Spencer, Hanna and Aria sit in a police interrogation room, arms and faces covered in dirty. On the other side of the one way glass, some officer is telling a shadowy detective that the girls haven't said a word since they were brought in. The Zoomy Cameraman focuses on Detective Mystery's mouth so we can watch it smirk at the thought of securing his own promotion by destroying the lives of three girls.
It comes as no real shock that this is Detective Wilden, last seen being the stupidest detective of all time, taking advantage of Mama Marin's vagina and also getting a verbal SMACKDOWN from Mariska Mom.
This episode begins with, you guessed it, the girls recapping the last few minutes of the last episode. Spencer managed to get away from Officer Garrett by telling him she had to get home. Well, that was anti-climatic. Hanna suggests that maybe Blind Jenna didn't give Garrett the pottery candle thing, but Spencer thinks that's unlikely. "What do you think, he bought it at the Blind Artists Craft Fair? Of course she gave it to him!"
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.
The episode starts with all of the girls in their separate rooms in no way referencing what happened last episode. JUST KIDDING. They are all in the Marin Manor kitchen. Emily's explaining that some pipes broke in the house, meaning that Hanna and Em have to share a room. Hanna says that it'll be like a never-ending sleep over and Aria and Spencer give each other hilarious side eye.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
The first episode of season two starts moments after where we left off at the end of For Whom the Bell Tolls. The girls are sharing a group WTF over the fact that Ian was most definitely dead, and now his body is missing. They of course attribute this to A shenanigans.
Creepy Jenna-kissing Officer Garrett comes over to tell the girls that they are being taken down to the station and their parents will meet them there. The girls don't question this, and hop on into Officer Garrett's car. He takes a turn that is decidedly not towards the station, pulls into a back alley and demands that the girls all get out of the car in a super creepy fashion.
Creepy Jenna-kissing Officer Garrett comes over to tell the girls that they are being taken down to the station and their parents will meet them there. The girls don't question this, and hop on into Officer Garrett's car. He takes a turn that is decidedly not towards the station, pulls into a back alley and demands that the girls all get out of the car in a super creepy fashion.
Finale time! We pick up where we left off last time, with the girls sitting on the bed, watching more Stalker videos. But the next video isn't of the PLLs; it's of Blind!Jenna, before she was blind, and Toby. Jenna has her arms around Toby and is telling him (and us) that it isn't really creepy because of how they aren't really related. Yeah, no. It's still creepy, girl. She goes on that if he doesn't get sexy with her, she'll tell his dad that he's been forcing her to have sex with him and obviously they'll believe her. So yeah. Jenna is a straight up rapist, and we now have lots of validity behind why we hate her. Thank goodness Hanna went ahead and slapped her that one time. (NEVER FORGET.)
Spencer and Emily are returning to Spencer's house from school when MariskaMom arrives to deliver very bad news. The police have issued a warrant and will now be going through the entire Hastings house, including Spencer's room. She runs up there to stop them, but they're boxing up all of her shit - diaries, laptop, notebooks. Can someone with a criminal justice degree please tell me if this would EVER happen based on the evidence they have on Spencer? Which is, none.
Spencer wants her mom to make them stop, but MariskaMom says they're just doing their jobs. Ian shows up just in time to do a long, creepy stare into the room, while drinking a glass of milk. Wtf.
Spencer wants her mom to make them stop, but MariskaMom says they're just doing their jobs. Ian shows up just in time to do a long, creepy stare into the room, while drinking a glass of milk. Wtf.
We begin the episode with shots of the girls being separately interrogated. They've told the cops about the Someone Wants To Kiss Ali - Extended Edition that they received, featuring special guest Creepy Ian. They all lie for Spencer when asked if they knew of Ian being with any other younger girls.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.
We open with all four PLLs in Spencer's room, with Aria sulking by the window. They're discussing how Melissa is pregnant and Emily wonders why she got pregnant. The girls are trying to decode Toby's message, which is in braille. Emily invites Aria to sit closer and Nancy Drew with them, but she just mean eyes Hanna and says she can see just fine, thank you very much.
They decode Toby's letter, and all it says is BAD. Womp womp.
SHH.
They decode Toby's letter, and all it says is BAD. Womp womp.
SHH.
Ana starts us off by confirming that no, she did not know where her husband was born. That's usually the stuff you learn in like week 2 or 3 of dating, right about the time Grey and Ana were signing contracts or, I don't know, getting married.
Grey tells Ana that he and Elliot were both born and adopted in Detroit. The Greys moved to Seattle shortly thereafter. Ana wants to know how Grey knows that Jack was born in Detroit.
Oh, this is a serious question? Girl, you are seriously asking how MF STALKER BOYFRIEND knew where Jack was born? Even Grey is all, “um, duh.” as he shares that he had a background check run on Jack.
Grey tells Ana that he and Elliot were both born and adopted in Detroit. The Greys moved to Seattle shortly thereafter. Ana wants to know how Grey knows that Jack was born in Detroit.
Oh, this is a serious question? Girl, you are seriously asking how MF STALKER BOYFRIEND knew where Jack was born? Even Grey is all, “um, duh.” as he shares that he had a background check run on Jack.
We begin the episode in the Hastings home. It's late at night and Spencer's creeping. She hears her sister and Ian having a whispered conversation, but runs back to her room when the stairs creek. As soon as she gets back, she has an email from A asking if they married for love or an alibi. Big eyes, Shhh. See, the show has Aria shush us after people do scandalous, sneaky shit.
Lorraine: A always has the best timing. Imagine if Spencer found that email after talking to her parents. Awkward!
Sweeney: The next morning, Spencer tip toes around the house and is all, "AAH YOU KILLED ALI!" when Ian enters the kitchen.
Lorraine: A always has the best timing. Imagine if Spencer found that email after talking to her parents. Awkward!
Sweeney: The next morning, Spencer tip toes around the house and is all, "AAH YOU KILLED ALI!" when Ian enters the kitchen.
Previously: Spencer’s mom won all the Snark Lady love by calling Wilden out for being the worst, most inappropriate/illegal detective in the history of ever. — Keep Your Friends Close...
Sweeney: The episode begins with Lilah snooping around Lindsey's office. Darla appears and creeps about how powerful it feels to rummage through other people's shit. Darla's playing with some bright purple powder that Lilah assumes is how she keeps Angel asleep.
Kirsti: Either that, or Darla's been raiding Cordy's eyeshadow collection.
Lorraine: 1430.
Kirsti: Either that, or Darla's been raiding Cordy's eyeshadow collection.
Lorraine: 1430.
Sara: The PLLs are all at Spencer's house, where parents don't exist, talking about the note A sent to Aria's mother. I would much rather have seen A send a note about Aria dry humping her teacher. Does A have a request line?
Lorraine: Or perhaps she's hiring? CALL ME A! I have references!
Sweeney: Pages and pages of your qualifications for the job, in fact. She need only visit this blog for proof of all the training you've received.
Lorraine: Or perhaps she's hiring? CALL ME A! I have references!
Sweeney: Pages and pages of your qualifications for the job, in fact. She need only visit this blog for proof of all the training you've received.
Hanna is in lots of trouble with her mom partly for wrecking her boyfriend's car, but mostly for the fact that there are cops at her house again and she can't sex her way out of this one for Hanna. Poor Mama Marin. It seems like this is the first time she found a problem her vagina couldn't solve.
The PLL's are talking about the exciting new memorial bench the town is putting in and the flowers they'll plant and BFF tiles they will all make for Alison. Hanna still has Alison's bracelet and she is not happy about it. The other girls hesitate, but Spencer takes it and tells the girls to grow the fuck up.
The PLL's are talking about the exciting new memorial bench the town is putting in and the flowers they'll plant and BFF tiles they will all make for Alison. Hanna still has Alison's bracelet and she is not happy about it. The other girls hesitate, but Spencer takes it and tells the girls to grow the fuck up.
Someone mentioned in a comment how illogical these chapter-to-chapter not-cliffhangers are in this book, because it's not like someone reading this book is going to wait in suspense for days. I'm only bringing it up now because I'm about 99% certain that this "writing" choice is most likely the product of the fact that this was originally Twilight fanfiction, where readers did have to wait for her next abysmal installment. Consider this your semi-regular reminder of that fact and also that the world is unfair.
My personal headcanon of Ana's shock and horror upon looking in the mirror was an existential crisis of sorts, in which she realized what a tragedy it was that she exists. Or fictionally exists. The actual reason? Hickeys.
My personal headcanon of Ana's shock and horror upon looking in the mirror was an existential crisis of sorts, in which she realized what a tragedy it was that she exists. Or fictionally exists. The actual reason? Hickeys.