Stephanie: We start the episode 3 months ago. A group of scared dolls are being ushered into their sleeping pods. They didn’t get to shower before bed, so clearly this is a serious situation.
Lorraine: Who knows what those dolls were doing earlier too. Serious and possibly smelly.
Stephanie: Out in the lobby area, Dominic is yelling orders to his SWAT looking security team. He tells them to secure the exits and shoot people in the head twice. (L: Double tap? ZOMBIES.) As the camera spins around all crazy-like, we see that there are dead bodies strewn out on the floor.
New two-parter = new credits! NPH sings, "the lumber mill is where the Baudelaires are forced to work, the eye doctor is sinister, the owner is a jerk, they end up in a fiendish plot with logs and hypnotism, the very thought of watching should be met with skepticism."
Look away, look away, etc.
New dedication to Beatrice: my love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.
Look away, look away, etc.
New dedication to Beatrice: my love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.
We start in nature with two guys who clearly want to be bear-mauled. By that I mostly mean that they are in nature and seeking out a particular cave. Their faces are really dirty and I don't know why. I guess they rolled most of the way here? Hesitant Dirty Face thinks the cave looks small for a mine shaft, but Stupid Dirty Face is all, "s'whatever. Let's go in."
Inside the cave/shaft, they quickly come upon "get the hell out of there" things like cob webs, a skeleton and bats. (S: They're like, "Oh hey, look, a skeleton." Totally normal for those to be lying around near cave entrances.) Stupid Dirty Face thinks this is all great and believes the gold they are looking for is in or behind a wall with ominous red markings. He starts chipping at the wall (?) and very soon, smoke pours out of a crack.
Inside the cave/shaft, they quickly come upon "get the hell out of there" things like cob webs, a skeleton and bats. (S: They're like, "Oh hey, look, a skeleton." Totally normal for those to be lying around near cave entrances.) Stupid Dirty Face thinks this is all great and believes the gold they are looking for is in or behind a wall with ominous red markings. He starts chipping at the wall (?) and very soon, smoke pours out of a crack.
hrine O'Spielberg. Pacey is playing Dawson while Dawson tries to add something anyone but him gives a shit about character details to his script. Dawson explains that The Great Santini is about father-son angst, which Pacey knows a bit about. Dawson proves he understands nothing about his best friend by saying dumb things, like this:
The boys establish that they have a father-son fishing trip coming up this weekend with both their fathers. Pacey wants to know if Dawson respects his dad; he replies, "I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't." Ugh. What a drama queen. Just say yes. Anyway, Pacey insists that this isn't a real answer, but he gives a similar non-answer when Dawson turns the question on him. (K: FEELS)
The boys establish that they have a father-son fishing trip coming up this weekend with both their fathers. Pacey wants to know if Dawson respects his dad; he replies, "I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't." Ugh. What a drama queen. Just say yes. Anyway, Pacey insists that this isn't a real answer, but he gives a similar non-answer when Dawson turns the question on him. (K: FEELS)
I'm going to try to prevent myself from flailing all over this post. Let me just get this out of my system. THE O.C!! I'M SNARKING AN EPISODE OF THE O.C.!! SETH COHEN!! Ahem.
Lorraine: I like your method of getting it all out on the front end. Already off to a good start.
Ashlea: The episode opens at the I'm-Not-Really-A-Bachelor-Yet Pad of Jimmy Cooper, with Marissa skipping down the stairs to open the door for the smarmy douchebag, Oliver. He pulls the pity-me card and asks to come in. Of course Marissa lets him, because she's SO troubled and tortured and her soul resonates with his or some such crap. Really it's because she's not the brightest bulb in the lamp. Yes, I am a card-carrying member of the I-Hate-Marissa-Cooper Club. (L: Not there yet? Keep watching this episode.)
Lorraine: I like your method of getting it all out on the front end. Already off to a good start.
Ashlea: The episode opens at the I'm-Not-Really-A-Bachelor-Yet Pad of Jimmy Cooper, with Marissa skipping down the stairs to open the door for the smarmy douchebag, Oliver. He pulls the pity-me card and asks to come in. Of course Marissa lets him, because she's SO troubled and tortured and her soul resonates with his or some such crap. Really it's because she's not the brightest bulb in the lamp. Yes, I am a card-carrying member of the I-Hate-Marissa-Cooper Club. (L: Not there yet? Keep watching this episode.)
Construction Zone. Some construction guys are building new, ritzy houses in a classy subdivision. Beardy Construction Guy complains about mosquitoes right as another guy falls through a weird hole and breaks his ankle. As Beardy Construction Guy runs to get a rope to pull him out, the guy in the hole gets COVERED in bugs, and this is like the third Supernatural recap I've gotten that involves something that legitimately terrifies me. UGH. By the time Beardy Construction Guy gets back, the guy in the hole is laying at the bottom (with no bugs on him) and bleeding from the eyes, nose, and ears.
Kirsti: Hello, nightmare.
Kirsti: Hello, nightmare.
The Tale of the Phantom Cab Lorraine: As part of our continued Halloween-themed posting, we will be covering a handful of Are You Afraid of the Dark episodes. We won’t...
Sweeney: That is a screen cap of our WordPress dashboard before we hit publish on this post, making this the big one hundred. Obviously, it's time to break out the streamers, chocolate, and wine. Especially the wine. (Lor: Especially the chocolate wine!) (Good call)
In celebration of this momentous occasion, it was necessary for us to do a "classic" Childhood Trauma post. However, rather than just reading and recapping any old Goosebumps book, we each read a "Reader Beware: Choose Your Own Scare" book, and vlogged our experience
Lorraine: Even though I was involved in the brainstorming for this, reading back that explanation of why we decided to do this made me LOL. We seriously thought, "a Goosebumps book isn't BAD enough. We need something WORSE!"
Previously: I’m not really sure what happened to Nancy, but we used a lot of Twilight gifs. — Lorraine: Let’s get this out of the way early: never go on...