We start at that restaurant where Carrie Bishop worked. Veronica is now the hostess, and she opens her monologue just shy of a title star: "Normal - that's the watchword." I'm feeling the generous glow of a new season and am willing to go ahead and give her that gold star anyway:
Lorraine: Does this extend into real life? Should people start asking favors of you while you bask in the new season glow? I'm asking for a friend.
Democracy Diva: Unrelated, but I am wary of a season that begins with our badass blonde heroine working in the food service industry. It did not go well for Buffy.
Seth is pleading with Kirsten to put the recipe books away. She's desperate to treat Ryan to a proper family Thanksgiving, but Seth is convinced that Kirsten's cooking will destroy a holiday that he waits for all year. Even Eyebrows has to note that she's not inspiring a lot of confidence when she doesn't even know where the pans are in the kitchen.
More awkwardness ensues when she tries to ascertain what to do with the turkey. Were people not widely aware of the power of Googling yet in 2003? Google could answer your questions, Kirsten. (L: Complete with instructional Youtube video! ...were people Youtubing in 2003?) (S: Sadly, no, that didn't start until 2005.) Seth and Sandy both jump in to volunteer to do stuff, leaving Kirsten with the useful task of answering the phone.
More awkwardness ensues when she tries to ascertain what to do with the turkey. Were people not widely aware of the power of Googling yet in 2003? Google could answer your questions, Kirsten. (L: Complete with instructional Youtube video! ...were people Youtubing in 2003?) (S: Sadly, no, that didn't start until 2005.) Seth and Sandy both jump in to volunteer to do stuff, leaving Kirsten with the useful task of answering the phone.
We begin in the Cohen kitchen. Sandy, Mama Cohen, Ryan and Seth are standing around looking somber on account of Marissa being in the hospital thanks to all those Mexican painkillers. They’re too upset to eat bagels, (L: What even?) (RIGHT?) so Mama Cohen sets up the premise of the episode. Ryan has a meeting with the dean of Rich Kid High, and Sandy and his eyebrows are starting a new job. Just as they’re about to get ready for the day, the phone rings and they all turn to look at it like, “MARISSA!” Personally, I’d rather eat bagels than deal with her.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
Sweeney originally called dibs on this episode, but she's still having grand adventures in Europe, so I told her I'd trade her. (S: And I let go only because I had to because this is an iconic moment in OC history, guys.) Explanation as to why we're taking a guest posting break and you're stuck with me over, let's get to the episode:
Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he's come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.
Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he's come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.
We begin in the Mars Investigations Offices with Veronica tutoring Weevil in math. This scene not only gives us some adorable Veronica/Weevil time but also reminds us that the gang leader with the heart of gold is not only sweeter than he lets on, but smarter than the school system gives him credit for. He dismisses a word problem he doesn't want to answer by giving Bob the fictional Word Problem Guy some financial advice. I'm overselling this - that advice was basically, "Illegal stuff makes a lot of money!"
Lorraine: Because the gang leader with a heart of gold is also poor. So, you know.
Lorraine: Because the gang leader with a heart of gold is also poor. So, you know.
The previouslies, the last five seconds of the last episode and the beginning of this episode bleed together, so that Veronica opens the door to find Logan, he asks her to find his mother, and then Veronica, with some genuine concern in her voice invites him into the Plush Poor People Apartment.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
While this blog changes my opinions of everything and also I find it challenging to rank episodes because I love every episode in this season, I flailed a little when I first realized this one was mine and I've gotten pumped about it every time since. Fingers crossed that it's as glorious as I remember.
We open on Veronica and Keith decorating the tree. Veronica laments that as an only child she knows all the scary handmade ornaments are hers. She singles out a popsicle stick reindeer as particularly concerning. My little brother made one just like that in preschool and we have made fun of it while decorating for the last five or six years.
We open on Veronica and Keith decorating the tree. Veronica laments that as an only child she knows all the scary handmade ornaments are hers. She singles out a popsicle stick reindeer as particularly concerning. My little brother made one just like that in preschool and we have made fun of it while decorating for the last five or six years.
Veronica is examining the photos of Lilly's shoes in her bedroom and then Lilly's shoes in the evidence bag. She voice-overs that only one person can help her make sense of them, and only one person can help her get to that one person. In walks Cliff McCormack, who Veronica immediately starts schmoozing. Cliff asks if she's trying to sell him a raffle ticket. I suddenly remember loving Cliff. That's right, right? Cliff is awesome?
Democracy Diva: Cliff is awesome. He mentions that he failed criminal law, so there's hope for me as a lawyer yet!
Sweeney: A lawyer with tawdry clients like Loretta Cancun!
Democracy Diva: Cliff is awesome. He mentions that he failed criminal law, so there's hope for me as a lawyer yet!
Sweeney: A lawyer with tawdry clients like Loretta Cancun!
Night time. Police and ambulance surround Veronica's apartment building. I know our schedule hasn't been super consistent, but you may remember that we were just discussing the way that this show is self-aware of and addresses Veronica's meddling. She begins this episode by asking that very question. Would tonight have been another dull night in the apartment complex if she hadn't met this girl and gotten involved? Her reverie is interrupted by paramedics trying to wheel a body past her. "Is it my fault a horrible crime played out its final chapter here, or is what happened inevitable?" She looks across the courtyard at Papa Mars.
COME ON NOW, SUGAR!
A title screen tells us that we're jumping back a week. Veronica's carrying clothes down to the apartment complex laundry room. The place has a nice ocean view, which it makes it seem like it's maybe not that Poor Kid Central.
COME ON NOW, SUGAR!
A title screen tells us that we're jumping back a week. Veronica's carrying clothes down to the apartment complex laundry room. The place has a nice ocean view, which it makes it seem like it's maybe not that Poor Kid Central.
We begin in a ridiculously fancy-shmancy driveway. I start to worry that everything on this show will make me think about Marissa Cooper, because all I can see is the sun setting behind her dead-eyed, expressionless face. Anyway, the driveway belongs to Logan, and he's yelling at some tourists who are trying to catch a glimpse of his apparently super-famous dad. #richpeopleproblems
At Neptune High, Duncan and Jake Kane are being boring. Dad wants son to run for student council; son has no fucks to give. Jake mentions a "Reign of Kane" and I laugh forever because he's the worst.
At Neptune High, Duncan and Jake Kane are being boring. Dad wants son to run for student council; son has no fucks to give. Jake mentions a "Reign of Kane" and I laugh forever because he's the worst.
Wallace asks Veronica what her big Friday night plans are. All she's got so far are taking Backup for a run and possibly renting a PG-13 movie. If you take away the "going for a run" part you have a good representative of most of my Friday nights. No shame, V.
Wallace isn't on board with these plans, though, and aspires to a live a life inspired by a Nelly rap video. LOL. Nelly.
Sweeney: "Step back, wild child," is a favorite phrase of mine in life. It's another one of those, "TV informs how I engage with the other humans," moments.
Wallace isn't on board with these plans, though, and aspires to a live a life inspired by a Nelly rap video. LOL. Nelly.
Sweeney: "Step back, wild child," is a favorite phrase of mine in life. It's another one of those, "TV informs how I engage with the other humans," moments.
Today's episode begins with a flashback! We're at the Tam Estate, 11 years ago. Kid!Simon is sitting by the fireplace working on something while kid!River tries to play an elaborate role playing game with him. It is here that I do a double take because kid!Simon is none other than a young Zac Efron. LOLOLOLOL. I might giggle through this entire scene. (L: I'll have fingers crossed for a sudden musical number!) Hilarity aside, it's a very cute scene - kid!River is adorable and imaginative and kid!Simon is a pretty fantastic older brother. He sets aside his light-up tablet thing to engage/encourage kid!River further when she demonstrates her general brilliance by pointing out that his assignment (the problem itself, not his answer) is wrong. It's worth noting that her game is very us/them with "them" being the independents.
That point is driven home when their father enters. Zac Efron and his father chat about future technology and have a conversation that's sort of the equivalent of Zac Efron wanting his own, unfiltered internet account, but dad doesn't want him to have unfettered access to porn and other unsavory things. (He says it in Mandarin, btw, I'm assuming it was long-winded Mandarin for "porn and unsavory politics.") (L: He actually says, "heaven knows what." Heaven might not know, but Sweeney does! PORN AND UNSAVORY POLITICS.) Unfortunately, he was overruled by his wife who is OK with Zac Efron getting porn, anarchy, and The Real Housewives of the Outer Planets. (L: A+) Papa Tam adds, though, that Zac Efron had better use his "dedicated source box" to become a super genius doctor.
That point is driven home when their father enters. Zac Efron and his father chat about future technology and have a conversation that's sort of the equivalent of Zac Efron wanting his own, unfiltered internet account, but dad doesn't want him to have unfettered access to porn and other unsavory things. (He says it in Mandarin, btw, I'm assuming it was long-winded Mandarin for "porn and unsavory politics.") (L: He actually says, "heaven knows what." Heaven might not know, but Sweeney does! PORN AND UNSAVORY POLITICS.) Unfortunately, he was overruled by his wife who is OK with Zac Efron getting porn, anarchy, and The Real Housewives of the Outer Planets. (L: A+) Papa Tam adds, though, that Zac Efron had better use his "dedicated source box" to become a super genius doctor.
Previously: Creepy Toby was creepy, Blind!Jenna was creepy, hell, even the PLLs were creepy. — Please Do Talk About Me Sara: Aria and Emily are pushing a big box down...
We pick this episode up exactly where the last one left off and our Pretty Little Liars are running through the halls looking for Emily. They consider splitting up, but resolve to "split up together" when nobody wants to be left alone to get picked off by Creepy Toby who they probably incorrectly believe to be A.
Lorraine: Hey, I'm awarding points for at least knowing that you don't wander around alone looking for the guy who comes with his own murder-y soundtrack.
Sweeney: This is true. I forgot about his murdery soundtrack.
Lorraine: Hey, I'm awarding points for at least knowing that you don't wander around alone looking for the guy who comes with his own murder-y soundtrack.
Sweeney: This is true. I forgot about his murdery soundtrack.
Previously: Mary Anne ignores a chain letter and is, on a wholly unrelated note, tormented by some girls who want her boyfriend. The girls blame Mary Anne for all the...