Is anyone else going to spend the next eternity with that stupid song lodged in their brain on an endless loop, or is that just me?
Anyway. Alliance, Nebraska. A college aged girl sits way too close to the TV, brushing her hair. There's a noise from the back of the room. She looks around, a little freaked, and the music gets all "OMG WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THIS IS SO TENSE!!" as she walks slowly towards a big cupboard. She pulls open the door, and the kid she's babysitting is in there, pretending to be dead. He's got one of those fake arrow headbands on, and has covered himself in tomato sauce. (That's ketchup to you, America.)
We start in Meereen. Dany is in her magically white dress, on her throne, looking down on Jorah and Tyrion in icy silence. Jorah breaks the silence, but Dany promptly tells him to shut up. She asks how she's supposed to know Tyrion is who he says he is and why she shouldn't kill him if he is. Tyrion says that if she wants revenge on the Lannisters, he's a a pro at killing them.
A woman sleeps on her sofa. The TV turns to static in the background and the lights flicker. She wakes when the phone rings, and sits up with a jolt, her breath fogging the air. She rushes to her closet, and shoves the clothes aside to reveal a typical hunter's arsenal. She flicks on an EMF meter, and it goes crazy. Meanwhile, Bobby leaves a message saying he could use her help on something big. She loads a shotgun and stalks through her apartment.
We start with bright blue sky, cheery music, a banner proclaiming the 2012 London Olympics and even some houses with little Union flags in the windows. It reminds me of when Kirsti was last in the US and astounded by the number of flags we fly. #Merica
K: TRUE. Y'all need to back off on the flags. It's RIDICULOUS. I have yet to see any private residence in Australia flying the Australian flag. Wait. Maybe the posh place with a freaking turret near my cousin's old high school that usually flies a pirate flag puts up the Australian flag for Australia Day? IDK IDK.
K: TRUE. Y'all need to back off on the flags. It's RIDICULOUS. I have yet to see any private residence in Australia flying the Australian flag. Wait. Maybe the posh place with a freaking turret near my cousin's old high school that usually flies a pirate flag puts up the Australian flag for Australia Day? IDK IDK.
CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! That's right, friends. It's the season finale.
Marines: My first one! High fives all around!
K: WOO! Only a million to go!! *cries*
Marines: My first one! High fives all around!
K: WOO! Only a million to go!! *cries*
We open outside a hospital at night. Two doctors walk out discussing their plans for the night, and how one has to start work stupidly early the next day. They go their separate ways, and we follow one to his car. He puts a bag into the boot and promptly gets shoved in there after it. He bangs on the closed lid. Cut to him staggering into an emergency room, holding his stomach. A nurse walks up and kindly says that he can move his hands because there's nothing she hasn't seen before. She pulls his hands away, and his intestines fall out onto the floor. She screams.
First things first: this episode is a bitch and a half to find gifs for on account of the Jus in Bello convention. So I'm sorry about any giant slabs of text...
Monument, Colorado. The boys break into an incredibly white hotel room and search it. Apparently it's Bela's room and they're looking for the Colt. Suddenly the phone rings. After staring at it awkwardly for a minute, Dean answers. It's Bela, who informs him that she's two states away already. He demands the Colt back, and she's all "LOL NOPE". He murder-nounces that he's going to find her because he has nothing better to do with his life, and she informs him that he's about to get suuuuuuper busy on account of she gave the cops a tip off. The door bursts open, the cops appear, and the boys are arrested.
Monument, Colorado. The boys break into an incredibly white hotel room and search it. Apparently it's Bela's room and they're looking for the Colt. Suddenly the phone rings. After staring at it awkwardly for a minute, Dean answers. It's Bela, who informs him that she's two states away already. He demands the Colt back, and she's all "LOL NOPE". He murder-nounces that he's going to find her because he has nothing better to do with his life, and she informs him that he's about to get suuuuuuper busy on account of she gave the cops a tip off. The door bursts open, the cops appear, and the boys are arrested.
We open with a few quick establishing shots of various Gotham residents: Bruce is asleep on the sofa, his murder-investigation notebook open on his lap. Penguin is proudly watching his mother singing on stage in his new club. Fish wakes up on the floor of her prison and claps her hands, giving her fellow captives permission to get up and drink some water.
Clocktower Apartment and OH, GOODIE. Barbara’s back. (M: NOOOOOO.) She arrives home wearing a sexy black dress to find Selina and Ivy camped out in the living room. Selina explains that Jim dropped off his keys last week.
Clocktower Apartment and OH, GOODIE. Barbara’s back. (M: NOOOOOO.) She arrives home wearing a sexy black dress to find Selina and Ivy camped out in the living room. Selina explains that Jim dropped off his keys last week.
We open in Cicero, Indiana where a (presumably divorced) father is dropping his daughter home. Something’s clearly got her spooked, as she runs straight to her mum—according to dad, she pitched a fit. She missed her mother and doesn’t want to stay at her dad’s any more. “He’s mean, and there are monsters there,” she complains—her mother comforts her, as we cut to the dad’s house.
Like most homeowners in this series, the dad seems to have a Basement Of Don’t Go In There, and – bonus! – it’s filled with lots of woodwork tools. This can only end well. He’s making a wooden rocking horse, which is one leg away from completion - is that for his daughter? ‘Cause if so no wonder she doesn't want to stay with him, he’s hilariously out of touch; she’s about five years too old for a rocking horse.
Like most homeowners in this series, the dad seems to have a Basement Of Don’t Go In There, and – bonus! – it’s filled with lots of woodwork tools. This can only end well. He’s making a wooden rocking horse, which is one leg away from completion - is that for his daughter? ‘Cause if so no wonder she doesn't want to stay with him, he’s hilariously out of touch; she’s about five years too old for a rocking horse.
A young woman (Allison) walks through a garden having lots of feelings. We know this because she touches a rose and sighs. She's met by a man (Elliot) who hands her a white rose. She says they've spent lots of time planning their wedding and she doesn't want anything to go wrong.
Their kiss is interrupted by a woman with an uptight hairdo, asking Elliot, her son, about the marriage certificate. They couple has plans to get it handled the next day but Mommy Uptight wants them to do it RIGHT NOW. Elliot asks what her deal is, but she doesn't answer because the soundtrack just whooshed at her.
Their kiss is interrupted by a woman with an uptight hairdo, asking Elliot, her son, about the marriage certificate. They couple has plans to get it handled the next day but Mommy Uptight wants them to do it RIGHT NOW. Elliot asks what her deal is, but she doesn't answer because the soundtrack just whooshed at her.
I'm going to start by saying that this episode gives me the wiggins.
We open with a shot of a creepyass painting of a family c.1910: husband, wife, three kids, cut throat razor. You know, the usual. The camera zooms out as a slightly tipsy couple in formal wear discuss their terrible decision to purchase said painting at a charity auction courtesy of said charity auction's open bar. They make out a little and the guy tells his wife he'll lock up and meet her in the bedroom. She giggles her way upstairs as the zoomy cameraman shows us the painting again. We see the Painted!Father's head turn towards Drinking Leads To Bad Decisions Guy, who locks the doors and sets the alarm.
We open with a shot of a creepyass painting of a family c.1910: husband, wife, three kids, cut throat razor. You know, the usual. The camera zooms out as a slightly tipsy couple in formal wear discuss their terrible decision to purchase said painting at a charity auction courtesy of said charity auction's open bar. They make out a little and the guy tells his wife he'll lock up and meet her in the bedroom. She giggles her way upstairs as the zoomy cameraman shows us the painting again. We see the Painted!Father's head turn towards Drinking Leads To Bad Decisions Guy, who locks the doors and sets the alarm.
It's nearly finale time, folks, so maybe something will happen this episode! We're dreaming big.
Sweeney: We Snark Ladies dream impossible dreams. Remember all the times we hoped we'd seen the worst of Fifty Shades and then, you know, read more chapters? Good times.
Lor: Indeed. And proof that we're fucking optimists. Clearly.
Spencer is sleeping on the couch and she wakes to some pretty inconsiderate rustling. Turns out it's Alison, which I should've known because that bitch would be making tons of noise while others were trying to sleep.
Sweeney: We Snark Ladies dream impossible dreams. Remember all the times we hoped we'd seen the worst of Fifty Shades and then, you know, read more chapters? Good times.
Lor: Indeed. And proof that we're fucking optimists. Clearly.
Spencer is sleeping on the couch and she wakes to some pretty inconsiderate rustling. Turns out it's Alison, which I should've known because that bitch would be making tons of noise while others were trying to sleep.
What's that? You've been wanting us to cover Supernatural? You ask, we deliver. This one's going to be a little different, because Sweeney is firmly on the Nope Train as far as Supernatural is concerned, and Lor's got enough on her plate. So y'all are stuck with Sara and me instead. SORRY NOT SORRY.
Sara: SO NOT SORRY BECAUSE: CUTE BOYS AND MONSTERS.
K: Truth. I've been a salt gunner from day one, although I must admit that I took a little break somewhere around season 6 when things got really shitty. But I marathonned my way through season 6, season 7 and season 8 earlier this year, and was firmly back on board in time for season 9.
Sara: SO NOT SORRY BECAUSE: CUTE BOYS AND MONSTERS.
K: Truth. I've been a salt gunner from day one, although I must admit that I took a little break somewhere around season 6 when things got really shitty. But I marathonned my way through season 6, season 7 and season 8 earlier this year, and was firmly back on board in time for season 9.
Ana is in total shock because apparently, if you are having sex, YOU CAN GET PREGNANT. Ana thinks about how much she doesn't want a baby and how she knows her husband is going to freak.
Dr. Best in Seattle says, "judging by your reaction, I suspect you're just a couple of weeks or so from conception-- four or five weeks pregnant." UM. WHAT? RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN. Because she was shocked, your super doctor skillz tell you she's four or five weeks pregnant? Shock is a measure of such things? Clearly, Dr. Best doesn't watch any TV.
Dr. Best in Seattle says, "judging by your reaction, I suspect you're just a couple of weeks or so from conception-- four or five weeks pregnant." UM. WHAT? RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN. Because she was shocked, your super doctor skillz tell you she's four or five weeks pregnant? Shock is a measure of such things? Clearly, Dr. Best doesn't watch any TV.
Wesley is showing Angel a super special knife, useful for killiig Kek demons, which would be great Angel says, if Kek demons weren't extinct. Wesley holds out hope that there may yet be a sole, hibernating Kek.
The oven buzzes. Cordelia is baking brownies. She enters to collect said brownies as Wesley comments under his breath that he thought what he smelled was something he tracked in. Cordy tells Wesley he's going to love them. Angel is saved from a taste test because his selective eating says so. (S: I'd abuse the shit out of that too.)
The oven buzzes. Cordelia is baking brownies. She enters to collect said brownies as Wesley comments under his breath that he thought what he smelled was something he tracked in. Cordy tells Wesley he's going to love them. Angel is saved from a taste test because his selective eating says so. (S: I'd abuse the shit out of that too.)