We start in the Cohen kitchen, where it looks like rabid raccoons have just finished having a banquet. Haha, nope. The kitchen is filthy because the lady of the house has been away, and we all know only women know how to keep a kitchen clean. (M: It's coded in that extra X chromosome. #science)
Sandy Eyebrows Cohen is expressing how important it is for them all to still eat together as a family because it’s a special day for Seth and Ryan; the first day of their senior year.
Yes, I'm doing another Gotham recap because we're real behind and Sweeney is "too busy" to do these recaps. Mmmhmm.
Kidding! I love Sweeney and am totally okay taking one for the team. I also expect an extra round or two of alcohol when I see her face in April. So.
Sweeney: I mean, you already resolved to steal all the wine all the time always because of some other thing that happened in some other recap. I don't really remember except that you're gonna steal wine and also I'm tired and now I'm also stalling because fuck this show. But yeah, sure, lots-o-booze, girl. Promise, promise.
Kidding! I love Sweeney and am totally okay taking one for the team. I also expect an extra round or two of alcohol when I see her face in April. So.
Sweeney: I mean, you already resolved to steal all the wine all the time always because of some other thing that happened in some other recap. I don't really remember except that you're gonna steal wine and also I'm tired and now I'm also stalling because fuck this show. But yeah, sure, lots-o-booze, girl. Promise, promise.
We open in the imprinting room with Paul approaching and then curiously fondling the chair. He walks around it a bit before sitting down and making a constipated face.
Sweeney: Watching TV I often find myself wondering at the frequency with which the direction was clearly, "Now look real constipated!" This has to be on purpose. I refuse to believe this constipated face epidemic is pure coincidence.
Marines: Plus, the only reason to sit in the nefarious, mind wiping chair is because you are constipated and you need to sit ASAP because of discomfort.
Sweeney: Watching TV I often find myself wondering at the frequency with which the direction was clearly, "Now look real constipated!" This has to be on purpose. I refuse to believe this constipated face epidemic is pure coincidence.
Marines: Plus, the only reason to sit in the nefarious, mind wiping chair is because you are constipated and you need to sit ASAP because of discomfort.
Trey apparently learned how to make breakfast in jail, so he's doing that now. He may be new to the Cohen household, but he must already know that every episode starts with breakfast. (S: Key part of his rehabilitation. Delicious breakfast foods are the best way to start a crime-free day.) Ryan comes into the kitchen, quickly followed by Seth and then Sandy. Kirsten shows up long enough to pick up a phone call from Julie and leaves again. Seth helpfully explains to Trey that Julie is Marissa's mom. "So, Ryan's mother-in-law?" Trey quips. Sandy is surprised that they are back on again and that he's the last to know. Ryan insists that nothing is going on for about one second, but then crumbles under the power of Sandy's eyebrows (I guess).
Capeside High. Dawson and Jen talk to each other like normal friends for perhaps the first time in this show’s history, and it's refreshing! She discusses turning into her mother, who was a beauty queen when she was young. Jen thinks she’s a poser for being elected homecoming queen, but Dawson thinks she’s being too hard on herself, and that people voted for her because she’s her. Jen still thinks her blonde hair and big tits had something to do with it, and Dawson doesn’t disagree, but he still thinks her "alternative" vibe is what's drawing people to her. Also, I tried to find a gif of Christina Applegate in Anchorman talking about her "exquisite breasts" to use here, but you would not believe how difficult that questionable google search was, you guys. I saw a LOT of Tumblr tits.
It's another night at the hippest place in SF, P^3. There's a heat wave and Phoebe's so hot, she's rubbing ice all over her body and attracting the male patrons. Piper shoos the onlookers off and notes that Phoebe’s burning up. Phoebe says she doesn't feel sick, she feels hot and aroused. Nope. I don't want this episode.
Marines: Meanwhile, after I saw that opening? I did a little NOT MINE! dance.
Marines: Meanwhile, after I saw that opening? I did a little NOT MINE! dance.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson's plans for a get-to-know-you movie night with Eve have gone awry because a) she prefers TV and b) she's taken over said TV and is making him watch Felicity. I laugh for approximately a hundred years over his "HOW CAN YOU PREFER TV?!?!?!" reaction. She says TV is the same thing but "shorter and with built in bathroom breaks" and she's not at all wrong. Dawson scoffs some more, particularly when she says it's like getting a new sequel every week, because "Sequels I hate on principle". Ugh. Go fuck yourself, Dawson Leery. I'll just be over here with Captain America: The Winter Soldier, shitting all over your arguments.
A very worried man in suspenders is trying to make his way unnoticed through an what looks like an office/storage area. He slips on a ski mask and makes a run for it, but another identically dressed man leaps out at him. A fight ensues, and it's a little hard to keep track of what's going on because I don't know who is who. One Ski Mask Man rips the blade off a paper cutter and uses that to attack the Two Ski Mask Man. All said and done, One Ski Mask Man cuts Two's finger off, but in the end, it is Two who wrestles away the blade and hacks One to death. Two lifts off his mask and reveals he is not the original, very worried man we saw. RIP Very Worried Man. We never knew ye. Two looks toward a nearby survellaince camera and now we're watching him on the video. He lifts his arm in some sort of salute at whoever is watching him.
The episode begins with the camera centered on Penguin's Umbrella. Does that mean that the cameraman gets the star? You know, I'll give it out again if somebody says it for real, but since the cinematographer is my favorite member of the crew, (s)he and the cameraman can share an honorary star. Here you go!
Marines: I feel like if there is anywhere where we can play fast and loose with the star rules it's with this show.
Marines: I feel like if there is anywhere where we can play fast and loose with the star rules it's with this show.
Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson shuts off the movie because there’s too much unrequited love for him to handle. Joey thrives off love stories like that; she thinks love stories that don't end are more romantic than anything else. But Dawson calls it tragedy. He stammers that her love for sad love stories might be affecting her own life. Like by making her not have sex with you? Nice try, bro. Joey says it does affect her, but in a positive way. Because in spite of the circumstances that tear the characters apart, they never stop loving, even without a happy ending.
Paul is in his apartment without a shirt. (M: Very important detail. I like the way you recap.) Someone knocks at the door and it’s Echo in a very boobalicious black dress. She ditched an engagement to deliver a message. That message is that she has something Paul needs - her mouth on his mouth. Paul’s all pissy because he's not a client, but they move to the couch and make out a ton anyway. Mellie appears from the shadows to be jealous. Paul insists that he has something Echo needs (dem abs, dat back) so they keep with the kissing. Mellie interrupts again, saying Echo doesn’t need anything because she’s dead. Paul pulls away from Echo, who’s now pale and corpsified.
Ew.
Ew.
We begin with an ominous fuzzy screen title card telling us that we're about to see Testimonial Documents in the DOLLHOUSE Interviews in Los Angeles. A reporter speaks into the camera explaining that some people in LA know of "The Dollhouse" as something seedy. Cut to an interview with a random super sketchy dude, insisting that "everybody knows" it exists. Continuing his report, the journalist explains that dating back to the 1980s, The Dollhouse is LA's most famous urban legend and he explains quite accurately what it is before clarifying that "most everybody" regards it as science fiction. This report isn't about the legitimacy of The Dollhouse so much as a series of MAN ON THE STREET interviews with people about their reactions to the idea of The Dollhouse. (M: You can't see me, but I've giving you an imaginary Title Star, girl. Good job.) (S: Since nobody actually gets it this episode, I'm just gonna go ahead an take it.)
The TARDIS appears in front of Rose's less than fancy looking apartment complex. (K: For the Americans among us, allow me to teach you about council estates, otherwise known as "where Rose Tyler lives.") Rose and the Doctor get out and her first question is how long she's been gone. Only about 12 hours. Rose laughs and promises not to take long, as she just wants to check on her mother. She tells the Doctor not to disappear on her. He gives her a cute little smile in return.
Cute in a, "yeah, yeah, whatever you say," way.
Sweeney: I mentioned this last time, but to reiterate: while I'm still not really enjoying this show, these bits are cute.
Cute in a, "yeah, yeah, whatever you say," way.
Sweeney: I mentioned this last time, but to reiterate: while I'm still not really enjoying this show, these bits are cute.
We begin with a Ryan and Seth walk-and-talk at school. Seth helpfully recaps the events of the last episode - namely, that Alex (or in my head, Punk!Olivia Wilde) kissed him and Ryan talked to Lindsay all night long at a bus stop. Ryan wants to take things slow, but Seth suggests that he invite Lindsay to another effing dance - the titular SnO.C.
Ryan is doubtful and kind of nervous and it's actually super endearing. He reminds Seth that bad things always happen at these parties, which is absolutely true, but Seth assures him it'll be fine. I think. It's hard to tell, because Seth has so many marbles in his mouth I'm not really sure what he's saying. I don't remember this ever bothering me during my Seth-Cohen-obsessed youth. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Ryan is doubtful and kind of nervous and it's actually super endearing. He reminds Seth that bad things always happen at these parties, which is absolutely true, but Seth assures him it'll be fine. I think. It's hard to tell, because Seth has so many marbles in his mouth I'm not really sure what he's saying. I don't remember this ever bothering me during my Seth-Cohen-obsessed youth. Maybe I'm just getting old.
First and foremost, Kirsti is the long time fan, this is my second watch and Sweeney is the first time watcher. As always, we try to keep things as spoiler-free as we can, for the benefit of the Snow.
I started watching Doctor Who and quit after 1.5 episodes because it was boring me to tears. At some time while season 7 was still airing, Kirsti convinced me to power through season 1, with the expectation that it would get way better. And so I did (except I skipped episode 3. It's the only episode I've never seen.) and I fell in love.
Kirsti: I find it really interesting that so many people have skipped episode 3 of season 1.
I started watching Doctor Who and quit after 1.5 episodes because it was boring me to tears. At some time while season 7 was still airing, Kirsti convinced me to power through season 1, with the expectation that it would get way better. And so I did (except I skipped episode 3. It's the only episode I've never seen.) and I fell in love.
Kirsti: I find it really interesting that so many people have skipped episode 3 of season 1.