We slow motion zoom in on Angel, who looks like he's trying very hard to emote, which means you know shit is going down; this episode starts one second after Connor has reappeared. The camera pans to the right and Groo jumps into action, swinging his battle axe, also in slow-mo. We keep spinning and land back on Connor in the background, as in the foreground, Angel yells for everyone to wait.
Kirsti: I think the slow motion yelling was my favourite on account of how spectacularly awful it was.
Hanna is waiting outside the vice principal's office with her mother as well as her new stepsister and stepmother. Everyone is silent and in various degrees of feels over the mass message of naked Kate. Hanna's phone rings and Ashley gives her, "Don't you fucking dare look at that phone," face. The principal emerges and says, "Mrs. Marin," which awkwardly gets a response from both his current and his ex wife.
The other three PLLs are looking at a red coat that Spencer picked up with Ali's claim ticket conveniently tucked into Hanna's stolen copy of Lolita. Aria doesn't think Ali would wear it, but Spencer thinks that this is probably part of Wigison's special separate wardrobe.
Lorraine: Definitely have to have a wardrobe that goes well with a wig, you know? You have to respect Wigison for her commitment.
The other three PLLs are looking at a red coat that Spencer picked up with Ali's claim ticket conveniently tucked into Hanna's stolen copy of Lolita. Aria doesn't think Ali would wear it, but Spencer thinks that this is probably part of Wigison's special separate wardrobe.
Lorraine: Definitely have to have a wardrobe that goes well with a wig, you know? You have to respect Wigison for her commitment.
This episode starts right where the last one left off, with the girls in the Greenhouse of Secrets, freaked out about the possibility of Ian still being alive. Hanna says he has to be alive, because zombies can't text. Or Hanna is totally wrong, and at the end of the series, we'll find out that A/Ian/everyone else is actually in a zombie movie. I just wrote a way better ending than anything the PLL writers will come up with, I'm sure.
Lorraine: Re-writing the series we cover with zombies seems to be a common theme in the last couple of days. I approve.
Sweeney: The Traumaland Zombie Novel series is going to be a huge hit, I'm sure.
Lorraine: Re-writing the series we cover with zombies seems to be a common theme in the last couple of days. I approve.
Sweeney: The Traumaland Zombie Novel series is going to be a huge hit, I'm sure.
Lorraine: Rosewood High is holding auditions for a play, and our Pretty Little Liars are all gathered for the occasion. Can I tell you how hilarious these episode openings are? I know that all shows do a certain amount of rehashing, but PLL is almost shameless in its beginning of the episode, expository conversations.
Anyways, Spencer is explaining to her friends what the play, The Bad Seed, is all about. Hanna says she didn't read the whole thing because she just wants to be the drunk mom of the play. Spencer gives her, "MMMHMM." eyes, allowing Hanna to exposit that she once brought a flask to a dance. Oh, yeah and also, Caleb is still living in Hanna's basement and A found out and Hanna has decided to tell her mom about it before A does.
Anyways, Spencer is explaining to her friends what the play, The Bad Seed, is all about. Hanna says she didn't read the whole thing because she just wants to be the drunk mom of the play. Spencer gives her, "MMMHMM." eyes, allowing Hanna to exposit that she once brought a flask to a dance. Oh, yeah and also, Caleb is still living in Hanna's basement and A found out and Hanna has decided to tell her mom about it before A does.
Ana starts us off by confirming that no, she did not know where her husband was born. That's usually the stuff you learn in like week 2 or 3 of dating, right about the time Grey and Ana were signing contracts or, I don't know, getting married.
Grey tells Ana that he and Elliot were both born and adopted in Detroit. The Greys moved to Seattle shortly thereafter. Ana wants to know how Grey knows that Jack was born in Detroit.
Oh, this is a serious question? Girl, you are seriously asking how MF STALKER BOYFRIEND knew where Jack was born? Even Grey is all, “um, duh.” as he shares that he had a background check run on Jack.
Grey tells Ana that he and Elliot were both born and adopted in Detroit. The Greys moved to Seattle shortly thereafter. Ana wants to know how Grey knows that Jack was born in Detroit.
Oh, this is a serious question? Girl, you are seriously asking how MF STALKER BOYFRIEND knew where Jack was born? Even Grey is all, “um, duh.” as he shares that he had a background check run on Jack.
Lorraine: Two cops are looking into an interrogation room. One of them is taller than the other, so you're officially being introduced to Tall Cop and Short Cop. All of our nicknames can't be instant classics, okay? Also, the closed captioning has them designated as White Cop and Black Cop. Ha. Helpful.
Sweeney: The closed captioning people should really ask us to name peripheral characters like that.
Kirsti: Closed captioning is the best. ESPECIALLY Youtube's closed captioning. That shit is hilar.
Sweeney: The closed captioning people should really ask us to name peripheral characters like that.
Kirsti: Closed captioning is the best. ESPECIALLY Youtube's closed captioning. That shit is hilar.
Sweeney: The chapter begins with Ana waking up to being physically smothered not-quite-to-death by Grey. She notes that he is "so needy on some level." LOL, you think? This makes her think of baby!Grey just for your chapter-beginning pedobear EW moment. She wakes him up and he blinks a couple of times. I imagine that we are told about people blinking as many times in these three books as in the whole rest of literature.
Lorraine: I like that comparing these books to the whole rest of literature has become a thing. It really gives scope to the bullshit.
Sweeney: That's what we're all about: giving everyone a proper bullshit metric.
Lorraine: I like that comparing these books to the whole rest of literature has become a thing. It really gives scope to the bullshit.
Sweeney: That's what we're all about: giving everyone a proper bullshit metric.
Wesley is looking over a photograph of the Hyperion Hotel. He tag-teams with Angel to provide us with the relevant back-story. Essentially, it's big, impressive and has been abandoned for a long time. Cordelia comes in and serves Wesley tea, has a cup of coffee for herself and hands Angel a cup of blood Angel inspects it for a bit before telling Cordelia that it appears to be coagulating. She replies that it's just a little cinnamon and she was experimenting. As one does.
Kirsti: He should consider himself lucky - she could have added crumbled up Weetbix to it like Spike does!
Kirsti: He should consider himself lucky - she could have added crumbled up Weetbix to it like Spike does!
Sara: The PLLs are all at Spencer's house, where parents don't exist, talking about the note A sent to Aria's mother. I would much rather have seen A send a note about Aria dry humping her teacher. Does A have a request line?
Lorraine: Or perhaps she's hiring? CALL ME A! I have references!
Sweeney: Pages and pages of your qualifications for the job, in fact. She need only visit this blog for proof of all the training you've received.
Lorraine: Or perhaps she's hiring? CALL ME A! I have references!
Sweeney: Pages and pages of your qualifications for the job, in fact. She need only visit this blog for proof of all the training you've received.
We open up in a barn with four obnoxiously gorgeous girls and 3oh!3's "Don't Trust the Girl" playing in the background, which is a pretty suitable song choice. When the power goes out, the sleepover party gets a little freaked, especially when they hear a noise outside. They get up to go Nancy Drew the situation when the door creaks open, and OH FUCK! ....Wait, no, it's just a fifth gorgeous girl, Alison. If only one of the Pretty Little Liars had hit her with a bat or something, right? Then I guess we'd just be watching Pretty Little Girls Who Are Kind of Boring and Don't Do Much and Nothing Murdery Ever Happens, and that title doesn't have the same ring to it.
Ana knows she's in deep trouble because she's topless on a European beach. Grey picks up her bikini top, throws it at her and hisses for her to get dressed. Ana tries to tell him that no one is looking, on account of this being A EUROPEAN BEACH but she's Ana Freakin' Steele so of course people are looking at her magical boobs. I'm sure a rainbow can be found between them and there is a unicorn that rides back and forth in merry bliss. Ooooor, Grey is a possessive asshole and no one else in the world gives any shits about Ana's boobs. Either or.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.
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