CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! (S: THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DOOONE.)
That's right, friends. It's the final episode of the season, and that means it's time for the previouslies to take us right back to the beginning and remind us of all the major plot points from the past five seasons that may prove relevant here. But mostly it means a full minute of jamming to Kansas because I have not so secretly terrible taste in music.
Is anyone else going to spend the rest of the recap singing Phantom of the Opera, thanks to this episode title? No? Bueller? Okay, fine. I'll actually recap this thing.
Samantha: Unfortunately, Phantom is one of the musicals I don't know by heart yet, but I am going to kick things off with this gif in celebration of the 100th episode!
Samantha: Unfortunately, Phantom is one of the musicals I don't know by heart yet, but I am going to kick things off with this gif in celebration of the 100th episode!
The previouslies is basically a montage of the boys dying a million times, followed by a reminder that the Samulet and its God-finding powers are a thing, so clearly we're in for tons of fun.
We open at the Motel of the Week. Dean's face down in the pillow, surrounded by empty beer cans. He wakes to find two balaclava-wearing guys pointing guns at him and Sam. Sam looks freaked. Dean's all "Must be Tuesday" about it. The guys do the typical villain here's-my-motive-ing (Dean started the Apocalypse, Sam's a freak blah blah whatever), and Dean realises that he knows them - the guys are hunters. Sam tries to explain, but gets shot in the chest for his trouble.
We open at the Motel of the Week. Dean's face down in the pillow, surrounded by empty beer cans. He wakes to find two balaclava-wearing guys pointing guns at him and Sam. Sam looks freaked. Dean's all "Must be Tuesday" about it. The guys do the typical villain here's-my-motive-ing (Dean started the Apocalypse, Sam's a freak blah blah whatever), and Dean realises that he knows them - the guys are hunters. Sam tries to explain, but gets shot in the chest for his trouble.
You guys, we are so close to the torture being over. SO CLOSE.
This chapter is called "Vote", so WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?!
Edward grabs Bella and jumps out the window before putting her onto his back like a baby monkey and running off into the forest. Now that she's a daredevil and not a wuss, Bella keeps her eyes open and thinks that vampire piggyback is far superior than riding a motorcycle for thrills. She kisses Edward's neck and he promises them both that he'll win her trust back.
This chapter is called "Vote", so WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?!
Edward grabs Bella and jumps out the window before putting her onto his back like a baby monkey and running off into the forest. Now that she's a daredevil and not a wuss, Bella keeps her eyes open and thinks that vampire piggyback is far superior than riding a motorcycle for thrills. She kisses Edward's neck and he promises them both that he'll win her trust back.
We open yet another chapter with Bella waking up in the morning. I know Meyer didn't actually invent that shitty writing shortcut or anything, and it's possible she didn't even notice she was doing it so often, but does she not understand how fucking annoying it is to read? EVERY CHAPTER Bella is waking up for the morning and EVERY CHAPTER she goes to bed at the end. And it's not like this is an intentional motif or anything.
I'm not even sure this complaint is making sense. This book is sapping my will to make sense.
I'm not even sure this complaint is making sense. This book is sapping my will to make sense.
I'm not going to lie, you guys. When I saw that I had to recap this episode, I nearly threw up in my mouth. Because the opening scene is SO FUCKING SQUICKY AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. But because I love you, I'm going to power through.
Samantha: We really appreciate you.
K: The previouslies remind us about the Four Horsemen and Sam's demon blood addiction, so we're clearly in for a fun episode...
Samantha: We really appreciate you.
K: The previouslies remind us about the Four Horsemen and Sam's demon blood addiction, so we're clearly in for a fun episode...
We open at a psychiatric hospital where a woman patient sits in the doctor's office. He asks why she refuses to take her medication and she says that they make her sleepy and if she sleeps the monster will come. The doctor is all "yeah, but this monster is just a symptom of the schizophrenia that you have, let me describe it to you." Susan says that she knows what she is, she can see her dead son, but this monster is real and killed Annie. He keeps psycho babbling and refuses to believe.
Is anyone else going to spend the next eternity with that stupid song lodged in their brain on an endless loop, or is that just me?
Anyway. Alliance, Nebraska. A college aged girl sits way too close to the TV, brushing her hair. There's a noise from the back of the room. She looks around, a little freaked, and the music gets all "OMG WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THIS IS SO TENSE!!" as she walks slowly towards a big cupboard. She pulls open the door, and the kid she's babysitting is in there, pretending to be dead. He's got one of those fake arrow headbands on, and has covered himself in tomato sauce. (That's ketchup to you, America.)
Anyway. Alliance, Nebraska. A college aged girl sits way too close to the TV, brushing her hair. There's a noise from the back of the room. She looks around, a little freaked, and the music gets all "OMG WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THIS IS SO TENSE!!" as she walks slowly towards a big cupboard. She pulls open the door, and the kid she's babysitting is in there, pretending to be dead. He's got one of those fake arrow headbands on, and has covered himself in tomato sauce. (That's ketchup to you, America.)
The previouslies remind us of the Croatoan virus and I suddenly get very excited because I just remembered which episode this is. Also how much of a bitch it was to find gifs for Croatoan when I recapped it JUST after Croatoan Day last year. BUT I DIGRESS. (S: Croatoan is one of my top ten favorite episodes so I also get excited for this one.) (K: Legit.)
Dean pulls the Bromobile up on a city street and hops out. An escapee from the Book of Mormon cast asks if Dean's taken time to consider God's plan for him. "Too friggin' much, pal," Dean says with an eyeroll.
Dean pulls the Bromobile up on a city street and hops out. An escapee from the Book of Mormon cast asks if Dean's taken time to consider God's plan for him. "Too friggin' much, pal," Dean says with an eyeroll.
After a hundred thousand years of previouslies (M: One year for every current season of Supernatural...) (K: #accurate), we open in Bobby's hospital room. He's sitting in a wheelchair, staring sadly out the window. I find it hilarious that he's wearing a dressing gown and his trucker's cap. Sam watches from the doorway. Dean appears and says they have to cheer Bobby up. Sam says they need to prepare themselves for Bobby not bouncing back this time. Dean looks feelsy.
We open basically where we left off, with Sam locked in Bobby's panic room. Dean opens the hatch on the door and Sam demands to be let out. But Dean's all "LOL NOPE" because Junkie Sam needs to get clean. Sam insists that it's a bullshit comparison because he's not doing it to get high. He's doing it to get strong enough to defeat Lilith. Dean scoffs and says he's being weak and pathetic.
Sam snaps that killing Lilith is what matters, and Dean's all "I TOTALLY AGREE". That's why he and Bobby are going to deal with it while Sam stays in the naughty corner and thinks about what he's done. Dean shuts the hatch and walks away.
Sam snaps that killing Lilith is what matters, and Dean's all "I TOTALLY AGREE". That's why he and Bobby are going to deal with it while Sam stays in the naughty corner and thinks about what he's done. Dean shuts the hatch and walks away.
We open with a woman beating the shit out of some steaks with a meat tenderiser the size of Mjolnir. Her husband gets home from work and she's all judgey about how late he is. He snaps at her, then apologises. As he gets a beer from the fridge, she tells him that she ran into a friend and they've been invited to a 40th birthday party at the weekend.
First things first, friends. I was a teenager in the 90s, so obviously all I can think of when I see this episode title is this:
We should really #snarkathon that, now that I think of it.
Marines: Not a bad idea. I'll remind you of this when it's your turn to wake up stupid early on Sunday to lead one again.
K: Thank you.
We open at a mental hospital. A girl named Anna stares spacily out the window as she's informed that she's in a mental hospital.
We should really #snarkathon that, now that I think of it.
Marines: Not a bad idea. I'll remind you of this when it's your turn to wake up stupid early on Sunday to lead one again.
K: Thank you.
We open at a mental hospital. A girl named Anna stares spacily out the window as she's informed that she's in a mental hospital.
Sam watches his brother sleep in the Motel of the Week, then sneaks out the door. Outside, Ruby 2.0 picks him up and they speed off into the night. Back in the motel room, Dean has nightmares about being in Hell, and wakes to find Castiel sitting on the bed.
Marines: Castiel, friend. We're not fond of characters who watch people sleep around here. Just FYI.
K: Truth.
Dean jumps, and asks what Castiel wants. "You have to stop him," Castiel says. He presses two fingers to Dean's forehead, and Dean wakes up on a bench.
Marines: Castiel, friend. We're not fond of characters who watch people sleep around here. Just FYI.
K: Truth.
Dean jumps, and asks what Castiel wants. "You have to stop him," Castiel says. He presses two fingers to Dean's forehead, and Dean wakes up on a bench.
We open at a big house on a rainy night. Inside, a middle aged guy paces back and forth, and jumps when the phone rings. The caller ID reads "SHA33". He answers, and tells the woman, Linda, on the end to stop calling. She begs him to "come to me". He hangs up on her. The phone starts ringing again. He answers and tells Linda to leave him alone. Linda says that they could be happy together and that she loves him forever. Ben hangs up. When the phone rings again, he picks up the receiver and slams it down several times, then rips the phone out of the wall and throws it across the room.