Burkitsville, Indiana, one year ago. A young couple are ushered out of a restaurant at night by a motherly looking type who gives them an apple pie for the road. Her husband finishes filling their car and gives them polite directions to the interstate. Their niece admires the guy's tattoo as he gets in the car. The young couple gush about how nice everyone is in town and head out.
A short distance out of town, their car dies. The girl is not pleased to discover that they also have no phone reception. They get out of the car and spy a light through the trees of an apple orchard. The guy heads towards it, and the girl reluctantly follows. Part way in, they come across a creep-tastic scarecrow and stare at it for way longer than I would. The guy calls it "the freakiest damn scarecrow I've ever seen," thereby earning himself a gold star a mere two minutes into the episode. Well done, sir!
While this blog changes my opinions of everything and also I find it challenging to rank episodes because I love every episode in this season, I flailed a little when I first realized this one was mine and I've gotten pumped about it every time since. Fingers crossed that it's as glorious as I remember.
We open on Veronica and Keith decorating the tree. Veronica laments that as an only child she knows all the scary handmade ornaments are hers. She singles out a popsicle stick reindeer as particularly concerning. My little brother made one just like that in preschool and we have made fun of it while decorating for the last five or six years.
We open on Veronica and Keith decorating the tree. Veronica laments that as an only child she knows all the scary handmade ornaments are hers. She singles out a popsicle stick reindeer as particularly concerning. My little brother made one just like that in preschool and we have made fun of it while decorating for the last five or six years.
Sarah is where we last left her-- sitting in Alison's basement, explaining to her two-twins that she never met her birth parents. She was adopted at 8 and came to live "here" at 12. The show is shot in Canada, but I'm now realizing that I have no idea where it's supposed to take place. Internet says possibly Hamden, Connecticut. Huh.
Sweeney: Really? Weird. She mentions that Alison lives in Scarborough, a suburb of the city where she resides. I don't know enough about Canada, but according to Google maps, that could be a suburb of Toronto. Canadians, please explain.
Sweeney: Really? Weird. She mentions that Alison lives in Scarborough, a suburb of the city where she resides. I don't know enough about Canada, but according to Google maps, that could be a suburb of Toronto. Canadians, please explain.
The camera pans across a bunch of fancy cars and one fancy motorbike. Fred's voice from offscreen tells us that Angel's idea for a picnic was excellent. But her tone changes to one of relief as she finishes scanning Wesley for bugs and declares them all to be free from listening devices. Gunn says it's weird to be acting this way, but Angel assures them that it's necessary as there are tons of employees who want them dead. Man, that's a fun company they've taken over! Fred defends their new coworkers, and Wes snaps that maybe Whedon Hat Trick isn't as trustworthy as she thinks. Fred gives him major side-eye while saying that she knows WHT isn't evil.
Sweeney: Jealousy is an ugly look on everyone. I fear it's going to be worn a bit too much this season.
Sweeney: Jealousy is an ugly look on everyone. I fear it's going to be worn a bit too much this season.
We open at the close of the previous episode, with Veronica sobbing in her car. She's trying to deal with the news that Jake Kane is her real father, and worse, that Duncan is her - - *pause for an out-the-car-door puke* -- half-brother.
Sweeney: I love that they split this. Dealing with the emotional blow of the news at the close of the one episode and freeing Veronica up for the internal game of twenty questions and pull over vomit at the open of the second, giving each set of reactions the distinct weight they deserve.
Diva: Amen. Veronica decides she wants to take down Jake Kane, hard.
Sweeney: I love that they split this. Dealing with the emotional blow of the news at the close of the one episode and freeing Veronica up for the internal game of twenty questions and pull over vomit at the open of the second, giving each set of reactions the distinct weight they deserve.
Diva: Amen. Veronica decides she wants to take down Jake Kane, hard.
Veronica is examining the photos of Lilly's shoes in her bedroom and then Lilly's shoes in the evidence bag. She voice-overs that only one person can help her make sense of them, and only one person can help her get to that one person. In walks Cliff McCormack, who Veronica immediately starts schmoozing. Cliff asks if she's trying to sell him a raffle ticket. I suddenly remember loving Cliff. That's right, right? Cliff is awesome?
Democracy Diva: Cliff is awesome. He mentions that he failed criminal law, so there's hope for me as a lawyer yet!
Sweeney: A lawyer with tawdry clients like Loretta Cancun!
Democracy Diva: Cliff is awesome. He mentions that he failed criminal law, so there's hope for me as a lawyer yet!
Sweeney: A lawyer with tawdry clients like Loretta Cancun!
First of all, you should know that I'm writing this while watching The Oscars, so I think you should all play your very own Snark Squad Drinking Game of, "Spot the recap's many inaccuracies." It'll be fun. I promise. Maybe.
Kirsti: It won't be fun at all, because Kirsti The Eternally Anal Retentive will have fixed them all. But sure. Fun.
Lorraine: Well, that ruins the game before it started. Okay, guys. I guess you should now all be playing, "drink whenever you spot a place where an inaccuracy may have been!" HAPPY DRINKING.
Kirsti: It won't be fun at all, because Kirsti The Eternally Anal Retentive will have fixed them all. But sure. Fun.
Lorraine: Well, that ruins the game before it started. Okay, guys. I guess you should now all be playing, "drink whenever you spot a place where an inaccuracy may have been!" HAPPY DRINKING.
Dusty planet. Two people are hanging up some laundry when they notice five men on horseback and a hovercraft of some sort approaching. The girl calls out to "Nandi" and from within the house covered in tin foil, Julie Cooper exits. You may recognize her from any number of other things, including The Vampire Diaries, Entourage or Nakita. You might even know her name is Melinda Clarke. But, like, Julie Cooper.
Sweeney: JULIE COOPER!!
Sara: I KNEW I KNEW HER!
Sweeney: JULIE COOPER!!
Sara: I KNEW I KNEW HER!
Night time. Police and ambulance surround Veronica's apartment building. I know our schedule hasn't been super consistent, but you may remember that we were just discussing the way that this show is self-aware of and addresses Veronica's meddling. She begins this episode by asking that very question. Would tonight have been another dull night in the apartment complex if she hadn't met this girl and gotten involved? Her reverie is interrupted by paramedics trying to wheel a body past her. "Is it my fault a horrible crime played out its final chapter here, or is what happened inevitable?" She looks across the courtyard at Papa Mars.
COME ON NOW, SUGAR!
A title screen tells us that we're jumping back a week. Veronica's carrying clothes down to the apartment complex laundry room. The place has a nice ocean view, which it makes it seem like it's maybe not that Poor Kid Central.
COME ON NOW, SUGAR!
A title screen tells us that we're jumping back a week. Veronica's carrying clothes down to the apartment complex laundry room. The place has a nice ocean view, which it makes it seem like it's maybe not that Poor Kid Central.
We open at a cool looking floating space station that looks like it has lots of TV monitors on it. So basically my dream home. Inside, there's a carny guy in a tall hat telling passerby that he'll convince them to believe in aliens once they see what's inside his freak show circus tent. The Mad Hatter says it will haunt their dreams and harrow their very soul.
Lorraine: I love the idea that humans are now in space, and people are still debating the existence of aliens. "Yep. They're here.... somewhere..."
Sweeney: LOOK HARDER, HUMANS! Look harder.
Lorraine: I love the idea that humans are now in space, and people are still debating the existence of aliens. "Yep. They're here.... somewhere..."
Sweeney: LOOK HARDER, HUMANS! Look harder.
We pick up immediately where we left off. Angel demands to know what Lilah's doing there, but Wes insists that it can't be Lilah on account of he chopped her head off. "There's a signed dollar in your wallet that says different," Lilah says. Wes turns away. Lilah looks to Angel and tells him to use his creepy vampire senses. He tells Wes that it's really Lilah. Fred asks how it's possible, and Angel uses his supersmelling powers to deduce that Lilah's still dead. (L: EW. JESUS. WHY.)(S: Mega letdown because I was hoping for crossover magic with this being first!Lilah. Boo.) (K: That would have been much better than reality.) Gunn asks if she's a vampire, and she "EW NO GROSS"es before pulling down the high collar on her shirt to show the line across her neck from where Wes decapitated her, which means she can't be a vampire. She and Wes share a meaningful look.
Because Gina Torres, things are decidedly un-Angel-like as we're played into the episode with The Beach Boys "Wouldn't It Be Nice." You know shit's messed up because of all this happiness.
Lorraine: Weirdly, I always associate this song with Drew Barrymore. Thanks, 50 First Dates!
Kirsti: Clearly, there's some kind of weird connection between Drew Barrymore and The Beach Boys because, you know, Never Been Kissed...
Lorraine: Weirdly, I always associate this song with Drew Barrymore. Thanks, 50 First Dates!
Kirsti: Clearly, there's some kind of weird connection between Drew Barrymore and The Beach Boys because, you know, Never Been Kissed...
The previouslies suggest that Gwen is coming back, so I'm trying to keep that in mind as I watch this scene in which Cordevilia comes clean about her pregnancy in the Maternity Outfit of Evil and the gang is totally oblivious to her Bad Girl Styling. I know there's no leather, but this is like the fashion equivalent of the Big Book of Villain Gloating. I CAN'T EVEN. WAKE UP, FANG GANG. They're too busy fussing about how quickly she's developed, though Wesley is quick to point out that this isn't Cordelia's first mystical pregnancy rodeo and she came to term the same night on her last go-round. Cordevila takes offense to that comparison because she loves this baby. To be fair, Cordelia loved her hellspawn during pregnancy the last time around too. Connor's reassuring stance by her side doesn't do the NOT A HELLSPAWN! argument any favors.
I was pretty devastated when I discovered that I had to cover this episode, because - as you guys should know by now - I have eyeball phobia. The unfortunate thing is that I only have myself to blame for this - way back in the day, I was all "YAAAAAAY SPIKE!!!!" and insisted on the Sweeney, Lor, Kirsti recapping order because it meant that I could cover School Hard. Oh, Past Kirsti. You stupid, stupid girl.
Sweeney: To be fair, that was actually just the logical order based on when I joined the recaps -- it's more that you were excited about the way it worked out than that you actually moved for it to be that way. You know, for whatever consolation that affords you.
Sweeney: To be fair, that was actually just the logical order based on when I joined the recaps -- it's more that you were excited about the way it worked out than that you actually moved for it to be that way. You know, for whatever consolation that affords you.
We begin in a ridiculously fancy-shmancy driveway. I start to worry that everything on this show will make me think about Marissa Cooper, because all I can see is the sun setting behind her dead-eyed, expressionless face. Anyway, the driveway belongs to Logan, and he's yelling at some tourists who are trying to catch a glimpse of his apparently super-famous dad. #richpeopleproblems
At Neptune High, Duncan and Jake Kane are being boring. Dad wants son to run for student council; son has no fucks to give. Jake mentions a "Reign of Kane" and I laugh forever because he's the worst.
At Neptune High, Duncan and Jake Kane are being boring. Dad wants son to run for student council; son has no fucks to give. Jake mentions a "Reign of Kane" and I laugh forever because he's the worst.