We get a good, old fashioned misdirection opening today, this time with a big pointy sword in Wesley's face. I'm happy to report that his hair is deflating, but unfortunately it is still not at acceptable levels.
Sweeney: I wonder if his Puff Level will prove comparable to John Green's as an indicator of stress level?
Kirsti: We can but hope, Sweeney.
Lor: Cordy is holding the sword. They banter about running through inventory, because Angel has been complaining about the weapons cabinet.
The episode begins with everyone sitting in the lobby quietly and jumping when Fred enters. Fred looks over Cordelia's shoulder at her magazine and having starved in a cave for five years, is confused by the starved-looking models. She's also just generally lurking and even though it's just a beauty magazine it still gives me, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUBBLE WHEN I'M READING," feelings just watching. (K: Agreed. My mum does it all the time and it makes me squicky.) She mentions that Angel is probably reading, which is his cut to enternouncequestion if anyone else has read this great thing in the paper. Said great thing is a Charlton Heston double feature which nobody else gives any fucks about, but I'm going to go ahead and declare shots for the Angel/art OTP. I'm reaching a little here, but I don't care.
The chapter begins with some stuff that's meant to be sweet, but when you realize that it's mommy porn, it's more awkward. Ana is excited that her "daddy" is awake and he calls her "Annie" and whatnot. He doesn't seem to remember the accident and asks for some water, specifically, but I think he really wants a drink. I do too, because rather than staying there with her father, we cut immediately to Ana running out to the waiting room to tell Christian Grey that he's awake. Because obviously. "What do I do now? IDK, better go tell that infected scrotum I call my husband."
The infected scrotum is all, "Great. He's awake."
The infected scrotum is all, "Great. He's awake."
EL James only ever starts chapters one second after the previous or with Ana waking up.
Ana wakes up, and it's her birthday. I'm pretty sure enough has been said about how loathsome it is that her birthday is near or around mine (and so many of you in the comments!) but I'm saying it again, because the Number Gods have deemed that I am to cover her actual birthday on top of it all.
Ana takes full moments to "orientate" herself, and it comes with a sense of deja vu over being at the Heathman again. She "gasps out loud," and look if these jokes are recycled, file a complaint with EL James who after three books, didn't learn that a gasp is an audible thing.
Ana wakes up, and it's her birthday. I'm pretty sure enough has been said about how loathsome it is that her birthday is near or around mine (and so many of you in the comments!) but I'm saying it again, because the Number Gods have deemed that I am to cover her actual birthday on top of it all.
Ana takes full moments to "orientate" herself, and it comes with a sense of deja vu over being at the Heathman again. She "gasps out loud," and look if these jokes are recycled, file a complaint with EL James who after three books, didn't learn that a gasp is an audible thing.
We pick up exactly where we left off last time. The guys stare at Showgirl Costume Cordy in confusion, and she says Pylea's not that bad although her throne could use more cushions. Wes says that it's great because now she can set them all free. Gunn makes puppy dog eyes at her as he shows off his manacles. She says that there should be extended grovelling first, and Angel rolls his eyes. So she says "Off with their heads!" The guards all pull their swords and the guys look shocked. "Just kidding!" she adds. Roll electric cellos.
Sweeney: Girl, this is not really the audience for joking about members of the Fang Gang getting beheaded.
Sweeney: Girl, this is not really the audience for joking about members of the Fang Gang getting beheaded.
The episode starts immediately after the end of the last, with Glory busting into Tara's dorm room from the outside and discovering that Dawn is the key. Buffy takes off running with Dawn, and apparently doesn't have time to open the door, so she barrels through it. Of course, now she's on the floor and has to scramble to her feet. I'd call that a plan fail.
Sweeney: Not that she really had ample time for quality plan-making.
Kirsti: True. But my first thought would always be to open a door rather than try to jump through it...
Sweeney: Not that she really had ample time for quality plan-making.
Kirsti: True. But my first thought would always be to open a door rather than try to jump through it...
This chapter, dear readers, marks the mid-way point in Fifty Shades Freed. We are halfway there. (And trying not to think about the fact that this means we still have three long months of Fifty Shades reading ahead of us.) As with the first two books, we are celebrating this momentous occasion with a vlog. This is the final Fifty Shades vlog recap! I realize that we have now celebrated the shit out of every completed step in the Fifty Shades reading process and it has probably lost all meaning for you, but we really like to celebrate.
Several of you mentioned on Twitter that 5 minutes is your max for a vlog, so I apologize for not being able to get our 40 minutes of rambling into anything less than 14.
Several of you mentioned on Twitter that 5 minutes is your max for a vlog, so I apologize for not being able to get our 40 minutes of rambling into anything less than 14.
Lorraine: Last recap got fun, didn't it? After all that, I just wanted to say that we love hearing all of your feedback. The 3,000 plus words we spend recapping an episode are nothing, if not for the comments section underneath. So, thank you for keeping it interesting. Thank you for being imaginative, insightful, but most, most of all, respectful. Thank you for understanding that you may not change my mind, and I might not change yours but that's okay because there are no right answers.
Well, perhaps there is ONE right answer: potatoes > Riley Finn.
Well, perhaps there is ONE right answer: potatoes > Riley Finn.
Kirsti: After the previouslies, we're at the hospital where Dawn's eating the jelly (L: JELL-O.) off Joyce's hospital tray with her fingers (EW). Joyce says she won't be offended if the girls go out for real people food. Buffy poo-poos her, and I can't help but notice that she's wearing a hoodie and tracksuit pants, which is the 2000s version of the Overalls of Overall Sadness. Poor Buff.
Lorraine: After a crap ton of previouslies, we start the episode with Joyce going in for her CAT scan. I start crying preemptively. It only took a few "JOYCE! :(" comments and some mysterious headaches to get me to this point.
Sweeney: I PUT FORTH SO MUCH EFFORT IN NOT EXPRESSING MY HOSPITAL!JOYCE FEELS. Since we're here now, I get to join in: JOYCE :(
Lor: I appreciate the effort. I'll pass the tissues.
Sweeney: I PUT FORTH SO MUCH EFFORT IN NOT EXPRESSING MY HOSPITAL!JOYCE FEELS. Since we're here now, I get to join in: JOYCE :(
Lor: I appreciate the effort. I'll pass the tissues.
Sweeney: The episode begins with Lilah snooping around Lindsey's office. Darla appears and creeps about how powerful it feels to rummage through other people's shit. Darla's playing with some bright purple powder that Lilah assumes is how she keeps Angel asleep.
Kirsti: Either that, or Darla's been raiding Cordy's eyeshadow collection.
Lorraine: 1430.
Kirsti: Either that, or Darla's been raiding Cordy's eyeshadow collection.
Lorraine: 1430.
If fighting in a cemetery is Buffy's go-to opening (with dream sequences being a not-too-far second place) a woman worriedly walking down a street at night is Angel's go-to. That's how we start our episode today. Worried Walking Woman is being followed by three nefarious looking guys and she soon breaks out into a worried jog. She reaches a dead end, and we see the nefarious guys are in fact vampires. She looks pretty SOL until we hear footsteps approaching. One vamp is all, "YOU!" and the music swells and the lying camera zooms in on the YOU!'s feet, so we know it isn't who we expect it to be, despite the black and billowy coat. It is not Angel. It's a black male wearing a bandana. He asks if the vamp was expecting someone else, just as a jeep full of back-up rolls into the shot.
Roll credits.
Roll credits.
We start with tight shots of Angel's and Wesley's faces alternatively. Denisof really is a handsome man. Boreanaz truly has a prominent brow. The suspenseful music flares up as they realize all the exits are are blocked and they would be spotted right away. Just as Angel suggests shouting fire, we widen the shot to see they are watching Cordelia in a play. Wesley checks his watch: one hour left. Angel: I thought I knew eternity.
K: Punny Angel is punny.
Lor: Roll electric credits.
K: Punny Angel is punny.
Lor: Roll electric credits.
The episode begins with Cordelia and Wesley bickering about all the things. First it's the name of the demon database Cordelia is using (Demons! Demons! Demons!) which is a thing whose existence I love and approve of. As all three Snark Ladies are students who get their research on occasionally, it's amusing to watch the Buffyverse acquire technology. I just hope that nobody scanned any old demonic texts in the making of this database, because that was an awful moment in Buffyverse history that I'd rather not revisit.
K: I recently sat in a class where a lecturer told us about how when online database searching first started, you got charged by the SECOND for using it.
K: I recently sat in a class where a lecturer told us about how when online database searching first started, you got charged by the SECOND for using it.
Sara: We open up right after the funeral, with the girls drinking coffee at the local Rosewood diner. They wonder why Jenna would have been at the funeral, because of that whole The Jenna Thing thing.
Lorraine: A nice big cheer for PLL's first gold star ever!
Sweeney: Pretty sure several people earn the star today, so congrats to all! And to the writers, for successfully reducing the number of actual words they had to come up with/string together. We're always proponents of people who manage to do less work at work.
Lorraine: A nice big cheer for PLL's first gold star ever!
Sweeney: Pretty sure several people earn the star today, so congrats to all! And to the writers, for successfully reducing the number of actual words they had to come up with/string together. We're always proponents of people who manage to do less work at work.