Previously: Hardin broods. — Marines: Karen and Tessa make small talk about baking. Karen offers to teach Tessa how to bake. Tessa accepts the offer because apparently Karen is trying...
My last recap was mostly just a bunch of stuff from FSoG slightly rewritten from Grey’s PoV. It seems that I’ve got pretty much the same deal this time, only A MILLION TIMES WORSE, because now I have the dubious honour of recapping Grey’s first sex scene.
Luckily, though, I have a while to prepare myself for that, because this is also the LONGEST CHAPTER OF ALL TIME. It just keeps going and going. I’ll be surprised if anyone is even still reading by the time we get to the sex part.
Jessica: Your perseverance in not only reading, but writing, is impressive. Just reading this took colossal effort.
Luckily, though, I have a while to prepare myself for that, because this is also the LONGEST CHAPTER OF ALL TIME. It just keeps going and going. I’ll be surprised if anyone is even still reading by the time we get to the sex part.
Jessica: Your perseverance in not only reading, but writing, is impressive. Just reading this took colossal effort.
A chapter is starting, so a character is waking up. Grey screams, "no!" and I find it oddly hilarious that EL tells us that the scream, "bounces off the bedroom walls and wakes [him] from [his] nightmare." That rude scream bounces off the wall and probably bopped him on the head.
Grey wakes up and can still smell the "stale beer, cigarettes and poverty" from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we're being facetious when we use the "I hear poor people smell bad" tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.
Grey wakes up and can still smell the "stale beer, cigarettes and poverty" from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we're being facetious when we use the "I hear poor people smell bad" tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.
Welcome back to Shondaland! Let's see if the new year has brought us some new love for these characters. Probs not, though.
Marines: I like that you at least mentioned the possibility! That's positive.
Diva: I try.
We begin, as we always should, with a stripped-down, natural Annalise in front of the mirror. This is already so much better than any episode that starts with the murder!bonfire. The Voiceover Police question Annalise about why she thinks her husband murdered Lila. She explains that he's "missing."
Marines: I like that you at least mentioned the possibility! That's positive.
Diva: I try.
We begin, as we always should, with a stripped-down, natural Annalise in front of the mirror. This is already so much better than any episode that starts with the murder!bonfire. The Voiceover Police question Annalise about why she thinks her husband murdered Lila. She explains that he's "missing."
Ana knows she's in deep trouble because she's topless on a European beach. Grey picks up her bikini top, throws it at her and hisses for her to get dressed. Ana tries to tell him that no one is looking, on account of this being A EUROPEAN BEACH but she's Ana Freakin' Steele so of course people are looking at her magical boobs. I'm sure a rainbow can be found between them and there is a unicorn that rides back and forth in merry bliss. Ooooor, Grey is a possessive asshole and no one else in the world gives any shits about Ana's boobs. Either or.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.
Lorraine: Hello Traumateers!
We decided to pause for a wrap-up post for a couple of reasons: (1) - Have we mentioned we love finishing things? Man, we do. So pausing for a celebratory flail post is necessary.
(2) - We covered the entire book over the span of 22 weeks, which is a fucking lot, now that I think of it. Jesus, that's a lot of time dedicated to a load of crap. BRB. I didn't think I would need alcohol for a wrap up post, but alas.
Sweeney: It's always necessary for anything Fifty Shades related.
We decided to pause for a wrap-up post for a couple of reasons: (1) - Have we mentioned we love finishing things? Man, we do. So pausing for a celebratory flail post is necessary.
(2) - We covered the entire book over the span of 22 weeks, which is a fucking lot, now that I think of it. Jesus, that's a lot of time dedicated to a load of crap. BRB. I didn't think I would need alcohol for a wrap up post, but alas.
Sweeney: It's always necessary for anything Fifty Shades related.
Last week I started to write Sweeney an email yelling at her for having the luck of getting to cover the super short chapter 19. Sure, we found out that Grey wasn't dead and sure, Ana accepted his proposal, but then the chapter ended and now I'm stuck with the inevitable "let's get married" sex. As it happens, though, I believe next week's chapter- a Sweeney chapter- is the return to the playroom. You'll forgive me for that spoiler because: LOL.
Sweeney: You're the actual worst. I'm glad I began my search for a new BFF in yesterday's GoT post.
Sweeney: You're the actual worst. I'm glad I began my search for a new BFF in yesterday's GoT post.
Previously: Ana got promoted to editor after a week on the job and EL James tried to make us believe it wasn’t because she’s screwing the boss. OKAY SURE. —...
Previously: Ana finally encounters a gun-wielding GSP! We now continue reading to see what disappointing thing happens next. — Sweeney: After that incredibly promising chapter end, it is now sadly time...
Previously: Ana returns to Seattle just in time to have sex in a hallway, sex in the shower and sex in the Red Room. That last one happened with a...
Previously: Grey crashes Ana’s family vacation, the couple tragically survive a flight in a glider, and Grey reveals that letting Ana buy pancakes from IHOP would be a threat to...
Previously: Ana goes to Georgia to get some space from Christian, so naturally he follows her there. Because that’s the kind of man he is. — Lorraine: Guys. I...
E.L. James likes to end scenes with falling asleep, because it's quick and easy and because she learned all her writing skillz from the second grade. If the last page of this book says "it was all a dream," I QUIT LIFE.
We start chapter 17 with -shock- Ana waking up. She was dreaming of a candle flame and she's a moth flying right for the light. She says, "I'm flying too close to the sun," and even though she doesn't mention Icarus, that's like a copy paste from two pages ago.
Ana realizes that she's dreaming of hot things because Grey is draped across her and his body is making her hot. I know this is really nuanced writing here, but try to keep up.
We're told that Grey's body heat is suffocating Ana. If we've learned anything from all the times her breathing has failed her, though, it's that Ana lives not by oxygen alone. I think she actually breathes gray eyes, abusive relationships and hating Katherine Kavanagh. She proves this by taking a moment out from suffocating to be really happy that Grey spent the night in her bed.
As promised (or threatened):
Previously: Ana tries dressing up like a litte girl so maybe Grey won’t have sex with her but that doesn’t work. Grey doesn’t discriminate. So, they have sex some more....