Tag: snark squad advice saves lives

The Mister Chapter 06 – Open your purse.

Previously: Max stares at Alessia creepily while she cleans. — Marines: Alessia is super excited because she’s entering his apartment. Will she ever use his name in this book or is that going...

The Mister Chapter 04 – Fuck a duck

Previously: Max had sex. — Marines: If you’ll recall, Max just asked Alessia who the heck she is. “Zot!” she thinks, because writing characters who speak another language means just...

Wynonna Earp S01 E02 – Believe her!

Previously: Wynonna has to hunt some demons. It’s a curse. — Keep the Home Fires Burning Marines: Club, people dancing. Wynonna walks in in slow motion, wearing a scowl and more...

Designated Survivor S01 E02 – Stop picking on glasses, dammit.

Hokay. So this episode starts out at the bombing site, still the night of. The head FBI guy, Atwood, tells Maggie Q to look into all the usual suspects and to heighten security. I'm taking a moment to tell you that the playback on the ABC website is shitty, and makes rewatching this episode difficult. Get it together, ABC.
Marines: They also play like 27 years worth of commercials. Get it together, THIS IS THE INTERNET.

Eclipse Chapter 24 – Sashay away.

Bella's face down on her sleeping bag. Edward strokes her knotty disgusting hair, and somehow she still knows that his hand is cold? (M: Like when you wash your hair with cold water. *cough*)  Whatever. She says that she wants to die, and I really want her to die too. (A: Me three!) Although frankly, after the abomination that was the last chapter, I want EVERYONE to die. But sadly, Edward says he'll never let that happen. Um. So he's NOT going to let anyone turn her into a vampire? What's the point of this goddamn series then?! (C: Torture?) 

BrainDead S01 E04 – Liberal Tourette’s

We begin with the best previously song yet:
“Have you no sense of decency? My God, you monsters... not the cat!”
Marines: This song is basically doing our job for us.
Dani: (Shhhh...)
The action starts in an apartment building where a woman named Jules (Natalie Gold) meets her next-door neighbor, Noah (Michael Esper), for the first time.

The OC S04 E02 – Mexico is always a terrible idea

Ryan calls Julie while Seth wants to be connected to the pilot of a plane but no such luck because even Seth can't bully himself into an airplane cockpit or something like that. After hanging up, Seth "accidentally" hears what Julie and Ryan are talking on the phone about - him and some investigation. (Can you tell I'm not completely up to date on my OC watching? Ahem.)
The two boys meet in the kitchen but Ryan is very withdrawn so Seth tries the direct approach of asking where Ryan is planning on going but no such luck. Seth doesn't want to let Ryan go and find Vulture, so he gets in Ryan's car instead refusing to leave his brother alone.

New Moon Chapter 08 – “I got in a fight with Thor?”

After that fabulous curb hanger, Jake makes Bella prove that she knows how to use the motorbike by demanding to know where various controls are. After a FULL PAGE of that shit, he tells her that she's ready to actually start moving. Obviously, she freaks the fuck out. He tells her to pretend the clutch is a live hand grenade so that she won't let go of it????? This strategy would have me getting the fuck off the motorbike, but we all know that Bella's nowhere near as smart as me.

Supernatural S05 E01 – Go read your books elsewhere.

Hi everyone! I’m crazy excited to be joining in with the Supernatural recaps! I’m in Kirsti’s "Jon Know" neck of the woods. I have super Winchester brothers love and feels, while also the major acknowledgment that this show and the boys can be incredibly misogynistic and frustrating. I, uh, also own a necklace with Dean’s face on it, because I’ve been in love with him since 2007. So. Just getting the embarrassing outta the way at the gate. And without further ado, lets start Season 5!

Gotham S01 E20 – Poor Life Choices

Bruce is hanging around under a bridge. Some dodgy guy tries to start on him, but Selina appears and scares him away. She went back to check on Reggie, whose definitely-dead body has now been found by the cops. Bruce gets teary and asks why she did it. Selina yells back that she saved his life by killing Reggie, because otherwise this Bunderslaw guy would have found out what they were up to. Bruce suggests that they go check out Bunderslaw’s safe at the office to find out what he’s hiding, and Selina agrees to help after making him promise not to tell anyone what happened to Reggie.

Doctor Who S02 E10 – Clom

We open on a guy with terrible bleached blond hair running through a quarry or gravel yard or some shit. IDK. He ends up by an industrial looking building, and stops when he sees the TARDIS. He walks slowly towards it, and music gets all floaty vocals and spookiness. He touches the TARDIS, then Rose yells out for the Doctor from somewhere off screen. Bad Hair Guy runs towards it. He ends up in a factory. Rose and the Doctor, both still off screen, yell at each other about where "he" has gone. Bad Hair Guy finds himself in a corridor with lots of doorways off it. There's a pig-like grunting noise from somewhere, and he cautiously walks down the corridor. He pulls open a door and finds himself face to face with a giant spitty alien.

Doctor Who S02 E06 – Cyberman rave parties

After the previouslies, we go straight to the credits, because why the fuck not. DOO WEE OOH.
After the credits, the Doctor aims a mystery thing at the Cybermen, and a beam of orange light bursts out. It hits one Cyberman and spreads to the others, kind of like how the Nazis die in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The Cybermen crumble to ash and everyone makes a run for it.
I cannot stop laughing over that gif. Conveniently, Driver pulls up in the blue van and everyone piles in. Except for A Pete, who makes a run for the house to rescue A Jackie.