YOU GUYS. WE MADE IT TO THE END OF THIS RIDICULOUS SHOW. I honestly thought this day would never come. In some ways it's been a million times harder for me than Buffy because so many of the episodes were meh-tastic and Whedon kept killing off all the female characters. Still, WE MADE IT. And that warrants a dance party!
Sweeney: ALWAYS DANCE PARTIES. ALWAYS.
Lorraine: This post is going up a little late because of timezone issues. So, Kirsti told me to celebrate the end while she went to sleep. I told her I was at work. She said I should have a dance party in the bathroom.
Chicago, Illinois. A girl walks home late at night, listening to her iPod. She starts seeing a ghostly wind that has a big shadow and whispers really annoyingly, so she takes off running for her apartment. Smart move. She immediately arms her security system and breathes a sigh of relief. Then for some reason, she doesn't turn one damn light on in the whole place as she drinks a beer and listens to her messages on her answering machine. Right, because every 20 something owns an answering machine these days? And even if they did, they sure as shit wouldn't have three messages just from one night away at work.
Anyways, the camera pans back and we watch the shadows on the wall as something creeps up behind Beer Girl and stabs her in the back, blood squirting everywhere.
Anyways, the camera pans back and we watch the shadows on the wall as something creeps up behind Beer Girl and stabs her in the back, blood squirting everywhere.
Jaime is pissed now that the sweet deal he set up with his father, in which Tyrion spent the rest of his days at the Wall, has crumbled. Tyrion doesn't see why he should be grateful about being exiled to a perpetual snowpocalypse for a crime he didn't even commit. (S: PLUS, WHITE WALKERS. Fuck that.) Jaime snaps that this isn't a joke. Tyrion says it is, it just isn't very funny. I think we've all felt like life's walking punchline a time or two. I mean, probably we weren't on trial for murder, but the sentiment is universal.
Warning - this episode is rated F for Feels. Please acquire tissues before proceeding with this recap. We open in a FLASHBACK! Fred is at her parents' house, packing up her stuff for her big move to join the graduate physics program at UCLA. Her dad is totally against her moving, saying that she's going to Hell-A and that if she meets one angel there, he'll eat the dogs. Dude. No. (L: She met Angel; LEAVE THE DOGS ALONE.)
He goes out to check the car for the millionth time. Fred realises that she's forgotten Feiginbaum, her stuffed bunny toy, which I mention only because it's relevant later. (S: AH. I DIDN'T CATCH THIS. AH. FEELS.)
He goes out to check the car for the millionth time. Fred realises that she's forgotten Feiginbaum, her stuffed bunny toy, which I mention only because it's relevant later. (S: AH. I DIDN'T CATCH THIS. AH. FEELS.)
It's same night as the events of the S1 finale and Sarah is running in the rain (though it wasn't raining then). (L: It started raining because she's distraught and TV weather is effected by the MC's emotions. Everyone knows that.) (S: True. We learned that lesson watching Ever After - her mood didn't call for rain until the very end of that episode.) She leaves Felix a voicemail explaining that Mrs. S and Kira are missing. She ducks into a small, empty diner, where the proprietor hooks her up with free tea. She tries to call the other pink clone phones, but they're disconnected. She finally tries Paul and leaves him a voicemail that she needs to talk immediately about her missing family. Seconds later, she gets a return call from his number, but it's Rachel.
Ever After is a Snark Lady favorite and we'll probably fight you if you deny that it's a cinematic classic. In spite of Drew Barrymore's terrible accent, the subpar acting by a whole lot of people, the absurd husband bulge Dougary Scott is sporting throughout the film, and the fact that Danielle probably shouldn't even end up with him anyway, THIS MOVIE IS WONDERFUL, OK?
The movie begins as a story within a story when an old lady is talking about how totally legit the story of Cinderella is, gesturing to a painting and having her fancy shoes brought over before launching into her story about a girl named Danielle.
The movie begins as a story within a story when an old lady is talking about how totally legit the story of Cinderella is, gesturing to a painting and having her fancy shoes brought over before launching into her story about a girl named Danielle.
Our episode today starts at a psychiatric hospital. A nurse sitting at a station, with apparently nothing better to do besides a crossword puzzle, tells a passing doctor that they are running low on diazepam (Valium). He tells her to see if they can get some from a neighboring hospital and then wants in on her crossword action. "In a mellifluous manner," is the clue. 7 letters, ends in y. (Harmony?) The doctor doesn't get it, but fun with words is soon interrupted by an actual medical emergency.
Sweeney: Night shift life.
Sweeney: Night shift life.
Dean and Sam are getting weapons out of the trunk of the Bromobile and saying that they only have one shot to make it count. (What it is, we have no idea.) They rush down some stairs and into a basement where they find two little kids cowering in a closet. When they ask the kids if it's still there, they nod. The boys try to send the kids out, but the Creature of the Moment pushes Sam down the stairs, like a real jerk. Dean tells Sam to get the kids out of there while he handles the Creature.
Kirsti: Excuse me while I have a lot of Dean protecting small children feels. Because OBVIOUSLY.
Kirsti: Excuse me while I have a lot of Dean protecting small children feels. Because OBVIOUSLY.
This episode begins with Alison. She wakes up next to her sleeping, snoring husband, and goes to check her poorly hidden camera. She takes it down to her laundry room of solace to watch the tape. She sees Donnie get up in the middle of the night, but all he does is stand over her and leave before the memory card file fills up.
She comes up to the kitchen to find Donnie grumbling like an asshole about how he has to do everything (LOL, K) as he loads the dishwasher. He sasses her about getting ice because they only have three hours to go until something. Alison asks him where he went in the middle of the night - claiming she woke up to find him gone -
She comes up to the kitchen to find Donnie grumbling like an asshole about how he has to do everything (LOL, K) as he loads the dishwasher. He sasses her about getting ice because they only have three hours to go until something. Alison asks him where he went in the middle of the night - claiming she woke up to find him gone -
A security guard is on his rounds in a darkened...IDK, warehouse? Factory? It looks like the back end of the brewery I used to work at, anyway. He hears a noise and reports in before going to investigate. Smart, but not smart enough, dude. (L: Right, because he is still investigating darkened basements.) He heads down a flight of stairs, accompanied by the Orchestra of Dude, You Gonna Die. He screams a little at the bottom, but only in surprise because he's face to face with the ware-facto-brewery's plumber. He reports in that everything's fine, then sees the plumber get thrown through the air. He rushes up the stairs (there's that "not smart enough" part) only to get attacked himself. Something slices at his face and he screams as we see a shadow attack him.
Lorraine: Everyone say it together: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
Lorraine: Everyone say it together: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
Sarah is where we last left her-- sitting in Alison's basement, explaining to her two-twins that she never met her birth parents. She was adopted at 8 and came to live "here" at 12. The show is shot in Canada, but I'm now realizing that I have no idea where it's supposed to take place. Internet says possibly Hamden, Connecticut. Huh.
Sweeney: Really? Weird. She mentions that Alison lives in Scarborough, a suburb of the city where she resides. I don't know enough about Canada, but according to Google maps, that could be a suburb of Toronto. Canadians, please explain.
Sweeney: Really? Weird. She mentions that Alison lives in Scarborough, a suburb of the city where she resides. I don't know enough about Canada, but according to Google maps, that could be a suburb of Toronto. Canadians, please explain.
A title card tells us we're going back to Sunnydale California, nineteen days earlier, and I already know it's going to be a sick joke in which we travel back solely to see how Spike got trapped in a glitter tornado. Sure enough, we find ourselves back in the Hellmouth, Spike all aglow in his magical, world saving, orange light.
Kirsti: Out of context, that scene just looks insane.
Sweeney: I didn't think about that, but you're right. I know we have a few Angel-before-Buffy watchers and I am deeply curious to hear how this came across to you without watching Buffy.
Kirsti: Out of context, that scene just looks insane.
Sweeney: I didn't think about that, but you're right. I know we have a few Angel-before-Buffy watchers and I am deeply curious to hear how this came across to you without watching Buffy.
We pick up immediately where we left off. Angel demands to know what Lilah's doing there, but Wes insists that it can't be Lilah on account of he chopped her head off. "There's a signed dollar in your wallet that says different," Lilah says. Wes turns away. Lilah looks to Angel and tells him to use his creepy vampire senses. He tells Wes that it's really Lilah. Fred asks how it's possible, and Angel uses his supersmelling powers to deduce that Lilah's still dead. (L: EW. JESUS. WHY.)(S: Mega letdown because I was hoping for crossover magic with this being first!Lilah. Boo.) (K: That would have been much better than reality.) Gunn asks if she's a vampire, and she "EW NO GROSS"es before pulling down the high collar on her shirt to show the line across her neck from where Wes decapitated her, which means she can't be a vampire. She and Wes share a meaningful look.
We open to a deserted Los Angeles and the zoomy cameraman zooming all over the place. He zooms in on the city, then individual buildings, then pans underground and zooms some more in the sewer tunnels. The battle continues between the Fang Gang and the soldiers. Connor throws Wes across the room into a wall, and demands to know where Angel is. Segue Magic to the alterna-world. The creature close in on Angel, then cower away when he holds up the magic glow ball. He looks up to see a path leading to a temple-y looking thing and THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SO BADLY BLUE SCREENED THAT I JUST CAN'T EVEN. Thankfully, we're thrown to the Electric Cellos.
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
In an attempt to make Connor even more unsympathetic than he was before, it appears he is immune to Gina Torres's blood. We join him now, telling Angel that he's wrong about everything and that they are going to tear him apart. More Jasminenites approach. Angel reacts quickly, shutting the door and using his body weight to hold it closed. He tells the rest of the Gang to make a run for it. Someone who knows the truth must survive. They all take off down the fire escape as Angel keeps trying to hold the door.
In an attempt to make Connor slightly less unsympathetic than a minute ago, he starts banging on the door, and in between hits, he says he's finally part of something.
In an attempt to make Connor slightly less unsympathetic than a minute ago, he starts banging on the door, and in between hits, he says he's finally part of something.