30 Posts

Tag: encouraging alcoholic tendencies one book at a time

Categories

Twilight Chapter 05 – Incredibly bad for you.

  • Posted byby Marines
  • August 25, 2020
  • 35 Comments
To start, we did indeed hear the news of the gender-flipped Twilight reimagining. I've already started skimming through it, mostly to decide what to do with it. I think recaps are firmly off the table, only because it's like 90% copy/paste/find/replace pronouns. It doesn't make sense to recap the same stuff all over again (a lesson we're kind of learning over on the Grey recaps, which at least has the "benefit" of a POV switch...). I do think it's worth pointing out some things about the reimagining, namely all the stupid little changes Meyer made because of gender norms and sexism, I guess.
Categories

Twilight Chapter 02 – She’s the worst.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • August 11, 2020
  • 53 Comments
The chapter opens with the line "The next day was better... and worse," and I'm already pissed off.
The day was better for Bella because it wasn't raining yet and she knew what to expect on her second day of school, but worse, because she was tired. Bella complains about the rain, the people she has to attend school with, but she internal-monologues about how she is starting to remember some of her fellow students' names. This is the short list of complaints explaining how her day was better. Girl. Just. Lighten up.
Catherine: Honestly, she should just be glad that any of her 'fellow students' are willing to be friends with her. It's a sacrifice. 
Categories

Breaking Dawn Chapter 03 – Fucking snowflakes

  • Posted byby Catherine
  • January 4, 2017
  • 33 Comments
So, Bella wakes up from another of her dumb psychic nightmares that are never explained and she's immediately pissed at herself for having such a disturbing dream the night before her wedding. Um, okay.
Annie: If I was marrying Edward, I'd be having nightmares, too.
Catherine: Fair.
Categories

After Chapter 15 – D stands for…

  • Posted byby Marines
  • November 29, 2016
  • 14 Comments
So, for reasons that are beyond you, me, and every thinking person, Tessa is going to another party. This time, she's almost forced to wear some tight jeans because after one week at school, she has to do so much laundry, she doesn't have many other options. Sure, Tessa. I'm sure. Also, she pairs her tight jeans with a button up shirt, but it's black and sleeveless and has some lace on the shoulder and we all know lace is code for sin. We get confirmation of this when Stephanie says she actually likes Tessa's outfit today. She offers Tessa some eyeliner again, but Tessa passes, remembering how it got all smeared by her tears the last time.
Categories

Eclipse Chapter 20 – Why me?

  • Posted byby K
  • August 22, 2016
  • 17 Comments
I skipped ahead to see what happens in this chapter and I only have one thing to say: WHY ME? WHY DO I KEEP BEING PUNISHED BY THE CHAPTER GODS?
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded. 
K: Pretty much exactly.
Categories

Eclipse Chapter 09 – Breaking and Organizing

  • Posted byby Marines
  • July 18, 2016
  • 11 Comments
Alice drops Bella off at her house the next day, since they are still pretending that they were having a sleep over to hide the fact that Bella's half kidnapped, half not getting any. When Bella gets inside, Charlie right away lets her know that she's got a message. Jacob called to say he was sorry and Charlie adds to give him a break because he sounded upset. He doesn't add, "anything is better than Edward," but it's implied.
Categories

Eclipse Chapter 06 – Angry whispers in the night.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • July 11, 2016
  • 12 Comments
Bella is driving home, paying little attention to the drive, but instead, thinking all about her visit with Jacob, when she spots Edward's Volvo (M: Sparkle) in her rearview mirror. Edward is following way too closely behind her. That sounds super safe. Bella seems worried about how much trouble she's going to be in, which is not a thing that should be happening, as Bella is an adult and Edward is her boyfriend. Not her parent.
Bella drives straight to Angela's house, calling herself a chicken. Yeah, Bella. You're scared to be alone with your boyfriend. You're such a big chicken!
Categories

Sweet Valley High #015 “Promises” – Shared milk.

Okay, here we go. I haven’t read a SVH book in about 15 years, but I do remember that I was slightly obsessed with Jessica because I am a complete and utter nerdy Elizabeth and I thought Jess was SO COOL DUDE.
Marines: If nothing else, I hope this experiment changes your mind about Jessica because that bitch is CRAZY.
Laura: One paragraph in, I'm immediately told the girls have large blue-green eyes! As if I could ever forget. And Tricia is dying, for realz this time.
Categories

Grey Chapter 06 – Longest. Chapter. Ever.

  • Posted byby Alex
  • July 29, 2015
  • 66 Comments
My last recap was mostly just a bunch of stuff from FSoG slightly rewritten from Grey’s PoV. It seems that I’ve got pretty much the same deal this time, only A MILLION TIMES WORSE, because now I have the dubious honour of recapping Grey’s first sex scene.
Luckily, though, I have a while to prepare myself for that, because this is also the LONGEST CHAPTER OF ALL TIME. It just keeps going and going. I’ll be surprised if anyone is even still reading by the time we get to the sex part.
Jessica: Your perseverance in not only reading, but writing, is impressive. Just reading this took colossal effort.
Categories

Grey Chapter 01 – Straight from the laundry.

  • Posted byby Marines
  • June 23, 2015
  • 111 Comments
The last actual book recap we posted went up in October of 2013. WHAT EVEN. I mean, sure, there were lots of series wrap-up posts, a trailer to dissect and a movie to die through, but still. It seems like only yesterday we were holding each other in the comments.
I sent out an email to the rest of the Snark Ladies asking if any of them loved me enough/hated their lives enough to recap along with me. Some of them will be popping in and out for one off things, but two brave souls volunteered as tributes: Alex and Jessica. Say hello ladies!
Categories

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 18 – Rotten.

  • Posted byby Marines
  • August 28, 2013
  • 120 Comments
EL James only ever starts chapters one second after the previous or with Ana waking up.
Ana wakes up, and it's her birthday. I'm pretty sure enough has been said about how loathsome it is that her birthday is near or around mine (and so many of you in the comments!) but I'm saying it again, because the Number Gods have deemed that I am to cover her actual birthday on top of it all.
Ana takes full moments to "orientate" herself, and it comes with a sense of deja vu over being at the Heathman again. She "gasps out loud," and look if these jokes are recycled, file a complaint with EL James who after three books, didn't learn that a gasp is an audible thing.
Categories

Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 20 – Free shrugs.

  • Posted byby Marines
  • March 27, 2013
  • 67 Comments
Last week I started to write Sweeney an email yelling at her for having the luck of getting to cover the super short chapter 19. Sure, we found out that Grey wasn't dead and sure, Ana accepted his proposal, but then the chapter ended and now I'm stuck with the inevitable "let's get married" sex. As it happens, though, I believe next week's chapter- a Sweeney chapter- is the return to the playroom. You'll forgive me for that spoiler because: LOL.
Sweeney: You're the actual worst. I'm glad I began my search for a new BFF in yesterday's GoT post.