Billionaire Bros Bungalow. Duncan's trying to have sexytimes with Veronica, but he's so incredibly boring that she'd much rather entertain herself with her adorable impression of The Dude. (L: Friend, even your KISSES are boring. Find help.) Duncan turns off The Big Lebowski and finally gets her attention, only to be cockblocked by the return of his new roommate. Things are awkward and Logan is generally as rude as possible. Veronica's attempt at playing nice is interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Kendall and she recognizes Veronica as "iPod girl with the waxy eared boyfriend." Logan squeezes in a few more asshole comments and away they go.
I'm going to try to prevent myself from flailing all over this post. Let me just get this out of my system. THE O.C!! I'M SNARKING AN EPISODE OF THE O.C.!! SETH COHEN!! Ahem.
Lorraine: I like your method of getting it all out on the front end. Already off to a good start.
Ashlea: The episode opens at the I'm-Not-Really-A-Bachelor-Yet Pad of Jimmy Cooper, with Marissa skipping down the stairs to open the door for the smarmy douchebag, Oliver. He pulls the pity-me card and asks to come in. Of course Marissa lets him, because she's SO troubled and tortured and her soul resonates with his or some such crap. Really it's because she's not the brightest bulb in the lamp. Yes, I am a card-carrying member of the I-Hate-Marissa-Cooper Club. (L: Not there yet? Keep watching this episode.)
Lorraine: I like your method of getting it all out on the front end. Already off to a good start.
Ashlea: The episode opens at the I'm-Not-Really-A-Bachelor-Yet Pad of Jimmy Cooper, with Marissa skipping down the stairs to open the door for the smarmy douchebag, Oliver. He pulls the pity-me card and asks to come in. Of course Marissa lets him, because she's SO troubled and tortured and her soul resonates with his or some such crap. Really it's because she's not the brightest bulb in the lamp. Yes, I am a card-carrying member of the I-Hate-Marissa-Cooper Club. (L: Not there yet? Keep watching this episode.)
It's finally here!! The episode that every Dawson's Creek viewer - casual or devoted - remembers from season 1. NGL, I *may* have bribed Diva to let me do the first recap solely so that this episode fell to me...
Democracy Diva: And I may have agreed begrudgingly because THIS EPISODE, YOU GUYS. IT IS THE BEST/WORST/EVERYTHING-EST.
Democracy Diva: And I may have agreed begrudgingly because THIS EPISODE, YOU GUYS. IT IS THE BEST/WORST/EVERYTHING-EST.
Richardson, Texas, two months ago. A group of teens walk through the woods in the middle of the night and find an abandoned log cabin. Because they're idiots, they decide to head inside. There are all kinds of weird occult-y symbols painted on the walls and floors. The dude manning the flashlight tells his friends that "they" say there's a ghost who hides in the root cellar and strings up girls who stumble into the house. One friend is sceptical, wanting to know where he heard the legend. From his cousin, apparently. Sceptical Guy grabs the flashlight and leads the way down to the cellar. He scoffs about how all the cellar contains is random junk, but the others are staring in horror at something behind him. He turns and sees a girl hanging by her neck from the rafters. He screams and lightning flashes us to the Not!Credits.
We open in Sunnydale's main street. It's busier than we've ever seen it, bumper to bumper traffic as people flee the Hellmouth-y vibes.
Lorraine: Only seven season later. Better late than never, population of Sunnydale!
Sweeney: "See, even the population of Sunnydale is peacing out! We promise we're a couple episodes away from a real mega apocalypse!"
K: A+.
Lorraine: Only seven season later. Better late than never, population of Sunnydale!
Sweeney: "See, even the population of Sunnydale is peacing out! We promise we're a couple episodes away from a real mega apocalypse!"
K: A+.
I have no qualms about saying that this episode freaks me the fuck out, and I didn't even grow up in a country where trying to summon a ghost in the bathroom mirror at a sleepover is even a thing. (S: Lucky.) We open in Toledo, Ohio where a trio of 12 year old girls are playing Truth or Dare by candlelight. One of the girls, Lily asks for a dare and is told by her friend to say Bloody Mary in the bathroom mirror. Here, random friend, have a gold star!
Anyway, the second friend asks who Bloody Mary is, and there's some confusion over the background but the gist is that if you say her name three times in the mirror, she appears and scratches your eyes out. "So...why would anyone say it?!" asks the second friend, who's clearly the only sensible one here.
Anyway, the second friend asks who Bloody Mary is, and there's some confusion over the background but the gist is that if you say her name three times in the mirror, she appears and scratches your eyes out. "So...why would anyone say it?!" asks the second friend, who's clearly the only sensible one here.
After the previouslies make me reach for the brain bleach again, we're in Angel's room where he's sketching The Beast. (Welcome back, Angel/art OTP!) Lorne walks in with a glass of blood and Angel basically tells him to get out. Lorne says that he's done with the game playing, and Angel's all "What game playing?" Lorne adopts a moody teenager voice to say "Don't interrupt me, I'm brooding," which is quite possibly the greatest thing to ever happen in this show.
Angel claims to be researching rather than brooding, but Lorne's not buying it because everyone else is researching downstairs as a team, not alone in their mopeyness. Angel says that he works better alone, and Lorne retorts that it's not all about him and that champions (SHOTS!!) don't get to take personal days.
Angel claims to be researching rather than brooding, but Lorne's not buying it because everyone else is researching downstairs as a team, not alone in their mopeyness. Angel says that he works better alone, and Lorne retorts that it's not all about him and that champions (SHOTS!!) don't get to take personal days.
We open at Sunnydale Airport, where it looks weirdly like an early episode of Friends. Passengers are deplaning, and the camera pans across to show Buffy, Dawn and Xander waiting. Dawn looks pissed, Buffy looks a little anxious, and Xander is carrying a placard that says "WELCOME HOME WILLOW" in yellow crayon. Aww. (L: Super aww.) Dawn teases Xander over how many times he's told the yellow crayon story, and then announces that she's nervous about seeing Willow. Buffy agrees, and wonders what you say to someone who flayed a dude alive and then tried to end the world. Xander says that he's going to start with "Hi, Willow," and go from there. (S: Additional, "Aww.") He also says that Giles wouldn't have let her leave unless she was fully recovered. Buffy worriedly says that Giles told her Willow wasn't really ready to come back but that it was important that she did.
We open with Groo walking into the Hyperion carrying a tray of glasses filled with...IDK, muddy water? He looks across the lobby to see Cordy standing in the office and I REALLY can't get over how ugly her hair is. He heads into the office, and Cordy's all "WTF is that drink?" He says that it's a soothing brew to help her chill out. She says that it looks like muddy water, and he's all "CORRECT!" Lor, does this make me a Snark Prophet?
Lorraine: Half of one, because I'm pretty sure you've seen this episode before. I love you.
K: I barely remembered the plot, let alone the tiny details!
Lorraine: Half of one, because I'm pretty sure you've seen this episode before. I love you.
K: I barely remembered the plot, let alone the tiny details!
Zoomy LA establishing shot eventually takes us inside the Brooding Hotel, where Fred is being a jittery creeper, in accordance with her five years of being driven solidly insane over in Pylea. She's listening as Cordelia explains that for all the shit she understands in this world, demon-worshippers are not among them. She is returning with Wesley and Gunn, as they are discussing a job they are clearly returning from. Shop talk quickly turns into lamenting their general lack of social lives or love lives.
Kirsti: The highlight of which for me was Gunn's "Who has time for love when you're out there doin' it with the demons?" and then his realisation that he should probably think and then speak.
Kirsti: The highlight of which for me was Gunn's "Who has time for love when you're out there doin' it with the demons?" and then his realisation that he should probably think and then speak.
It's finale time, kids! Can we all just stop and marvel at how this season seemed to last about five minutes while season 4 dragged on for a freaking millennium? Also, we've now made it through a whopping ONE HUNDRED episodes of Buffy. I feel like that warrants celebration.
Lorraine: I'm really feeling all nostalgic over Buffy. I know we have two full seasons to go, but it's just that much more over. I'm sorry. I'm clouding our celebration with my attachment-to-TV feels. Here. Have a happy dance gif:
Sweeney: I'm glad it's also a well dressed happy dance gif. This is a big event and we must dress accordingly.
Lorraine: I'm really feeling all nostalgic over Buffy. I know we have two full seasons to go, but it's just that much more over. I'm sorry. I'm clouding our celebration with my attachment-to-TV feels. Here. Have a happy dance gif:
Sweeney: I'm glad it's also a well dressed happy dance gif. This is a big event and we must dress accordingly.
We open at Lindsey's apartment. His alarm clock goes off, and he stares at it for a minute before turning it off with his stump. He shaves and gets dressed before putting on his prosthetic hand. He opens the cupboard to get a pre-tied tie, and stares sadly at his guitar. I know Lindsey's the evil lawyer guy and all, but this is kind of giving me feels, you guys. Lindsey needs a hug or something. Although to be fair, it's possible that I'm being manipulated by the Oboe of Sad Times...
Lorraine: It's totally the Oboe. I mean, not having a hand is sympathy-inducing, but also, Lindsey lost it because he was being an evil douche nozzle, so, yeah.
Lorraine: It's totally the Oboe. I mean, not having a hand is sympathy-inducing, but also, Lindsey lost it because he was being an evil douche nozzle, so, yeah.
We begin the episode with shots of the girls being separately interrogated. They've told the cops about the Someone Wants To Kiss Ali - Extended Edition that they received, featuring special guest Creepy Ian. They all lie for Spencer when asked if they knew of Ian being with any other younger girls.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.
Sweeney: We kick off the episode upstairs at Brooding Hotel. Angel looks out the window as the tinkly pianos of feels play. We're starting with the pianos of feels? I have no idea what's about to happen, but as I'm not actually recovered from Buffy, I am upset about this.
Lorraine: I trust the Piano pretty implicitly too, so I'm upset about being upset and not yet knowing why I'm so upset. Way to go, episode.
Lorraine: I trust the Piano pretty implicitly too, so I'm upset about being upset and not yet knowing why I'm so upset. Way to go, episode.