Wolfram & Hart. Late at night. The soundtrack from my 5th grade haunted house follows Fred around as she says goodnight to people and closes up Evil Radio Shack for the night. She turns around and then sees Spike and fake screams, dropping her papers. He appreciates her efforts to humor his evil-but-not ego. His I'm-not-evil-but-I-still-want-to-be-a-badass ego? IDK. Anyway, Fred says he needn't worry about any of that because he's a super special ghost. She's pretty sure she can help him, too, but obviously she can't help him without flaring up the Angel/Spike rivalry.
Pause: I get that for those of you have spent years with this show and written all the fic and whatnot, the tension in their relationship is a big huge deal.
Veronica is examining the photos of Lilly's shoes in her bedroom and then Lilly's shoes in the evidence bag. She voice-overs that only one person can help her make sense of them, and only one person can help her get to that one person. In walks Cliff McCormack, who Veronica immediately starts schmoozing. Cliff asks if she's trying to sell him a raffle ticket. I suddenly remember loving Cliff. That's right, right? Cliff is awesome?
Democracy Diva: Cliff is awesome. He mentions that he failed criminal law, so there's hope for me as a lawyer yet!
Sweeney: A lawyer with tawdry clients like Loretta Cancun!
Democracy Diva: Cliff is awesome. He mentions that he failed criminal law, so there's hope for me as a lawyer yet!
Sweeney: A lawyer with tawdry clients like Loretta Cancun!
First of all, you should know that I'm writing this while watching The Oscars, so I think you should all play your very own Snark Squad Drinking Game of, "Spot the recap's many inaccuracies." It'll be fun. I promise. Maybe.
Kirsti: It won't be fun at all, because Kirsti The Eternally Anal Retentive will have fixed them all. But sure. Fun.
Lorraine: Well, that ruins the game before it started. Okay, guys. I guess you should now all be playing, "drink whenever you spot a place where an inaccuracy may have been!" HAPPY DRINKING.
Kirsti: It won't be fun at all, because Kirsti The Eternally Anal Retentive will have fixed them all. But sure. Fun.
Lorraine: Well, that ruins the game before it started. Okay, guys. I guess you should now all be playing, "drink whenever you spot a place where an inaccuracy may have been!" HAPPY DRINKING.
Because Gina Torres, things are decidedly un-Angel-like as we're played into the episode with The Beach Boys "Wouldn't It Be Nice." You know shit's messed up because of all this happiness.
Lorraine: Weirdly, I always associate this song with Drew Barrymore. Thanks, 50 First Dates!
Kirsti: Clearly, there's some kind of weird connection between Drew Barrymore and The Beach Boys because, you know, Never Been Kissed...
Lorraine: Weirdly, I always associate this song with Drew Barrymore. Thanks, 50 First Dates!
Kirsti: Clearly, there's some kind of weird connection between Drew Barrymore and The Beach Boys because, you know, Never Been Kissed...
Gina Torres gushes about how wonderful the gross warehouse is while Connor - still covered in blood - and Angel fawn over her. She kneels next to a comatose Cordy and thanks her for having her free will taken away so that she could exist protecting her. She tells her to be at peace, then gushes some more about how perfect everything is. There's one thing that's not perfect, Angel interjects. And that's the fact that he came there to kill her. He hands her his sword and says that he deserves to be punished. She takes it and says that she can feel his suffering, but that the suffering ends now. He drops his head, bracing himself for the blow, but it never comes. He looks up to find her gone. Cue Electric Cellos.
After the credits, Fred's scurrying around the office, cleaning up fallen books as Lorne watches and sips a cocktail because he's the only sane character in this show. He tells her to stop because she's making him twitchy.
After the credits, Fred's scurrying around the office, cleaning up fallen books as Lorne watches and sips a cocktail because he's the only sane character in this show. He tells her to stop because she's making him twitchy.
We start zoomed in on a bundle of newspapers with the headline, "Crime Wave Shuts Down City." I'm not sure why no one is helping this city, but okay. City Shut Down. Connor grabs the bundle and uses it to hit a vampire he's fighting. It's actually a group of vampires and more keep appearing. He dusts a few of them with a, "Welcome to LA," though he doesn't add the obligatory, "bitch," that I feel belongs there.
Sweeney: Bad form, Connor.
Lor: Connor looks up and there are lots more vampires coming at him from both sides.
Sweeney: Bad form, Connor.
Lor: Connor looks up and there are lots more vampires coming at him from both sides.
We open pretty much immediately after the end of the last episode because everyone's wearing the exact same outfits. The Scoobies are putting the living room back together after that whole Dawn Fought A Demon thing blew everything up, with the girls cleaning up the broken stuff while Xander repairs the windows. Dawn is sassy about Spike's presence, and Willow unconvincingly says that Buffy knows what she's doing. Anya's on Team Stake The Evil Bloodsucker, and asks Xander for his support. He refuses to give an opinion. She says that they need to prepare themselves for the possibility that William the Bloody is back.
Lorraine: We're privileged as the audience, so we know more about Spike's whole soul quest, but Anya and Dawn have a point.
Lorraine: We're privileged as the audience, so we know more about Spike's whole soul quest, but Anya and Dawn have a point.
We open at a cabin in Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Inside, a skinny blonde girl in a warm up suit greets her father and brother, the latter of whom informs her that she shouldn't work out so much because guys don't like buff girls. How about GO FUCK YOURSELF, I WORK OUT FOR ME. She informs him that girls don't like guys who still live at home before she heads out the door. (S: BURN.) Her dad tells her to be careful.
Cut to her standing in a bathing suit next to the lake. We get a weirdly far away shot taken through some bushes as she dives in. We follow her underwater for a second, then she surfaces. She looks to the shoreline as if she's heard something, then swims for a few moments and does a tumble turn. Which I really don't see the point of because there's no wall to push off.
Cut to her standing in a bathing suit next to the lake. We get a weirdly far away shot taken through some bushes as she dives in. We follow her underwater for a second, then she surfaces. She looks to the shoreline as if she's heard something, then swims for a few moments and does a tumble turn. Which I really don't see the point of because there's no wall to push off.
I brought up my recapping method in today's Buffy post. For Angel, it's become a different thing. Namely, I have to power through the episode in a sitting and then come back and recap from memory/skipping around Netflix/transcripts/notes. It's the only way.
That said, I'd be a terrible Internet friend if I didn't tell you that about 5 minutes of this episode is rated BB for [FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE STOCK UP ON THE] Brain Bleach.
Sweeney: I can't believe we didn't make this rating sooner, really:
That said, I'd be a terrible Internet friend if I didn't tell you that about 5 minutes of this episode is rated BB for [FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE STOCK UP ON THE] Brain Bleach.
Sweeney: I can't believe we didn't make this rating sooner, really:
We open with Wesley looking at a sketch in a book of a demon lady with six boobs as he talks about how lovely it is. We pan up and as he starts talking about her eyes it's clear that he really means Fred. Cordelia tries to get him back on track as she confirms that the demon in the picture is, in fact, the one from her vision. Then she encourages Wesley to ask Fred out so that he can stop being so moony. He's precious when he asks Cordelia if he is, "very boring on the subject."
Cordelia is also kind of awesome when she teases him about how he used to think she was extraordinary and he takes the bait. She tells him to calm down and makes a snarky comment that implies that Phantom Dennis gets her off with a loofah.
Cordelia is also kind of awesome when she teases him about how he used to think she was extraordinary and he takes the bait. She tells him to calm down and makes a snarky comment that implies that Phantom Dennis gets her off with a loofah.
We open with Angel loading small change into a piggy bank as Cordy holds the baby and eye rolls. Fred asks how the fund for Connor's future is going, and Angel informs her that he found a perfectly good $1.83 in the sofa cushions. He puts the piggy bank into the safe behind Wes' desk, and heads over to look at what Fred's doing on the computer. She's designing a new website for Angel Investigations. He issues some demands - make something bigger, bolder and more tasteful - and then walks away. She sasses a little behind his back.
Sweeney: I know that feel, Fred. I know that feel.
Sweeney: I know that feel, Fred. I know that feel.
We start with a tight shot of Cordelia's face. She's giving a heart-felt, "thank you for being there for me" speech that makes her a little teary. She ends with, "to all my fans- this is for you!" as the shot widens and we see she's holding up a scrub brush and wearing rubber gloves. Fred gives her an equally gloved round of applause, saying the speech gave her "chill bumps." I've never heard them called chill bumps. Is that a thing?
Kirsti: Only in Fred-land.
Lor: Just checking.
Kirsti: Only in Fred-land.
Lor: Just checking.
Our tragically abbreviated journey begins with stock war footage. There are explosions and bullets whizzing by as a band of futuristic aircraft gun down a group of soldiers. Welcome to Firefly everyone!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
The episode begins with a totally delightful bit of opening credits manipulation that reminds me of Bewitched. The credits feature some fun upbeat music that continues even after the episode ends with the title.
Lorraine: I feel like this episode was telling us right from the beginning that it was going to be fantastic. I was sold 10 seconds into the episode. There was happy seal clapping involved.
Kirsti: The first line of my notes says "These credits remind me of Bewitched!". I'm glad we established our mindmeld only seconds into the episode, Sweeney.
Lorraine: I feel like this episode was telling us right from the beginning that it was going to be fantastic. I was sold 10 seconds into the episode. There was happy seal clapping involved.
Kirsti: The first line of my notes says "These credits remind me of Bewitched!". I'm glad we established our mindmeld only seconds into the episode, Sweeney.
Kirsti: First of all, I'm not handing out gold stars in this episode because it would be like a freaking Oprah show - EVERYONE GETS A GOLD STAR!! Second of all, I hate this episode with the fire of a thousand suns. It's not that it's badly acted or shot or anything like that. It's just 42 minutes of bullshit that makes me indescribably angry, and I kind of can't believe the network signed off on producing this.
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on: