Previously: Over a year ago, we recapped an episode with a suspicious storage unit. — Oh, What Hard Luck Stories They All Hand Me Samantha: Spencer, Emily, and Aria are standing...
We haven’t even finished recapping original flavor Charmed, but you all voted for this in the Fall TV Poll, so here we go. — Pilot Marines: Hi there and welcome! First...
Ali is lying on her bed while voiceovers of the Liars ask if she’s ok. Light and shadows play over her face as we assume the days pass. I know Ali can be a manipulative bitch and all, but I can’t begin to imagine the trauma of nearly being murdered, buried alive, on the run for three years and then come back to find your mom murdered. Damn.
Mr. DiLaurentis and Jason join in the voiceovers, rudely telling the Liars to get out.
Mr. DiLaurentis and Jason join in the voiceovers, rudely telling the Liars to get out.
We had such a lovely time last episode, I'm feeling all giddy about this recap! Shoutout to the, um, science side of that recap (basically Mairead...) for the insight into black holes. (K: SERIOUSLY. I may be shitty at replying to comments, but those comments were the freaking bomb.) Now, let's all watch as the show ignores all that science and gets to the FEELS shall we?
Oh, we cut from really extensive previouslies to the credits:
Oh, we cut from really extensive previouslies to the credits:
The happiest two seconds of the entire series happen when an EMT says Ezra's pulse is getting weaker. The only one who is sad about this is Aria. Her friends hold her back and tell her she shouldn't go with Ezra to the hospital because then the pesky cops will start asking her questions. Apparently, no one from the NYPD notices Aria hyperventilating after Ezra; they are busy questioning Noel Khan. Alison is on a fire escape, watching the ambulance ride by. A is-- TRUE STORY-- riding on the top of the ambulance like some kind of extra-deranged Spider-Man. I hate this show.
Spencer, Emily, and Hanna are breaking into EzrA's classroom in the middle of the day (Saturday? School day? Who knows.) to try to find something that will convince Aria that Ezra is a lying liar who lies. It's cool that they're already prepared for Aria being an asshole who's going to be all, "NU UH" about it.
Marines: "HE DOESN'T LIE. Only to people who would care he's dating his student, duh."
Sara: Spencer finds an envelope with Ali's journal in it, so they take off with it. Before they can leave, they hear footsteps approaching and watch as Mona lets herself in to Ezra's classroom.
Marines: "HE DOESN'T LIE. Only to people who would care he's dating his student, duh."
Sara: Spencer finds an envelope with Ali's journal in it, so they take off with it. Before they can leave, they hear footsteps approaching and watch as Mona lets herself in to Ezra's classroom.
The girls are trying to sneak back into school after leaving midday to try and see Jenna. They were turned away, and Hanna laments not breaking out their candy striper outfits again. Spencer is pretty sure their teacher noticed them all missing but on they sneak. And by "sneak" I mean walk at a leisurely pace and exposit loudly in the halls about figuring out who drowned Jenna.
Emily gets a text message.
Emily, girl, you need to get your priorities in order.
Emily gets a text message.
Emily, girl, you need to get your priorities in order.
We start at the Improbable Bonfire again and I'll admit that I cheered a little. I don't know what it is about that bonfire. Maybe it represents the few seconds during the beginning where I still understand 100% of what's happening. Namely: FIRE. BIG FIRE.
Democracy Diva: It always just makes me think, FIRE BAD. TREE PRETTY.
Mari: Best thing to come out of that episode.
We zoom, zoom, zoom to 12 Grimmauld Place. Sam Keating (Viola Davis's husband) is all murdered on the floor and Laurel (I think. It's hard to tell in the murder lighting) is just looking at his body.
Democracy Diva: It always just makes me think, FIRE BAD. TREE PRETTY.
Mari: Best thing to come out of that episode.
We zoom, zoom, zoom to 12 Grimmauld Place. Sam Keating (Viola Davis's husband) is all murdered on the floor and Laurel (I think. It's hard to tell in the murder lighting) is just looking at his body.
Emily, Aria and Hanna are downstairs at the Hastings House, waiting for Spencer. There is an impressive spread of finger foods that I want to reach through the TV and grab. Aria wonders if they talk about Toby. Emily is afraid of saying anything that could send Spencer back to Radley. Hanna says maybe there is still hope that Toby isn't dead, but I don't follow her logic as to why. Just go with it.
Spencer shows up and says hope breeds eternal misery. She looks spectacular though. Much better than her Pretty White Virginal Pajamas. (S: It's also the first time in about a dozen episodes that she's not sporting some of Faith's coma makeup.)
Spencer shows up and says hope breeds eternal misery. She looks spectacular though. Much better than her Pretty White Virginal Pajamas. (S: It's also the first time in about a dozen episodes that she's not sporting some of Faith's coma makeup.)
Spencer is sitting alone in the common area at Radley when the PLLs drop by. It appears to be well past visiting hours, but Radley's just making shit up as she goes. Anyway, the PLLs dropped by to let her know that they have good news, but they have a really interesting interpretation of "good news" because that news is that the cops found a camper's body. I mean, yay for Toby, but also sucks for that camper and his family, you know?
Lorraine: Plus, they seem to have missed the part where Spencer is in there because she saw Toby's body. "Good news, your boyfriend is alive, but you are DEFINITELY crazy!" Thanks, girls! Nice way to start the episode.
Lorraine: Plus, they seem to have missed the part where Spencer is in there because she saw Toby's body. "Good news, your boyfriend is alive, but you are DEFINITELY crazy!" Thanks, girls! Nice way to start the episode.
Hanna is laying in bed in the middle of the night when Mona creeps up on her like a total fucking creep. Mona tells Hanna that she was just released from Radley with a clean bill of mental health (lol k) and Hanna is like, "You were released in the middle of the night??" which is a valid question but an even more valid question would be, "HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?" Why do these girls not all have security systems in their big, fancy, rich people homes?
Lorraine: Shit, I'd settle for locks in my big, fancy, rich people house.
Sara: Mona is worried because she has to start public school at Rosewood School For Not Having School, and she knows that everyone will be talking about her and how she tried to kill some people. (S: Girl, middle-of-the-night B&E is not really the way to go convincing people that you're not crazy.)
Lorraine: Shit, I'd settle for locks in my big, fancy, rich people house.
Sara: Mona is worried because she has to start public school at Rosewood School For Not Having School, and she knows that everyone will be talking about her and how she tried to kill some people. (S: Girl, middle-of-the-night B&E is not really the way to go convincing people that you're not crazy.)
Joss Whedon got his feature length film, and we're going to recap it, but fair warning that this post will be long.
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
The soundtrack squeals and we fade into a hospital room where Helena is fading in and out of consciousness. There is a police officer there, taking pictures and collecting evidence. He asks the same question I had last episode: how is she even alive? Almost in response to him, Helena starts convulsing and the nurse rushes to her aid.
Meanwhile, Art is asking Sarah what the Proletheans want with Kira. She doesn't know. Everyone wants Kira, and probably not to play with puzzles and finger paints. There's a knock at the door and Sarah lets Felix in. He immediately comforts Sarah by letting her know they will find Kira. Felix greets "Arthur," but adds a grumble about how he can't believe Sarah let a cop into Clone Club. Yeah, I'm having a hard time with that one too, Fee.
Meanwhile, Art is asking Sarah what the Proletheans want with Kira. She doesn't know. Everyone wants Kira, and probably not to play with puzzles and finger paints. There's a knock at the door and Sarah lets Felix in. He immediately comforts Sarah by letting her know they will find Kira. Felix greets "Arthur," but adds a grumble about how he can't believe Sarah let a cop into Clone Club. Yeah, I'm having a hard time with that one too, Fee.
The episode begins with Hanna still wet from her time in the lake, looking moodily into a fire. She has a blanket around her and Aria offers to make her soup. Emily says that while Hanna might not be able to talk, the police (LOL) are going to drag the lake. That's jumping to a pretty morbid conclusion, but I love when these girls support each other in times of trauma (which are always). Hanna's not buying the morbid conclusion because she can feel that he's out there.
Aria's stunned by the idea of Lucas helping A, because he doesn't seem that violent. This is when Hanna pipes up to out Lucas as destroyer of Ali's memorial.
Aria's stunned by the idea of Lucas helping A, because he doesn't seem that violent. This is when Hanna pipes up to out Lucas as destroyer of Ali's memorial.
This is your semi-regular reminder that at least one of these four girls should now have been driven to full-blown insanity with the stress of an ever-changing cadre of blackmailers, murderers, and murders in their lives. The fact that 4/4 are still fully-functional human beings strikes me as implausible at best. Henceforth, I choose to view the story as all being some sort of vivid dream on the part of an institutionalized PLL. It makes the implausibility factor of all other events easier to handle too! You may all begin voting on which PLL's brain my headcanon should be attributed to.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.