First thing's first: Sweeney and I knew we wanted to do this quite a while ago. All the usual things stopped us from getting to it right, right away: time, naps, time, trying to pay our bills with real people money, adulthood and time. When we met up in Paris in August, we discussed this project (amongst many others) and quickly decided that the best way to make it a reality was to invite another person to blog with us.
We've announced this before, but please officially welcome our newest Snark Lady, Stephanie!
Stephanie: Hello, friends!
Lor: Stephanie and I have seen the show before (though I think I quit before the end, as I do, and have definitely never rewatched). Sweeney is our resident Snow.
Previously: It’s like a violent, bloody theme park with robots, we think. — Chestnut Marines: 3D PRINTED ROBOTS. (See? I contained myself.) After the previouslies and the credits, a man’s voice...
We begin with a news report that tells us, yup, Sam Keating’s body was definitely found, because you guys are bad at getting away with murder. (M: Okay, so don't throw the body away in a trash can. Got it.) Dumbledore’s Army debates whether Annalise ratted them out, and we play another fun round of “no, it’s your fault!”
Meanwhile, Frank is in his car, being angry and bearded.
Meanwhile, Frank is in his car, being angry and bearded.
Imprint room. Echo is in the chair and Paul is nearby A smarmy handler, who I probably just think is smarmy because he kind of looks like the guy who raped Sierra (S: He also wiggles his brows around all creepy-like when he talks), tells Echo she's got a big day. She gives the appropriate blank reaction and gets lowered for the imprint. Paul is worried about Echo glitching, as we're back in the regular timeline, probably soon after the Omega stuff. Topher is his usual, "nothing can go wrong! It'll be great!" self, and it's weird to have Paul being the voice of, "you sure?" and not Dominic or Boyd. Where's Boyd?
Sweeney: "WHERE'S BOYD?" INDEED. "Needs More Boyd" is a general note I have for most of always.
Sweeney: "WHERE'S BOYD?" INDEED. "Needs More Boyd" is a general note I have for most of always.
Jen and Pacey are having a domestic moment, grocery shopping and arguing about what to cook for Thanksgiving at Grams’s, which is conveniently ruining their sex-buddies situation. Pacey blames Jen for the fact that this situation has not actually happened yet, and she just kinda laughs at his foreplay, which, RUDE. Then Jen comes up with the brilliant idea to do it immediately before/during/after the Grams Turkey Day God Fest '99.
Pacey says, uh, kinda have to spend the holiday with own my terrible family at some point. (K: I don't even want to think about how horrible a Witter family Thanksgiving would be...) (D: I'm thankful we were spared a scene at the Witter house.)
Pacey says, uh, kinda have to spend the holiday with own my terrible family at some point. (K: I don't even want to think about how horrible a Witter family Thanksgiving would be...) (D: I'm thankful we were spared a scene at the Witter house.)
Capeside High. Dawson and Jen talk to each other like normal friends for perhaps the first time in this show’s history, and it's refreshing! She discusses turning into her mother, who was a beauty queen when she was young. Jen thinks she’s a poser for being elected homecoming queen, but Dawson thinks she’s being too hard on herself, and that people voted for her because she’s her. Jen still thinks her blonde hair and big tits had something to do with it, and Dawson doesn’t disagree, but he still thinks her "alternative" vibe is what's drawing people to her. Also, I tried to find a gif of Christina Applegate in Anchorman talking about her "exquisite breasts" to use here, but you would not believe how difficult that questionable google search was, you guys. I saw a LOT of Tumblr tits.
Spencer, Emily, and Hanna are breaking into EzrA's classroom in the middle of the day (Saturday? School day? Who knows.) to try to find something that will convince Aria that Ezra is a lying liar who lies. It's cool that they're already prepared for Aria being an asshole who's going to be all, "NU UH" about it.
Marines: "HE DOESN'T LIE. Only to people who would care he's dating his student, duh."
Sara: Spencer finds an envelope with Ali's journal in it, so they take off with it. Before they can leave, they hear footsteps approaching and watch as Mona lets herself in to Ezra's classroom.
Marines: "HE DOESN'T LIE. Only to people who would care he's dating his student, duh."
Sara: Spencer finds an envelope with Ali's journal in it, so they take off with it. Before they can leave, they hear footsteps approaching and watch as Mona lets herself in to Ezra's classroom.
So, before we begin I feel obligated to inform you all that I have never ever seen a single episode of The O.C. before this episode. My only defense is that IMDb tells me that this episode aired in good ol' 2005 and I was pretty heavily into my emo phase at that point. I think I considered this show to be 'preppy' which is a thing that I would've shunned. (M: Fair.) (S: But it had so much music you would have loved! Except you wouldn't have been able to admit to hearing it via an OC Mix. The struggle.)
This episode starts with lots of previouslies. A lot of stuff has happened to these rich blonde people, you guys. A lot. Of stuff. Namely, something about a DNA test and this 30 year old woman is gonna get adopted? What? She's clearly 30.
This episode starts with lots of previouslies. A lot of stuff has happened to these rich blonde people, you guys. A lot. Of stuff. Namely, something about a DNA test and this 30 year old woman is gonna get adopted? What? She's clearly 30.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson's plans for a get-to-know-you movie night with Eve have gone awry because a) she prefers TV and b) she's taken over said TV and is making him watch Felicity. I laugh for approximately a hundred years over his "HOW CAN YOU PREFER TV?!?!?!" reaction. She says TV is the same thing but "shorter and with built in bathroom breaks" and she's not at all wrong. Dawson scoffs some more, particularly when she says it's like getting a new sequel every week, because "Sequels I hate on principle". Ugh. Go fuck yourself, Dawson Leery. I'll just be over here with Captain America: The Winter Soldier, shitting all over your arguments.
Capeside High. Pacey is convinced he’s going to spontaneously combust, because he’s going to see Andie for the first time in months. Dawson asks if he wants some company picking her up, but Pacey says that Joey is actually coming with him. Dawson’s just happy Joey has someone to help her through their separate ways, or whatever. Pacey asks about the bus girl, who has conveniently vanished, being a figment of Dawson's unimaginative imagination and all. Apparently, she was a “temp” stripper, which is definitely not a thing, so he had no luck finding her at the strip club.
Kirsti: Not gonna lie, I said "strip joints have temps?!" about two seconds before Pacey said the exact same thing.
Kirsti: Not gonna lie, I said "strip joints have temps?!" about two seconds before Pacey said the exact same thing.
A man rummages through a pile of trash in a dark alley. He sees a hand and instead of being like, "hell no!" he goes in for a closer look. The hand reaches out and grabs him. What were you expecting, guy? (S: Even worse than Mickey investigating that crazy trash can.)
At an orphanage, Echo reads Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty) to a group of children because no one can read better than a doll. Just think of all the jobs dolls are stealing from capable people who need them. Plus, dolls cost way more money! Anyway, a girl standing away from the rest of the children calls the story crap.
At an orphanage, Echo reads Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty) to a group of children because no one can read better than a doll. Just think of all the jobs dolls are stealing from capable people who need them. Plus, dolls cost way more money! Anyway, a girl standing away from the rest of the children calls the story crap.
First I need to share that when I realized I would have to recap this episode, I yelled out, “NO!” That should be enough to let you know how I feel about it.
Lorraine: A common Snark Lady problem. In fact, Kirsti was known to work out who would get what episode during entire seasons of Buffy. That moment of realization that an episode is yours is best drowned in Goblets of Win.
Sweeney: Not knowing what trauma lies ahead is one of the occasional perks of Snow Life.
Lorraine: A common Snark Lady problem. In fact, Kirsti was known to work out who would get what episode during entire seasons of Buffy. That moment of realization that an episode is yours is best drowned in Goblets of Win.
Sweeney: Not knowing what trauma lies ahead is one of the occasional perks of Snow Life.
We pick up exactly where we left off last season, with Dawson and Joey eating each other's faces in the Shrine o' Spielberg. Shit gets monumentally awkward when the kiss ends and Dawson wonders aloud what this means for them now. Joey says they should sleep on it, and Dawson stares at his bed in terror. But no, Joey means they should sleep in their respective beds. Dawson says with a smile that it'll be a like a dream when he wakes up. Joey interprets this as him wishing it had never happened, and glares at him before heading for the window. He stops her and says that's the exact opposite of what he wants. They face-nom some more.
Democracy Diva: So much miscommunication! So much face nomming! I'm already exhausted.
Democracy Diva: So much miscommunication! So much face nomming! I'm already exhausted.
Joss Whedon got his feature length film, and we're going to recap it, but fair warning that this post will be long.
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
First of all, you should know that I'm writing this while watching The Oscars, so I think you should all play your very own Snark Squad Drinking Game of, "Spot the recap's many inaccuracies." It'll be fun. I promise. Maybe.
Kirsti: It won't be fun at all, because Kirsti The Eternally Anal Retentive will have fixed them all. But sure. Fun.
Lorraine: Well, that ruins the game before it started. Okay, guys. I guess you should now all be playing, "drink whenever you spot a place where an inaccuracy may have been!" HAPPY DRINKING.
Kirsti: It won't be fun at all, because Kirsti The Eternally Anal Retentive will have fixed them all. But sure. Fun.
Lorraine: Well, that ruins the game before it started. Okay, guys. I guess you should now all be playing, "drink whenever you spot a place where an inaccuracy may have been!" HAPPY DRINKING.