We begin in a ridiculously fancy-shmancy driveway. I start to worry that everything on this show will make me think about Marissa Cooper, because all I can see is the sun setting behind her dead-eyed, expressionless face. Anyway, the driveway belongs to Logan, and he's yelling at some tourists who are trying to catch a glimpse of his apparently super-famous dad. #richpeopleproblems
At Neptune High, Duncan and Jake Kane are being boring. Dad wants son to run for student council; son has no fucks to give. Jake mentions a "Reign of Kane" and I laugh forever because he's the worst.
Previously: Mary Anne ignores a chain letter and is, on a wholly unrelated note, tormented by some girls who want her boyfriend. The girls blame Mary Anne for all the...
Lily: This is a story about a boy and his wolf. Lorraine: For a second there, I was going to be all, “JACOB?” but then I realized you said, “a...
Previously: Mary Anne had her series defining moment: SHE GOT A CAT. Wait, no, I mean she got a boyfriend. Sorry, it was just a lot of excitement in one...