We open yet another chapter with Bella waking up in the morning. I know Meyer didn't actually invent that shitty writing shortcut or anything, and it's possible she didn't even notice she was doing it so often, but does she not understand how fucking annoying it is to read? EVERY CHAPTER Bella is waking up for the morning and EVERY CHAPTER she goes to bed at the end. And it's not like this is an intentional motif or anything.
I'm not even sure this complaint is making sense. This book is sapping my will to make sense.
This chapter opens feeling strangely familiar, with Bella clinging to some guy in a forest while a group of potential predators are approaching. Instead of big bad vampires, it's big, bad, half-naked boys. The boys are moving in sync, because that's apparently what werewolves do?
Kirsti: Meanwhile, all I could think of that episode of Buffy in season 3 Willow said something about how the towels were for privacy because she and Oz were still getting used to half-nakedness, and Xander freaked a little and went "Half?! Which half??" It's much funnier if they have shirts on and no pants.
Kirsti: Meanwhile, all I could think of that episode of Buffy in season 3 Willow said something about how the towels were for privacy because she and Oz were still getting used to half-nakedness, and Xander freaked a little and went "Half?! Which half??" It's much funnier if they have shirts on and no pants.
Surprising no one, Bella decides to go confront the werewolf. She clarifies that she doesn't condone what the wolves are doing and it's real cute coming from vampires' #1 fan. She spends the first page explaining her reasoning to us, again proving that Stephenie Meyer knew she was writing Bella as an insanely nonsensical character and felt the need to over-explain. Okay, Bella. We get it. You can't be friends with the killer werewolf but you have to go warn the killer werewolf.
Bella opens up this chapter by telling us that she's surprised she's still alive. It's been 3 chapters since my last chapter so I can't remember why she's almost dying this time. Is it still because her boyfriend broke up with her or because her emotional crutch did? Let's read on and see.
Oh! It's because she keeps expecting Victoria to kill her in her sleep. Good for her. That's a legit reason to be surprised by your life.
Oh! It's because she keeps expecting Victoria to kill her in her sleep. Good for her. That's a legit reason to be surprised by your life.
Lucky me, I get the aftermath of the breakup! -_-
Marines: Bad news for us all: the aftermath of the breakup is basically the entire rest of this book.
K: Hooray.
In typical SMeyer fashion, we can't just read about time passing. No, no. We have to do it in the most dramatic style possible: four pages, each with a month written in the middle of it. Because, like, Bella has zero life without Edward. Geddit?
Marines: Bad news for us all: the aftermath of the breakup is basically the entire rest of this book.
K: Hooray.
In typical SMeyer fashion, we can't just read about time passing. No, no. We have to do it in the most dramatic style possible: four pages, each with a month written in the middle of it. Because, like, Bella has zero life without Edward. Geddit?
Hi everyone, time for the potted history of The OC and me- I LOVE this show! At age 17, this was my life. I laughed, I cried, I flunked my AS levels due to bingeing on the boxsets instead of studying. I even wrote an article about it for my school magazine entitled “The OC: why we’ve all gone Obsessive Compulsive over Orange County.” I’m actually not allowed to watch any of the dramatic episodes, or the final episode, because I cry so much that my sister always rushes in from wherever she is to see if I’ve finally impaled myself on one of the glass swans that my parents are so fond of. (I’m very clumsy, it could happen.)
Martha and the Doctor burst into the TARDIS, explosions following them. The Doctor asks frantically if "they" saw Martha's face. She insists that they couldn't have. They set off through time and space, but the unnamed "they" follows, thanks to some stolen technology. The Doctor looks panicky as he realises "they" can follow him anywhere. "I'll have to do it," he says. He grabs a pocket watch and waves it at Martha, saying that his life depends on it. He talks directly into the camera as he starts to say more about the watch.
It's the day after Grey's stalker-shopping trip. He's out for an early-morning run as he listens to Moby and recalls dreaming about Ana last night. (J: For some reason, knowing Grey listens to Moby makes me laugh.) In his dream she was on her knees and calling him 'sir'. How sweet. His run apparently goes on for TWO WHOLE HOURS, although E.L. James thankfully manages to resist the urge to narrate the entire thing and instead skips to Grey jogging past a coffee shop on his way back to the hotel. He briefly considers asking Ana out for a coffee date, but then he laughs at himself because that's something a normal non-murdery person would do. Ew.
PTA meeting. A parent accuses the school board of sentencing their kid to death, which is quite extreme, and also not at all what is going on here. The board has urged Principal Green to reconsider his decision to expel Douchey Jock. Mr. Douchey Jock Sr. is all, "my kid didn't do anything wrong," but Joey stands up to speak her mind about how this has all been blown out of proportion. The school board president basically tells her to sit down and shut up. DJ Sr. says that Principal Green's draconian methods of punishment are more appropriate for an "urban war zone" than civilized community. You see, because Principal Green is black, DJ Sr. can't just call it a war zone. It has to be "urban," because racism. This dude is the grossest. Joey agrees, and so does one member of the school board, who tells DJ Sr. that his son's issues are a result of his own shitty parenting.
We start with bright blue sky, cheery music, a banner proclaiming the 2012 London Olympics and even some houses with little Union flags in the windows. It reminds me of when Kirsti was last in the US and astounded by the number of flags we fly. #Merica
K: TRUE. Y'all need to back off on the flags. It's RIDICULOUS. I have yet to see any private residence in Australia flying the Australian flag. Wait. Maybe the posh place with a freaking turret near my cousin's old high school that usually flies a pirate flag puts up the Australian flag for Australia Day? IDK IDK.
K: TRUE. Y'all need to back off on the flags. It's RIDICULOUS. I have yet to see any private residence in Australia flying the Australian flag. Wait. Maybe the posh place with a freaking turret near my cousin's old high school that usually flies a pirate flag puts up the Australian flag for Australia Day? IDK IDK.
So I'm finally guest blogging for Snark Squad. I feel accomplished. That probably tells you all you need to know about me.
I love The O.C. and on first watch, I was completely #teamryan. On a later watch, #teamseth. So when I watch now, I find myself conflicted. It's a hard place to be. I'll keep a tally as I go to see where I'm at today.
Marines: This is kind of how my Myers Briggs has shifted a little as I get older. Like that, but way more awesome.
Sweeney: It says a lot about how we're not this show's target age demographic anymore that you're contextualizing it with Myers Briggs.
I love The O.C. and on first watch, I was completely #teamryan. On a later watch, #teamseth. So when I watch now, I find myself conflicted. It's a hard place to be. I'll keep a tally as I go to see where I'm at today.
Marines: This is kind of how my Myers Briggs has shifted a little as I get older. Like that, but way more awesome.
Sweeney: It says a lot about how we're not this show's target age demographic anymore that you're contextualizing it with Myers Briggs.
In what I thought was a flashback but is definitely a dream, Veronica envisions herself on the bus, with the bus crash victims. She's crying, and there's a girl in a tee shirt that says "I <3 DICK," so, um, yeah. I have absolutely no idea what's going on, and that's a feeling that will continue throughout this episode. Back in reality, someone wakes Veronica up and sends her to the school counselor. Veronica defends her bad behavior to the guidance counselor (namely, wearing headphones and sleeping in class, ripping down other students' posters, etc.) and jokes that she's being haunted by the bus crash victims. Except she's really not joking - she's seeing them every time she tries to fall asleep.
Hello, Traumateers! The Snark Squad has, for some reason, allowed me to be your guide through the OC Season 2, Episode 4. I have never seen the OC, nor do I have any idea what it is about; however, from the title, I'm looking forward to some disruptive, forward-thinking Original Content. AM I RIGHT? (M: Best to let it be a surprise.) So. Let's get this show on the road.
Oh, as the opening recap begins, I'm noticing a lot of white people. And one semi-hispanic looking teenager. This is probably just situational, and there'll be a more diverse group coming up.
Oh, as the opening recap begins, I'm noticing a lot of white people. And one semi-hispanic looking teenager. This is probably just situational, and there'll be a more diverse group coming up.
A van pulls up outside a gorgeous but slightly creepy mansion-turned-hotel. Inside, a woman gives the driver instructions on the boxes he's to collect while he nostalgia-mopes about the hotel closing down because his parents and grandparents got engaged there. She has no fucks to give. He heads upstairs as two girls in slightly oldy-worldy outfits watch from the landing.
One complains about Van Guy taking their toys, but the mother says there are plenty of other toys to play with.
Cut to Tyler, the younger of the two girls, playing with a creepy-ass dollhouse that's a scale model of the hotel.
One complains about Van Guy taking their toys, but the mother says there are plenty of other toys to play with.
Cut to Tyler, the younger of the two girls, playing with a creepy-ass dollhouse that's a scale model of the hotel.
Because that season premiere propelled the show from teen drama to full-on Spanish telenovella, I feel like characters should be renamed (at least for one recap) accordingly.
After the previouslies summarizing everyone's drama, we kick off with Rodrigo (Ryan) and Seth (who will be called Enriqué because no proper telenovella can do without an Enriqué, and also because I guess the Spanish of Seth would be Seth). (L: Set, actually. TMYK *shooting star*) So, Rodrigo and Enriqué are talking about whether they should go back to school, with Enriqué trying to flee (which seems to have become his thing) while Rodrigo says that they have to go.
After the previouslies summarizing everyone's drama, we kick off with Rodrigo (Ryan) and Seth (who will be called Enriqué because no proper telenovella can do without an Enriqué, and also because I guess the Spanish of Seth would be Seth). (L: Set, actually. TMYK *shooting star*) So, Rodrigo and Enriqué are talking about whether they should go back to school, with Enriqué trying to flee (which seems to have become his thing) while Rodrigo says that they have to go.