LOOK AT ME! I'm recapping an episode of Supernatural!
...which probably explains why this is all late because I'm messing up Kirsti's timeliness completely. Sorry I'm the worst!
Kirsti: Who cares about timeliness when it means I GET AN EPISODE OFF WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Mari: Oh, okay. I feel better!
Carry on my wayward son! I've been around these parts long enough to know that this song means we've reached finale time. There is a round of extended, season-long previouslies that ends with Sam walking out on Dean.
Joey and Dawson walk-and-talk about finals. They arrive at the Leery Manor porch, and Dawson starts word-vomiting about some pact. Apparently they agreed to go to junior prom together many moons ago, and Dawson insists they should go, but he says "as friends" so many times that I'm positive he's full of shit.
Kirsti: I'm not sure whether I'm more horrified that Dawson's making such a huge deal of JUNIOR PROM or that he's holding Joey to a promise she made over two years ago. Either way, DUDE, NO.
Kirsti: I'm not sure whether I'm more horrified that Dawson's making such a huge deal of JUNIOR PROM or that he's holding Joey to a promise she made over two years ago. Either way, DUDE, NO.
We begin with a Joey voiceover: she asks if you've ever had a day you wanted to live all over again. Like one in which they made out with Pacey, I guess.
Kirsti: Legit, girl. Legit. I think we'd all like to live that day over and over again.
Diva: I want a life-gif of that day.
Dawson and his dad show up to Pacey's boat with some champagne. They're greeted by Andie, Jonathan Lipnicki (who I guess is officially part of the family now), and the rest of the gang, save for Pacephine.
Kirsti: Legit, girl. Legit. I think we'd all like to live that day over and over again.
Diva: I want a life-gif of that day.
Dawson and his dad show up to Pacey's boat with some champagne. They're greeted by Andie, Jonathan Lipnicki (who I guess is officially part of the family now), and the rest of the gang, save for Pacephine.
We open with Dawson trying to teach Joey how to drive stick. She gives up, because Dawson's condescending lessons are spectacularly unsuccessful, and Pacey pops his head up from the back of the truck to complain. Joey tells Dawson that he's no Lloyd Dobler (obviously, because Lloyd Dobler is the cutest and Dawson is the worst), who was very patient when teaching Ione Skye how to drive in Say Anything. Dawson says Joey just isn't listening to him.
Kirsti: Which is totally fair because Dawson's a dick and his instructions are terrible.
Diva: YUP
Pacey asks if Joey is seeing her college boy tonight for Valentine's Day, but he's too busy with exams.
Kirsti: Which is totally fair because Dawson's a dick and his instructions are terrible.
Diva: YUP
Pacey asks if Joey is seeing her college boy tonight for Valentine's Day, but he's too busy with exams.
After an intense amount of previouslies, the lying liar credits take us to King's Landing, The Eyrie, Winterfell Now With Added Bolton, The Wall, Braavos, and Meereen.
For every single person who shouted, "WHERE IS ARYA??" last episode, we start with Arya. (S: "SHIT, WE HEAR YOU," the show said.) She's still on that boat, but now approaching her destination: Braavos. She's eying the Titan of Braavos kind of suspiciously, which is rather fair when you consider that you have to sail under its crotch. Ternesio Terys (totally looked that name up)(he's the guy that agreed to sail Arya to Braavos)
For every single person who shouted, "WHERE IS ARYA??" last episode, we start with Arya. (S: "SHIT, WE HEAR YOU," the show said.) She's still on that boat, but now approaching her destination: Braavos. She's eying the Titan of Braavos kind of suspiciously, which is rather fair when you consider that you have to sail under its crotch. Ternesio Terys (totally looked that name up)(he's the guy that agreed to sail Arya to Braavos)
We open at Capeside High. Dawson gushes to Joey about a particular type of camera and how it's a million times better than shooting video and blah blah, I honestly don't give a fuck about anything this dude has to say. They head to the film classroom to get the camera, and Kendra's there fiddling with it. She and Joey exchange some polite small talk, then Dawson tells her to hand over the camera. She's all "LOL NOPE" because she just checked it out for the next month. He gapes like a goldfish and Kendra says that she cleared it with the film teacher. Dawson wants to know when he'll get the camera, and she tells him that film making is an art that can't be rushed.
Snarking Top Gun has been on the radar for a long time. I don't remember who first suggested it, but I *do* know that my reaction was "HOLY SHIT YES PLEASE WE HAVE TO DO THIS OMG IT IS SO SNARKTASTIC". So obviously, when it came to me picking a movie for Snarkathon, there was only one possible option.
Also, if someone wants to remake this movie with Logan Echolls as the main character, I would be 100% okay with that.
ANYWAY. Let's get down to recapping, shall we?
Also, if someone wants to remake this movie with Logan Echolls as the main character, I would be 100% okay with that.
ANYWAY. Let's get down to recapping, shall we?
We open, as always, in the Shrine o' Spielberg where Pacey and Jen are making out. DUDE, NO. Who breaks into their best friend's house (although given the ladder, it's not REALLY breaking in, I guess??) to make out in their bed? Gross.
Democracy Diva: Also, pick a sexier room than the Shrine O'Spielberg to make out in. Avoid having E.T. watch you do the nasty at all costs.
K: Truth.
Anyway, the making out stops because they agree that they still have zero sexual interest in the other person. They discuss their past history and how everything should be falling into place because they came prepared (Pacey flashes condoms) and picked the perfect location (ugh).
Democracy Diva: Also, pick a sexier room than the Shrine O'Spielberg to make out in. Avoid having E.T. watch you do the nasty at all costs.
K: Truth.
Anyway, the making out stops because they agree that they still have zero sexual interest in the other person. They discuss their past history and how everything should be falling into place because they came prepared (Pacey flashes condoms) and picked the perfect location (ugh).
Capeside High. Dawson and Jen talk to each other like normal friends for perhaps the first time in this show’s history, and it's refreshing! She discusses turning into her mother, who was a beauty queen when she was young. Jen thinks she’s a poser for being elected homecoming queen, but Dawson thinks she’s being too hard on herself, and that people voted for her because she’s her. Jen still thinks her blonde hair and big tits had something to do with it, and Dawson doesn’t disagree, but he still thinks her "alternative" vibe is what's drawing people to her. Also, I tried to find a gif of Christina Applegate in Anchorman talking about her "exquisite breasts" to use here, but you would not believe how difficult that questionable google search was, you guys. I saw a LOT of Tumblr tits.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Due to their sad tragic single status and the fact that it's apparently a million degrees, movie night's list of attendees has been reduced to Dawson and Pacey. It may also have something to do with how much they're sweating. Seriously, it's gross:
Democracy Diva: For real. They don't even look like they're sweating - they just look like they're covered in baby oil.
K: YES. Which, to be honest, they probably were.
Pacey bemoans the state of their lives, and also how much Indian summer sucks, thereby earning himself a shiny gold star.
Democracy Diva: For real. They don't even look like they're sweating - they just look like they're covered in baby oil.
K: YES. Which, to be honest, they probably were.
Pacey bemoans the state of their lives, and also how much Indian summer sucks, thereby earning himself a shiny gold star.
We start with some very un-Dawson's Creek-esque rock music. A hot and sweaty (ugh) Dawson wakes on a bus and turns to check out the hot blonde girl next to him. Except he has drool all over his chin. She informs him of this and follows up with "You're a very heavy breather, did you know that?" LOL. She asks what he's watching - right, because his 1999 laptop would have enough battery power to watch an entire movie - and he tells her it's Risky Business. She scoffs at them having made a teenager losing his virginity to a hooker romantic, and Dawson claims it's more of a myth. He more or less uses the phrase "boy on the verge of manhood" that I hated so very much from season 1, so I want to punch him in the face more than usual. She declares him adorable, and he introduces himself.
Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson shuts off the movie because there’s too much unrequited love for him to handle. Joey thrives off love stories like that; she thinks love stories that don't end are more romantic than anything else. But Dawson calls it tragedy. He stammers that her love for sad love stories might be affecting her own life. Like by making her not have sex with you? Nice try, bro. Joey says it does affect her, but in a positive way. Because in spite of the circumstances that tear the characters apart, they never stop loving, even without a happy ending.
Shrine O'Spielberg. The whole gang is there, hanging out together, and it makes me really happy. Until Dawson says the same thing, and then I get upset that me and Dawson had a mind-meld. (K: Legit.) Anyway, Pacey calls them a clique and they're all, DUDE, NO. Jen helpfully informs the audience that she's now living at the Leerys' house, since Grams kicked her out. Pacey insists that they're one step away from the Peach Pit. Then everyone attacks Pacey with pillows until SO MANY FEATHERS start flying all over the room.
Like, that is way too many feathers for any of these pillows to still appear intact, which they do. My headcanon says the ghost of Abby Morgan is hiding in the ceiling, dumping feathers on all these idiots.
Like, that is way too many feathers for any of these pillows to still appear intact, which they do. My headcanon says the ghost of Abby Morgan is hiding in the ceiling, dumping feathers on all these idiots.
We begin with a Ryan and Seth walk-and-talk at school. Seth helpfully recaps the events of the last episode - namely, that Alex (or in my head, Punk!Olivia Wilde) kissed him and Ryan talked to Lindsay all night long at a bus stop. Ryan wants to take things slow, but Seth suggests that he invite Lindsay to another effing dance - the titular SnO.C.
Ryan is doubtful and kind of nervous and it's actually super endearing. He reminds Seth that bad things always happen at these parties, which is absolutely true, but Seth assures him it'll be fine. I think. It's hard to tell, because Seth has so many marbles in his mouth I'm not really sure what he's saying. I don't remember this ever bothering me during my Seth-Cohen-obsessed youth. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Ryan is doubtful and kind of nervous and it's actually super endearing. He reminds Seth that bad things always happen at these parties, which is absolutely true, but Seth assures him it'll be fine. I think. It's hard to tell, because Seth has so many marbles in his mouth I'm not really sure what he's saying. I don't remember this ever bothering me during my Seth-Cohen-obsessed youth. Maybe I'm just getting old.
We pick up with the aftermath of where we left off last time, with the three couples at their respective locations. Joey thanks Jack a little awkwardly for posing for her. A pantsless Jen tells Dawson that his arrival was "an unexpected encounter." Pacey and Andie kiss sweetly by the Witter Mobile. Jack asks Joey if she has any regrets, and she shakes her head. They kiss. Dawson tells Jen he'll see her tomorrow and kisses her on the forehead before leaving. Pacey and Andie continue to be adorable before she heads inside. Jack leaves. The zoomy cameraman shows us Joey's "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS" face. Then Pacey's. Then Jen's.
I DON"T WANNA WAIT. (D: FOR THIS EPISODE TO BE OVER, OH I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW - WHO GOT LAAAAAIIIIID!)
I DON"T WANNA WAIT. (D: FOR THIS EPISODE TO BE OVER, OH I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW - WHO GOT LAAAAAIIIIID!)