Baby Batman is continuing his slightly suicidal exploration of his fears by burning his hand on a candle. Alfred walks in and startles BB, who hides his burnt hand. Alfred demands to see his hand and then freaks out at the sight, calling BB stupid and shaking him into a hug. There is no other way to describe that. I'm not sure I understand what this show is doing with Alfred. (A: Me neither).
Selina Kyle sits with some of her homeless friends playing with a necklace kind of like how a cat would play with yarn. (wink.)
A van comes down the alley and puts Selina on her guard. Two overly peppy people in outfits I cannot explain jump out of the van and claim to be from the mayor's outreach program.
Okay, so I first saw this episode like two months after reading Devil in the White City. I barricaded myself in my bedroom after it aired. Is that a spoiler? Whatever. Also, I feel like I need to tell you guys that I'm not intentionally picking Dean gifs over Sam gifs. The internet apparently just loves Dean more... Anyway, let's get to the episode, shall we?
Philadelphia. A young blonde complains over the phone about the flickering lights in her apartment and orders the super to come deal with it. She notices black goo pouring from a light switch, and goes over to investigate. She peers at the light switch and a bloodshot eye appears inside the wall. She screams, which is legit.
FLAME ON!
Philadelphia. A young blonde complains over the phone about the flickering lights in her apartment and orders the super to come deal with it. She notices black goo pouring from a light switch, and goes over to investigate. She peers at the light switch and a bloodshot eye appears inside the wall. She screams, which is legit.
FLAME ON!
A slightly nerdy guy (Neil) sits with a pretty girl (Angela) and says he's got all the supplies there to heal her broken heart, like booze and chocolate. She thanks him sadly. Someone bangs on the door, and Neil goes to answer it. It's Angela's boyfriend. He demands to see her, but when he talks his way past Neil, she's gone. Cut to Angela driving down a rainy highway, crying. Her phone rings and she answers. Her boyfriend apologises and tells her to listen to him. She gets shouty in response, misses a turn and crashes into a barrier. We get a close up of her staring, blood-covered face and hear her boyfriend's voice over the phone.
First of all, NOBODY LOVES A CLOWN. NOBODY.
Right. Now that's out of the way, let's get to the episode. Medford, Wisconsin. A young girl looks excitedly around a carnival while her parents look bored. She gets excited about clowns, and her dad's all "NOPE." She waves at one particular clown, which waves back, but neither of her parents can see it. Cut to them driving home. She sees the same clown out the car window. Cut to her getting out of bed that night and seeing the clown standing on her back lawn. She goes downstairs and lets it in because SHE'S A FUCKING IDIOT.
Right. Now that's out of the way, let's get to the episode. Medford, Wisconsin. A young girl looks excitedly around a carnival while her parents look bored. She gets excited about clowns, and her dad's all "NOPE." She waves at one particular clown, which waves back, but neither of her parents can see it. Cut to them driving home. She sees the same clown out the car window. Cut to her getting out of bed that night and seeing the clown standing on her back lawn. She goes downstairs and lets it in because SHE'S A FUCKING IDIOT.
A young woman (Allison) walks through a garden having lots of feelings. We know this because she touches a rose and sighs. She's met by a man (Elliot) who hands her a white rose. She says they've spent lots of time planning their wedding and she doesn't want anything to go wrong.
Their kiss is interrupted by a woman with an uptight hairdo, asking Elliot, her son, about the marriage certificate. They couple has plans to get it handled the next day but Mommy Uptight wants them to do it RIGHT NOW. Elliot asks what her deal is, but she doesn't answer because the soundtrack just whooshed at her.
Their kiss is interrupted by a woman with an uptight hairdo, asking Elliot, her son, about the marriage certificate. They couple has plans to get it handled the next day but Mommy Uptight wants them to do it RIGHT NOW. Elliot asks what her deal is, but she doesn't answer because the soundtrack just whooshed at her.
We start at Quake. The name of the restaurant is stylized on a piece of reinforced concrete that is cracked down the middle. GET IT?
Phoebe finds Piper at the bar. As per usual (or based on 2 episodes...) Piper is freaking out. Seems the chef that hired her promptly quit and left her to run things alone. This is clearly not the restaurant Piper auditioned at in the pilot, so perhaps she had to do a full rebrand too. Phew! She must be exhausted. Not too exhausted to notice that Phoebe is wearing her dress., though. I have sisters too. I can spot my dress on one of them from an admirable distance away.
Phoebe finds Piper at the bar. As per usual (or based on 2 episodes...) Piper is freaking out. Seems the chef that hired her promptly quit and left her to run things alone. This is clearly not the restaurant Piper auditioned at in the pilot, so perhaps she had to do a full rebrand too. Phew! She must be exhausted. Not too exhausted to notice that Phoebe is wearing her dress., though. I have sisters too. I can spot my dress on one of them from an admirable distance away.
I'm going to start by saying that this episode gives me the wiggins.
We open with a shot of a creepyass painting of a family c.1910: husband, wife, three kids, cut throat razor. You know, the usual. The camera zooms out as a slightly tipsy couple in formal wear discuss their terrible decision to purchase said painting at a charity auction courtesy of said charity auction's open bar. They make out a little and the guy tells his wife he'll lock up and meet her in the bedroom. She giggles her way upstairs as the zoomy cameraman shows us the painting again. We see the Painted!Father's head turn towards Drinking Leads To Bad Decisions Guy, who locks the doors and sets the alarm.
We open with a shot of a creepyass painting of a family c.1910: husband, wife, three kids, cut throat razor. You know, the usual. The camera zooms out as a slightly tipsy couple in formal wear discuss their terrible decision to purchase said painting at a charity auction courtesy of said charity auction's open bar. They make out a little and the guy tells his wife he'll lock up and meet her in the bedroom. She giggles her way upstairs as the zoomy cameraman shows us the painting again. We see the Painted!Father's head turn towards Drinking Leads To Bad Decisions Guy, who locks the doors and sets the alarm.
Richardson, Texas, two months ago. A group of teens walk through the woods in the middle of the night and find an abandoned log cabin. Because they're idiots, they decide to head inside. There are all kinds of weird occult-y symbols painted on the walls and floors. The dude manning the flashlight tells his friends that "they" say there's a ghost who hides in the root cellar and strings up girls who stumble into the house. One friend is sceptical, wanting to know where he heard the legend. From his cousin, apparently. Sceptical Guy grabs the flashlight and leads the way down to the cellar. He scoffs about how all the cellar contains is random junk, but the others are staring in horror at something behind him. He turns and sees a girl hanging by her neck from the rafters. He screams and lightning flashes us to the Not!Credits.
Hibbing, Minnesota. A middle-grade kid sits up in bed watching monster movies. He hears a noise outside and goes to the window to see his neighbour taking out the garbage. The kid watches as said neighbour hears a scrape-y noise and bends down to look under a car. Neighbour Guy gets dragged under the car, screaming. The kid pulls his curtains shut in a "Well, fuck. That's above my pay grade" way.
Cut to two state police interviewing LOL NOPE Kid [LNK] and his mother. Obviously, the deputies are, in fact, the Winchesters.
Cut to two state police interviewing LOL NOPE Kid [LNK] and his mother. Obviously, the deputies are, in fact, the Winchesters.
A man pulls into his garage and cuts the car off. He starts to gather his stuff to get out, but looks confused when the garage door starts closing behind him. As he's turned around, staring at the garage door, the keys crank the car again and the automatic doors lock. (My dad brags about his manual locks all the time. Guess he wouldn't be in this situation, now would he?) (K: My dad's the same but with his refusal to get automatic garage doors. "If the power goes out, *I* can still leave!" Okay, Dad. Whatever.) Doomed To Die tries to turn the ignition off, but the keys are stuck and he starts to panic as the car and garage start to fill up with smoke.
Kirsti: Like, INSTANTLY.
Kirsti: Like, INSTANTLY.
Burkitsville, Indiana, one year ago. A young couple are ushered out of a restaurant at night by a motherly looking type who gives them an apple pie for the road. Her husband finishes filling their car and gives them polite directions to the interstate. Their niece admires the guy's tattoo as he gets in the car. The young couple gush about how nice everyone is in town and head out.
A short distance out of town, their car dies. The girl is not pleased to discover that they also have no phone reception. They get out of the car and spy a light through the trees of an apple orchard. The guy heads towards it, and the girl reluctantly follows. Part way in, they come across a creep-tastic scarecrow and stare at it for way longer than I would. The guy calls it "the freakiest damn scarecrow I've ever seen," thereby earning himself a gold star a mere two minutes into the episode. Well done, sir!
A short distance out of town, their car dies. The girl is not pleased to discover that they also have no phone reception. They get out of the car and spy a light through the trees of an apple orchard. The guy heads towards it, and the girl reluctantly follows. Part way in, they come across a creep-tastic scarecrow and stare at it for way longer than I would. The guy calls it "the freakiest damn scarecrow I've ever seen," thereby earning himself a gold star a mere two minutes into the episode. Well done, sir!
A security guard is on his rounds in a darkened...IDK, warehouse? Factory? It looks like the back end of the brewery I used to work at, anyway. He hears a noise and reports in before going to investigate. Smart, but not smart enough, dude. (L: Right, because he is still investigating darkened basements.) He heads down a flight of stairs, accompanied by the Orchestra of Dude, You Gonna Die. He screams a little at the bottom, but only in surprise because he's face to face with the ware-facto-brewery's plumber. He reports in that everything's fine, then sees the plumber get thrown through the air. He rushes up the stairs (there's that "not smart enough" part) only to get attacked himself. Something slices at his face and he screams as we see a shadow attack him.
Lorraine: Everyone say it together: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
Lorraine: Everyone say it together: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
After some previouslies, we start at the Roosevelt Asylum in Rockford, Illinois, which sounds like exactly the place I never want to be. (The asylum part, not the Illinois part.) The creepy cameraman shows some anonymous hands (A?!) cutting through a chain on the door and sneaking in.
Cut to outside, and two cops are pulling up outside of the asylum. One of the cops says that they can't seem to keep kids out of this place and the other cop asks what it is. Exposity Cop is like, "Oh, I forgot you're new in town and don't know the plot of this episode, so let me fill you and the viewers in real quick about the legend of this asylum." Supposedly the asylum is haunted with the ghosts of the patients, and if you spend the night, they'll drive you insane. That's cool and all, but I'm pretty sure the majority of what's happening in that place (if it's anything like my small Louisiana town) is lots of pot smoking and sex.
Cut to outside, and two cops are pulling up outside of the asylum. One of the cops says that they can't seem to keep kids out of this place and the other cop asks what it is. Exposity Cop is like, "Oh, I forgot you're new in town and don't know the plot of this episode, so let me fill you and the viewers in real quick about the legend of this asylum." Supposedly the asylum is haunted with the ghosts of the patients, and if you spend the night, they'll drive you insane. That's cool and all, but I'm pretty sure the majority of what's happening in that place (if it's anything like my small Louisiana town) is lots of pot smoking and sex.
Lawrence, Kansas. A young woman (who we last saw reporting on how awesome Jasmine is!) sits in her darkened kitchen, surrounded by moving boxes. She pulls out her wedding photo and tears up. She stops herself when her daughter walks in and says that she can't sleep because there's something in her closet. Upstairs, Widow!Mom checks the closet and declares it free from monsters, though the cameraman lurking in the depths would indicate otherwise. She tucks her daughter, Sari, into bed. Sari says that she doesn't like this house, but Widow!Mom says it's just because she's not used to it, and that they'll be very happy there. She turns the light out and goes to leave, but Sari demands that she first barricade the closet shut with a chair.
We open to a deserted Los Angeles and the zoomy cameraman zooming all over the place. He zooms in on the city, then individual buildings, then pans underground and zooms some more in the sewer tunnels. The battle continues between the Fang Gang and the soldiers. Connor throws Wes across the room into a wall, and demands to know where Angel is. Segue Magic to the alterna-world. The creature close in on Angel, then cower away when he holds up the magic glow ball. He looks up to see a path leading to a temple-y looking thing and THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SO BADLY BLUE SCREENED THAT I JUST CAN'T EVEN. Thankfully, we're thrown to the Electric Cellos.
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?