We start with Lorne sitting in a club singing "The Way We Were." He starts monologuing to the audience about how everyone wants to get their youth back but they all forget how fucked up it is. He starts to tell a story, and says that it starts with a kid. That sends us into a seizure cut sequence of Connor angrily walking down the street while flashbacking to kissing Cordy. Hey Lor? Was there any brain bleach left from last time?
Lorraine: I've got an industrial order in. We'll make sure to always have a bottle or 5 at the Table of Ugh.
K: EXCELLENT. Anyway, Lorne changes his mind and says that the story really starts with Cordy's question to Angel at the end of the last episode - "Were we in love?" We cut over to them. Angel dithers a response, and Cordy gets about as pissed as I imagine Lor and Sweeney were during this moment.
We open at a cabin in Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Inside, a skinny blonde girl in a warm up suit greets her father and brother, the latter of whom informs her that she shouldn't work out so much because guys don't like buff girls. How about GO FUCK YOURSELF, I WORK OUT FOR ME. She informs him that girls don't like guys who still live at home before she heads out the door. (S: BURN.) Her dad tells her to be careful.
Cut to her standing in a bathing suit next to the lake. We get a weirdly far away shot taken through some bushes as she dives in. We follow her underwater for a second, then she surfaces. She looks to the shoreline as if she's heard something, then swims for a few moments and does a tumble turn. Which I really don't see the point of because there's no wall to push off.
Cut to her standing in a bathing suit next to the lake. We get a weirdly far away shot taken through some bushes as she dives in. We follow her underwater for a second, then she surfaces. She looks to the shoreline as if she's heard something, then swims for a few moments and does a tumble turn. Which I really don't see the point of because there's no wall to push off.
The previouslies include basically everything we've seen so far, including all of the annoying Aria/Ezra crap which means we'll all be gauging our eyes out by the end of this one. Anyways, the episode starts with the girls drinking coffee at a very public coffeehouse and having a very public conversation about their secrets, per usual. The Liars rehash how Ali was dressing up as Wigison to get answers on who 'A' was.
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
IT'S NEW SERIES TIME! New series and a new recapper. We've wanted to add Veronica Mars to our repertoire for a while, but we also needed a Snow (and like 19 more hours in the week, but we settled for having half of our demands met). Much like our Buffy recaps we have three different experiences. I haven't marathoned any other show half as many times as I've seen this one. (Which is to say that I've seen it all-the-way-through 5 or 6 times. I really don't repeat-marathon most shows.) Lor has only seen it once, though we share the belief that the first season of this show is one of the best seasons of TV ever. (We'll see how blogging changes things.) Meanwhile, a dear friend of the blog (and also my lifeself), The Democracy Diva will be joining us as the resident Snow. Diva Snow, if you please.
What's that? You've been wanting us to cover Supernatural? You ask, we deliver. This one's going to be a little different, because Sweeney is firmly on the Nope Train as far as Supernatural is concerned, and Lor's got enough on her plate. So y'all are stuck with Sara and me instead. SORRY NOT SORRY.
Sara: SO NOT SORRY BECAUSE: CUTE BOYS AND MONSTERS.
K: Truth. I've been a salt gunner from day one, although I must admit that I took a little break somewhere around season 6 when things got really shitty. But I marathonned my way through season 6, season 7 and season 8 earlier this year, and was firmly back on board in time for season 9.
Sara: SO NOT SORRY BECAUSE: CUTE BOYS AND MONSTERS.
K: Truth. I've been a salt gunner from day one, although I must admit that I took a little break somewhere around season 6 when things got really shitty. But I marathonned my way through season 6, season 7 and season 8 earlier this year, and was firmly back on board in time for season 9.
Our Pretty Liars are congregated in front of Spencer's locker at the Rosewood School for Discussing Secrets Loudly. They are discussing their secrets. Loudly. Emily wants to know how Spencer got $2000 for their informant so quickly, and she vagues about having a relative who helped.
Aria and Spencer are going to meet the informant, Jonah, at 6pm and they will meet with Hanna and Emily afterwards. Hanna wants to know why she doesn't get to go make shady money exchanges; Spencer explains that showing up four deep might freak Jonah out. Emily shouts about wanting to be there to learn the truth but Mona strides up and they have to cut their conversation short. The Liars greet Mona with a tepid, "hey," before she pulls Hanna away to chat about shopping plans
Aria and Spencer are going to meet the informant, Jonah, at 6pm and they will meet with Hanna and Emily afterwards. Hanna wants to know why she doesn't get to go make shady money exchanges; Spencer explains that showing up four deep might freak Jonah out. Emily shouts about wanting to be there to learn the truth but Mona strides up and they have to cut their conversation short. The Liars greet Mona with a tepid, "hey," before she pulls Hanna away to chat about shopping plans
We get an entire season worth of previouslies which, much like the Scoobies, almost entirely ignores Dawn. Poor Dawnie. Once that's over with, Buffy's running through the woods followed by Anya and Xander. Xander stops running to possibly throw up, because OH GOD WILLOW JUST FLAYED A GUY. Buffy says that they can't afford to stop because of Willow's "one down..." line. Anya completes the phrase and earns herself a gold star.
Sweeney: Congrats Anya! I don't think she's received many of these!
Lorraine: Xander mentions the smell and sound of the flaying, which is something I hadn't previously given thought to. THANKS XANDER.
Sweeney: Congrats Anya! I don't think she's received many of these!
Lorraine: Xander mentions the smell and sound of the flaying, which is something I hadn't previously given thought to. THANKS XANDER.
We open at the Hyperion. Gunn and Fred are going through files, and it's awkward because there are a bunch that Wes was meant to be taking care of, but not so much any more. Lorne walks in, and asks how they're going before saying that it's important to keep busy and throw yourself into your work at times like these. He looks pointedly at the stairs as he says this. Fred reminds him that Angel's lost the only child he'll ever have, and Lorne says that he knows, but wishes Angel would talk to them.
Gunn doesn't want to find out first hand whether the rage has passed, and Fred says that she doesn't think Angel's planning on finishing the smothering. Gunn snarks that that's just because Wes is too smart to turn up at the hotel.
Gunn doesn't want to find out first hand whether the rage has passed, and Fred says that she doesn't think Angel's planning on finishing the smothering. Gunn snarks that that's just because Wes is too smart to turn up at the hotel.
Spencer, Emily and Hanna crowd around Caleb as he works on enhancing the video he found on A's cell phone. He's kind of annoyed at their hovering, though Spencer says they aren't even that close. They're close enough that he knows Spencer had a cheeseburger for lunch. I'm not ashamed to say that it reminded me of the episode where Chuckie Finster gained a super sense of smell and used it to get rid of bullies. One day, I will recap all of the Rugrats. (S: ONE DAY.)
As Caleb keeps working on the video, Emily gets a call from Hanna, which she quickly ignores. Then, Aria receives a call from Hanna, which she too ignores. Caleb's next, and finally Hanna calls Spencer. She jokes about being the low man on the totem poll, but at least picks up the phone.
As Caleb keeps working on the video, Emily gets a call from Hanna, which she quickly ignores. Then, Aria receives a call from Hanna, which she too ignores. Caleb's next, and finally Hanna calls Spencer. She jokes about being the low man on the totem poll, but at least picks up the phone.
The girls are at Spencer's house, looking at the files Caleb has managed to decode. Hanna wants the Liars to stop using Caleb for help, because she doesn't want to involve him in their dramz. My feeling is, he's probably already involved, so you might as well use his magical wolfy hacking powers for good, right?
Sweeney: Definitely. Especially because it earns him more screen time, which really is a service to the greater good.
Sara: The file he's managed to decode is just the You Know You Wanna Kiss Me video, and the girls are like, SRSLY AGAIN because if this video gets any longer, it's going to be its own episode. But once we get to the end of it, the video cuts to a new location that we haven't seen before. Aria alerts us to it being Alison's bedroom, and we that Ian is setting this camera up in a secret place and WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. It only gets worse when Garrett and Blind!Jenna show up. They ask where New Jason is, and Ian tells them that weed + alcohol made him pass out.
Sweeney: Definitely. Especially because it earns him more screen time, which really is a service to the greater good.
Sara: The file he's managed to decode is just the You Know You Wanna Kiss Me video, and the girls are like, SRSLY AGAIN because if this video gets any longer, it's going to be its own episode. But once we get to the end of it, the video cuts to a new location that we haven't seen before. Aria alerts us to it being Alison's bedroom, and we that Ian is setting this camera up in a secret place and WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. It only gets worse when Garrett and Blind!Jenna show up. They ask where New Jason is, and Ian tells them that weed + alcohol made him pass out.
Spencer, Hanna and Aria sit in a police interrogation room, arms and faces covered in dirty. On the other side of the one way glass, some officer is telling a shadowy detective that the girls haven't said a word since they were brought in. The Zoomy Cameraman focuses on Detective Mystery's mouth so we can watch it smirk at the thought of securing his own promotion by destroying the lives of three girls.
It comes as no real shock that this is Detective Wilden, last seen being the stupidest detective of all time, taking advantage of Mama Marin's vagina and also getting a verbal SMACKDOWN from Mariska Mom.
It comes as no real shock that this is Detective Wilden, last seen being the stupidest detective of all time, taking advantage of Mama Marin's vagina and also getting a verbal SMACKDOWN from Mariska Mom.
We kick this episode off in the middle of the night with quiet (for real this time!) as Emily and Hanna are sleeping in Hanna's room. Emily checks a text on her phone and then gets out of bed and heads out. Apparently she isn't trying to be too sneaky, because her tires squeal as she takes off.
The next morning, Hanna has gathered the other Liars so they can figure out what's going on with Em. Spencer says that she probably jumped in her car and drove until she reached Texas. Which sounds like a fantastic idea, because A LEGIT TRIED TO KILL YOU, GIRL.
The next morning, Hanna has gathered the other Liars so they can figure out what's going on with Em. Spencer says that she probably jumped in her car and drove until she reached Texas. Which sounds like a fantastic idea, because A LEGIT TRIED TO KILL YOU, GIRL.
Just to mix things up for a change, Ana starts this chapter in the middle of doing her job. LOLJK, she's waking up. (L: LOL. Every time.) Ana is waking up and narrating about burning pain and various voices around her becoming clearer, "a beacon in the darkness." Basically she wakes up long enough to hear Christian Grey angry with the doctor that Ana's not awake yet and also him asking about the baby, which assures Ana that he wants the baby so she can go back to sleep.
Wouldn't the "is the baby alive/well?" question be sort of an automatic point to cover when updating the father on her status? Or maybe the doctor is trying to catch Christian Grey giving no fucks to build the attempted murder case against him?
Wouldn't the "is the baby alive/well?" question be sort of an automatic point to cover when updating the father on her status? Or maybe the doctor is trying to catch Christian Grey giving no fucks to build the attempted murder case against him?
The last chapter ended with Ana answering a phone call from Mia, only to discover that Jack Hyde, evil boss extraordinaire, was on the other line. We start this chapter one second later. "Jack." My voice has disappeared, choked by fear.
Jack, she says with her voice, one second before the cracked out author tells us her voice has disappeared. Jack is surprised that Ana remembers him. Since he was her boss at her first post-college job, who also tried to sexually molest her, I'm gonna go ahead and say it isn't any wonder she remembers him. Also, she last saw him a few months ago. Maybe this is more a commentary on Jack being surprised that Ana remembers anything at all.
Jack, she says with her voice, one second before the cracked out author tells us her voice has disappeared. Jack is surprised that Ana remembers him. Since he was her boss at her first post-college job, who also tried to sexually molest her, I'm gonna go ahead and say it isn't any wonder she remembers him. Also, she last saw him a few months ago. Maybe this is more a commentary on Jack being surprised that Ana remembers anything at all.
The episode starts with all of the girls in their separate rooms in no way referencing what happened last episode. JUST KIDDING. They are all in the Marin Manor kitchen. Emily's explaining that some pipes broke in the house, meaning that Hanna and Em have to share a room. Hanna says that it'll be like a never-ending sleep over and Aria and Spencer give each other hilarious side eye.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.