We ended last episode thinking a lot of people might die: Sarah Jane was facing Daleks, the Torchwood team was facing Daleks and the Doctor started to regenerate. After a DOO WEE OOH (K: Officially the most epic cast list of EVER), we join the Doctor as he shoots his regeneration ejaculation into the canister with his hand in it. Rose, Jack and Donna look at the Doctor like WTF.
Sarah Jane is saved by the sudden appearance of Mickey Smith (!!) and Jackie Tyler (!!), who are both carrying big guns and make quick work of the Dalek.
Open with Joey in the guidance office, being told by an very well-coiffed counselor that "it suits you," the 'it' in this situation being the panicky doe-eyed look that Joey seems to have as a high school senior applying for colleges. Someone should probably tell the counselor that's just how her face is, though. Joey makes a crack about just going to clown college but the counselor reassures her that she's actually doing really well on the whole process. Except, of course, for a completely arbitrary (and possibly made up) peer-review from ‘the person who knows her best’ which will OF COURSE necessitate a choice between Pacey and Dawson.
Hello, Snarkers of the internet. I am so, so happy to be revisiting my absolute favorite show of the 90’s. My love for Joshua Jackson runs, to this day, as deep as it ever has. As does my hatred of Katie Holmes' acting abilities.
Kirsti: Shocker that the rest of the main quartet are now famous for their acting abilities while she's famous for having been married to a lunatic.
Kirsti: Shocker that the rest of the main quartet are now famous for their acting abilities while she's famous for having been married to a lunatic.
Halliwell Manor. Piper is preparing for a romantic night by lighting candles and picking up a vase and putting it elsewhere (?). Prue runs in and Piper asks her WTF she's doing home, because Pipers's supposed to have the house to herself. Prue totally forgot about this and is distracted by some pictures she took for an assignment. She wants Piper's opinion on them, and since Leo isn't there yet anyway, Piper tells her to make it quick.
Prue shows the horrible photos to her sister. (S: I will always laugh at her mediocre photos. Until this character trait suddenly disappears, of course.)
Prue shows the horrible photos to her sister. (S: I will always laugh at her mediocre photos. Until this character trait suddenly disappears, of course.)
We start where we left off - with the Titanic crashing into the TARDIS. After his "What?"s, the Doctor fiddles with something on the console panel, and the TARDIS is pulled off the ship. The hole in the side magically fixes itself, and the TARDIS vworp vworps onto the Titanic. The Doctor dusts himself off and heads off to explore. It's all very Downton Abbey, with a piped orchestral version of Jingle Bells. There are also creepy animatronic angels standing around. Because, you know, we haven't had enough angel related trauma already on this show. (M: I just want to blink freely.)
It's been a long time coming, friends, but WE FINALLY FINISHED ANOTHER SEASON. Cue Snark Lady dance party:
Democracy Diva: YAAAS WE DID IT, LET'S DANCE WITH PACEY UNTIL HE KEELS OVER!
K: What, like you're all surprised it features Pacey Witter? Please.
Dance party over, let's get down to business! On the main street in Capeside, Mitch and Gail get smoochy while Mitch thoughtfully informs us that Joey is Gail's maid of honour. This...makes literally no sense, but also I'm distracted by how hideous Joey's shoes are.
Democracy Diva: YAAAS WE DID IT, LET'S DANCE WITH PACEY UNTIL HE KEELS OVER!
K: What, like you're all surprised it features Pacey Witter? Please.
Dance party over, let's get down to business! On the main street in Capeside, Mitch and Gail get smoochy while Mitch thoughtfully informs us that Joey is Gail's maid of honour. This...makes literally no sense, but also I'm distracted by how hideous Joey's shoes are.
We open with a preppy blonde cheerleader uttering the words "She's such a slut," so that we can get our misogyny shots out of the way early. The jock next to her at the lunch table says he's "pro-slut" (SHOTS!) and asks for further details. She provides them, then stops as the girl in question approaches the table and goes to sit in her usual spot. But LOL NOPE, society is the worst and all her friends fake-cough "SLUT!" at her until she storms off to sit at another table.
Marines: She can't see it now, but it's a better table, far from slut-shamers and almost equally as bad, people who would ever fake cough a word.
Marines: She can't see it now, but it's a better table, far from slut-shamers and almost equally as bad, people who would ever fake cough a word.
Here we are again.
Stephanie: What? You're not excited? This one's gonna be good. I know it.
Mari:
The episode starts at some kind of office building. We notice a a Generic Charmed Man leaning against a wall as a couple greet each other and cautiously flirt. (S: They flirt about Y2K and it's incredible.) Generic Charmed Man proclaims them a match, and I know Cupid is going to be in this episode so let's just call him that.
Stephanie: What? You're not excited? This one's gonna be good. I know it.
Mari:
The episode starts at some kind of office building. We notice a a Generic Charmed Man leaning against a wall as a couple greet each other and cautiously flirt. (S: They flirt about Y2K and it's incredible.) Generic Charmed Man proclaims them a match, and I know Cupid is going to be in this episode so let's just call him that.
We open at Versailles in the height of its opulence. Courtiers run and scream from an unseen threat. A man in a red velvet coat approaches a woman in a dress four times wider than she is, and tells her that they have to go. It's Sophia Myles, who I know better as Beth from Moonlight and Beth from Spooks. Also as Fanny Price's little sister from the Mansfield Park movie.
Marines: MOONLIGHT! It is my far away dream to recap some one-season-wonders a la Firefly, and Moonlight is way high on that list. Also, Sophia Myles was dating David Tennant at this point, which is fun.
Marines: MOONLIGHT! It is my far away dream to recap some one-season-wonders a la Firefly, and Moonlight is way high on that list. Also, Sophia Myles was dating David Tennant at this point, which is fun.
Maple Springs, New York. The tinkly orchestra tinkles as we pan across a billboard for a housing estate that starts "Once upon a time". You know, just in case you couldn't tell this was going to be fairy tale themed. We pan down further to the construction site where three somewhat chubby brothers are talking. There's a growly sound and one looks around. His brother pooh-poohs the noise, and the trio go back to arguing about whether they should be using cinder blocks or bricks rather than timber in the construction, because "One gust of wind and the whole place is gonna blow over!". Do you get who they are yet, or should the writers hit us with the obvious anvil a few more times?
The Tenth Doctor and his Converse take charge of the TARDIS, and fiddles with various things on the console. He flicks a switch, and the engines start up, and he grins. It's pure Tennant "OMG THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD DREAM COME TRUE" and I love everything about it. Outside, Rose hugs Jackie and Mickey goodbye and runs in with what's clearly an empty pack on her back.
Marines: At least she's graduated to proper goodbyes with her family now. The sadness on Mickey's face as he watches her walk into the TARDIS and Jackie just walking away, sending her girl back into danger? I want to hug them both.
K: Same, girl, same.
Marines: At least she's graduated to proper goodbyes with her family now. The sadness on Mickey's face as he watches her walk into the TARDIS and Jackie just walking away, sending her girl back into danger? I want to hug them both.
K: Same, girl, same.
We open with someone knocking on the window of Ryan’s bedroom; it’s Seth, pulling the awful “wakey wakey” routine that is just giving me flashbacks to my mum on school mornings, or the cleaning lady at uni bursting in at ungodly hours. Seth reminds him that when Summer left to go to Italy he refused to let him fester away in his room, and that he’s only returning the favour. Ryan reminds him that no, he didn’t, but Seth is having none of it. He’s helping anyway.
Mari: There are very, very few instances in which someone waking you up is helping, but okay Seth. Continue.
Sweeney: Unless the building is on fire, you're not helping.
Mari: There are very, very few instances in which someone waking you up is helping, but okay Seth. Continue.
Sweeney: Unless the building is on fire, you're not helping.
Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson shuts off the movie because there’s too much unrequited love for him to handle. Joey thrives off love stories like that; she thinks love stories that don't end are more romantic than anything else. But Dawson calls it tragedy. He stammers that her love for sad love stories might be affecting her own life. Like by making her not have sex with you? Nice try, bro. Joey says it does affect her, but in a positive way. Because in spite of the circumstances that tear the characters apart, they never stop loving, even without a happy ending.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson flails over the fact that he and Joey have made it through their first post-break up movie night while Joey drinks Diet Coke because sponsorship is important. She makes noises about leaving, but he wants her to help him pick the actress who'll play Sammy (read: loosely disguised Joey) in his new shitty movie. Joey suggests finding someone who can make the role less like her, but Dawson's all "LOL NOPE". She's surprised by how okay he is about everything between them, and he says that as she's dating Jack and has clearly moved on, he can let go. This makes her sad panda and I headdesk. She leaves.
I DON'T WANNA WAIT.
I DON'T WANNA WAIT.
hrine O'Spielberg. Pacey is playing Dawson while Dawson tries to add something anyone but him gives a shit about character details to his script. Dawson explains that The Great Santini is about father-son angst, which Pacey knows a bit about. Dawson proves he understands nothing about his best friend by saying dumb things, like this:
The boys establish that they have a father-son fishing trip coming up this weekend with both their fathers. Pacey wants to know if Dawson respects his dad; he replies, "I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't." Ugh. What a drama queen. Just say yes. Anyway, Pacey insists that this isn't a real answer, but he gives a similar non-answer when Dawson turns the question on him. (K: FEELS)
The boys establish that they have a father-son fishing trip coming up this weekend with both their fathers. Pacey wants to know if Dawson respects his dad; he replies, "I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't." Ugh. What a drama queen. Just say yes. Anyway, Pacey insists that this isn't a real answer, but he gives a similar non-answer when Dawson turns the question on him. (K: FEELS)