I'm so scared.
Democracy Diva: Me too.
Mari: Camp Liar, Liar, Heir on Fire. Icicles are melting and Melisandre looks super pleased with herself. She goes into Stannis's tent to continue being pleased with herself and the Lord of Light. She says that Stannis will for sure capture Winterfell because the Lord of Light has shown her Bolton banners burning. Melisandre is trying to be affectionate with Stannis but I guess he's a little bit bummed about setting his daughter on fire, or something. He leaves her, bumping her in the face as he goes.
We open with a woman on the couch reading one of those trashy magazines that declares the Apocolypse here. A man comes in the front door and she greets him but he just runs straight upstairs. He heads into the bathroom all sweaty and panicked. He looks into the mirror as his skin begins to wrinkle and his hair falls out. He turns into an old old man and collapses into a cabinet. (K: It's very...Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
Breakfast at the Halliwell Manor. Phoebe asks Piper if she got "the postcard" from Dan and I'm confused because aren't they not on good terms after he attacked her boyfriend for being a liar and a war veteran? Apparently he's having a great time wherever he is, so... great?
Marines: He probably only sent the postcard because he's having a good time and stupid ex-girlfriends need to know that.
Stephanie: Anyway, Piper is distracted by a letter from the doctor that treated her when she got sick from handling space fruit. Yup, we all wanted to revisit that plot.
Marines: He probably only sent the postcard because he's having a good time and stupid ex-girlfriends need to know that.
Stephanie: Anyway, Piper is distracted by a letter from the doctor that treated her when she got sick from handling space fruit. Yup, we all wanted to revisit that plot.
Halliwell Manor. Piper is preparing for a romantic night by lighting candles and picking up a vase and putting it elsewhere (?). Prue runs in and Piper asks her WTF she's doing home, because Pipers's supposed to have the house to herself. Prue totally forgot about this and is distracted by some pictures she took for an assignment. She wants Piper's opinion on them, and since Leo isn't there yet anyway, Piper tells her to make it quick.
Prue shows the horrible photos to her sister. (S: I will always laugh at her mediocre photos. Until this character trait suddenly disappears, of course.)
Prue shows the horrible photos to her sister. (S: I will always laugh at her mediocre photos. Until this character trait suddenly disappears, of course.)
If you want to know why this show is MEH to watch and painful to recap, let's take today's opening scene: Supergirl is flying around and all we see is her SHADOW. Her voice over says that she's always felt like a SHADOW of a person. Are the writers even trying?
Samantha: Maybe this is the first ever attempt at letting a computer write a show and all it has to go on is bad metaphors and cliches?
Catherine: Shut up, you guys. IT'S DEEP.
Samantha: Maybe this is the first ever attempt at letting a computer write a show and all it has to go on is bad metaphors and cliches?
Catherine: Shut up, you guys. IT'S DEEP.
So we open with this thing that's just like The Flash where Kara kind of tells the viewer who she is and what her deal is. Except that it's not as charming/hokey as when Grant Gustin does it and I don't know why. I really want to like this, I swear I'm trying.
Catherine: You shouldn't have to, though, really.
Samantha: Anyway, someone must have heard me last post because the episode opens where it left off: with the interview between Cat and Supergirl.
Catherine: You shouldn't have to, though, really.
Samantha: Anyway, someone must have heard me last post because the episode opens where it left off: with the interview between Cat and Supergirl.
We head straight into DOO WEE OOOH after the previouslies, and then a title card lets us know that this episode picks up one year after the previous one. A man standing on a beach signals to a row boat that is approaching the shore with a lamp. Martha gets off the boat and runs up to the man. She asks his name (Tom Milligan) and but he doesn't need to ask for hers: she's the famous Martha Jones. He asks how long it's been since she's been in Britain. 365 days. "It's been a long year."
I haven't even pressed play to start rewatching this episode and I'm already rolling my eyes. So that's how I feel about this, friends.
We start with an inspiring voice over as we get an extended sequence of Supergirl flying around. It's been a week since she's revealed herself and things are going pretty well. CUE A MISSILE COMING AT HER har har har.
We start with an inspiring voice over as we get an extended sequence of Supergirl flying around. It's been a week since she's revealed herself and things are going pretty well. CUE A MISSILE COMING AT HER har har har.
A bunch of old women stand in a circle, calling on something named Cryto. One of the ladies has a little coughing fit, but she urges the others to keep chanting. Even though they've been at it for 15 minutes, she's sure Cryto will show up.
Stephanie: Before we get any further can we just take a moment to go WTF at the weird Leatherfaceness of this episode's title?
Mari: Absolutely!
Stephanie: Before we get any further can we just take a moment to go WTF at the weird Leatherfaceness of this episode's title?
Mari: Absolutely!
Class at Rosewood! But it's choir class, so half points. The Liars are in the front row, singing What Child Is This? and Hanna either hates choir class or is still hungover? Something.
Jessica: Christmas carols are bad enough when you're sober and not being forced to sing them.
Mari: Right, or she hates Christmas carols.
In an adjacent room which we can conveniently see into thanks to a large window, Detective Tanner is asking Alison questions about the last time she spoke to Shana.
Jessica: Christmas carols are bad enough when you're sober and not being forced to sing them.
Mari: Right, or she hates Christmas carols.
In an adjacent room which we can conveniently see into thanks to a large window, Detective Tanner is asking Alison questions about the last time she spoke to Shana.
Before we get started on this chapter, I’d like to thank Mari for picking up chapter 9 (the sex contract chapter) while I was completely swamped with finishing my masters degree. However, I've kind of screwed myself over, because now I have to cover this extremely long chapter instead. Come back, sex contract! All is forgiven! (Not really).
Marines: I love you, but this worked out so well for me.
Marines: I love you, but this worked out so well for me.
We open to a bunch of car alarms going off. The cars are all smashed to shit. Castiel walks into the middle of them and raises a hand. The alarms stop, because he's...the car whisperer or some shit? I don't even know any more. (M: A little known and seldom useful angel power.)
Cas walks through the cars, looking like a sad puppy, and stops by the corpse of a blonde woman in a pretty white virginal dress. He pulls a piece of cloth away from her throat to reveal a bloody wound. "Goodbye, sister," he says sadly. Police cars speed towards him, sirens blaring.
Cas walks through the cars, looking like a sad puppy, and stops by the corpse of a blonde woman in a pretty white virginal dress. He pulls a piece of cloth away from her throat to reveal a bloody wound. "Goodbye, sister," he says sadly. Police cars speed towards him, sirens blaring.
We pick this episode up right where we left off last time, with everyone looking at Toby's house on fire. Their phones all ring and it's a text message from A: Did you miss me, bitches? Um, actually no. Emily is still like, "but Shana is dead!" because even though a house is exploding in front of them, apparently we're still going to find it hard to believe that A is STILL a thing.
Jessica: This attitude just explains why in 5 seasons, we're no closer to finding out what the hell is going on with this A person/people than we were in Season 1, Episode 1.
Mari: As they look on and wonder where Toby went, the house explodes some more.
Jessica: This attitude just explains why in 5 seasons, we're no closer to finding out what the hell is going on with this A person/people than we were in Season 1, Episode 1.
Mari: As they look on and wonder where Toby went, the house explodes some more.
A chapter is starting, so a character is waking up. Grey screams, "no!" and I find it oddly hilarious that EL tells us that the scream, "bounces off the bedroom walls and wakes [him] from [his] nightmare." That rude scream bounces off the wall and probably bopped him on the head.
Grey wakes up and can still smell the "stale beer, cigarettes and poverty" from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we're being facetious when we use the "I hear poor people smell bad" tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.
Grey wakes up and can still smell the "stale beer, cigarettes and poverty" from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we're being facetious when we use the "I hear poor people smell bad" tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.
It's the day after Grey's stalker-shopping trip. He's out for an early-morning run as he listens to Moby and recalls dreaming about Ana last night. (J: For some reason, knowing Grey listens to Moby makes me laugh.) In his dream she was on her knees and calling him 'sir'. How sweet. His run apparently goes on for TWO WHOLE HOURS, although E.L. James thankfully manages to resist the urge to narrate the entire thing and instead skips to Grey jogging past a coffee shop on his way back to the hotel. He briefly considers asking Ana out for a coffee date, but then he laughs at himself because that's something a normal non-murdery person would do. Ew.