It's only been six weeks (at the time of writing this) between recaps, you guys. That's like a hot second to Melisandre. And don't pretend you didn't need some time to digest this madness before digging in. Now that I've made myself feel less guilty for delaying this so long, let's do this fucking finale.
Catherine: Ha! Smart. But honestly, we have so long until the next season starts that us delaying this long just means that you guys won't have to wait that extra six weeks for season 7 posts to start? Maybe?
We begin with the best previously song yet:
“Have you no sense of decency? My God, you monsters... not the cat!”
Marines: This song is basically doing our job for us.
Dani: (Shhhh...)
The action starts in an apartment building where a woman named Jules (Natalie Gold) meets her next-door neighbor, Noah (Michael Esper), for the first time.
“Have you no sense of decency? My God, you monsters... not the cat!”
Marines: This song is basically doing our job for us.
Dani: (Shhhh...)
The action starts in an apartment building where a woman named Jules (Natalie Gold) meets her next-door neighbor, Noah (Michael Esper), for the first time.
Once again, we begin with a recap song by Jonathan Coulton:
After the previouslies, we open on Senator Ella Pollack (Luke’s new rival for party Whip), who’s home with a cold. She gets a conciliatory arrangement of cherry blossoms from Luke, although it was actually Scarlett who sent them. Luke and Ella decide they’d rather work together than against each other, and they agree to talk soon. Luke tells Scarlett she’s a genius, and I throw up a little in my mouth.
After the previouslies, we open on Senator Ella Pollack (Luke’s new rival for party Whip), who’s home with a cold. She gets a conciliatory arrangement of cherry blossoms from Luke, although it was actually Scarlett who sent them. Luke and Ella decide they’d rather work together than against each other, and they agree to talk soon. Luke tells Scarlett she’s a genius, and I throw up a little in my mouth.
The show begins with a collection of TV screens displaying clips from our current election cycle. Scrawled across them, we get the following message:
“In the year 2016 there was a growing sense that people were losing their minds... And no one knew why...Until now."
Marines: Well, shit. That's scary because I do think people are losing their minds, but I'm not sure how I feel about zombie bugs as a reason...
“In the year 2016 there was a growing sense that people were losing their minds... And no one knew why...Until now."
Marines: Well, shit. That's scary because I do think people are losing their minds, but I'm not sure how I feel about zombie bugs as a reason...
It's Thanksgiving Day and Aria, Hanna and Emily are sadly standing outside of a house. There are police cars everywhere and some police tape is blocking off the entrance to the house. Ezra is there too, but I try to ignore him as much as possible.
Jessica: A good piece of advice for all of us.
Jessica: A good piece of advice for all of us.
Ladies and gentlemen, you could've been anywhere in the world tonight, but you're here with us in Winterfell. Are you ready for a BastardBowl?
Catherine: Get hype! We're probably gonna be in tears before this is over.
Diva: We're probably gonna be in tears before this starts.
The previouslies remind us that the battle for Winterfell is imminent, Shireen Baratheon loved the toy stag that Davos gave her (see - I'm already crying!), the Greyjoys are en route to Meereen, and the slavers are trying to blow up Dany's pyramid just as she deboards her dragon.
Catherine: Get hype! We're probably gonna be in tears before this is over.
Diva: We're probably gonna be in tears before this starts.
The previouslies remind us that the battle for Winterfell is imminent, Shireen Baratheon loved the toy stag that Davos gave her (see - I'm already crying!), the Greyjoys are en route to Meereen, and the slavers are trying to blow up Dany's pyramid just as she deboards her dragon.
CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! (S: THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DOOONE.)
That's right, friends. It's the final episode of the season, and that means it's time for the previouslies to take us right back to the beginning and remind us of all the major plot points from the past five seasons that may prove relevant here. But mostly it means a full minute of jamming to Kansas because I have not so secretly terrible taste in music.
That's right, friends. It's the final episode of the season, and that means it's time for the previouslies to take us right back to the beginning and remind us of all the major plot points from the past five seasons that may prove relevant here. But mostly it means a full minute of jamming to Kansas because I have not so secretly terrible taste in music.
The previouslies take us right back to Jessica, followed by a reminder about the Croatoan virus and Crowley, so clearly we're in for a good time.
We open in a medical research lab, full of lab rats and lab monkeys. A janitor mops the floor as two medical researchers in lab coats talk about how it seems crazy to jump straight to human testing when neither of them have seen the vaccine yet. They study the monkeys and jot down notes as they talk. One looks like a short version of Barack Obama, and it's very disconcerting. The janitor turns towards them and says that he's seen the vaccine. They're all "The fuck?", and he grins that he's running an experiment of his own.
We open in a medical research lab, full of lab rats and lab monkeys. A janitor mops the floor as two medical researchers in lab coats talk about how it seems crazy to jump straight to human testing when neither of them have seen the vaccine yet. They study the monkeys and jot down notes as they talk. One looks like a short version of Barack Obama, and it's very disconcerting. The janitor turns towards them and says that he's seen the vaccine. They're all "The fuck?", and he grins that he's running an experiment of his own.
There is only one way to describe how I feel sitting down to rewatch and recap this episode.
Marines: A+. 1430.
Diva: Let's do this before I lose my nerve and melt into a puddle of feels.
After some uneventful previouslies/credits, Sansa is sewing and someone delivers her a letter. It has the mockingbird seal on it, so you know it's fromKatniss Littlefinger. She reads the letter and asks how far they are from Mole's Town, the village near Castle Black renowned for its whorehouses.
Marines: A+. 1430.
Diva: Let's do this before I lose my nerve and melt into a puddle of feels.
After some uneventful previouslies/credits, Sansa is sewing and someone delivers her a letter. It has the mockingbird seal on it, so you know it's from
This episode, a random favorite of mine, opens at a run down vacant motel in Indiana. A sheriff looking fella walks inside and starts looking around. We see that the name of the hotel is the Elysium Fields and the Greek Mythology nerd inside of me has a field (har har) day. We also see a flower pot bloom into life. The flowers look vaguely lotus-y if you put your imagination to it. There's lots of noises and camera angles to indicate that this motel is not quite as abandoned as it appears. Sure enough, the sheriff guy turns around to find an immaculate looking bellhop standing there. He tries to tell the bellhop that he isn't allowed to be here, but Bellhop just rambles about how he has to get everything ready because they are all coming. He then tells the sherif cop guy that he's dinner and murders the fuck out of him.
The previouslies are a warning to the audience: you definitely don't remember any of this stuff. Theon's dad and sister! Lord Karstark getting beheaded by a still-alive Robb! Bran knows a really smart bird!
Credits take us to Kings Landing, and then throw PYKE at us. Then Flayed Winterfaux, The Wall That Killed Our Dreams, Braavos, and Meereen. Yay, no Dorne! This episode is off to a great start.
Credits take us to Kings Landing, and then throw PYKE at us. Then Flayed Winterfaux, The Wall That Killed Our Dreams, Braavos, and Meereen. Yay, no Dorne! This episode is off to a great start.
After approximately 2 weeks worth of continuous previouslies, we go to the credits: King's Landing, Bolton Winterfaux, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen and Dorne.
Democracy Diva: WINTERFAUX. A+. That is the only thing we are allowed to call it until a Stark is safe there again. (So, that's the only thing we're ever gonna call it, I guess.)
Mari: We're starting this season with the exact right expectations.
Democracy Diva: WINTERFAUX. A+. That is the only thing we are allowed to call it until a Stark is safe there again. (So, that's the only thing we're ever gonna call it, I guess.)
Mari: We're starting this season with the exact right expectations.
The previouslies is basically a montage of the boys dying a million times, followed by a reminder that the Samulet and its God-finding powers are a thing, so clearly we're in for tons of fun.
We open at the Motel of the Week. Dean's face down in the pillow, surrounded by empty beer cans. He wakes to find two balaclava-wearing guys pointing guns at him and Sam. Sam looks freaked. Dean's all "Must be Tuesday" about it. The guys do the typical villain here's-my-motive-ing (Dean started the Apocalypse, Sam's a freak blah blah whatever), and Dean realises that he knows them - the guys are hunters. Sam tries to explain, but gets shot in the chest for his trouble.
We open at the Motel of the Week. Dean's face down in the pillow, surrounded by empty beer cans. He wakes to find two balaclava-wearing guys pointing guns at him and Sam. Sam looks freaked. Dean's all "Must be Tuesday" about it. The guys do the typical villain here's-my-motive-ing (Dean started the Apocalypse, Sam's a freak blah blah whatever), and Dean realises that he knows them - the guys are hunters. Sam tries to explain, but gets shot in the chest for his trouble.
We open at a cemetery where it's storming and hands start reaching out of the graves. Soon, a guy crawls all of the way out.
Kirsti: It was very Buffy-esque, to be honest, and I still can't decide if it was intentional or not.
Samantha: Head cannon that it was intentional.
A man is watching an animal documentary and drinking a beer. There's some scare fake outs and then zombie guy is in the house. He kills beer guy.
BLOOOOOOOOOD.
Kirsti: It was very Buffy-esque, to be honest, and I still can't decide if it was intentional or not.
Samantha: Head cannon that it was intentional.
A man is watching an animal documentary and drinking a beer. There's some scare fake outs and then zombie guy is in the house. He kills beer guy.
BLOOOOOOOOOD.
I'm not going to lie, you guys. When I saw that I had to recap this episode, I nearly threw up in my mouth. Because the opening scene is SO FUCKING SQUICKY AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. But because I love you, I'm going to power through.
Samantha: We really appreciate you.
K: The previouslies remind us about the Four Horsemen and Sam's demon blood addiction, so we're clearly in for a fun episode...
Samantha: We really appreciate you.
K: The previouslies remind us about the Four Horsemen and Sam's demon blood addiction, so we're clearly in for a fun episode...