It's been a while, friends, but I'm confident that things are ever as we remember in Rosewood.
Sweeney: A place in which dramatic music and zoomy cameramen keep trying to tell you that EPIC THINGS ARE HAPPENING but the actual rate of change suggests that nothing ever happens here.
Lor: Exactly. That's the city motto, I think.
We start the episode with a small peek at TOBY ABS! I mean it's dark and stuff and we're mad at Toby for being part of the A team and making Spencer cry, but yes. Abs are near.
We open in Havana, Cuba. Funnily enough, it looks a lot like Neptune, except with horses. Duncan is spending some time there to grow an ugly beard hide out for awhile.
Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it's trying too hard.
Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he's a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn't know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn't ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace
Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it's trying too hard.
Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he's a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn't know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn't ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace
Neptune High Parking Lot. Veronica's car has stopped and lots of people are honking at her and generally being shit waffles because they SEE Veronica is having issues, so why honk? Logan and his Brogans are casually passing by, in "making jokes about poor people" distance. Logan is carving up an apple and Veronica grabs his knife all while brushing off their subpar insults.
Sweeney: 1430s all around for your Logan and his Brogans and for Veronica's delightful snark.
Democracy Diva: I was also going to give Lor a 1430 for "Logan and his Brogans," so congrats, you get a 2860!
Sweeney: 1430s all around for your Logan and his Brogans and for Veronica's delightful snark.
Democracy Diva: I was also going to give Lor a 1430 for "Logan and his Brogans," so congrats, you get a 2860!
Veronica is still sitting in front of her computer, reminding us that Abel Koontz has a daughter and Clarence Weidman knows she knows. V believes Jake Kane bought a dying man's confession, since his family needed a fall guy. She uses PrivateEyez.com to search for Amelia Delongpre. She needs to find Amelia before Clarence does. Her search reveals that Amelia lives in LA! LA is where all the mystical relics are always conveniently located, so I don't have a hard time believing a key witness would be there.
Sweeney: A KEY witness in the land of mystical relics? IS AMELIA DELONGPRE A KEY? IS SHE RELATED TO DAWN SUMMERS? I have so many questions.
Sweeney: A KEY witness in the land of mystical relics? IS AMELIA DELONGPRE A KEY? IS SHE RELATED TO DAWN SUMMERS? I have so many questions.
A bunch of dudes in robes are clubbing a shirtless dude with a bag on his head. One wall of the room is made of flames. From the other side of the flames, Angel watches the beating happening. He leaps through the flames and grabs Bag Head Guy. He pulls the bag off, and BHG gushes his thanks. But Angel vamps out and bites down on his neck. Electric Cellos like 30 seconds into the episode. This makes me very uncomfortable.
After the credits, the sun rises over Los Angeles 19 hours earlier. Angel and Werewolf Nina are snuggling.
After the credits, the sun rises over Los Angeles 19 hours earlier. Angel and Werewolf Nina are snuggling.
Angel and Gunn start us off with a pede-argument about whether or not they just take on some new case. Angel wants a full risk analysis, Gunn wants to go now, now, now. "Don't want to lose another baby with the bath water," Gunn says with a meaningful head tilt. Angel says fine. They'll send Spike.
Cut to Spike telling them to do it themselves, playing on what looks like a Game Boy Advance. There are Mario sound effects in the background of the rest of this scene. They all bicker back and forth about the super important job: some dead, demon mobster's body needs to be collected. He was a human-tolerant demon so they need to return him to his family to be revived, or else some other, less tolerant demons will take his place. Angel tells Spike to pack his bags and go.
Cut to Spike telling them to do it themselves, playing on what looks like a Game Boy Advance. There are Mario sound effects in the background of the rest of this scene. They all bicker back and forth about the super important job: some dead, demon mobster's body needs to be collected. He was a human-tolerant demon so they need to return him to his family to be revived, or else some other, less tolerant demons will take his place. Angel tells Spike to pack his bags and go.
Hanna is laying in bed in the middle of the night when Mona creeps up on her like a total fucking creep. Mona tells Hanna that she was just released from Radley with a clean bill of mental health (lol k) and Hanna is like, "You were released in the middle of the night??" which is a valid question but an even more valid question would be, "HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?" Why do these girls not all have security systems in their big, fancy, rich people homes?
Lorraine: Shit, I'd settle for locks in my big, fancy, rich people house.
Sara: Mona is worried because she has to start public school at Rosewood School For Not Having School, and she knows that everyone will be talking about her and how she tried to kill some people. (S: Girl, middle-of-the-night B&E is not really the way to go convincing people that you're not crazy.)
Lorraine: Shit, I'd settle for locks in my big, fancy, rich people house.
Sara: Mona is worried because she has to start public school at Rosewood School For Not Having School, and she knows that everyone will be talking about her and how she tried to kill some people. (S: Girl, middle-of-the-night B&E is not really the way to go convincing people that you're not crazy.)
We begin at Neptune High, where a "Total Eclipse of the Heart" banner is hung up to notify us that there's a dance a-coming. (L: Another one!) Veronica and Logan are discussing Lisa Rinna's credit card statement - she used her maiden name for this card. And rented a red Benz convertible, which I think is the same car she allegedly crashed on the bridge. Maybe get a yellow one next time, just to go a little more incognito? Anyway, Logan sincerely thanks Veronica for helping him.
Duncan is helping plan the 80s dance and wants to know if anyone has asked Veronica to the dance; she snarks that she's just waiting by the phone for that special boy to call.
Duncan is helping plan the 80s dance and wants to know if anyone has asked Veronica to the dance; she snarks that she's just waiting by the phone for that special boy to call.
The previouslies, the last five seconds of the last episode and the beginning of this episode bleed together, so that Veronica opens the door to find Logan, he asks her to find his mother, and then Veronica, with some genuine concern in her voice invites him into the Plush Poor People Apartment.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
We start underwater. Remember when Connor sunk Angel and the entire show basically went down with him but didn't get pulled back out again? I'm keeping that in mind because I've been warned that after the last two gems, this is, you know, not so much. Anyway, this underwater scene is a WWII submarine that is being evacuated. What are the evacuation procedures for a submarine? I've never given this much thought. I don't actually find out (yet) because we just see that whatever has them all distressed is probably demonic. We don't see what, but there's a lot of blood.
Kirsti: And to think, the last time we started an episode without the Fang Gang, I was instantly hooked. This time? Bored within the first ten seconds.
Kirsti: And to think, the last time we started an episode without the Fang Gang, I was instantly hooked. This time? Bored within the first ten seconds.
Our episode today starts at a psychiatric hospital. A nurse sitting at a station, with apparently nothing better to do besides a crossword puzzle, tells a passing doctor that they are running low on diazepam (Valium). He tells her to see if they can get some from a neighboring hospital and then wants in on her crossword action. "In a mellifluous manner," is the clue. 7 letters, ends in y. (Harmony?) The doctor doesn't get it, but fun with words is soon interrupted by an actual medical emergency.
Sweeney: Night shift life.
Sweeney: Night shift life.
People in the comments were taking bets on how we would react to this episode which would've been all I needed to figure out that the Number Gods have seen it fit to gift me with YET ANOTHER Spike episode. It might be a good thing, though. At least I know it won't be an episode where they shoehorn him in to give one or two punchlines that could be delivered by literally anyone else on the whole team.
Sweeney: You mean *gasp* character development? What's this mythical concept you speak of? Lor put it best in the comments, but it's worth reiterating here: didn't even like this character but WOW has he been badly used by the AtS writers so far.
Sweeney: You mean *gasp* character development? What's this mythical concept you speak of? Lor put it best in the comments, but it's worth reiterating here: didn't even like this character but WOW has he been badly used by the AtS writers so far.
I first suggested that we cover the original Buffy movie way back in August 2012, not long after we started covering Buffy. Somehow, it ended up as a "this would be a good way to finish things" idea, and then with the birth of #snarkathon in December it became a "watch it alone-together with the Traumateers" thing. Aww.
Anyway, let's get to the movie, shall we?
We open in Dark Ages Europe, where we're given approximately two seconds of Slayer backstory - one girl in all the world, yada yada yada, she has a creepy birthmark on her chest known as "The Mark of the Coven".
Anyway, let's get to the movie, shall we?
We open in Dark Ages Europe, where we're given approximately two seconds of Slayer backstory - one girl in all the world, yada yada yada, she has a creepy birthmark on her chest known as "The Mark of the Coven".
The previouslies give us a major Mona update, including the usually-wrong Liars assuring Aria that Mona's totally locked up for good. That combined with the episode title has me keeping my fingers crossed that our favorite lunatic rejoins the outside world, just to keep the non-plot interesting.
Sara: Mona totally is my favorite lunatic. And there are a lot of lunatics in Traumaland, so saying Mona is my favorite actually counts for a lot.
Lorraine: Something tells me we should open this up to a vote at the end of the year in the Traumaland Awards. Our lunatics should definitely know where they stand.
Sara: Mona totally is my favorite lunatic. And there are a lot of lunatics in Traumaland, so saying Mona is my favorite actually counts for a lot.
Lorraine: Something tells me we should open this up to a vote at the end of the year in the Traumaland Awards. Our lunatics should definitely know where they stand.
Kirsti: We start literally where we left off, with Angelus biting Faith's neck. Suddenly, he stops and drops her, scurrying backwards. "What...did you do?" he asks. Flashback to a few minutes earlier. While Angelus was taunting Wes, Faith grabbed a syringe from her boot and injected something into her arm before re-entering the fight. Back in the present, Angelus staggers around briefly before passing out. Wes asks Faith if she's okay. "Kicked his ass," she slurs before blacking out. Electric cellos.
After the credits, Fred's researching behind the desk at the Hyperion when Gunn bursts in the front door, dragging Angelus and screaming Connor's name. Apparently Wes called him and he went, no questions asked.
After the credits, Fred's researching behind the desk at the Hyperion when Gunn bursts in the front door, dragging Angelus and screaming Connor's name. Apparently Wes called him and he went, no questions asked.