Previously: Paul broke into the Dollhouse with Alpha-in-disguise. — Omega Sweeney: Picking up shortly after her and Victor’s run-in with Alpha at the end of the previous episode (SORRY IT’S BEEN...
Green River County Jail. A bunch of orange-clad inmates are doing normal prison-y things, like lifting weights and playing cards. Inside, workers reopen an old cell block. When they get the door open, the back wall has dried blood on it. They collectively shudder, and their breath is visible in the air. They turn as if something's just flown between them, then papers in the hall fly everywhere.
In another cell block, Rack is lying on a bed reading. The lights flicker and he crosses to his cell door, staring into the hallway as the flickering continues.
In another cell block, Rack is lying on a bed reading. The lights flicker and he crosses to his cell door, staring into the hallway as the flickering continues.
First I need to share that when I realized I would have to recap this episode, I yelled out, “NO!” That should be enough to let you know how I feel about it.
Lorraine: A common Snark Lady problem. In fact, Kirsti was known to work out who would get what episode during entire seasons of Buffy. That moment of realization that an episode is yours is best drowned in Goblets of Win.
Sweeney: Not knowing what trauma lies ahead is one of the occasional perks of Snow Life.
Lorraine: A common Snark Lady problem. In fact, Kirsti was known to work out who would get what episode during entire seasons of Buffy. That moment of realization that an episode is yours is best drowned in Goblets of Win.
Sweeney: Not knowing what trauma lies ahead is one of the occasional perks of Snow Life.
We begin where the last episode ended, with Oswald arriving at Jim's door. Barbara shows him in and he introduces himself as Peter, a friend of Jim's. Barbara is lovely and jokes about not getting to meet Jim's friends. Jim walks Oswald out to have a chat about work things.
Alex: Oh, whoops. I totally assumed Barbara knew who Oswald was at the end of the last recap. Apparently not. But I'm sure that when she opened the door last week she looked worried, whereas now she's just being all charming and upbeat.
Marines: I mean, every other character in this show has been all, "YOU. PENGUIN." so it wasn't unreasonably to assume that she would also guess who he was. But no.
Alex: Oh, whoops. I totally assumed Barbara knew who Oswald was at the end of the last recap. Apparently not. But I'm sure that when she opened the door last week she looked worried, whereas now she's just being all charming and upbeat.
Marines: I mean, every other character in this show has been all, "YOU. PENGUIN." so it wasn't unreasonably to assume that she would also guess who he was. But no.
Baby Batman is continuing his slightly suicidal exploration of his fears by burning his hand on a candle. Alfred walks in and startles BB, who hides his burnt hand. Alfred demands to see his hand and then freaks out at the sight, calling BB stupid and shaking him into a hug. There is no other way to describe that. I'm not sure I understand what this show is doing with Alfred. (A: Me neither).
Selina Kyle sits with some of her homeless friends playing with a necklace kind of like how a cat would play with yarn. (wink.)
A van comes down the alley and puts Selina on her guard. Two overly peppy people in outfits I cannot explain jump out of the van and claim to be from the mayor's outreach program.
Selina Kyle sits with some of her homeless friends playing with a necklace kind of like how a cat would play with yarn. (wink.)
A van comes down the alley and puts Selina on her guard. Two overly peppy people in outfits I cannot explain jump out of the van and claim to be from the mayor's outreach program.
This show ended up taking Sweeney and I by surprise for a reason that's unique to our experience: it's a pain in the ass to recap. Part of what intrigues me about the whole Snark Squad project has a lot to do with the material we pick and cover and how it lends itself to scrutiny. It's hard to tell what a recapping experience will be like before we get a few posts under our belts. Anyway, the point is that this is better than average material that just takes SO. LONG. to cover. I'll go into the construction of this season a little more at the end, but there was never an easy way to recap one of these episodes. It was always a many, many hour ordeal.
Which also (partly) explains why this is so late.
Which also (partly) explains why this is so late.
Fair warning: I think this is one of the weaker episodes of the series. What can you expect when they keep us at the Wall? THE WHOLE TIME? No amount of Jon Snow's shiny hair can salvage that.
Sweeney: I thought this would be a pretty universal opinion but I saw people on Twitter gushing about it. We've assembled a crowd that shares our love of the character-driven elements of the story so I don't think our opinion will be unpopular here, but it's weird. To that end, if you're the sort of person who digs military history and battle names and that kind of thing, then maybe this episode was your jam. For the rest of us...not so much.
Lor: We start with a sweeping view of Castle Black.
Sweeney: I thought this would be a pretty universal opinion but I saw people on Twitter gushing about it. We've assembled a crowd that shares our love of the character-driven elements of the story so I don't think our opinion will be unpopular here, but it's weird. To that end, if you're the sort of person who digs military history and battle names and that kind of thing, then maybe this episode was your jam. For the rest of us...not so much.
Lor: We start with a sweeping view of Castle Black.
Clone Sister Camping! Camping is not a thing that I want to do ever, but I imagine that camping with your homicidal twin is a new level discomfort, care of nature and the outdoors. Helena, being humanized a little more every episode, shares her can of beans with Sarah and insists she has to eat something. Sarah notes that Cold River isn't on a map. She wants to know where it is exactly, but Helena won't tell her, because if Sarah knew, she'd leave Helena behind. Sarah doesn't refute this. (S: Awkward.)
Helena abruptly changes the subject and asks if she can also have babies since Sarah has Kira and they are twins. Sarah connects that this probably has something to do with what the Proletheans did to her, but Helena isn't forthcoming.
Helena abruptly changes the subject and asks if she can also have babies since Sarah has Kira and they are twins. Sarah connects that this probably has something to do with what the Proletheans did to her, but Helena isn't forthcoming.
For reasons I cannot articulate, the will to write this recap has evaded me this week. That's my way of saying, "I'm sorry this is late and I have zero good excuses prepped for why it's so late."
Lorraine: I disagree, dearest friend. The reason The Mountain and the Viper is late is because it's The Mountain and The Viper. There. Done.
Sweeney: I stand corrected.
My old nemesis, the lying liar credits, kick us off: King's Landing. Moat Cailin! That's new, yeah? Sadly, it's because Ramsay is in this episode, but we'll concentrate on WOO NEW PLACE! for now.
Lorraine: I disagree, dearest friend. The reason The Mountain and the Viper is late is because it's The Mountain and The Viper. There. Done.
Sweeney: I stand corrected.
My old nemesis, the lying liar credits, kick us off: King's Landing. Moat Cailin! That's new, yeah? Sadly, it's because Ramsay is in this episode, but we'll concentrate on WOO NEW PLACE! for now.
Hibbing, Minnesota. A middle-grade kid sits up in bed watching monster movies. He hears a noise outside and goes to the window to see his neighbour taking out the garbage. The kid watches as said neighbour hears a scrape-y noise and bends down to look under a car. Neighbour Guy gets dragged under the car, screaming. The kid pulls his curtains shut in a "Well, fuck. That's above my pay grade" way.
Cut to two state police interviewing LOL NOPE Kid [LNK] and his mother. Obviously, the deputies are, in fact, the Winchesters.
Cut to two state police interviewing LOL NOPE Kid [LNK] and his mother. Obviously, the deputies are, in fact, the Winchesters.
We watch as an ambulance carries a broken Kira to the hospital, and then as paramedics rush her into an operating room. Kira and Siobhan follow behind them closely, crying and distraught, until they are told they can go no further. Sarah's outcry makes me... have hay fever. It's the weirdest thing.
Sweeney: IT'S THE WORST. I was already pretty devastated over the wounded child but mother-losing-her-shit is a kind of heartsick that is fully contagious.
Sweeney: IT'S THE WORST. I was already pretty devastated over the wounded child but mother-losing-her-shit is a kind of heartsick that is fully contagious.
I both cannot believe it's been a year and feel like I've been waiting for this forever. Welcome back, dear friends and comrades in misery! It's time for Game of Thrones, season four.
We open with an extended previously sequence that is much better than what I was able to come up with at the start of this post, but does boil down to a lot of death and bad luck. I mean, I counted: they showed us 8 outright deaths plus the Unsullied attacking a whole bunch of people. The last thing we see is the bloodied sword used to chop Ned Stark's head off. It is because of these previouslies that I realize that Ned was beheaded by his own sword. It's like retroactive trauma. NO SERIOUSLY. WELCOME BACK!
Sweeney: I don't think I could handle watching this show without you guys. I need this weekly therapy session to process all my emotions.
We open with an extended previously sequence that is much better than what I was able to come up with at the start of this post, but does boil down to a lot of death and bad luck. I mean, I counted: they showed us 8 outright deaths plus the Unsullied attacking a whole bunch of people. The last thing we see is the bloodied sword used to chop Ned Stark's head off. It is because of these previouslies that I realize that Ned was beheaded by his own sword. It's like retroactive trauma. NO SERIOUSLY. WELCOME BACK!
Sweeney: I don't think I could handle watching this show without you guys. I need this weekly therapy session to process all my emotions.
Wolfram & Hart. Late at night. The soundtrack from my 5th grade haunted house follows Fred around as she says goodnight to people and closes up Evil Radio Shack for the night. She turns around and then sees Spike and fake screams, dropping her papers. He appreciates her efforts to humor his evil-but-not ego. His I'm-not-evil-but-I-still-want-to-be-a-badass ego? IDK. Anyway, Fred says he needn't worry about any of that because he's a super special ghost. She's pretty sure she can help him, too, but obviously she can't help him without flaring up the Angel/Spike rivalry.
Pause: I get that for those of you have spent years with this show and written all the fic and whatnot, the tension in their relationship is a big huge deal.
Pause: I get that for those of you have spent years with this show and written all the fic and whatnot, the tension in their relationship is a big huge deal.
This pilot has already won me over because the episode has a name. I don't like it when pilots are titled, "Pilot."
Sweeney: Same. It also makes it really hard to make the first thumbnail because you just know most episode titles are going to be way longer. HOORAY FOR PILOT EPISODES NOT NAMED PILOT!
Lor: Enthusiasm for the episode title aside, this pilot has also won me over because I've seen all 10 episodes of season 1 already. So has Sweeney. There are no Snows here, but as always, we'll keep the recaps spoiler free. We're cool that way. On to the episode.
Sweeney: Same. It also makes it really hard to make the first thumbnail because you just know most episode titles are going to be way longer. HOORAY FOR PILOT EPISODES NOT NAMED PILOT!
Lor: Enthusiasm for the episode title aside, this pilot has also won me over because I've seen all 10 episodes of season 1 already. So has Sweeney. There are no Snows here, but as always, we'll keep the recaps spoiler free. We're cool that way. On to the episode.
Gina Torres gushes about how wonderful the gross warehouse is while Connor - still covered in blood - and Angel fawn over her. She kneels next to a comatose Cordy and thanks her for having her free will taken away so that she could exist protecting her. She tells her to be at peace, then gushes some more about how perfect everything is. There's one thing that's not perfect, Angel interjects. And that's the fact that he came there to kill her. He hands her his sword and says that he deserves to be punished. She takes it and says that she can feel his suffering, but that the suffering ends now. He drops his head, bracing himself for the blow, but it never comes. He looks up to find her gone. Cue Electric Cellos.
After the credits, Fred's scurrying around the office, cleaning up fallen books as Lorne watches and sips a cocktail because he's the only sane character in this show. He tells her to stop because she's making him twitchy.
After the credits, Fred's scurrying around the office, cleaning up fallen books as Lorne watches and sips a cocktail because he's the only sane character in this show. He tells her to stop because she's making him twitchy.