Gina Torres gushes about how wonderful the gross warehouse is while Connor - still covered in blood - and Angel fawn over her. She kneels next to a comatose Cordy and thanks her for having her free will taken away so that she could exist protecting her. She tells her to be at peace, then gushes some more about how perfect everything is. There's one thing that's not perfect, Angel interjects. And that's the fact that he came there to kill her. He hands her his sword and says that he deserves to be punished. She takes it and says that she can feel his suffering, but that the suffering ends now. He drops his head, bracing himself for the blow, but it never comes. He looks up to find her gone. Cue Electric Cellos.
After the credits, Fred's scurrying around the office, cleaning up fallen books as Lorne watches and sips a cocktail because he's the only sane character in this show. He tells her to stop because she's making him twitchy.
Random people in Los Angeles (a father and child, a postalworker, YOU, DEAR EVERYMAN VIEWER!) are watching the news or the sky in shock and horror about the "localized abnormality" that is the blotted out sun. It's funny, particularly for us joint-watchers, to have them address this, "No, the sun's not gone in Sunnydale, because of reasons! Don't worry about it." Also, the news is being reported by KTLA5 and I always get a little giddy about that, because that was the nightly local news I watched. Or, like, kept on in the background because I didn't feel like turning the TV off while I played Roller Coaster Tycoon.
Lorraine: People throwing up on my clean sidewalks used to carry over into my dreams. Man, I loved that game.
Lorraine: People throwing up on my clean sidewalks used to carry over into my dreams. Man, I loved that game.
We open pretty much immediately after the end of the last episode because everyone's wearing the exact same outfits. The Scoobies are putting the living room back together after that whole Dawn Fought A Demon thing blew everything up, with the girls cleaning up the broken stuff while Xander repairs the windows. Dawn is sassy about Spike's presence, and Willow unconvincingly says that Buffy knows what she's doing. Anya's on Team Stake The Evil Bloodsucker, and asks Xander for his support. He refuses to give an opinion. She says that they need to prepare themselves for the possibility that William the Bloody is back.
Lorraine: We're privileged as the audience, so we know more about Spike's whole soul quest, but Anya and Dawn have a point.
Lorraine: We're privileged as the audience, so we know more about Spike's whole soul quest, but Anya and Dawn have a point.
The previouslies include basically everything we've seen so far, including all of the annoying Aria/Ezra crap which means we'll all be gauging our eyes out by the end of this one. Anyways, the episode starts with the girls drinking coffee at a very public coffeehouse and having a very public conversation about their secrets, per usual. The Liars rehash how Ali was dressing up as Wigison to get answers on who 'A' was.
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
We open up at a Rosewood Swim Meet, where Caleb is working on the Super Secret Cell Phone Files in the middle of a hundred people. Genius. The girls remind us of what happened last time (calling the number in Alison/Vivian's coat and setting up a meeting), which is actually a good thing this time because I had legitimately forgotten that this was happening. Aria is the one going to meet him, and she's worried but Spencer tells her they'll have her back. How has Aria not figured out yet that NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS TO HER EVER?
Sweeney: Right? They should be sending Aria in for all such shady missions. She's got some sort of magical immunity going.
Sweeney: Right? They should be sending Aria in for all such shady missions. She's got some sort of magical immunity going.
I actually just finished watching Seeing Red about 20 minutes ago. After unloading all of my WHY TARA WHY feelings on Twitter (and the last post), I decided to just finish off my emotions and watch this episode too. The point of all this is just to warn you that I wrote this while my emotions were freshly Whedon-ed. Also, WHY TARA WHY? An ambulance arrives at 1630 Revello.
Kirsti: I stop to have thousands and thousands of feels because the last time an ambulance was called to Chez Summers, it was in The Body.
Sweeney: And this episode makes plenty of allusions to that one. Thousands of feels totally called for.
Kirsti: I stop to have thousands and thousands of feels because the last time an ambulance was called to Chez Summers, it was in The Body.
Sweeney: And this episode makes plenty of allusions to that one. Thousands of feels totally called for.
Buffy is packing up a Slayer Bag-o-Tricks as she fills us in by way of conversation with Dawn that she's running out mid-dinner to go track down some non-vampire beastie. Dawn is gamely saying everything is fine, but her tight smile and stiff body language say otherwise. Dawn says that perhaps they can set-up for Buffy's birthday trauma party the next day when she gets back, but B tells her not to wait up.I wonder how she got word of this baddie, mid-dinner. Bat signal? Also, no, I do not like this flippy hair thing.
Kirsti: Me neither. I was on board with it when she cut it short, but now it just keeps getting more and more flippy, and I think we need to hold an intervention... Also, BRB, HAVING DAWN FEELS.
Kirsti: Me neither. I was on board with it when she cut it short, but now it just keeps getting more and more flippy, and I think we need to hold an intervention... Also, BRB, HAVING DAWN FEELS.
The episode begins with Spuffy sex, because the Number Gods hate me. They "missed the bed" (K: And ended up UNDER a rug?!) (L: METAPHOR.), which Spike thinks is lucky for the bed. Buffy says he's done a great job with the crypt decorating, and Spike realizes that they're having an actual conversation. They then congratulate each other on their sex skillz but Buffy shuts that down when he calls her an animal. He asks her what this is to her, and if she even likes him. Sometimes. He holds up some handcuffs and asks if she trusts him. "Never."
In Trio's New Basement of Misogyny & Failure, Jonathan and Andrew are bickering while Warren works on something evil.
In Trio's New Basement of Misogyny & Failure, Jonathan and Andrew are bickering while Warren works on something evil.
This story begins with a dewy Instagram filter as Alison narrates a ghost story about twin little girls. Hanna cuts her off, telling her that she's going to traumatize this child and cause her to get fired. LOL, Hanna, you're a thousand times more responsible than any adult in Rosewood, so don't worry about it. The kid nods for Ali to continue. One twin murders the other and Ali's narration voice gets extra #creepyasshit and the story culminates with her stabbing the Jack-O-Lantern, because Ali was batshit crazy.
Lorraine: The thing that bothered me the most about this creepy story was the way those two girls were playing with their Barbies, just shaking them around. That's when I knew they were evil.
Lorraine: The thing that bothered me the most about this creepy story was the way those two girls were playing with their Barbies, just shaking them around. That's when I knew they were evil.
I'm not entirely sure why this is a new chapter. I mean, we always complain about the insanely dumb ways ELJ breaks her writing up, but it usually revolves around some imagined cliffhanger or Ana falling asleep. This isn't even either one of those. We ended last chapter with Grey deciding he liked the nickname "Blip" for his demon spawn, followed by some kissing. We start this chapter STILL KISSING. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CHAPTER BREAK?
Sweeney: This is even worse than her overused love of waking Ana up for chapter beginnings. (Sidebar: that's how I like to think of it. "Wake up, you miserable little puppet! We've got more stupid to get through!")
Sweeney: This is even worse than her overused love of waking Ana up for chapter beginnings. (Sidebar: that's how I like to think of it. "Wake up, you miserable little puppet! We've got more stupid to get through!")
Kirsti: First of all, I'm not handing out gold stars in this episode because it would be like a freaking Oprah show - EVERYONE GETS A GOLD STAR!! Second of all, I hate this episode with the fire of a thousand suns. It's not that it's badly acted or shot or anything like that. It's just 42 minutes of bullshit that makes me indescribably angry, and I kind of can't believe the network signed off on producing this.
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
Ana is in total shock because apparently, if you are having sex, YOU CAN GET PREGNANT. Ana thinks about how much she doesn't want a baby and how she knows her husband is going to freak.
Dr. Best in Seattle says, "judging by your reaction, I suspect you're just a couple of weeks or so from conception-- four or five weeks pregnant." UM. WHAT? RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN. Because she was shocked, your super doctor skillz tell you she's four or five weeks pregnant? Shock is a measure of such things? Clearly, Dr. Best doesn't watch any TV.
Dr. Best in Seattle says, "judging by your reaction, I suspect you're just a couple of weeks or so from conception-- four or five weeks pregnant." UM. WHAT? RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN. Because she was shocked, your super doctor skillz tell you she's four or five weeks pregnant? Shock is a measure of such things? Clearly, Dr. Best doesn't watch any TV.
As usual, we begin exactly where the previous chapter ends, because these books each span approximately 72 hours. Ana is still on the phone with Josecob's dad and mostly because I'm always looking for a good excuse to procrastinate while doing these posts, I started looking up Jacob's dad in Twilight. (Google wasn't sure if I wanted "Twilight" or "The Bible.") When I asked Google for a gif of Billy Black, I found this:
Lorraine: I thought I would never again be appalled by something someone made. I stand corrected.
Sweeney: This is the internet, Lor. The possibilities are endless!
Lorraine: I thought I would never again be appalled by something someone made. I stand corrected.
Sweeney: This is the internet, Lor. The possibilities are endless!
Last chapter's curbhanger was the little reveal that Leila, also known as The Ghost of Submissives Past, has shown up and is waiting for Ana at reception with another woman. First, though, female bodyguard Prescott (I'm not sure if we've ever mentioned her before) wants to talk to Ana. Prescott says that the GSP is on Ana's list of "proscribed visitors."
Think about this for one second. Ana's husband has drafted up a list of people she is not allowed to see, and he's done it without her knowledge. She has at least one security guard with her at all times, and they are instructed to make sure that certain people never see her.
Think about this for one second. Ana's husband has drafted up a list of people she is not allowed to see, and he's done it without her knowledge. She has at least one security guard with her at all times, and they are instructed to make sure that certain people never see her.
We open in the Summers' kitchen. Buffy's washing dishes while Giles and Dawn dry and put things away. Apparently the Best Surrogate Parent of Ever made dinner for the girls. Dawn goes to check her room for additional dishes, and Giles takes advantage of her absence to ask how they're both doing. "Some minutes are harder than others," Buffy replies.
Lorraine: Subtle but brilliant line. Grief happens minute by minute.
Sweeney: Agreed. I think that applies to most turbulent life times. Emotional stuff doesn't just hit you all at once and then go away. It ebbs and flows and I can't stop congratulating this show for how wonderfully it's portraying all of this.
Lorraine: Subtle but brilliant line. Grief happens minute by minute.
Sweeney: Agreed. I think that applies to most turbulent life times. Emotional stuff doesn't just hit you all at once and then go away. It ebbs and flows and I can't stop congratulating this show for how wonderfully it's portraying all of this.