We open two days before Halloween with people setting up their front gardens and shit. IDEK, you guys. Australia doesn't do Halloween. It's kind of hard when it's spring and everything's green and leafy, and it doesn't get dark until 8pm...
Marines: You guys are missing the point then, which is mainly: CANDY.
K: Yeah, but like, just go to the supermarket and buy it yourself. Then you don't have to talk to people. Or dress up.
The last scene of the previouslies is the massacre from last episode, so I hope everyone is ready for happy fun times. The credits take us to King's Landing, Bolton-Winterfell, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen and Dorne.
Post-credits, we see Grey Worm on a sick bed as Missandei watches over him and cries. Out near her throne in the Pyramid of Power, Danaerys and Daario stand over Barristan Selmy's slain body. I had a feeling one would die and one would survive. And then the reasonable part of my brain went, "both of them will die; this is Game of Thrones." (S: That was my reaction so Grey Worm being alive was a pleasant surprise? This show.)
Post-credits, we see Grey Worm on a sick bed as Missandei watches over him and cries. Out near her throne in the Pyramid of Power, Danaerys and Daario stand over Barristan Selmy's slain body. I had a feeling one would die and one would survive. And then the reasonable part of my brain went, "both of them will die; this is Game of Thrones." (S: That was my reaction so Grey Worm being alive was a pleasant surprise? This show.)
London, 1599. A guy with a terrible hair cut plays the lute and sings to a woman leaning out of her window. It's all very Romeo and Juliet. She looks incredibly familiar, and that's because she's Blanche Ingram from the BBC's 2006 version of Jane Eyre! (M: AHHH!) She also played Caroline Bingley in Lost in Austen. (M: Less exciting.) She informs him that after his amazing singing she's totally DTF and he rushes upstairs.
When he gets to her room, he's weirded out to see that it's full of creepy magical looking stuff. She kisses him, and turns into a crone with pointy teeth. He freaks. She gestures and two other crone-faced witches rush forward. They cackle as they surround him, and tear him to shreds.
When he gets to her room, he's weirded out to see that it's full of creepy magical looking stuff. She kisses him, and turns into a crone with pointy teeth. He freaks. She gestures and two other crone-faced witches rush forward. They cackle as they surround him, and tear him to shreds.
We open with a close up of an iron pentagram, then pan down to see that Sam and Ruby 2.0 have a demon tied up underneath it. Sam asks where Lilith is, and the demon sasses at him. We then get in a double dose of misogyny shots when the demon says that Sam's "slutting around" with Ruby and then calls her a bitch. Not even 30 seconds in and we're two shots down. It's going to be a long road, friends...
Marines: At this rate, though, we won't even feel it.
K: Thank Heaven for small mercies.
Sam does his angry nostril twitch and holds his hand out. The demon pukes up black smoke, which burns away into the floor.
Marines: At this rate, though, we won't even feel it.
K: Thank Heaven for small mercies.
Sam does his angry nostril twitch and holds his hand out. The demon pukes up black smoke, which burns away into the floor.
Sam watches his brother sleep in the Motel of the Week, then sneaks out the door. Outside, Ruby 2.0 picks him up and they speed off into the night. Back in the motel room, Dean has nightmares about being in Hell, and wakes to find Castiel sitting on the bed.
Marines: Castiel, friend. We're not fond of characters who watch people sleep around here. Just FYI.
K: Truth.
Dean jumps, and asks what Castiel wants. "You have to stop him," Castiel says. He presses two fingers to Dean's forehead, and Dean wakes up on a bench.
Marines: Castiel, friend. We're not fond of characters who watch people sleep around here. Just FYI.
K: Truth.
Dean jumps, and asks what Castiel wants. "You have to stop him," Castiel says. He presses two fingers to Dean's forehead, and Dean wakes up on a bench.
After an intense amount of previouslies, the lying liar credits take us to King's Landing, The Eyrie, Winterfell Now With Added Bolton, The Wall, Braavos, and Meereen.
For every single person who shouted, "WHERE IS ARYA??" last episode, we start with Arya. (S: "SHIT, WE HEAR YOU," the show said.) She's still on that boat, but now approaching her destination: Braavos. She's eying the Titan of Braavos kind of suspiciously, which is rather fair when you consider that you have to sail under its crotch. Ternesio Terys (totally looked that name up)(he's the guy that agreed to sail Arya to Braavos)
For every single person who shouted, "WHERE IS ARYA??" last episode, we start with Arya. (S: "SHIT, WE HEAR YOU," the show said.) She's still on that boat, but now approaching her destination: Braavos. She's eying the Titan of Braavos kind of suspiciously, which is rather fair when you consider that you have to sail under its crotch. Ternesio Terys (totally looked that name up)(he's the guy that agreed to sail Arya to Braavos)
Everything is usually so shiny and bright when a new season starts! I'll admit that I'm more hesitant than normal this time 'round because season four started off on such a prolonged, sour note. However, I still got pretty damn giddy when the credits music started. Here we are again, friends! Ready or not.
Democracy Diva: READY. So ready. I may have been running around my apartment singing the GoT theme song to myself in preparation. Also, hi, Traumateers! I'm so excited to be joining the GoT recaps.
Democracy Diva: READY. So ready. I may have been running around my apartment singing the GoT theme song to myself in preparation. Also, hi, Traumateers! I'm so excited to be joining the GoT recaps.
CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! That's right, friends. It's the season finale.
Marines: My first one! High fives all around!
K: WOO! Only a million to go!! *cries*
Marines: My first one! High fives all around!
K: WOO! Only a million to go!! *cries*
We open outside a hospital at night. Two doctors walk out discussing their plans for the night, and how one has to start work stupidly early the next day. They go their separate ways, and we follow one to his car. He puts a bag into the boot and promptly gets shoved in there after it. He bangs on the closed lid. Cut to him staggering into an emergency room, holding his stomach. A nurse walks up and kindly says that he can move his hands because there's nothing she hasn't seen before. She pulls his hands away, and his intestines fall out onto the floor. She screams.
We open on two nerdy guys sitting in armchairs, and talking directly to the camera. Kind of like Andrew did in Storyteller, except without the word "vampyres." (M: That basically changes everything.) (K: TRUE.) It's Ed and Harry from season 1's Hell House. They talk about how this is an unsolicited pilot intended for the hands of a network executive who's been struck by the writer's strike and is looking for alternative content.
Aaaah, yes. The writer's strike of 2008. That was a dark time. At least it gave us Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog?
Aaaah, yes. The writer's strike of 2008. That was a dark time. At least it gave us Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog?
The happiest two seconds of the entire series happen when an EMT says Ezra's pulse is getting weaker. The only one who is sad about this is Aria. Her friends hold her back and tell her she shouldn't go with Ezra to the hospital because then the pesky cops will start asking her questions. Apparently, no one from the NYPD notices Aria hyperventilating after Ezra; they are busy questioning Noel Khan. Alison is on a fire escape, watching the ambulance ride by. A is-- TRUE STORY-- riding on the top of the ambulance like some kind of extra-deranged Spider-Man. I hate this show.
First things first: this episode is a bitch and a half to find gifs for on account of the Jus in Bello convention. So I'm sorry about any giant slabs of text...
Monument, Colorado. The boys break into an incredibly white hotel room and search it. Apparently it's Bela's room and they're looking for the Colt. Suddenly the phone rings. After staring at it awkwardly for a minute, Dean answers. It's Bela, who informs him that she's two states away already. He demands the Colt back, and she's all "LOL NOPE". He murder-nounces that he's going to find her because he has nothing better to do with his life, and she informs him that he's about to get suuuuuuper busy on account of she gave the cops a tip off. The door bursts open, the cops appear, and the boys are arrested.
Monument, Colorado. The boys break into an incredibly white hotel room and search it. Apparently it's Bela's room and they're looking for the Colt. Suddenly the phone rings. After staring at it awkwardly for a minute, Dean answers. It's Bela, who informs him that she's two states away already. He demands the Colt back, and she's all "LOL NOPE". He murder-nounces that he's going to find her because he has nothing better to do with his life, and she informs him that he's about to get suuuuuuper busy on account of she gave the cops a tip off. The door bursts open, the cops appear, and the boys are arrested.
First things first: I have an irrational love for this episode. It manages to be feelsy and really freaking dark and hilarious simultaneously, and it's just kind of great.
Right, on with the show. We open with a super close up of Sam's closed eyes. Heat of the Moment by Asia starts playing, and he sits bolt upright in bed at the Motel of the Week. Dean, already dressed, tells Sam that it's "time to rise and shine, Sammy!" This gives me horrible flashbacks to my teen years when my mother would burst into my room at like 9am on a Saturday and holler "Time for getting up now!" (M: My mom's Saturday wake-up was the dreaded, "time to clean!" -_-)
Right, on with the show. We open with a super close up of Sam's closed eyes. Heat of the Moment by Asia starts playing, and he sits bolt upright in bed at the Motel of the Week. Dean, already dressed, tells Sam that it's "time to rise and shine, Sammy!" This gives me horrible flashbacks to my teen years when my mother would burst into my room at like 9am on a Saturday and holler "Time for getting up now!" (M: My mom's Saturday wake-up was the dreaded, "time to clean!" -_-)
After the previouslies, we go straight to the credits, because why the fuck not. DOO WEE OOH.
After the credits, the Doctor aims a mystery thing at the Cybermen, and a beam of orange light bursts out. It hits one Cyberman and spreads to the others, kind of like how the Nazis die in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The Cybermen crumble to ash and everyone makes a run for it.
I cannot stop laughing over that gif. Conveniently, Driver pulls up in the blue van and everyone piles in. Except for A Pete, who makes a run for the house to rescue A Jackie.
After the credits, the Doctor aims a mystery thing at the Cybermen, and a beam of orange light bursts out. It hits one Cyberman and spreads to the others, kind of like how the Nazis die in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The Cybermen crumble to ash and everyone makes a run for it.
I cannot stop laughing over that gif. Conveniently, Driver pulls up in the blue van and everyone piles in. Except for A Pete, who makes a run for the house to rescue A Jackie.
Seattle, one year ago. A grandfather is greeted at the door by his grandson, who asks if his grandfather has brought Christmas presents. The grandfather is all "Pff, NO" because that's Santa's job. After the kid's asleep, the grandfather dresses up as Santa and rings a set of bells. The kid sneaks down the stairs and watches as Grandpa Santa puts presents under the tree. There's a thump on the roof, and the kid excitedly whispers to himself that it must be reindeer. Some soot falls down the chimney, and Grandpa Santa looks over in surprise before going closer to investigate. Obviously, something grabs him and drags him up the chimney with a series of crunching sounds.