It's 3 months later from last episode, because they don't want to do Christmas or winter anymore. (S: Yeah, this time jump was jarring.) We open on Mona's funeral. Our four Liars walk out of the church, commenting on the contents of the casket, which does not include a body. Nothing has been found out since Mona's disappearance/murder, and Spencer has been the only arrest. She's negative about the chances of the Bethany letter they discovered last episode making any difference. She thinks they should have told Detective Tanner about the perceived Holbrook/Alison affair, but Toby says Tanner wouldn't believe them and “needs to find out on her own.”
I love a good holiday episode. This one starts with the girls walking outside on a picturesque Hollywood Christmas set, otherwise known as a street in Rosewood. Spencer says that since she's out on bail for murder she's not really vibing Christmas. Fair. Her and Toby agreed to just surprise each other with gestures. Hannah confuses gestures with jesters and I love her. They decide to write wishes down on paper snowflakes for a wish tree. Hannah sadz that the last time she was here she was with Mona. This throws us into a brief flashback that I feel comfortable calling an Ali-back just because Hannah is looking very Ali here. Mona and Hannah giggle and declare themselves bffs.
Piper is tending to the bar at P^3 when Leo comes in. He needs to talk with her, but first they have to get their no-chemistry kissing on. When they break away, Leo says that he came to say goodbye because The Powers That Be won't ever let them be together and all the usual nonsense we’ve been over a zillion times. His voice gets all dream-echoey and Piper can't hear what he's saying anymore even though it still sounds pretty clear to me. He backs away, mouths, "I love you," and tinkles away. It's a bit early for my gag-reflex to kick in, but there it is.
As Bella walks the plank that will lead her to a UGH, OH MY GOD, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? party, Edward sneaks up behind her and pulls her into a kiss. Bella tells us there is too much "tension edge" and "lip crush" to the kiss, which has her worried. Because Edward only kisses her to manipulate her, prove a point, or when he's secretly trying to say goodbye.
Annie: Again, why the fuck are they together? There is no real passion here, unless you count the passion for murdering her, so what the fuck.
Annie: Again, why the fuck are they together? There is no real passion here, unless you count the passion for murdering her, so what the fuck.
So every chapter of this book is roughly 30 pages long so far. I want you to really think about that, friends. 30 pages. There are chapters in War and Peace that are shorter than that.
Anyway! This endless nonsense begins with Edward and Bella getting back to Forks from their trip to Florida. Now, I know what you're thinking. Edward and Bella went all the way to Florida on a trip that probably lasted days and Meyer had the restraint to leave it out!?
Anyway! This endless nonsense begins with Edward and Bella getting back to Forks from their trip to Florida. Now, I know what you're thinking. Edward and Bella went all the way to Florida on a trip that probably lasted days and Meyer had the restraint to leave it out!?
Is anyone else going to spend the rest of the recap singing Phantom of the Opera, thanks to this episode title? No? Bueller? Okay, fine. I'll actually recap this thing.
Samantha: Unfortunately, Phantom is one of the musicals I don't know by heart yet, but I am going to kick things off with this gif in celebration of the 100th episode!
Samantha: Unfortunately, Phantom is one of the musicals I don't know by heart yet, but I am going to kick things off with this gif in celebration of the 100th episode!
We made it!
Yeah, we fell pretty off pace there toward the end. I feel like we were way more prepared the first time around, probably because we were bright eyed and bushy tailed, even if we expected the books to be bad.
Annie: And because it had been so long since we'd read these books, we'd forgotten how absolutely awful they were! Like, really, really awful. Way, way worse than I'd remembered.
Catherine: Reliving it ten years later is somehow way worse, guys.
Yeah, we fell pretty off pace there toward the end. I feel like we were way more prepared the first time around, probably because we were bright eyed and bushy tailed, even if we expected the books to be bad.
Annie: And because it had been so long since we'd read these books, we'd forgotten how absolutely awful they were! Like, really, really awful. Way, way worse than I'd remembered.
Catherine: Reliving it ten years later is somehow way worse, guys.
Yes, it's true. Ana and Grey broke up, but this book is still going. Can you guess how happy I am about that?
But E. L. must have a really good reason for writing FIVE MORE CHAPTERS of this damn thing, right? I'm sure there are going to be all sorts of plot twists and turns, and plenty of brand new information which will make reading what follows a totally worthwhile use of our time. Right? RIGHT?
But E. L. must have a really good reason for writing FIVE MORE CHAPTERS of this damn thing, right? I'm sure there are going to be all sorts of plot twists and turns, and plenty of brand new information which will make reading what follows a totally worthwhile use of our time. Right? RIGHT?
So, I start off pumped because I love the Supernatural time travel episodes. Then I immediately sigh because we open with Dean sitting in a chair watching two girls, dressed as a devil and an angel, sexy dancing to the song Cherry Pie. It's kind of awkward to be watching this in a public cafe, so I fast forward a wee bit. (K: Legit.) The girls go away and are replaced by Anna! Remember her? The angel girl? I always liked her. She awkwards that this is what Dean dreams about and he asks why she's crashing his dreams.
After that fabulous curb hanger, Jake makes Bella prove that she knows how to use the motorbike by demanding to know where various controls are. After a FULL PAGE of that shit, he tells her that she's ready to actually start moving. Obviously, she freaks the fuck out. He tells her to pretend the clutch is a live hand grenade so that she won't let go of it????? This strategy would have me getting the fuck off the motorbike, but we all know that Bella's nowhere near as smart as me.
Hey, it's the start of a chapter, and Grey is waking up. He's dreaming about wind and wakes up feeling like someone was just running their fingers through his hair. Ana is sleeping, though. Grey checks the time but tells us "it's after 4:30 in the morning." Look, it's not that I've come to expect the exact time or anything, but why would you look at the clock and then give unspecific information like "after 4:30"?
Grey stares at the blinking light of the fire alarm.
Grey stares at the blinking light of the fire alarm.
Gosh, I just can't seem to remember if anything important or significant happens in this chapter.
Annie: Does anything important or significant ever happen in SMeyer's books until she remembers that they should have a plot in Chapter 22? My prediction is no.
Catherine: I guess we'll have to read on and see.
Annie: Does anything important or significant ever happen in SMeyer's books until she remembers that they should have a plot in Chapter 22? My prediction is no.
Catherine: I guess we'll have to read on and see.
Before we get started, I’d just like to apologise for the delays in getting Grey recaps out so far this year, all of which have been entirely my fault. I promise I’ll get my shit together for the next one!
Anyway, here we go. The chapter opens and would anyone like to guess what Grey is doing? That’s right! He’s… waking up! He’s being woken up by Ana, who’s talking in her sleep. Her ‘whispered words penetrate [his] slumber’.
Anyway, here we go. The chapter opens and would anyone like to guess what Grey is doing? That’s right! He’s… waking up! He’s being woken up by Ana, who’s talking in her sleep. Her ‘whispered words penetrate [his] slumber’.
Halliwell Manor. Piper is preparing for a romantic night by lighting candles and picking up a vase and putting it elsewhere (?). Prue runs in and Piper asks her WTF she's doing home, because Pipers's supposed to have the house to herself. Prue totally forgot about this and is distracted by some pictures she took for an assignment. She wants Piper's opinion on them, and since Leo isn't there yet anyway, Piper tells her to make it quick.
Prue shows the horrible photos to her sister. (S: I will always laugh at her mediocre photos. Until this character trait suddenly disappears, of course.)
Prue shows the horrible photos to her sister. (S: I will always laugh at her mediocre photos. Until this character trait suddenly disappears, of course.)
Grey starts his day by casually jogging past Ana’s new apartment. He chuckles to himself about what a stalker he is but then immediately gets defensive. He’s just out for a run, OK? ‘It’s a free country’. Dude, there’s no one else here. You’re literally arguing with yourself right now about whether or not you’re being a stalker.
Marines: So, really, the question is if you are a deranged stalker or a super deranged stalker. It's a close call.
Marines: So, really, the question is if you are a deranged stalker or a super deranged stalker. It's a close call.