I know you guys have all been waiting to find out what question Edward is going to ask Bella, right? It must be BIG because Stephenie Meyer decided to end her previous chapter and start a whole new one!
Here we go!
"Can I ask just one more?" I pleaded as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street."
Aw, man! Stephenie! You cheated!
Edward allows Bella one more question but his lips are "pressed together in a cautious line." Is this like his "careful eyes"? Are all of my features reckless? Are they bad to the bone?
Hello! Welcome back. As ever, we are so happy to have you here and so not looking forward to the thing we voluntarily put ourselves through. The Internet is a strange place, my friends.
We start with the dedication:
Snort laugh when you see it.
Kirsti: I'm sure her kids are THRILLED to be included in the same dedication as... that.
Catherine: More evidence that Meyer doesn't know what words mean.
We start with the dedication:
Snort laugh when you see it.
Kirsti: I'm sure her kids are THRILLED to be included in the same dedication as... that.
Catherine: More evidence that Meyer doesn't know what words mean.
We pick up the emails right where they left off last time, but now it's 12:03am, so it's a new day, see? Grey sends back an email asking why Ana said she doesn't like him. If you are an author who figures that including full email transcripts is a super excellent way to fill your book, what do you do between emails?
Ana knows she's in deep trouble because she's topless on a European beach. Grey picks up her bikini top, throws it at her and hisses for her to get dressed. Ana tries to tell him that no one is looking, on account of this being A EUROPEAN BEACH but she's Ana Freakin' Steele so of course people are looking at her magical boobs. I'm sure a rainbow can be found between them and there is a unicorn that rides back and forth in merry bliss. Ooooor, Grey is a possessive asshole and no one else in the world gives any shits about Ana's boobs. Either or.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.
Previously: Ana got promoted to editor after a week on the job and EL James tried to make us believe it wasn’t because she’s screwing the boss. OKAY SURE. —...
Previously: Ana sucked at her job and it made her boss angry. Grey sucked at being a human being and it made Ana happy. — Lorraine: When we left Ana,...
Previously: Ana once again demonstrated her terrible sense of priorities by choosing shit-beating over being worshiped. She and Grey attend the most nonsensically elaborate charity ball ever. After, they find...
Grey is waking Ana up with soft kisses but napping is better than any kiss, so Ana turns around and tries to keep sleeping. I approve.
Grey tells Ana she has to wake up because they have to be at his parent's house for dinner in half an hour. Ana is nervous about meeting Grey's parents, especially because he's just "worked [her] over with a riding crop and tied [her] up using a cable [she] sold him, for heaven's sake." As if the fact that she sold him the cable has any bearing on this.
Oh, he tied you up? That's cool. WAIT YOU SOLD HIM THE CABLE?
Ana's waking up and she's all hazy with sleep and sex. Her head is on his chest and she tells us that he smells like fresh laundry and the best smell in the world: Christian.
Oh, really? He smells like Christian. Great, amazing. Thank you E.L. James for not actually wanting to do any writing heavy lifting and vague-ing it up so that lonely women every where can insert their own interpretation of what the Christian smell is.
I'd personally like to think he smells of mommy issues and desperation. Oh, and a little papery, like the money that makes it all okay.
Ana touches his chest and Grey is on her like a hawk, removing her hand. "Don't" he murmurs. Ana whisper-asks why he doesn't like to be touched as she stares into his GRAY! eyes.
He replies: Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up.
HAI BLOG HAI. So a whole shitstorm of shitstorminess happened right after I got married. For example, 1) my car broke down and I had to buy a new one, b) my laptop committed suicide, and 2a) I got laid off at work. Just last night, my wonderful husband fixed my computer because he is the best husband in the whole world really, really tired of listening to me bitch about it.
The moment I found out my laptop was fixed, I texted Lorraine to say, "COMPUTER FIXED. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. I AM SO IN." Because when you're talking about a book as awful as this one, the shouty capitals are really necessary.
The moment I found out my laptop was fixed, I texted Lorraine to say, "COMPUTER FIXED. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. I AM SO IN." Because when you're talking about a book as awful as this one, the shouty capitals are really necessary.
Sweet Valley High #003 “Playing With Fire” – And seven other things more fun than reading this book.
Previously: Jessica was crowned the queen of something in the last book, and is stuck with Winston as her king. Jessica is in love with Bruce Patman, because he’s rich....
Previously: We were introduced to the Wakefield twins. They kind of suck. — Sara: The beginning scene starts with Jessica bitching about the fact that Elizabeth got her thrown in...