In order to adequately recap this episode, I need to start with Snark Lady Storytime: once upon a time (read: July 3rd 2014) in a faraway kingdom (read: Snark HQ), two Snark Ladies were trying to work out how best to recap Dawson's Creek after season 1. Should we alternate? Stick exclusively to odds/evens? Or alternate and then split the season finale? And I'm not going to lie: my decision was made solely based on the fact that I'd get to recap this episode, and Diva was nice enough to not interfere.
Because the gods of Squee have been good to us, we begin exactly where we left off - in the first ever Paceyphine make-out sesh. Our beautiful moment sailing our ship on the high seas of feels ends quickly enough when Joey shoves Pacey away from her and calls him insane.
Kirsti: See, kids, this is why consent is important, even when your ship is sailing.
Diva: Yup, I have a consent rant coming too!
Kirsti: See, kids, this is why consent is important, even when your ship is sailing.
Diva: Yup, I have a consent rant coming too!
We begin with the dulcet tones of "Ain't too Proud to Beg," and the dancing-in-the-kitchen scene from The Big Chill. Dawson, Joey, and Pacey debate over whether people actually dance in the kitchen. (I do, and I am not ashamed to admit it.)
Kirsti: I'm going to copy directly from my notes here. "Excuse you, Joey. Everyone dances in the kitchen if they're doing life right." So yeah. I do.
Diva: YEAH. WE'RE GOOD AT LIFE, DAMMIT.
Kirsti: I'm going to copy directly from my notes here. "Excuse you, Joey. Everyone dances in the kitchen if they're doing life right." So yeah. I do.
Diva: YEAH. WE'RE GOOD AT LIFE, DAMMIT.
Shrine O'Spielberg. Pacey has run right over because Dawson is in panic mode. It's mere minutes away from Dawson's sixteenth birthday, and Dawson thinks he is still as useless a human being as he was a year ago. Yup. Definitely true.
Kirsti: SO TRUE OMG.
Diva: Dawson waves around a bloody prop hand (that's not British slang - it actually has fake blood on it) as he wonders why he has gotten nowhere in the last year. Maybe it has something to do with your room looking like a murder crime scene? Dawson says that all he did in the last year was figure out his feelings for Joey, and she dumped him for a gay guy.
Kirsti: SO TRUE OMG.
Diva: Dawson waves around a bloody prop hand (that's not British slang - it actually has fake blood on it) as he wonders why he has gotten nowhere in the last year. Maybe it has something to do with your room looking like a murder crime scene? Dawson says that all he did in the last year was figure out his feelings for Joey, and she dumped him for a gay guy.
The episode begins, of course, with Dawson confessing his undying love for Pacey. In the greatest fan-service scene since Pacey's Braveheart monologue, we watch our least favorite leading man and our favorite leading man be totally gay together.
Kirsti: My notes specifically say "...does this count as queerbaiting???"
Diva: Dawson leans in like he's going to kiss Pacey, but then grabs his script and points out that Pacey missed a line. Because they're doing a dramatic reading of Dawson's script, with Pacey playing the girl. For rehearsal, even though neither of them plan on acting in this film. Okay, sure, show.
Kirsti: My notes specifically say "...does this count as queerbaiting???"
Diva: Dawson leans in like he's going to kiss Pacey, but then grabs his script and points out that Pacey missed a line. Because they're doing a dramatic reading of Dawson's script, with Pacey playing the girl. For rehearsal, even though neither of them plan on acting in this film. Okay, sure, show.
Shrine O'Spielberg. Pacey is eating pizza and generally pissing Dawson off by noting that everyone in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is totally dead right now. After a discussion about how Dawson is Richie Cunningham Jimmy Stewart every nice guy in film/TV history, Jen stumbles in and collapses on Dawson's bed, wasted. This scene basically just establishes that Jen is back to her hot mess Big City Girl ways, and Pacey likes pizza, because it's yummy.
Kirsti: That Pacey. Always the sensible one...
Kirsti: That Pacey. Always the sensible one...
Phoebe runs into Qua ke and some bro comes over to ask if she's a terrorist because she's the bomb. As much as I'm sure I could end the recap there, another random bro taps into this bad pick-up line ring, asking if it hurt when Phoebe fell from heaven. She whispers in his ear that she's a witch, not an angel, because she's on a one woman mission to basically announce that to everyone, ever.
Phoebe joins her sisters, who are staring at a couple making out at the bar. Phoebe and Piper moan about being single. A cheery waitress delivers a drink to Prue and points out the man in the restaurant who sent it to her.
Phoebe joins her sisters, who are staring at a couple making out at the bar. Phoebe and Piper moan about being single. A cheery waitress delivers a drink to Prue and points out the man in the restaurant who sent it to her.
Fair warning: I think this is one of the weaker episodes of the series. What can you expect when they keep us at the Wall? THE WHOLE TIME? No amount of Jon Snow's shiny hair can salvage that.
Sweeney: I thought this would be a pretty universal opinion but I saw people on Twitter gushing about it. We've assembled a crowd that shares our love of the character-driven elements of the story so I don't think our opinion will be unpopular here, but it's weird. To that end, if you're the sort of person who digs military history and battle names and that kind of thing, then maybe this episode was your jam. For the rest of us...not so much.
Lor: We start with a sweeping view of Castle Black.
Sweeney: I thought this would be a pretty universal opinion but I saw people on Twitter gushing about it. We've assembled a crowd that shares our love of the character-driven elements of the story so I don't think our opinion will be unpopular here, but it's weird. To that end, if you're the sort of person who digs military history and battle names and that kind of thing, then maybe this episode was your jam. For the rest of us...not so much.
Lor: We start with a sweeping view of Castle Black.