Edward is sticking to his guns and refusing to have sex with Bella again as long as she's human. Which is tricky cuz Bella can't get enough of the sparkle peen and wants it bad.
Marines: Oh my goodness, you mean we are still denying Bella any fulfillment of her sexual desires with a ring on it? Color me shocked.
Kirsti: Whaaaaaaat?? I NEVER COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS TURN OF EVENTS.
Bella runs down the stairs and throws the door open to find Jacob at the front door. Well, not quite at the door:
Kirsti: Now, friends. I want you all to do something for me. Try and wrinkle your nose while keeping the rest of your face smooth. Please send pictures. Not owning a face is clearly something that SMeyer and EL James have in common.
Annie: Just tried that. Absolutely not sharing pictures of it.
"He was standing about 6 feet back from the door, his nose wrinkled in distaste, but his face otherwise smooth - masklike."
Kirsti: Now, friends. I want you all to do something for me. Try and wrinkle your nose while keeping the rest of your face smooth. Please send pictures. Not owning a face is clearly something that SMeyer and EL James have in common.
Annie: Just tried that. Absolutely not sharing pictures of it.
Aria cries as she fills her friends in on the ever-increasing creepiness of Ezra Fitz. See, he didn't kiss a random girl and THEN find out she was 16. He knew all along that she was a minor but he's awful and decided to exploit her anyway. Additionally, he had a "brief" relationship with Alison when she was 14. So. I actually just got really, really gaggy.
Sara: It seems like the word 'relationship' is not really accurate considering it was between a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD and a grown man in college. Gross gross gross gross.
Sara: It seems like the word 'relationship' is not really accurate considering it was between a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD and a grown man in college. Gross gross gross gross.
We pick up right where we left off, with the Empty People closing in around the Doctor, Rose and Jack. The Doctor yells at them all to go to their room. They pause. With more conviction and a hand point, the Doctor says he's very cross and again orders them to their room. We cut between him and the Empty Child who was closing in on Nancy. The Empty Child hangs his head, chastised, turns around and leaves. All of the Empty People do the exact same.
We begin in court, with Aaron Echolls’s testimony, which of course references his career highlight of being Sexiest Man Alive. Whatever, dude - we all know that the real sexiest men alive refuse that honor repeatedly because they’re too serious for that shit. (I’m talking about you, Ryan Gosling.) Aaron begs for sympathy by bullshitting about how hard it is for men to age in the film industry. Hilarious, when films constantly pair twenty-something year old women with fifty-year-old love interests and no one bats an eye. But Aaron pretends that men don’t get better roles as they age, because that makes all the idiots in this courtroom feel for him. Anyway, that's when Lilly entered his life and started worshipping him. He gives the Bill Clinton "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" defense.
My lovely closed caption tells me we are starting this episode with "disco woman vocalizing." Lorne is strutting down the hallways of Wolfram & Hart trying to sell The Grapes of Wrath in space to someone named Jerry. He hangs up that call and his assistant hands him another cell phone. Lorne tells this person that Big B (Jerry Bruckheimer then, yeah?) (K: YUP.) wants to know more details. He keeps up the showbiz talk until he finally makes it to Harmony's desk, greeting her warmly and complimenting her dress and hair. She does look lovely in pink.
Sweeney: I adore the fact that a Lorne/Harmony friendship is clearly a thing. I'm already completely sold on this episode.
Sweeney: I adore the fact that a Lorne/Harmony friendship is clearly a thing. I'm already completely sold on this episode.
Dusty planet. Two people are hanging up some laundry when they notice five men on horseback and a hovercraft of some sort approaching. The girl calls out to "Nandi" and from within the house covered in tin foil, Julie Cooper exits. You may recognize her from any number of other things, including The Vampire Diaries, Entourage or Nakita. You might even know her name is Melinda Clarke. But, like, Julie Cooper.
Sweeney: JULIE COOPER!!
Sara: I KNEW I KNEW HER!
Sweeney: JULIE COOPER!!
Sara: I KNEW I KNEW HER!
I brought up my recapping method in today's Buffy post. For Angel, it's become a different thing. Namely, I have to power through the episode in a sitting and then come back and recap from memory/skipping around Netflix/transcripts/notes. It's the only way.
That said, I'd be a terrible Internet friend if I didn't tell you that about 5 minutes of this episode is rated BB for [FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE STOCK UP ON THE] Brain Bleach.
Sweeney: I can't believe we didn't make this rating sooner, really:
That said, I'd be a terrible Internet friend if I didn't tell you that about 5 minutes of this episode is rated BB for [FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE STOCK UP ON THE] Brain Bleach.
Sweeney: I can't believe we didn't make this rating sooner, really:
This is my second episode this season and it is again an episode a few of you have claimed to love. We know how well that worked out for me and Beneath You. Here's hoping I can love this one. The previouslies are Anya heavy, which is a good sign.
Sweeney: No pressure or anything, Anya, but our happiness for the week rests on you.
Lor: We open at Chez Summers, where Dawn is helping Willow arrange some things while giving her advice that consists of, "do what everyone else does," "nod and smile," and generally, "fake it 'till you make it." "Do what everyone else does," seems like a good way to get dead in Sunnydale, even if we are just talking about Willow going back to college.
Sweeney: No pressure or anything, Anya, but our happiness for the week rests on you.
Lor: We open at Chez Summers, where Dawn is helping Willow arrange some things while giving her advice that consists of, "do what everyone else does," "nod and smile," and generally, "fake it 'till you make it." "Do what everyone else does," seems like a good way to get dead in Sunnydale, even if we are just talking about Willow going back to college.
IT'S NEW SERIES TIME! New series and a new recapper. We've wanted to add Veronica Mars to our repertoire for a while, but we also needed a Snow (and like 19 more hours in the week, but we settled for having half of our demands met). Much like our Buffy recaps we have three different experiences. I haven't marathoned any other show half as many times as I've seen this one. (Which is to say that I've seen it all-the-way-through 5 or 6 times. I really don't repeat-marathon most shows.) Lor has only seen it once, though we share the belief that the first season of this show is one of the best seasons of TV ever. (We'll see how blogging changes things.) Meanwhile, a dear friend of the blog (and also my lifeself), The Democracy Diva will be joining us as the resident Snow. Diva Snow, if you please.
I actually just finished watching Seeing Red about 20 minutes ago. After unloading all of my WHY TARA WHY feelings on Twitter (and the last post), I decided to just finish off my emotions and watch this episode too. The point of all this is just to warn you that I wrote this while my emotions were freshly Whedon-ed. Also, WHY TARA WHY? An ambulance arrives at 1630 Revello.
Kirsti: I stop to have thousands and thousands of feels because the last time an ambulance was called to Chez Summers, it was in The Body.
Sweeney: And this episode makes plenty of allusions to that one. Thousands of feels totally called for.
Kirsti: I stop to have thousands and thousands of feels because the last time an ambulance was called to Chez Summers, it was in The Body.
Sweeney: And this episode makes plenty of allusions to that one. Thousands of feels totally called for.
After the previouslies, we're in one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. A couple of vampires are running for their lives, but not from Buffy. No, they're running from the Trio, who are all riding quad bikes with stakes on the front of them and who are after the metal disc one of the vamps is holding. Because OBVIOUSLY to everything in that sentence.
One of the vamps stops and breaks a branch off a nearby tree, and uses it to knock Andrew off his quad bike. Warren and Jonathan swerve to avoid him and collide. The vamps run for it but only get as far as the gate before they're attacked by Buffy. Clearly not having a good night. Buffy knocks one vamp out, and starts pummelling the other. While doing so, the knocked out vamp comes to and starts creeping up behind her.
One of the vamps stops and breaks a branch off a nearby tree, and uses it to knock Andrew off his quad bike. Warren and Jonathan swerve to avoid him and collide. The vamps run for it but only get as far as the gate before they're attacked by Buffy. Clearly not having a good night. Buffy knocks one vamp out, and starts pummelling the other. While doing so, the knocked out vamp comes to and starts creeping up behind her.
The episode begins with Spuffy sex, because the Number Gods hate me. They "missed the bed" (K: And ended up UNDER a rug?!) (L: METAPHOR.), which Spike thinks is lucky for the bed. Buffy says he's done a great job with the crypt decorating, and Spike realizes that they're having an actual conversation. They then congratulate each other on their sex skillz but Buffy shuts that down when he calls her an animal. He asks her what this is to her, and if she even likes him. Sometimes. He holds up some handcuffs and asks if she trusts him. "Never."
In Trio's New Basement of Misogyny & Failure, Jonathan and Andrew are bickering while Warren works on something evil.
In Trio's New Basement of Misogyny & Failure, Jonathan and Andrew are bickering while Warren works on something evil.
Kirsti: First of all, I'm not handing out gold stars in this episode because it would be like a freaking Oprah show - EVERYONE GETS A GOLD STAR!! Second of all, I hate this episode with the fire of a thousand suns. It's not that it's badly acted or shot or anything like that. It's just 42 minutes of bullshit that makes me indescribably angry, and I kind of can't believe the network signed off on producing this.
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
We've complained plenty about season four. I mean, nitpicking is what we're all about, because it's funny, but season 4 has been tough to get through so I know the straight complaining may have increased lately. That all said, I can't believe that we're in fact almost done with the season. Someone mentioned in the comments a bit ago that we've passed the half way point for the entire series. CRAZY, YOU GUYS.
Sweeney: Halfway. As in, like, we'll finish it one day? Does not compute. O_o
Lor: I KNOW.
Sweeney: Halfway. As in, like, we'll finish it one day? Does not compute. O_o
Lor: I KNOW.