This post is part of our Childhood Trauma: Halloween Movies month-long special. Expect more movies, all month long, selected through the highly scientific method of, “We do what we want.”...
Previously: Ana returns to Seattle just in time to have sex in a hallway, sex in the shower and sex in the Red Room. That last one happened with a...
Previously: More plot holes than you can imagine as a Mummy Princess resurrects long enough to fall in love with and almost kill Xander. In positive news, we met Oz...
Previously: Ana goes to Georgia to get some space from Christian, so naturally he follows her there. Because that’s the kind of man he is. — Lorraine: Guys. I...
Previously: Before leaving to Georgia, Grey and Ana have sex on his desk and one can only hope he disinfected afterwards. At the airport, Ana learns that Grey has upgraded...
Lor: What do you mean you don't have time to examine your surroundings? I now know that the upstairs lights are halogens and on a mother freakin' dimmer. Trust me. You've noticed your damn surroundings.
Ana compares Grey to a dangerous predator again. I'd say something about this being repetitive, but really, there are only so many nice ways to say, "he's probably going to kill me."
Sweeney: Obviously I have only read one chapter of this book, but the first thing I noticed was how murdery the writing sounds. If I knew nothing else about this story, I would automatically think, "Welp, this girl's about to get axe murdered on a creepy boat with bad porno lighting."
Grey is waking Ana up with soft kisses but napping is better than any kiss, so Ana turns around and tries to keep sleeping. I approve.
Grey tells Ana she has to wake up because they have to be at his parent's house for dinner in half an hour. Ana is nervous about meeting Grey's parents, especially because he's just "worked [her] over with a riding crop and tied [her] up using a cable [she] sold him, for heaven's sake." As if the fact that she sold him the cable has any bearing on this.
Oh, he tied you up? That's cool. WAIT YOU SOLD HIM THE CABLE?
Previously: Ana tries dressing up like a litte girl so maybe Grey won’t have sex with her but that doesn’t work. Grey doesn’t discriminate. So, they have sex some more....
Previously: We learned the valuable lesson that whores are not allowed on the cheerleading squad. Said whore then tries to commit suicide because she is sad and everyone is all...
For Christmas this year, we’re blessing you all with the best thing to ever come to Sweet Valley, “The Evil Twin” mini-series. Catch up with the links below before continuing...
Previously: Liz and Todd’s relationship gets all stressed because he’s letting girls ride his hog. That’s what people call a motorcycle, right? Well, Liz and Jess aren’t allowed to ride...
Previously: Fat!Robin ate something in every single scene, just so we were extra aware she was fat (ew). After she failed to make it into the high school sorority of...