled her. Probably.
Marines: I wonder if anyone thought to try a binky. I hear it helps.
Bella ends up in an "unremarkable" room, which she then remarks on for a paragraph. (K: THANK YOU. That annoyed me so much.) Edward is glowering at the hallway as Jane leads them to an elevator. Once inside, the Volturi Vamps relax and take off their cloaks so Bella can comment on their olive complexion which looks "odd" combined with their chalky pallor. Only the palest, truest white for Bella Swan.
Kirsti: She also talks about their eyes, saying that, "their irises were deep crimson around the edges, darkening until they were black around the pupils." ....black around the pupils. Which are also black. HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU TELL WHERE THEIR IRISES ENDED AND THEIR PUPILS STARTED?!
Kirsti: She also talks about their eyes, saying that, "their irises were deep crimson around the edges, darkening until they were black around the pupils." ....black around the pupils. Which are also black. HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU TELL WHERE THEIR IRISES ENDED AND THEIR PUPILS STARTED?!
Bella runs down the stairs and throws the door open to find Jacob at the front door. Well, not quite at the door:
Kirsti: Now, friends. I want you all to do something for me. Try and wrinkle your nose while keeping the rest of your face smooth. Please send pictures. Not owning a face is clearly something that SMeyer and EL James have in common.
Annie: Just tried that. Absolutely not sharing pictures of it.
"He was standing about 6 feet back from the door, his nose wrinkled in distaste, but his face otherwise smooth - masklike."
Kirsti: Now, friends. I want you all to do something for me. Try and wrinkle your nose while keeping the rest of your face smooth. Please send pictures. Not owning a face is clearly something that SMeyer and EL James have in common.
Annie: Just tried that. Absolutely not sharing pictures of it.
We open with Bella talking about how these motorcycles that they plan to fix up don't need any other hiding beyond being in Jacob's garage, because Billy can't get his wheelchair into the garage.
Marines: Oh, well, I guess his disability worked out to your advantage then...? Hooray for you?
Catherine: Mmm, still risky. Probably should go ahead and blind him, too.
Kirsti: Maybe deafen him too. You never know, he might overhear you talking about bikes.
Marines: Oh, well, I guess his disability worked out to your advantage then...? Hooray for you?
Catherine: Mmm, still risky. Probably should go ahead and blind him, too.
Kirsti: Maybe deafen him too. You never know, he might overhear you talking about bikes.
I honestly kept forgetting to write this recap. I've never been so proud of my brain.
Anyway.
"Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick."
Can I just start using "music to me [body part]" in real life now?
We start this chapter right in the middle of a goddamn conversation because EL James is the worst. If you'll recall, Ana wanted to talk about Grey's messed up childhood and he was like, "no. Vagina balls."
Anyway.
"Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick."
Can I just start using "music to me [body part]" in real life now?
We start this chapter right in the middle of a goddamn conversation because EL James is the worst. If you'll recall, Ana wanted to talk about Grey's messed up childhood and he was like, "no. Vagina balls."
So right off, Grey orders a glass of Sancerre at a bar. It appears he doesn't have the same level of hate for it as he does for Chardonnay, but with his volatile personality, who the hell knows.
The reason he's chugging (I assume) wine at the bar is he's waiting for Ana for their date. He's nervous, because he's never taken a sub out to dinner before, and that crazy Ana insisted on driving herself so he can't control her every movement from the house onward. Other than that, he's had a pretty normal day so far doing business stuff, including firing three people.
The reason he's chugging (I assume) wine at the bar is he's waiting for Ana for their date. He's nervous, because he's never taken a sub out to dinner before, and that crazy Ana insisted on driving herself so he can't control her every movement from the house onward. Other than that, he's had a pretty normal day so far doing business stuff, including firing three people.
The chapter begins with some stuff that's meant to be sweet, but when you realize that it's mommy porn, it's more awkward. Ana is excited that her "daddy" is awake and he calls her "Annie" and whatnot. He doesn't seem to remember the accident and asks for some water, specifically, but I think he really wants a drink. I do too, because rather than staying there with her father, we cut immediately to Ana running out to the waiting room to tell Christian Grey that he's awake. Because obviously. "What do I do now? IDK, better go tell that infected scrotum I call my husband."
The infected scrotum is all, "Great. He's awake."
The infected scrotum is all, "Great. He's awake."