I cannot remember a single thing that happened in the last chapter. I’m not saying this as an apology or anything. I actually get pretty proud of myself whenever I manage to purge any part of this experience from my brain.
Jessica: I also have forgotten pretty much everything except some shadowy glimpses of plot. I've enjoyed this ignorance, and I feel that I shall soon miss it....
Mari: Yep. Also, I know I'm not posting this on it's regular day, but since we've been gone for so long, and we finally finished this thing, I figured why not. We can all soon miss our ignorance together.
Class at Rosewood! But it's choir class, so half points. The Liars are in the front row, singing What Child Is This? and Hanna either hates choir class or is still hungover? Something.
Jessica: Christmas carols are bad enough when you're sober and not being forced to sing them.
Mari: Right, or she hates Christmas carols.
In an adjacent room which we can conveniently see into thanks to a large window, Detective Tanner is asking Alison questions about the last time she spoke to Shana.
Jessica: Christmas carols are bad enough when you're sober and not being forced to sing them.
Mari: Right, or she hates Christmas carols.
In an adjacent room which we can conveniently see into thanks to a large window, Detective Tanner is asking Alison questions about the last time she spoke to Shana.
Hi, welcome back. Have a drink if you are playing along at home because Christian Grey just woke up with a start to start the chapter. This fine morning he's experiencing a pervading sense of guilt.
"Is it because I've fucked Anastasia Steele? Virgin?"
I laughed for five solid minutes. Anastasia Steele: VIRGIN.
Grey checks the time so probably you should drink again. It's after three in the morning and Ana is fast asleep. Grey says that his body "stirs" as he watches her and this is my mental image:
"Is it because I've fucked Anastasia Steele? Virgin?"
I laughed for five solid minutes. Anastasia Steele: VIRGIN.
Grey checks the time so probably you should drink again. It's after three in the morning and Ana is fast asleep. Grey says that his body "stirs" as he watches her and this is my mental image:
Aria cries as she fills her friends in on the ever-increasing creepiness of Ezra Fitz. See, he didn't kiss a random girl and THEN find out she was 16. He knew all along that she was a minor but he's awful and decided to exploit her anyway. Additionally, he had a "brief" relationship with Alison when she was 14. So. I actually just got really, really gaggy.
Sara: It seems like the word 'relationship' is not really accurate considering it was between a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD and a grown man in college. Gross gross gross gross.
Sara: It seems like the word 'relationship' is not really accurate considering it was between a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD and a grown man in college. Gross gross gross gross.
We open with Dawson and Joey making out on a blanket, which appears to be located adjacent to a sidewalk. It's a less than ideal location for sexytimes. Joey wants to stop because it's cold, and I'm like, girl, you are not allowed to even talk about the weather on this show because it DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. (K: A+, girl.) Dawson thinks the location is beautiful and romantic but she's like, ew, bugs, and also, let's go indoors please. She calls him cheesy, but also "unbearably sexy," so I'm gonna need some brain bleach before the credits even roll. They make out, and this scene was totally unnecessary.
After the credits, Mitch and Dawson are discussing Mitch's meeting about buying a property.
After the credits, Mitch and Dawson are discussing Mitch's meeting about buying a property.
Rosewood's One Coffee Shop, after-hours because there is no one around. It's the same day as the last episode so the beginning exposition ("Any word from Jason while we've been together this entire time?") is especially clunky. Emily has not heard anything from Jason. Hanna wonders if now that the whole National Adolescent Terrorization Club is out of Rosewood, A will retire. Spencer gives the appropriately jaded, "YEAH RIGHT." response.
Emily redirects the conversation over to Cece lying to them about knowing Wilden. The girls wonder if maybe she's Red Coat. Spencer is distracted by an incoming text message. Aria asks her what she thinks and she's all, "maybe Cece is Red Coat!" Aria tells her to pay attention.
Emily redirects the conversation over to Cece lying to them about knowing Wilden. The girls wonder if maybe she's Red Coat. Spencer is distracted by an incoming text message. Aria asks her what she thinks and she's all, "maybe Cece is Red Coat!" Aria tells her to pay attention.
At Rosewood High School for Nervous Breakdowns, Emily, Aria, and Hanna are freaking out because Spencer Hastings is no longer showing up for school. Hanna's less concerned, though, because she figures that Spencer's just hurting and lashing out and needs to work through her pain.
Emily resolves to comfort her and share the I Dreamed A Dream of Girls in Red Coats news, because this plot is now being openly fueled by stress dreams. Hanna supports this by saying she maybe also imagined a Blonde in Red Coat at her fake job interview.
Emily resolves to comfort her and share the I Dreamed A Dream of Girls in Red Coats news, because this plot is now being openly fueled by stress dreams. Hanna supports this by saying she maybe also imagined a Blonde in Red Coat at her fake job interview.
Lorraine: Veronica is looking very intensely at a display of dessert. Veronica Voice Over asks us, "if a school bus traveling 40 miles per hour drives off a cliff and plunges 90 feet into the jagged coastline, how many seconds do the six high-school students, their teacher and bus driver have to contemplate the fact that they're about to die?" No wonder V's serving some pie and she can't even look happy about pie. Those are some morbid thoughts.
Sweeney: This is the brain space of Veronica Mars we're talking about here.
Sweeney: This is the brain space of Veronica Mars we're talking about here.
We begin at Neptune High, where a "Total Eclipse of the Heart" banner is hung up to notify us that there's a dance a-coming. (L: Another one!) Veronica and Logan are discussing Lisa Rinna's credit card statement - she used her maiden name for this card. And rented a red Benz convertible, which I think is the same car she allegedly crashed on the bridge. Maybe get a yellow one next time, just to go a little more incognito? Anyway, Logan sincerely thanks Veronica for helping him.
Duncan is helping plan the 80s dance and wants to know if anyone has asked Veronica to the dance; she snarks that she's just waiting by the phone for that special boy to call.
Duncan is helping plan the 80s dance and wants to know if anyone has asked Veronica to the dance; she snarks that she's just waiting by the phone for that special boy to call.