It's been a while, dear friends, since we visited the great and wonderful world of Sweet Valley. Things have changed a lot around here, but we never forget that this blog was created for the purpose of snarking the terrible books we read as kids.
Despite the fact that months have separated our last SVH recap and this one, we are actually picking up right where we left off. (S: It's really rude that they don't anticipate and respect our erratic blogging schedule.) Elizabeth Wakefield is enjoying her It's Really Cool You Aren't Kidnapped Anymore Party and a young man named Nicholas Morrow has just arrived.
One of these days, I'll stop making KFC references in the title. BUT NOT TODAY. Chez Summers. Buffy wanders around in the dark, turning off lights, picking up books and generally checking on sleeping Potentials. Upstairs, she sees one girl, Chloe, crying in the corner of the hallway and heads towards her. But something jumps out at her and knocks her down the stairs. She lands at the bottom, the First Slayer above her. "It's not enough," the First Slayer hisses, and Buffy wakes with a start. Cue wolf howl.
Lorraine: I'm going to admit that I'd previously been confusing the First and the First Slayer in my head. #Snowproblems.
K: Awkward...
Lorraine: I'm going to admit that I'd previously been confusing the First and the First Slayer in my head. #Snowproblems.
K: Awkward...
I have no qualms about saying that this episode freaks me the fuck out, and I didn't even grow up in a country where trying to summon a ghost in the bathroom mirror at a sleepover is even a thing. (S: Lucky.) We open in Toledo, Ohio where a trio of 12 year old girls are playing Truth or Dare by candlelight. One of the girls, Lily asks for a dare and is told by her friend to say Bloody Mary in the bathroom mirror. Here, random friend, have a gold star!
Anyway, the second friend asks who Bloody Mary is, and there's some confusion over the background but the gist is that if you say her name three times in the mirror, she appears and scratches your eyes out. "So...why would anyone say it?!" asks the second friend, who's clearly the only sensible one here.
Anyway, the second friend asks who Bloody Mary is, and there's some confusion over the background but the gist is that if you say her name three times in the mirror, she appears and scratches your eyes out. "So...why would anyone say it?!" asks the second friend, who's clearly the only sensible one here.
We open in the Shaman Dungeon. Just as a couple of episodes ago, there's the sound of fighting, then the guard comes flying through the door and lands unconscious on the floor. Wes, Cordy and Connor walk in and start throwing accusations around. The shaman informs them that he has no need for a soul in a jar, and that he has no idea where it might be. Cordy demands that he switch to his re-ensouling Plan B, but there is no Plan B. Connor asks what happens if the soul gets out of its bottle, and the shaman says that it can be either returned or destroyed.
Lorraine: The Gang should've really asked about the unsouling fine print before this point.
Lorraine: The Gang should've really asked about the unsouling fine print before this point.
Lorraine: Sunnydale Bus Station. A young woman of color (LOOK KIRSTI) (K: Season 7, otherwise known as "that one time Sunnydale had POC characters who survived more than two episodes...) who is wearing some Overalls of Overall Sadness gets off a bus. I don't actually know if she's sad, but it's been a while since we've had overalls and I wanted to call them that again.
Sweeney: Season 7 has a lot of nostalgia to deliver and those overalls were definitely plucked from early season Buffy's closet.
Kirsti: Plus, it lets us bring back a tag that's been languishing unused since season 3. HURRAH.
Sweeney: Season 7 has a lot of nostalgia to deliver and those overalls were definitely plucked from early season Buffy's closet.
Kirsti: Plus, it lets us bring back a tag that's been languishing unused since season 3. HURRAH.
Random people in Los Angeles (a father and child, a postalworker, YOU, DEAR EVERYMAN VIEWER!) are watching the news or the sky in shock and horror about the "localized abnormality" that is the blotted out sun. It's funny, particularly for us joint-watchers, to have them address this, "No, the sun's not gone in Sunnydale, because of reasons! Don't worry about it." Also, the news is being reported by KTLA5 and I always get a little giddy about that, because that was the nightly local news I watched. Or, like, kept on in the background because I didn't feel like turning the TV off while I played Roller Coaster Tycoon.
Lorraine: People throwing up on my clean sidewalks used to carry over into my dreams. Man, I loved that game.
Lorraine: People throwing up on my clean sidewalks used to carry over into my dreams. Man, I loved that game.
We open at a cabin in Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Inside, a skinny blonde girl in a warm up suit greets her father and brother, the latter of whom informs her that she shouldn't work out so much because guys don't like buff girls. How about GO FUCK YOURSELF, I WORK OUT FOR ME. She informs him that girls don't like guys who still live at home before she heads out the door. (S: BURN.) Her dad tells her to be careful.
Cut to her standing in a bathing suit next to the lake. We get a weirdly far away shot taken through some bushes as she dives in. We follow her underwater for a second, then she surfaces. She looks to the shoreline as if she's heard something, then swims for a few moments and does a tumble turn. Which I really don't see the point of because there's no wall to push off.
Cut to her standing in a bathing suit next to the lake. We get a weirdly far away shot taken through some bushes as she dives in. We follow her underwater for a second, then she surfaces. She looks to the shoreline as if she's heard something, then swims for a few moments and does a tumble turn. Which I really don't see the point of because there's no wall to push off.
he actual previouslies are in fact two full minutes of everything we said we wanted to forget happened in season 6, including the attempted rape. Some of you claimed to love this episode, so I will try not to hold that reel against it. In case you were wondering, though, yep. I still hate it.
Sweeney: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US, SHOW?
Kirsti: Not even the few seconds tacked on the end of stuff that happened in the previous episode could dull my fury.
Sweeney: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US, SHOW?
Kirsti: Not even the few seconds tacked on the end of stuff that happened in the previous episode could dull my fury.
We begin with something that is obviously some sort of dream sequence because everything is so happy and good and not broken but I don't even care, I'm fucking enjoying it. The whole Fang Gang, plus Connor, are sitting at a fancy table in the Hyperion lobby eating what appears to be Thanksgiving dinner and they're all laughing and happy and toasting to family and Wesley is there and Cordelia's hair isn't too awful and THEN THAT'S THE EPISODE! THE END! THANKS FOR COMING.
Kirsti: A+. Everyone go home. Nothing to see here.
Lorraine: I don't know about you, but I feel satisfied.
Kirsti: A+. Everyone go home. Nothing to see here.
Lorraine: I don't know about you, but I feel satisfied.
Do you have any idea how many times my fingers inadvertently wrote "Benedict Cumberbatch" while trying to write the name of this episode? (It was two. Which was still two too many, really.)
ANYWAY. We start in the lobby of the Hyperion, immediately after the end of the last episode. Fred says that Angel's still not answering his phone, and the Fang Gang debate whether they should go out looking for him. They're saved the trouble though when Angel walks in the door, limping on account of all the bullet wounds. The gang help him to a chair, and ask if Connor's responsible for his injuries. He informs them that Connor's name is Steven now, and that no, he wasn't responsible for the injuries. Fred asks where he is, and Angel's all "*shrug* He'll find me if he needs me." The gang are all "Um, wow. Way to parent," but Angel is familiar with the ways of Traumaland and knows that neglect is the best medicine.
ANYWAY. We start in the lobby of the Hyperion, immediately after the end of the last episode. Fred says that Angel's still not answering his phone, and the Fang Gang debate whether they should go out looking for him. They're saved the trouble though when Angel walks in the door, limping on account of all the bullet wounds. The gang help him to a chair, and ask if Connor's responsible for his injuries. He informs them that Connor's name is Steven now, and that no, he wasn't responsible for the injuries. Fred asks where he is, and Angel's all "*shrug* He'll find me if he needs me." The gang are all "Um, wow. Way to parent," but Angel is familiar with the ways of Traumaland and knows that neglect is the best medicine.
We open at the Hyperion, where Wes is asleep on his desk. Gunn and Fred walk in, and Gunn gets things off to an early start by saying, "You gotta admire the loyalty." I don't think we've ever given away a gold star in the first line of an episode!
ANYWAY. Gunn's speech about how admirable Wes' dedication is takes a turn down "Wes needs a life" lane. Fred wonders aloud if Wes has found anything new about Connor, and starts to move the pages. This wakes Wes, and he gets a little panicky on account of that page that says "The father will kill the son." He asks what time it is, and that's Angel's cue to enter with Connor. Wes scrambles to pack up his papers before Angel asks if they want to see something cool - he's teaching Connor how to die.
ANYWAY. Gunn's speech about how admirable Wes' dedication is takes a turn down "Wes needs a life" lane. Fred wonders aloud if Wes has found anything new about Connor, and starts to move the pages. This wakes Wes, and he gets a little panicky on account of that page that says "The father will kill the son." He asks what time it is, and that's Angel's cue to enter with Connor. Wes scrambles to pack up his papers before Angel asks if they want to see something cool - he's teaching Connor how to die.
We open with Angel loading small change into a piggy bank as Cordy holds the baby and eye rolls. Fred asks how the fund for Connor's future is going, and Angel informs her that he found a perfectly good $1.83 in the sofa cushions. He puts the piggy bank into the safe behind Wes' desk, and heads over to look at what Fred's doing on the computer. She's designing a new website for Angel Investigations. He issues some demands - make something bigger, bolder and more tasteful - and then walks away. She sasses a little behind his back.
Sweeney: I know that feel, Fred. I know that feel.
Sweeney: I know that feel, Fred. I know that feel.
Ana is in total shock because apparently, if you are having sex, YOU CAN GET PREGNANT. Ana thinks about how much she doesn't want a baby and how she knows her husband is going to freak.
Dr. Best in Seattle says, "judging by your reaction, I suspect you're just a couple of weeks or so from conception-- four or five weeks pregnant." UM. WHAT? RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN. Because she was shocked, your super doctor skillz tell you she's four or five weeks pregnant? Shock is a measure of such things? Clearly, Dr. Best doesn't watch any TV.
Dr. Best in Seattle says, "judging by your reaction, I suspect you're just a couple of weeks or so from conception-- four or five weeks pregnant." UM. WHAT? RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN. Because she was shocked, your super doctor skillz tell you she's four or five weeks pregnant? Shock is a measure of such things? Clearly, Dr. Best doesn't watch any TV.
After the previouslies, we're at Glory's. Her Flattery Demons are packing up all her stuff and talking about how they're already behind schedule. Glory, meanwhile, is trying on some kind of robe thingy. She overhears her minions talking smack about her, and wonders out loud why she doesn't have the urge to kill them for it. She follows it up with a ramble about all the chaos she's going to cause when she gets home, then asks why she isn't happy. "What do you think?" she says, and the camera pans across to a bound, gagged, and crying Dawn sitting in a chair.
Cut to the petrol station. Spike informs the gang that he's successfully hot wired Ben's car, so they can leave.
Cut to the petrol station. Spike informs the gang that he's successfully hot wired Ben's car, so they can leave.
We open in the Summers' kitchen. Buffy's washing dishes while Giles and Dawn dry and put things away. Apparently the Best Surrogate Parent of Ever made dinner for the girls. Dawn goes to check her room for additional dishes, and Giles takes advantage of her absence to ask how they're both doing. "Some minutes are harder than others," Buffy replies.
Lorraine: Subtle but brilliant line. Grief happens minute by minute.
Sweeney: Agreed. I think that applies to most turbulent life times. Emotional stuff doesn't just hit you all at once and then go away. It ebbs and flows and I can't stop congratulating this show for how wonderfully it's portraying all of this.
Lorraine: Subtle but brilliant line. Grief happens minute by minute.
Sweeney: Agreed. I think that applies to most turbulent life times. Emotional stuff doesn't just hit you all at once and then go away. It ebbs and flows and I can't stop congratulating this show for how wonderfully it's portraying all of this.