Tag: he may be hot but he’s probably a stalker

The Craft – Halloween lessons from 1996

This post is part of our Childhood Trauma: Halloween Movies month-long special. Expect more movies, all month long, selected through the highly scientific method of, “We do what we want.”...

Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 19 – The Evil Kenevil of Panties

Grey is waking Ana up with soft kisses but napping is better than any kiss, so Ana turns around and tries to keep sleeping. I approve. Grey tells Ana she has to wake up because they have to be at his parent's house for dinner in half an hour. Ana is nervous about meeting Grey's parents, especially because he's just "worked [her] over with a riding crop and tied [her] up using a cable [she] sold him, for heaven's sake." As if the fact that she sold him the cable has any bearing on this. Oh, he tied you up? That's cool. WAIT YOU SOLD HIM THE CABLE?

Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 17 – What’s A Pap Smear Go For These Days?

E.L. James likes to end scenes with falling asleep, because it's quick and easy and because she learned all her writing skillz from the second grade. If the last page of this book says "it was all a dream," I QUIT LIFE. We start chapter 17 with -shock- Ana waking up. She was dreaming of a candle flame and she's a moth flying right for the light. She says, "I'm flying too close to the sun," and even though she doesn't mention Icarus, that's like a copy paste from two pages ago. Ana realizes that she's dreaming of hot things because Grey is draped across her and his body is making her hot. I know this is really nuanced writing here, but try to keep up. We're told that Grey's body heat is suffocating Ana. If we've learned anything from all the times her breathing has failed her, though, it's that Ana lives not by oxygen alone. I think she actually breathes gray eyes, abusive relationships and hating Katherine Kavanagh. She proves this by taking a moment out from suffocating to be really happy that Grey spent the night in her bed.

Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 02: Hardware stores make me intense.

Ana hurries off the elevator, eager to get away from Grey, and almost falls. Again. I'm trying really hard here not to make the SHE IS BELLA SWAN observation, but I guess I just failed. Beyond that, I'm always very confused by authors who want to make their characters clumsy. I mean, I'm clumsy! I am. But it just always comes across so heavy handed in books. Ana just fell Bambi-style in Grey's office. Did we need her tripping off of an elevator a few pages later?
Ana tells us no less than four times that she has no idea what her reaction to Grey was all about. Well Ana, my personal opinion is that your reaction to Grey was all about you being an idiot. I guess we were supposed to glean that she was having a strong reaction to being around him. It's probably 'cause he's got all that built up static electricity.