129 Posts

Tag: snark squad drinking games

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Doctor Who S03 E05 – Is that a human Dalek or are you just happy to see me?

  • Posted byby Marines
  • August 5, 2015
  • 11 Comments
The supremely phallic Human Dalek announces that all of the humans in attendance will soon also increase their facial phallicness 1000%. The Doctor sneaks away as the Coverall Pigs step forward to apprehend people. "Happy Days Are Here Again" starts playing and everyone gets real confused. Phallic Human Dalek asks what that sound is and the Doctor peaks out to say he did it. He's got a radio in his hands. The Daleks immediately cry EXTERMINATE, but Phallic Human Dalek stops them. All he says is, "wait!" though, so we don't get a reason as to why they are leaving the Doctor still alive. Just wait.
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Grey Chapter 07 – Sex idiot.

  • Posted byby Marines
  • August 4, 2015
  • 74 Comments
Hi, welcome back. Have a drink if you are playing along at home because Christian Grey just woke up with a start to start the chapter. This fine morning he's experiencing a pervading sense of guilt.
"Is it because I've fucked Anastasia Steele? Virgin?"
I laughed for five solid minutes. Anastasia Steele: VIRGIN.
Grey checks the time so probably you should drink again. It's after three in the morning and Ana is fast asleep. Grey says that his body "stirs" as he watches her and this is my mental image:
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Grey Chapter 06 – Longest. Chapter. Ever.

  • Posted byby Alex
  • July 29, 2015
  • 66 Comments
My last recap was mostly just a bunch of stuff from FSoG slightly rewritten from Grey’s PoV. It seems that I’ve got pretty much the same deal this time, only A MILLION TIMES WORSE, because now I have the dubious honour of recapping Grey’s first sex scene.
Luckily, though, I have a while to prepare myself for that, because this is also the LONGEST CHAPTER OF ALL TIME. It just keeps going and going. I’ll be surprised if anyone is even still reading by the time we get to the sex part.
Jessica: Your perseverance in not only reading, but writing, is impressive. Just reading this took colossal effort.
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Supernatural S04 E10 – Wrong angel

  • Posted byby K
  • July 18, 2015
  • 2 Comments
We continue on immediately after Cas dropping his "we're gonna kill Anna" bombshell, and the boys demand to know why because she's an innocent girl. Uriel chuckles and says she's far from innocent, and almost as gross as Ruby. He demands that they hand her over. "Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate," Dean sasses. I admit, I did chuckle a bit at that.
Uriel calls Ruby a "demon whore" so that we can get our first round of misogyny shots over nice and early, and a fight breaks out. Uriel pins Ruby against a wall, and Dean rushes over to help. Cas walks slowly towards Sam, who begs him not to do this.
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Supernatural S04 E08 – Hate keeps me warm

  • Posted byby K
  • June 27, 2015
  • 11 Comments
We open with a woman showering and lots of long, lingering shots of her back and legs, because OF COURSE WE FUCKING DO.
Marines: I don't know why TV and movies try to make us thing that showers are evil. I love showers. Stop trying to ruin it for me, dammit. 
K: EXACTLY.
The door opens behind her and a scrawny looking teenager steps in. The music gets murdery and we get a bizarrely long shot of the shower head. I'm also 90% sure her hair would be really dry because she's not actually rinsing anything off it.
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Supernatural S04 E04 – Just like your dad

  • Posted byby K
  • May 28, 2015
  • 10 Comments
We open with a close up of an iron pentagram, then pan down to see that Sam and Ruby 2.0 have a demon tied up underneath it. Sam asks where Lilith is, and the demon sasses at him. We then get in a double dose of misogyny shots when the demon says that Sam's "slutting around" with Ruby and then calls her a bitch. Not even 30 seconds in and we're two shots down. It's going to be a long road, friends...
Marines: At this rate, though, we won't even feel it. 
K: Thank Heaven for small mercies.
Sam does his angry nostril twitch and holds his hand out. The demon pukes up black smoke, which burns away into the floor.
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Supernatural S04 E02 – Touched by an angel

  • Posted byby K
  • May 20, 2015
  • 4 Comments
A woman sleeps on her sofa. The TV turns to static in the background and the lights flicker. She wakes when the phone rings, and sits up with a jolt, her breath fogging the air. She rushes to her closet, and shoves the clothes aside to reveal a typical hunter's arsenal. She flicks on an EMF meter, and it goes crazy. Meanwhile, Bobby leaves a message saying he could use her help on something big. She loads a shotgun and stalks through her apartment.
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#snarkathon – Spiceworld

I was nine years old in 1997, when Spiceworld marched into theaters with the ferocity and panache of Posh Spice at choreography boot camp. For those who were not a child, tween, or teen in the late 90s, you may not be able to understand why this movie even exists. But insane as it is, I promise you, there was a market for this insanity, and I was IT. I know every word to every song in this "film" (ironic quotations marks required), and to me, it is prime snarking fodder. Let us begin!
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Doctor Who S02 E12 – Guess who’s back?

  • Posted byby K
  • May 16, 2015
  • 9 Comments
We open in space, looking down at the earth. Rose voiceovers that this is where she was born and where she died. We zoom in on London and watch Past!Rose going through her boring daily life as she voiceovers about how nothing happened in her life before she met the Doctor. We get a shot of the first time she met Nine, and I'm pretty sure I can hear Mari's "NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!" feels from here.
Marines: Pretty sure? Girl, that was definitely me.
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Doctor Who S02 E11 – Paper jail

  • Posted byby Marines
  • May 9, 2015
  • 13 Comments
We start with bright blue sky, cheery music, a banner proclaiming the 2012 London Olympics and even some houses with little Union flags in the windows. It reminds me of when Kirsti was last in the US and astounded by the number of flags we fly. #Merica
K: TRUE. Y'all need to back off on the flags. It's RIDICULOUS. I have yet to see any private residence in Australia flying the Australian flag. Wait. Maybe the posh place with a freaking turret near my cousin's old high school that usually flies a pirate flag puts up the Australian flag for Australia Day? IDK IDK.
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Supernatural S03 E15 – And then she dies.

  • Posted byby K
  • April 29, 2015
  • 11 Comments
We open outside a hospital at night. Two doctors walk out discussing their plans for the night, and how one has to start work stupidly early the next day. They go their separate ways, and we follow one to his car. He puts a bag into the boot and promptly gets shoved in there after it. He bangs on the closed lid. Cut to him staggering into an emergency room, holding his stomach. A nurse walks up and kindly says that he can move his hands because there's nothing she hasn't seen before. She pulls his hands away, and his intestines fall out onto the floor. She screams.
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Supernatural S03 E14 – This is why I don’t answer the phone

  • Posted byby K
  • April 25, 2015
  • 6 Comments
We open at a big house on a rainy night. Inside, a middle aged guy paces back and forth, and jumps when the phone rings. The caller ID reads "SHA33". He answers, and tells the woman, Linda, on the end to stop calling. She begs him to "come to me". He hangs up on her. The phone starts ringing again. He answers and tells Linda to leave him alone. Linda says that they could be happy together and that she loves him forever. Ben hangs up. When the phone rings again, he picks up the receiver and slams it down several times, then rips the phone out of the wall and throws it across the room.
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Doctor Who S02 E09 – The devil you meet.

  • Posted byby Marines
  • April 17, 2015
  • 14 Comments
We had such a lovely time last episode, I'm feeling all giddy about this recap! Shoutout to the, um, science side of that recap (basically Mairead...) for the insight into black holes. (K: SERIOUSLY. I may be shitty at replying to comments, but those comments were the freaking bomb.) Now, let's all watch as the show ignores all that science and gets to the FEELS shall we?
Oh, we cut from really extensive previouslies to the credits:
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Supernatural S03 E13 – Andrew did it better

  • Posted byby K
  • April 15, 2015
  • 13 Comments
We open on two nerdy guys sitting in armchairs, and talking directly to the camera. Kind of like Andrew did in Storyteller, except without the word "vampyres." (M: That basically changes everything.) (K: TRUE.) It's Ed and Harry from season 1's Hell House. They talk about how this is an unsolicited pilot intended for the hands of a network executive who's been struck by the writer's strike and is looking for alternative content.
Aaaah, yes. The writer's strike of 2008. That was a dark time. At least it gave us Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog?
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Supernatural S03 E07 – Crossover Vampires

  • Posted byby K
  • March 11, 2015
  • 10 Comments
Night. A fancy Mercedes is parked by a deserted looking bridge. Bela returns to her car with a briefcase that's presumably full of money and gasps when she sees someone reflected in the window behind her. It's Gordon, though she doesn't know that. He introduces himself and she looks momentarily freaked. She says that she's heard of him, and thought he was in prison.
Anna May: MORE BELA YAY. Also it's been so long since I watched Supernatural in a non-snark capacity and I'm rapidly realising that I'm not far off a Snow here-- I've completely forgotten who Gordon is. Guess I'm going to find out.