A bus pulls up in a busy Gotham street, and the Penguin steps off wearing an ugly cableknit jumper. He looks around and smiles at the general crime and police corruption currently going on all around him, happy to be home.
Lorraine: But the question remains: why the heck does anyone else call this city where all the crime happens in broad daylight home?
Alex: A news report tells us that some rich guy, currently on trial for running a Ponzi scheme, is out on bail – much to the disgust to the citizens of Gotham who were the victims of his scheming. My knowledge of what a Ponzi scheme is is possibly the only good thing to come out of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s mercifully short time on Ringer.
Shrine o' Spielberg. A werewolf movie plays on Dawson's TV as he talks about how romantic the full moon is. The camera pans up to show us that Dawson and Joey aren't on the bed, they're outside on the roof staring at the moon. Dawson wibbles some more about how romantic and peaceful it is, while Joey makes WTF faces and says that it's just "a natural satellite". Way to be a buzzkill, Potter. She starts talking about the full moon making people crazy and how she thinks it's because we're 70% water and the moon effects us as well as the tides. Dawson, meanwhile, is trying to swallow her head.
Who wants to feel old and realize that if you only watched The OC when it aired, it's been more than 10 years since you've seen this episode? No one, ok, then let's ignore that I mentioned that at all. It helps that Adam Brody looks pretty much exactly the same as he did as Seth Cohen. If time stopped for him, it must've for all of us, right? Totally.
At school, Seth grills Ryan on what's happening with Marissa, because it totally makes sense that he does that with people around and not before they left the house or while they drove to school or anything like that! Ryan says he Marissa are going to go back to being friends. Smarty-pants-Cohen comes through again with the pointing out of their lack of friendship.
At school, Seth grills Ryan on what's happening with Marissa, because it totally makes sense that he does that with people around and not before they left the house or while they drove to school or anything like that! Ryan says he Marissa are going to go back to being friends. Smarty-pants-Cohen comes through again with the pointing out of their lack of friendship.
After the previouslies, we start off with a shot of the Cohen car filled with food. Sandy “Eyebrows” Cohen makes a crack about feeding Kirsten's dad to get his love, and while that probably won't work on Mr. Evil Corporate man, that would definitely work on me. Just sayin'. (S: Cosign.)(L: And another +1 makes it a party.)
Kirsten's dad (Caleb) enters and cheerfully calls himself the devil so we don't have to. Outside, Seth and Ryan talk about Caleb, and how he's Mr. Big Money. Seth points out that he, like Ryan, came from humble beginnings and they'd probably hit it off.
Kirsten's dad (Caleb) enters and cheerfully calls himself the devil so we don't have to. Outside, Seth and Ryan talk about Caleb, and how he's Mr. Big Money. Seth points out that he, like Ryan, came from humble beginnings and they'd probably hit it off.
We open in Dawson's Shrine o' Spielberg. He's watching his footage back (read: creepily talking about how perfect Jen is) while Joey sasses about how Jen's future is sooooooooo predictable - she'll go to a small liberal arts college, major in art history, move back to Manhattan, marry a stockbroker, move to the suburbs and raise neurotically perfect children. Dawson changes the subject to what he should get his parents for their wedding anniversary, and um, NOTHING??? Unless buying your parents an anniversary present is a thing in America and I'm not aware of it?!
Democracy Diva: Yeah, definitely have never done that. I think maybe I gave them a card when we had a big dinner for their 30th anniversary, but in general, this is not a thing in my circles.
Democracy Diva: Yeah, definitely have never done that. I think maybe I gave them a card when we had a big dinner for their 30th anniversary, but in general, this is not a thing in my circles.
A bunch of dudes in robes are clubbing a shirtless dude with a bag on his head. One wall of the room is made of flames. From the other side of the flames, Angel watches the beating happening. He leaps through the flames and grabs Bag Head Guy. He pulls the bag off, and BHG gushes his thanks. But Angel vamps out and bites down on his neck. Electric Cellos like 30 seconds into the episode. This makes me very uncomfortable.
After the credits, the sun rises over Los Angeles 19 hours earlier. Angel and Werewolf Nina are snuggling.
After the credits, the sun rises over Los Angeles 19 hours earlier. Angel and Werewolf Nina are snuggling.
The credits on fire take us through Kings' Landing, Dragonstone, the dreaded Dreadfort, Winterfell, The Wall, and finally forever away to Meereen.
We start the episode with Missandei teaching Grey Worm to read and speak in the Common Tongue. He asks about her background and she tells him she was kidnapped when she was five years old. Her memories are vague, but she does remember her village burning. If her village was anything like Winterfell, it was probably on fire forever, so I guess that's the kind of thing you'd remember. (S: FOREVER AND EVER.) Missandei in turn asks Grey Worm if he remembers his original home. He says there is nothing before the Unsullied. She says that's BS and maybe one day he will return to the Summer Isles. Grey Worm doesn't want to return. He wants to kill all the masters.
We start the episode with Missandei teaching Grey Worm to read and speak in the Common Tongue. He asks about her background and she tells him she was kidnapped when she was five years old. Her memories are vague, but she does remember her village burning. If her village was anything like Winterfell, it was probably on fire forever, so I guess that's the kind of thing you'd remember. (S: FOREVER AND EVER.) Missandei in turn asks Grey Worm if he remembers his original home. He says there is nothing before the Unsullied. She says that's BS and maybe one day he will return to the Summer Isles. Grey Worm doesn't want to return. He wants to kill all the masters.
Ashley Marin ordered a plant but it's too big and she's trying to move it out of the way, asking for Hanna's help and she teenagers that it's fine where it is. The Great Contrivance Spirit whisks Ashley away to answer her phone, leaving Hanna to move some small plants out of the way and magically discover an old note from Maya to Emily.
The other Liars all come over so that Hanna can read them the message. Maya's phone was stolen and she had something that she needed Emily to see. The note asks Emily to meet Maya somewhere, but weather and the fact that the episode just started eroded that part of the note. Just that part. Em's 100% sure the note is from Maya. The girls are pretty sure it's the evidence that Garrett is Ali's killer and that's why she got killed. Aria looks more closely at the note and guess what wasn't magically washed away? The date. Maya wrote it the day she died. Maybe it was all that note-writing that got her killed.
The other Liars all come over so that Hanna can read them the message. Maya's phone was stolen and she had something that she needed Emily to see. The note asks Emily to meet Maya somewhere, but weather and the fact that the episode just started eroded that part of the note. Just that part. Em's 100% sure the note is from Maya. The girls are pretty sure it's the evidence that Garrett is Ali's killer and that's why she got killed. Aria looks more closely at the note and guess what wasn't magically washed away? The date. Maya wrote it the day she died. Maybe it was all that note-writing that got her killed.
I first suggested that we cover the original Buffy movie way back in August 2012, not long after we started covering Buffy. Somehow, it ended up as a "this would be a good way to finish things" idea, and then with the birth of #snarkathon in December it became a "watch it alone-together with the Traumateers" thing. Aww.
Anyway, let's get to the movie, shall we?
We open in Dark Ages Europe, where we're given approximately two seconds of Slayer backstory - one girl in all the world, yada yada yada, she has a creepy birthmark on her chest known as "The Mark of the Coven".
Anyway, let's get to the movie, shall we?
We open in Dark Ages Europe, where we're given approximately two seconds of Slayer backstory - one girl in all the world, yada yada yada, she has a creepy birthmark on her chest known as "The Mark of the Coven".
Veronica is examining the photos of Lilly's shoes in her bedroom and then Lilly's shoes in the evidence bag. She voice-overs that only one person can help her make sense of them, and only one person can help her get to that one person. In walks Cliff McCormack, who Veronica immediately starts schmoozing. Cliff asks if she's trying to sell him a raffle ticket. I suddenly remember loving Cliff. That's right, right? Cliff is awesome?
Democracy Diva: Cliff is awesome. He mentions that he failed criminal law, so there's hope for me as a lawyer yet!
Sweeney: A lawyer with tawdry clients like Loretta Cancun!
Democracy Diva: Cliff is awesome. He mentions that he failed criminal law, so there's hope for me as a lawyer yet!
Sweeney: A lawyer with tawdry clients like Loretta Cancun!
The previouslies remind us of Warren murdering Tara and the flaying, so that's SUPER promising. Giles is heading off to the desert to take the Potentials on Vision Quest, fretting about whether or not Buffy will be all right, Buffy jokes that they've managed longer than that -- you know when he ABANDONED THEM. The rest of the Scoobies strut in and out of the scene to talk about making marshmallows, the fact that the girls are fighting over who gets to drive since Giles doesn't have a valid license, and let Giles know that Molly is locked in the trunk. Good times.
Kirsti: My favourite thing about this scene is Giles berating Buffy for what she told the Potentials about the Vision Quest:
Kirsti: My favourite thing about this scene is Giles berating Buffy for what she told the Potentials about the Vision Quest:
The previouslies include basically everything we've seen so far, including all of the annoying Aria/Ezra crap which means we'll all be gauging our eyes out by the end of this one. Anyways, the episode starts with the girls drinking coffee at a very public coffeehouse and having a very public conversation about their secrets, per usual. The Liars rehash how Ali was dressing up as Wigison to get answers on who 'A' was.
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
The girls are at Spencer's house, looking at the files Caleb has managed to decode. Hanna wants the Liars to stop using Caleb for help, because she doesn't want to involve him in their dramz. My feeling is, he's probably already involved, so you might as well use his magical wolfy hacking powers for good, right?
Sweeney: Definitely. Especially because it earns him more screen time, which really is a service to the greater good.
Sara: The file he's managed to decode is just the You Know You Wanna Kiss Me video, and the girls are like, SRSLY AGAIN because if this video gets any longer, it's going to be its own episode. But once we get to the end of it, the video cuts to a new location that we haven't seen before. Aria alerts us to it being Alison's bedroom, and we that Ian is setting this camera up in a secret place and WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. It only gets worse when Garrett and Blind!Jenna show up. They ask where New Jason is, and Ian tells them that weed + alcohol made him pass out.
Sweeney: Definitely. Especially because it earns him more screen time, which really is a service to the greater good.
Sara: The file he's managed to decode is just the You Know You Wanna Kiss Me video, and the girls are like, SRSLY AGAIN because if this video gets any longer, it's going to be its own episode. But once we get to the end of it, the video cuts to a new location that we haven't seen before. Aria alerts us to it being Alison's bedroom, and we that Ian is setting this camera up in a secret place and WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. It only gets worse when Garrett and Blind!Jenna show up. They ask where New Jason is, and Ian tells them that weed + alcohol made him pass out.
The actual, official previouslies remind us that the Liars are now in possession of A's cell phone, which happened completely by accident, despite their semi-elaborate plan. We start this episode with the Liars heading back into the Greenhouse of Secrets, all of them all kind of running around like headless chickens. They look for the box New Jason gave Aria while Spencer announces that the cell phone is locked.
Emily wonders where they all were while she almost had her face troweled off. Aria explains that she dropped a bomb at home and was sent to her room. Spencer says Toby cornered her and Hanna blurts out that Kate is moving to Rosewood. That's the piece of news that gets the biggest reaction out of the Liars, because priorities.
Emily wonders where they all were while she almost had her face troweled off. Aria explains that she dropped a bomb at home and was sent to her room. Spencer says Toby cornered her and Hanna blurts out that Kate is moving to Rosewood. That's the piece of news that gets the biggest reaction out of the Liars, because priorities.
This story begins with a dewy Instagram filter as Alison narrates a ghost story about twin little girls. Hanna cuts her off, telling her that she's going to traumatize this child and cause her to get fired. LOL, Hanna, you're a thousand times more responsible than any adult in Rosewood, so don't worry about it. The kid nods for Ali to continue. One twin murders the other and Ali's narration voice gets extra #creepyasshit and the story culminates with her stabbing the Jack-O-Lantern, because Ali was batshit crazy.
Lorraine: The thing that bothered me the most about this creepy story was the way those two girls were playing with their Barbies, just shaking them around. That's when I knew they were evil.
Lorraine: The thing that bothered me the most about this creepy story was the way those two girls were playing with their Barbies, just shaking them around. That's when I knew they were evil.