Tag: Sookie is mahn

New Moon Chapter 19 – Sorry about your saints!

This chapter is TENSE. Or about as tense as Meyer's writing ever gets. Which is kinda like a longer than normal shrug.
“We made our flight with seconds to spare, and then the true torture began.”
Um, the true torture began 424 pages ago, Bella. (A: Let's be honest. The torture began almost two books ago.) (C: Was it ONLY two books?)
She's referring to the fact that she has to sit and (K)stew on a plane while those bitch flight attendants 'casually' stroll up and down the aisles and do their normal jobs like some kind of fucking idiots.

Grey Chapter 15 – Where’s the pie?

I honestly kept forgetting to write this recap. I've never been so proud of my brain.
Anyway.
"Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick."
Can I just start using "music to me [body part]" in real life now?
We start this chapter right in the middle of a goddamn conversation because EL James is the worst. If you'll recall, Ana wanted to talk about Grey's messed up childhood and he was like, "no. Vagina balls."

Doctor Who S02 E02 – I am not amused.

A group of monks approach a castle and a bald one, the head monk presumably, tells a man that they want the house, and they will be taking it now. The owner is like LOL okay, do you want my wife, too? But Bald Head Monk isn't kidding around and says that he will take that shit with his fists. He kicks Home Owner to the ground and a fun(ny) fight scene develops as Bald Head Monk orders the other monks to remove their hoods, revealing a group of Not Monks who are actually Ninjas with badass fighting sticks. They fight their way through the entire castle, taking it over. Learning martial arts would be so be worth it if it kept you from having to sign a 30-year mortgage loan.

The OC S01 E19 – Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

It’s morning at the Cohen house. Sandy is fetching himself some juice when he gets shot in the face with a foam dart. The shooter is Kirsten, and shooting him in the face was her way of wishing him a happy Valentine’s Day. Sandy is unimpressed, not only because he just took a dart to the face before he’d even got his breakfast, but also because Valentine’s day isn’t actually until tomorrow.
Sweeney: That before breakfast is serious. Don't fucking talk to me, let alone SHOOT DARTS AT MY FACE before I've had breakfast.
Lorraine: I've never seen Kirsten this excited. Maybe about wine that one time she was drunk, but that was less excited and more, well, drunk.

Supernatural S01 E20 – Antique gun of mystery

Manning, Colorado. A man sits at a bar, flipping through a book that looks very similar to Papa Winchester's Filofax of Shadows. The bartender addresses him as Mr. Elkins and asks if he'll be having anything else to drink. He says yes, and as she fixes him a drink, another patron makes a comment about how creepy the guy sitting alone is. Which is funny coming from a guy who is also sitting alone at a bar and flirting with a waitress who is way out of his league. She shares that Mr. Elkins is a nice old man who lives up in the canyon by himself and flips through that old book on a regular basis. And also, he's kind of a nut.
Three people dressed in leather come in, and Mr. Elkins immediately freezes in his seat while discreetly checking them out.

Angel S05 E20 – A waste of episode.

Angel and Gunn start us off with a pede-argument about whether or not they just take on some new case. Angel wants a full risk analysis, Gunn wants to go now, now, now. "Don't want to lose another baby with the bath water," Gunn says with a meaningful head tilt. Angel says fine. They'll send Spike.
Cut to Spike telling them to do it themselves, playing on what looks like a Game Boy Advance. There are Mario sound effects in the background of the rest of this scene. They all bicker back and forth about the super important job: some dead, demon mobster's body needs to be collected. He was a human-tolerant demon so they need to return him to his family to be revived, or else some other, less tolerant demons will take his place. Angel tells Spike to pack his bags and go.

Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 22 – Fizzles and dies.

Lorraine: Ana is horrified because, if you'll remember, Kate has chosen Grey's birthday party as the moment to confront Ana about an email she found. Kate's all, "what the fuck is this? Who in the hell changes the subject line each time they send an email?!?!" Just kidding! There are far more horrible things in this particular email, as it contains the Sexy Times Contract. I'm sure we will now get a good discussion that will pave the way for future conversations between Ana and Kate on the disturbing nature of this relationship. Just kidding again! I'm on a roll! Instead, let's watch and see how this is all resolved within two pages:

Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 20 – Free shrugs.

Last week I started to write Sweeney an email yelling at her for having the luck of getting to cover the super short chapter 19. Sure, we found out that Grey wasn't dead and sure, Ana accepted his proposal, but then the chapter ended and now I'm stuck with the inevitable "let's get married" sex. As it happens, though, I believe next week's chapter- a Sweeney chapter- is the return to the playroom. You'll forgive me for that spoiler because: LOL.
Sweeney: You're the actual worst. I'm glad I began my search for a new BFF in yesterday's GoT post.

Game of Thrones S02 E08 – Tweets from Westeros

Sweeney: After the zoomy camera lied to us yesterday, I trust nothing, but there's a chance we'll be visiting King's Landing, Harrenhal, Pyke, Winterfell, The Wall, and/or Qarth. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE.
Lorraine: Watching TV is hard.
Sweeney: So many struggles.
We're starting in Winterfell, where a bunch of ravens are being killed and Theon opens the gates for riders approaching, letting in Yara, who is not accompanied by the 500 men he asked for. Inside, she takes over with the gaggle of men she did bring. They eat and she mocks him for being a douche, proclaiming himself a warrior for defeating a cripple and a six-year-old.