Okay well here I go. To recap Tessa and Hardin alone in a room at night again. With sex implications in the terribly written text. Alright. Here we go. Oh, wait, man, have I asked how you all are recently? Anything new?
Marines: Just rip the bandaid off, girl. This garbage fire has 90-something chapters.
Samantha: .......fine. According to my Kindle app we're only 26% done.
You guys I just want this night to end. Was there ever another plot to this story? I feel like one party night bled into another party night and now we're trapped in a college party hellscape.
Tessa is walking away from the frat house at 4 am. I kind of refuse to believe that a taxi service isn't 24 hours in a college town but okay. She walks for an HOUR AND A HALF and omg I'm so exhausted thinking about it. How the heck far away was this frat house? (M: Ah, yes, the across town frat house. Classic.) She finally reaches campus and stop into 7-Eleven for "a cup." IDK maybe it's because I'm not a coffee drinker but I was hella confused over what the heck she meant.
Tessa is walking away from the frat house at 4 am. I kind of refuse to believe that a taxi service isn't 24 hours in a college town but okay. She walks for an HOUR AND A HALF and omg I'm so exhausted thinking about it. How the heck far away was this frat house? (M: Ah, yes, the across town frat house. Classic.) She finally reaches campus and stop into 7-Eleven for "a cup." IDK maybe it's because I'm not a coffee drinker but I was hella confused over what the heck she meant.
Lucky, lucky me. We change to Jacob's perspective for the middle chunk of the book. JOY.
Catherine: The only thing worse than Bella's perspective is Jacob's perspective.
Annie: See, I'd completely forgotten about this in the book. And I got really excited when I saw the shift in perspectives. And then this chapter happened. Ha ha haaaaaa. Boy, was I stupid. I forgot that even though the perspective has changed, it's still written by SMeyer.
Catherine: The only thing worse than Bella's perspective is Jacob's perspective.
Annie: See, I'd completely forgotten about this in the book. And I got really excited when I saw the shift in perspectives. And then this chapter happened. Ha ha haaaaaa. Boy, was I stupid. I forgot that even though the perspective has changed, it's still written by SMeyer.
Okay guys. Here it is. The recap where we will finally find out what happens when Tessa finds a boy in her room.
Marines: Don't forget she's in a towel! The suspense is killing approximately no one.
Samantha: She asks the brown haired rude boy where Steph is. Her voice comes out in a squeak so maybe she swallowed a mouse in the heathen shower. The boy kind of half smirks at her but doesn't answer her legit question. I hate him already you guys.
Marines: Don't forget she's in a towel! The suspense is killing approximately no one.
Samantha: She asks the brown haired rude boy where Steph is. Her voice comes out in a squeak so maybe she swallowed a mouse in the heathen shower. The boy kind of half smirks at her but doesn't answer her legit question. I hate him already you guys.
Okay! Here we go! Let's see if anything happens this chapter!
Tessa totally can't focus on anything as they drive to campus, not even her nice-soon-to-be-dumped-probably boyfriend. (M: Or his perfectly lined lips.) They arrive within a paragraph and apparently she never visited the campus before, which struck me as odd. Two hours isn't that bad of a drive, surely they could have done a visit?
Tessa totally can't focus on anything as they drive to campus, not even her nice-soon-to-be-dumped-probably boyfriend. (M: Or his perfectly lined lips.) They arrive within a paragraph and apparently she never visited the campus before, which struck me as odd. Two hours isn't that bad of a drive, surely they could have done a visit?
I could have done without the exploding head montage that begins this episode’s “previously on” song, but it was totally worth it to get to the fake prescription ad for Space Bugs. Funny how the possible side effects sound so similar to actual ads, other than the “Brain matter leakage is common but harmless” disclaimer.
Marines: The people running around in fields is fantastic. Also, on a related note, drug ads in the U.S. are RIDICULOUS.
Marines: The people running around in fields is fantastic. Also, on a related note, drug ads in the U.S. are RIDICULOUS.
I skipped ahead to see what happens in this chapter and I only have one thing to say: WHY ME? WHY DO I KEEP BEING PUNISHED BY THE CHAPTER GODS?
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded.
K: Pretty much exactly.
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded.
K: Pretty much exactly.
After the excitement of last chapter, Bella is all tuckered out and Daddy!Edward has to carry her home in his arms and put her to bed. I assume he explained something to Charlie, otherwise he would've had to shove her in through the window and crawl in after her like you do when you're trying to move a big couch.
Marines: Yeah, I'm assuming that's what happened. He was probably like, "meh. She's asleep anyway *shove*."
Annie: I wonder how Charlie feels about co-parenting his teenage daughter with her teenage boyfriend. Because I think it would make me homicidal.
Marines: Yeah, I'm assuming that's what happened. He was probably like, "meh. She's asleep anyway *shove*."
Annie: I wonder how Charlie feels about co-parenting his teenage daughter with her teenage boyfriend. Because I think it would make me homicidal.
The last OC episode I recapped for Snark Squad had a lot of future Twilight actors and according to IMDB, this episode has a mini Pretty Little Liars get-together. Crossover magic is a thing I attract, apparently.
We open to Ryan staring at a fantasy of Taylor sexily dancing on the Cohen's kitchen counter with some very big hair.
We go to Ryan's POV and see Sandy offering him pre-smeared bagels, which he vacantly accepts. Ryan asks about Seth who appears to announce he's leaving for Rhode Island. Again.
We open to Ryan staring at a fantasy of Taylor sexily dancing on the Cohen's kitchen counter with some very big hair.
We go to Ryan's POV and see Sandy offering him pre-smeared bagels, which he vacantly accepts. Ryan asks about Seth who appears to announce he's leaving for Rhode Island. Again.
The previouslies show us Lisa, from season 3, who has a son named Ben. It was the episode with the creepy ass children.
Kirsti: I'm sorry, you'll have to be more specific. There are at least 2 episodes a season with creepy children...
Samantha: This segues us into the Impala burning rubber down a highway at night. Sam's arm is injured and they are both a little frantic. They mention how they've never seen that many in one place before, just as the Impala screeches to a halt in front of a flaming barricade in the road.
Kirsti: I'm sorry, you'll have to be more specific. There are at least 2 episodes a season with creepy children...
Samantha: This segues us into the Impala burning rubber down a highway at night. Sam's arm is injured and they are both a little frantic. They mention how they've never seen that many in one place before, just as the Impala screeches to a halt in front of a flaming barricade in the road.
Yes, it's true. Ana and Grey broke up, but this book is still going. Can you guess how happy I am about that?
But E. L. must have a really good reason for writing FIVE MORE CHAPTERS of this damn thing, right? I'm sure there are going to be all sorts of plot twists and turns, and plenty of brand new information which will make reading what follows a totally worthwhile use of our time. Right? RIGHT?
But E. L. must have a really good reason for writing FIVE MORE CHAPTERS of this damn thing, right? I'm sure there are going to be all sorts of plot twists and turns, and plenty of brand new information which will make reading what follows a totally worthwhile use of our time. Right? RIGHT?
We open yet another chapter with Bella waking up in the morning. I know Meyer didn't actually invent that shitty writing shortcut or anything, and it's possible she didn't even notice she was doing it so often, but does she not understand how fucking annoying it is to read? EVERY CHAPTER Bella is waking up for the morning and EVERY CHAPTER she goes to bed at the end. And it's not like this is an intentional motif or anything.
I'm not even sure this complaint is making sense. This book is sapping my will to make sense.
I'm not even sure this complaint is making sense. This book is sapping my will to make sense.
So, I start off pumped because I love the Supernatural time travel episodes. Then I immediately sigh because we open with Dean sitting in a chair watching two girls, dressed as a devil and an angel, sexy dancing to the song Cherry Pie. It's kind of awkward to be watching this in a public cafe, so I fast forward a wee bit. (K: Legit.) The girls go away and are replaced by Anna! Remember her? The angel girl? I always liked her. She awkwards that this is what Dean dreams about and he asks why she's crashing his dreams.
The boys are burning rubber in the Impala as dramatic music plays. They pull up to a hotel and hurry out of the car when Dean double takes because there are several other '67 Chevy Impala's in the parking lot, exactly like Baby. Sam tells him to hurry up and we see Chuck pacing outside of the hotel. They hurry over to him and he seems super confused as to why they're there. Sam is all "You sent me a text, bro and said it was life or death." Chuck denies this and Dean is pissed because they drove all night. Realization seems to hit Chuck's face and he oh nos. We hear Becky's OMG voice say, "Sam!" and squealing. She runs up and Sam remembers her name which causes her to almost orgasm. Dean eye rolls hard and Becky says that Sam seems to have been thinking about her.
We open at Rattigan Academy, which looks a hell of a lot like Francis Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. But whatever. (M: I'm sure it's totally different.) A bunch of teenagers in red hoodies and tracksuit pants (sidenote: I find it fascinating how many different terms exist for tracksuit pants. In Australia, they're generally trackie daks. In the US? Sweatpants. In the UK? Tracksuit bottoms. TELL ME WHAT YOU CALL THEM, I NEED TO KNOW) drag a well dressed woman out of the building and down a flight of stairs as she yells at them to release her.
They drop her to the ground, and throw her stuff after her. A weedy little nerd boy in a grey hoodie and jeans sasses at her and tells her to spell his name - Rattigan - right if she prints it.
They drop her to the ground, and throw her stuff after her. A weedy little nerd boy in a grey hoodie and jeans sasses at her and tells her to spell his name - Rattigan - right if she prints it.