Blackwater Ridge. Lost Creek, Colorado. Something is growling outside of a tent in the middle of the woods. Three guys inside are playing video games on handheld devices, and HEY. One of them is Cory Monteith! Aw, feels.
Kirsti: Especially seeing as this was one of his few chances to play an age appropriate character. Sniff, tear, sob.
Sara: Another guy is recording a message on his phone for someone named Haley, telling her that he's fine and will talk to her tomorrow. Probably not if that growly thing has anything to say about it. Also, that's some sweet cell service!
I'm sure most of you are reading this post right now all, "snark-a-what now?" It's okay. Things around here happen pretty quickly and we're often starting new things when we can barely keep up with what we already have going on. (So, like, Firefly this Friday. For real.)
#Snarkathon came about thanks to some Traumateers who wanted to live Tweet The Cabin in the Woods, the 2012 Joss Whedon vehicle staring Thor, Topher, Fred, Lena's new boyfriend in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, and a girl IMDB told me played the Yellow Cheetah Ranger. Take this idea, add a Google hangout and voila.
We'll touch a little more on the #snarkathon thing at the end of the post, but first, The Cabin in the Woods (#spoilerssweetie):
#Snarkathon came about thanks to some Traumateers who wanted to live Tweet The Cabin in the Woods, the 2012 Joss Whedon vehicle staring Thor, Topher, Fred, Lena's new boyfriend in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, and a girl IMDB told me played the Yellow Cheetah Ranger. Take this idea, add a Google hangout and voila.
We'll touch a little more on the #snarkathon thing at the end of the post, but first, The Cabin in the Woods (#spoilerssweetie):
Do you have any idea how many times my fingers inadvertently wrote "Benedict Cumberbatch" while trying to write the name of this episode? (It was two. Which was still two too many, really.)
ANYWAY. We start in the lobby of the Hyperion, immediately after the end of the last episode. Fred says that Angel's still not answering his phone, and the Fang Gang debate whether they should go out looking for him. They're saved the trouble though when Angel walks in the door, limping on account of all the bullet wounds. The gang help him to a chair, and ask if Connor's responsible for his injuries. He informs them that Connor's name is Steven now, and that no, he wasn't responsible for the injuries. Fred asks where he is, and Angel's all "*shrug* He'll find me if he needs me." The gang are all "Um, wow. Way to parent," but Angel is familiar with the ways of Traumaland and knows that neglect is the best medicine.
ANYWAY. We start in the lobby of the Hyperion, immediately after the end of the last episode. Fred says that Angel's still not answering his phone, and the Fang Gang debate whether they should go out looking for him. They're saved the trouble though when Angel walks in the door, limping on account of all the bullet wounds. The gang help him to a chair, and ask if Connor's responsible for his injuries. He informs them that Connor's name is Steven now, and that no, he wasn't responsible for the injuries. Fred asks where he is, and Angel's all "*shrug* He'll find me if he needs me." The gang are all "Um, wow. Way to parent," but Angel is familiar with the ways of Traumaland and knows that neglect is the best medicine.
I actually just finished watching Seeing Red about 20 minutes ago. After unloading all of my WHY TARA WHY feelings on Twitter (and the last post), I decided to just finish off my emotions and watch this episode too. The point of all this is just to warn you that I wrote this while my emotions were freshly Whedon-ed. Also, WHY TARA WHY? An ambulance arrives at 1630 Revello.
Kirsti: I stop to have thousands and thousands of feels because the last time an ambulance was called to Chez Summers, it was in The Body.
Sweeney: And this episode makes plenty of allusions to that one. Thousands of feels totally called for.
Kirsti: I stop to have thousands and thousands of feels because the last time an ambulance was called to Chez Summers, it was in The Body.
Sweeney: And this episode makes plenty of allusions to that one. Thousands of feels totally called for.
We open in the lobby of the Hyperion, with Angel and Holtz right where we left them. Angel's all "DAFUQ? You're meant to be dead!" then joins the dots on the fact that the mysterious beastie the prophecies were talking about is Holtz. He starts to try and talk Holtz around, but a couple of green scaly demons jump up and hold stabby looking metal things to Angel's throat. Holtz says that what brought him to the 21st century is Angel and his "demon bitch." Angel starts in on his "everything's different because I have a soul" routine, but Holtz flicks some holy water at him, causing him to vamp out for a second, and says that he sees no difference. He orders his minions to search the place because wherever Angel is, Darla can't be far away.
Our tragically abbreviated journey begins with stock war footage. There are explosions and bullets whizzing by as a band of futuristic aircraft gun down a group of soldiers. Welcome to Firefly everyone!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
We open at Lorne's bar with Angel apologising sincerely to someone off camera - he used them and he feels really bad about it. Said off camera person turns out to be Merl the snitch, who doesn't believe Angel's apology on account of he's reading it from a piece of paper.Merl doesn't feel like it's sincere enough, and Angel eye-rolls at the Fang Gang who are still sporting completely terrible hair. Cordy pulls Merl aside for a pep talk while Wes does the same for Angel. Angel eventually offers Merl a free shot at him, and then taunts him until he throws a bottle. At which point Merl gets hurled back by some kind of force field. Angel tries to keep a straight face while Lorne makes the sarcastic excuse that Angel must have "forgotten" that demon violence is impossible in his bar.
It's finale time, kids! Can we all just stop and marvel at how this season seemed to last about five minutes while season 4 dragged on for a freaking millennium? Also, we've now made it through a whopping ONE HUNDRED episodes of Buffy. I feel like that warrants celebration.
Lorraine: I'm really feeling all nostalgic over Buffy. I know we have two full seasons to go, but it's just that much more over. I'm sorry. I'm clouding our celebration with my attachment-to-TV feels. Here. Have a happy dance gif:
Sweeney: I'm glad it's also a well dressed happy dance gif. This is a big event and we must dress accordingly.
Lorraine: I'm really feeling all nostalgic over Buffy. I know we have two full seasons to go, but it's just that much more over. I'm sorry. I'm clouding our celebration with my attachment-to-TV feels. Here. Have a happy dance gif:
Sweeney: I'm glad it's also a well dressed happy dance gif. This is a big event and we must dress accordingly.
Finale time! We pick up where we left off last time, with the girls sitting on the bed, watching more Stalker videos. But the next video isn't of the PLLs; it's of Blind!Jenna, before she was blind, and Toby. Jenna has her arms around Toby and is telling him (and us) that it isn't really creepy because of how they aren't really related. Yeah, no. It's still creepy, girl. She goes on that if he doesn't get sexy with her, she'll tell his dad that he's been forcing her to have sex with him and obviously they'll believe her. So yeah. Jenna is a straight up rapist, and we now have lots of validity behind why we hate her. Thank goodness Hanna went ahead and slapped her that one time. (NEVER FORGET.)
Buffy appraises a bunch of coffins. Spooky music plays while she opens one up, but it's all a bit of misdirection. There is nothing in the coffin. Buffy is here to pick one for Joyce.
Misdirection dictated that Buffy was doing all of this in the dark, in a room away from Giles, Dawn and the salesman. They enter the room now, and Buffy points out her selection. The salesman makes a skeevy comment about he can tell how much she care for the deceased based on her selection. It must be expensive. (S: Clearly. Such a skeevy and inappropriate comment and this guy needs a new line of work.) (K: Agreed. Creepy coffin salesman is creepy.)
Misdirection dictated that Buffy was doing all of this in the dark, in a room away from Giles, Dawn and the salesman. They enter the room now, and Buffy points out her selection. The salesman makes a skeevy comment about he can tell how much she care for the deceased based on her selection. It must be expensive. (S: Clearly. Such a skeevy and inappropriate comment and this guy needs a new line of work.) (K: Agreed. Creepy coffin salesman is creepy.)
Kirsti: After the previouslies, we're at the hospital where Dawn's eating the jelly (L: JELL-O.) off Joyce's hospital tray with her fingers (EW). Joyce says she won't be offended if the girls go out for real people food. Buffy poo-poos her, and I can't help but notice that she's wearing a hoodie and tracksuit pants, which is the 2000s version of the Overalls of Overall Sadness. Poor Buff.
Kirsti: We open in a dark street, where a shady looking guy is selling a couple of way-too-young-to-be-out-alone-after-dark kids some crappy looking toys. A young blind woman in a VERY unflattering outfit is walking down the street with a cane. (L: K, girl, she's blind.) The shady guy stops her so that he can move his crappy looking toys out of her way. This scene apparently serves almost no purpose because we seizure cut - LESS THAN A MINUTE IN - to Angel fighting some vampires.
Lorraine: I'm pretty sure the point of the scene was to bash us over the head with how completely blind this woman is.
Lorraine: I'm pretty sure the point of the scene was to bash us over the head with how completely blind this woman is.
We open at Crispydale High and Buffy searching for Riley. LOL, NICE TRY. He's hanging out in Adam's cave, being called 'brother' and being given a pep talk. "What have you done to me?" Riley asks, and Adam replies that the Evil Bitch Monster [Professor Walsh] gave Riley a behavioural modification chip, just like Spike's. Except that instead of being in his brain, it's in his chest and is tied into his central nervous system. LOL, OKAY SHOW. WHATEVER.
Sweeney: Since I've already ranked this episode really high on the strength of, quite frankly, one scene, I feel obligated to make it clear how much bullshit I am willing to put up with for certain things. Epic bullshit break #1!
Sweeney: Since I've already ranked this episode really high on the strength of, quite frankly, one scene, I feel obligated to make it clear how much bullshit I am willing to put up with for certain things. Epic bullshit break #1!
Kirsti: We open on a sunny morning with a girl in a historically inaccurate costume pouring water from a well into a jug. It's 1753, and we're in Galway. Oh, sorry. Galway, IRELAND, because the show needs to clarify such things for stupid people who don't know where Galway is.
Sweeney: This is an American show. Our people don't know shit about maps or other places. They can't even put half the US states on a map, so expecting them to identify foreign cities without clarification is just too much.
K: And yet someone decided America should be in charge of the world. Go figure...
Sweeney: This is an American show. Our people don't know shit about maps or other places. They can't even put half the US states on a map, so expecting them to identify foreign cities without clarification is just too much.
K: And yet someone decided America should be in charge of the world. Go figure...
Shit got so real last time that I'm even willing to tell you all the stuff from the opening credits, even though I'm still not on good terms with them. King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell (STILL ON FUCKING FIRE), The Wall, Astapor. I pay attention and you gave me nothing new! You did inform me that Natalie Dormer, granddaughter FLOWERBOSS is in this episode, so I'm pumped. I'd also add that we no longer cross at The Narrow Sea, rather, The Shivering Sea. And Astapor is just off The Gulf of Grief. Those sound like the worst bodies of water ever.
Lorraine: See?? Even when the credits have nothing new to tell us, there is always something new to note, because seriously, who the hell would live just off the Gulf of Grief?
Lorraine: See?? Even when the credits have nothing new to tell us, there is always something new to note, because seriously, who the hell would live just off the Gulf of Grief?