Prue and Phoebe are shopping when the shop owner tells them she wants to close up. Prue thought the shop was open until 1am, and usually it is, but not on the eve of Friday the 13th. Dawson Leery might be around the corner, waiting to scare you because he likes you. Prue tries to rush Phoebe along as the shop owner looks nervously at the clock. Phoebe quickly decides on a good luck charm.
At the register, Phoebe asks Prue to pay for her charm. The shop owner asks them to sign up for her mailing list and tells them about a Wicca gathering for the spring equinox. Prue says they never said they were witches and the shop owner gives them excellent, "bitch, please." eyes.
Prue and Phoebe arrive from a shopping excursion and Piper comes from inside the house, shirt open, giggling, led by an also partially undressed Leo. Freaked out by the appearance of her sisters, she freezes time, trips over Leo and slides all the way toward EMBARRASSING.
Piper is only momentarily distracted by all of the shopping bags and asks Prue if maybe she's just depression shopping. No matter how many times I regret retail therapy, I will never speak ill of it. It hurts so good. Piper pushes her sisters out of Leo's sight. She runs back, puts her hand in his, and when time unfreezes, continues her run upstairs with him.
Piper is only momentarily distracted by all of the shopping bags and asks Prue if maybe she's just depression shopping. No matter how many times I regret retail therapy, I will never speak ill of it. It hurts so good. Piper pushes her sisters out of Leo's sight. She runs back, puts her hand in his, and when time unfreezes, continues her run upstairs with him.
We start at Quake. The name of the restaurant is stylized on a piece of reinforced concrete that is cracked down the middle. GET IT?
Phoebe finds Piper at the bar. As per usual (or based on 2 episodes...) Piper is freaking out. Seems the chef that hired her promptly quit and left her to run things alone. This is clearly not the restaurant Piper auditioned at in the pilot, so perhaps she had to do a full rebrand too. Phew! She must be exhausted. Not too exhausted to notice that Phoebe is wearing her dress., though. I have sisters too. I can spot my dress on one of them from an admirable distance away.
Phoebe finds Piper at the bar. As per usual (or based on 2 episodes...) Piper is freaking out. Seems the chef that hired her promptly quit and left her to run things alone. This is clearly not the restaurant Piper auditioned at in the pilot, so perhaps she had to do a full rebrand too. Phew! She must be exhausted. Not too exhausted to notice that Phoebe is wearing her dress., though. I have sisters too. I can spot my dress on one of them from an admirable distance away.
I've tried to mini-recap several shows and nothing ever panned out. If you are reading this post, SUCCESS. If your name is Sweeney, and you are reading this post in our Trash, at least I tried. Tell no one about my failures.
San Francisco under a full moon and lots of rain. A lady feeds her cat, then chants a spell for protection. All the while we see someone sneaking up behind her. She startles, but then relaxes when she sees who it is. Probably she should've stayed on her guard or maybe worked a little harder on that protection spell because the cloaked figure stabs Witchy Cat Lady.
San Francisco under a full moon and lots of rain. A lady feeds her cat, then chants a spell for protection. All the while we see someone sneaking up behind her. She startles, but then relaxes when she sees who it is. Probably she should've stayed on her guard or maybe worked a little harder on that protection spell because the cloaked figure stabs Witchy Cat Lady.
We open to a deserted Los Angeles and the zoomy cameraman zooming all over the place. He zooms in on the city, then individual buildings, then pans underground and zooms some more in the sewer tunnels. The battle continues between the Fang Gang and the soldiers. Connor throws Wes across the room into a wall, and demands to know where Angel is. Segue Magic to the alterna-world. The creature close in on Angel, then cower away when he holds up the magic glow ball. He looks up to see a path leading to a temple-y looking thing and THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SO BADLY BLUE SCREENED THAT I JUST CAN'T EVEN. Thankfully, we're thrown to the Electric Cellos.
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
The stare down from the end of last episode continues. I wanted to think that Lorne was in the background this whole time playing with his Magic 8 Ball, but a wider shot reveals he's holding a crossbow. Damn.
Cordevilia asks Angel what finally tipped him off to the evil. He says it was a slip of the tongue as earlier, Cordelia called her demon spawn, "my sweet" which was apparently a phrase she used while she was talking to Angelus via head-intercom. Cordelia's all, "SERIOUSLY?" because considering that she was wearing a giant I'M FUCKING EVIL outfit, and generally acting shady as shit, saying a few simple words seems like a lousy way to go down.
Cordevilia asks Angel what finally tipped him off to the evil. He says it was a slip of the tongue as earlier, Cordelia called her demon spawn, "my sweet" which was apparently a phrase she used while she was talking to Angelus via head-intercom. Cordelia's all, "SERIOUSLY?" because considering that she was wearing a giant I'M FUCKING EVIL outfit, and generally acting shady as shit, saying a few simple words seems like a lousy way to go down.
A title card tells us we're in Tijuana, Mexico. And in case you missed the title card there is also some generic, Mariachi-type music playing as we look out a little bar. In a back alley, a young, nervous looking boy is fiddling with a piñata and what looks like a small, bubble wrap envelope. He drops one envelope into a dumpster and grabs something out of it. Once he has that all settled, he walks to a nearby car and knocks on the window. Inside, are Troy and Logan.
Democracy Diva: In a nearby alley, Marissa Cooper is almost dying of a pills-and-tequila overdose. #headcanon
Sweeney: Accepted.
Democracy Diva: In a nearby alley, Marissa Cooper is almost dying of a pills-and-tequila overdose. #headcanon
Sweeney: Accepted.
We get an entire season worth of previouslies which, much like the Scoobies, almost entirely ignores Dawn. Poor Dawnie. Once that's over with, Buffy's running through the woods followed by Anya and Xander. Xander stops running to possibly throw up, because OH GOD WILLOW JUST FLAYED A GUY. Buffy says that they can't afford to stop because of Willow's "one down..." line. Anya completes the phrase and earns herself a gold star.
Sweeney: Congrats Anya! I don't think she's received many of these!
Lorraine: Xander mentions the smell and sound of the flaying, which is something I hadn't previously given thought to. THANKS XANDER.
Sweeney: Congrats Anya! I don't think she's received many of these!
Lorraine: Xander mentions the smell and sound of the flaying, which is something I hadn't previously given thought to. THANKS XANDER.
We slow motion zoom in on Angel, who looks like he's trying very hard to emote, which means you know shit is going down; this episode starts one second after Connor has reappeared. The camera pans to the right and Groo jumps into action, swinging his battle axe, also in slow-mo. We keep spinning and land back on Connor in the background, as in the foreground, Angel yells for everyone to wait.
Kirsti: I think the slow motion yelling was my favourite on account of how spectacularly awful it was.
Kirsti: I think the slow motion yelling was my favourite on account of how spectacularly awful it was.
Sweeney: I've been over here wondering when Darla's going to turn in up in LA like she promised. I'm not necessarily a fan of all the things they've done in the interim, but I think I like that they took their sweet time with this. FINE, SHOW. FINE. But I think the suspense is over because we kick this episode off in Rome, 1771. TERRIBLE WIG FLASHBACK TIME! Angelus is running around in a sewer (the more things change, the more they stay the same). He's being chased by some monk like dudes. Maybe they're not monks, but they're wearing big brown robes and I can't be bothered to differentiate the kinds of people who wear big brown robes.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
The episode begins with everyone sitting in the lobby quietly and jumping when Fred enters. Fred looks over Cordelia's shoulder at her magazine and having starved in a cave for five years, is confused by the starved-looking models. She's also just generally lurking and even though it's just a beauty magazine it still gives me, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUBBLE WHEN I'M READING," feelings just watching. (K: Agreed. My mum does it all the time and it makes me squicky.) She mentions that Angel is probably reading, which is his cut to enternouncequestion if anyone else has read this great thing in the paper. Said great thing is a Charlton Heston double feature which nobody else gives any fucks about, but I'm going to go ahead and declare shots for the Angel/art OTP. I'm reaching a little here, but I don't care.
Wesley and his weird hair (I can't get over it) are eating take out with Gunn. We catch them mid-conversation and Wesley is saying they need to be more mindful of something. Just then, Cordelia strides in and they great her with just a touch too much enthusiasm. She doesn't spare them a glance. Gunn asks Wesley how he preformed and Wes thinks they came off pretty genuine. From somewhere behind them, we hear Fred say, "B+, C-. A girl can tell." She's sitting under a desk eating her take-out, so, you know. Progress.
Sweeney: FRED IS PRECIOUS.
Sweeney: FRED IS PRECIOUS.
Buffybot is surrounded by the Lame-O Biker Demons. She babbles about a total systems failure, and how she has to get back to Willow for repairs. One of the Lame-Os knocks her down with a chain.
In the woods, Tara and Anya have found Xander and a passed out Willow. Xander thinks the Biker Demons won't bother them in the woods, but Anya isn't convinced. Xander adjusts his plan to "split up and meet at the Magic Box." He's stay with Willow, since he can carry her. Anya asks about the Buffybot, but Xander proclaims it a loss. The gang all take off running.
We cut back to the cemetery, and in a shot through one of the spokes of a motorcycle wheel, we see the Lame-Os taking great pleasure in repeatedly kicking the Buffybot. I have robot feels.
In the woods, Tara and Anya have found Xander and a passed out Willow. Xander thinks the Biker Demons won't bother them in the woods, but Anya isn't convinced. Xander adjusts his plan to "split up and meet at the Magic Box." He's stay with Willow, since he can carry her. Anya asks about the Buffybot, but Xander proclaims it a loss. The gang all take off running.
We cut back to the cemetery, and in a shot through one of the spokes of a motorcycle wheel, we see the Lame-Os taking great pleasure in repeatedly kicking the Buffybot. I have robot feels.