Previously: A murder-suspect party with a fight to the death. Content Warnings: Graphic violence, torture, nudity and drug use and self-harm. — Force of Evil Marines: I really, really hate torture plots,...
We open to a bunch of car alarms going off. The cars are all smashed to shit. Castiel walks into the middle of them and raises a hand. The alarms stop, because he's...the car whisperer or some shit? I don't even know any more. (M: A little known and seldom useful angel power.)
Cas walks through the cars, looking like a sad puppy, and stops by the corpse of a blonde woman in a pretty white virginal dress. He pulls a piece of cloth away from her throat to reveal a bloody wound. "Goodbye, sister," he says sadly. Police cars speed towards him, sirens blaring.
Cas walks through the cars, looking like a sad puppy, and stops by the corpse of a blonde woman in a pretty white virginal dress. He pulls a piece of cloth away from her throat to reveal a bloody wound. "Goodbye, sister," he says sadly. Police cars speed towards him, sirens blaring.
We continue on immediately after Cas dropping his "we're gonna kill Anna" bombshell, and the boys demand to know why because she's an innocent girl. Uriel chuckles and says she's far from innocent, and almost as gross as Ruby. He demands that they hand her over. "Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate," Dean sasses. I admit, I did chuckle a bit at that.
Uriel calls Ruby a "demon whore" so that we can get our first round of misogyny shots over nice and early, and a fight breaks out. Uriel pins Ruby against a wall, and Dean rushes over to help. Cas walks slowly towards Sam, who begs him not to do this.
Uriel calls Ruby a "demon whore" so that we can get our first round of misogyny shots over nice and early, and a fight breaks out. Uriel pins Ruby against a wall, and Dean rushes over to help. Cas walks slowly towards Sam, who begs him not to do this.
Murder Warehouse. You can tell by the lighting. Fish is brought in and strapped to a table. She laughs a little even when the transport baddies introduce her to Bob, her torturer. Bob even does a little evil rubber glove snapping, because we need at least one cliche in the first minute, amIright?
Sweeney: We watch a lot of TV - this show is just trying to helpfully assure us that we're on the right show.
Mari: Jada Pinkett Smith and a cliche? Yep. Gotham.
Sweeney: We watch a lot of TV - this show is just trying to helpfully assure us that we're on the right show.
Mari: Jada Pinkett Smith and a cliche? Yep. Gotham.
Red Lodge, Montana. A terrified girl runs through the woods at night, a man chasing her. She hides behind a tree, and the man runs past her. Or so she thinks. She peeks out from behind the tree, and he chops off her head.
FLAME ON!
After the Not!Credits, we're treated to the delightful strains of AC/DC's Back In Black as the newly remodelled Bromobile rolls down the road. There's like 30 seconds straight of car close-ups just so we can marvel at how shiny it is.
FLAME ON!
After the Not!Credits, we're treated to the delightful strains of AC/DC's Back In Black as the newly remodelled Bromobile rolls down the road. There's like 30 seconds straight of car close-ups just so we can marvel at how shiny it is.
You know what I love? Torture scenes! And sarcasm and this blog. (Two truths and a lie, guys!) Lucky me, we kick off my final full recap (!!!) in Gunn's very own Basement Of No Seriously You Know Don't Fucking Want To Go In There (K: A+), where he's being tortured and asking what he did to deserve the torture, what with his lack of memories. He calls out for the torturing demon to wait and it actually does, though not so much because of Gunn as because the ceiling is rumbling. The basement door swings open and it's none other than Illyria. That's a weird but pleasant surprise. Torture Demon tries to stop Illyria but is easily cast aside. Illyria rips Gunn's tacky mystical Hot Topic necklace off. (L: What a relief! For our eyes...) He slowly remembers who he is and who Illyria is and explains that he can't leave unless someone else puts on the necklace. Illyria has a really intense head-cocking I'VE GOT AN IDEA FACE.
We open in a dirty-looking room with some of that murder lighting Helena seems to carry around with her. She's passed out and a man whose face we cannot see is cleaning up her wound. Helena stirs just in time to name this man Tomas. The camera is doing all kind of unfocused zooming in and out just so we're clear that we're in the crazy part of town.
Sweeney: The part of town where they drug our friend the Zoomy Cameraman. Not even he knows what he's trying to tell us now.
Lor: Sarah's at Beth's house, video chatting with Alison, who is nervous about the fact that Helena is still out there. Plus, Alison doesn't see how Sarah quitting Beth's job is beneficial at all.
Sweeney: The part of town where they drug our friend the Zoomy Cameraman. Not even he knows what he's trying to tell us now.
Lor: Sarah's at Beth's house, video chatting with Alison, who is nervous about the fact that Helena is still out there. Plus, Alison doesn't see how Sarah quitting Beth's job is beneficial at all.
Wolfram & Hart. Late at night. The soundtrack from my 5th grade haunted house follows Fred around as she says goodnight to people and closes up Evil Radio Shack for the night. She turns around and then sees Spike and fake screams, dropping her papers. He appreciates her efforts to humor his evil-but-not ego. His I'm-not-evil-but-I-still-want-to-be-a-badass ego? IDK. Anyway, Fred says he needn't worry about any of that because he's a super special ghost. She's pretty sure she can help him, too, but obviously she can't help him without flaring up the Angel/Spike rivalry.
Pause: I get that for those of you have spent years with this show and written all the fic and whatnot, the tension in their relationship is a big huge deal.
Pause: I get that for those of you have spent years with this show and written all the fic and whatnot, the tension in their relationship is a big huge deal.
Simon analyzes some data on a screen as Book disregards his thinky face and starts chatting. Book is being the person who sees you with headphones on and strikes up a conversation, but like the space-cowboy version of it. Something like that. (S: A+)
Anyway, he asks Simon if he's ever read the writings of Shan Yu, the psychotic dictator who "fancied himself quite the warrior-poet." Apparently this crazy dictator poet wrote a lot about torture and human endurance, and Book wonders if the people who messed with River's brain did it to see how much she could endure. Simon doesn't think so. He shows Book a picture of River's brain and points out that there is pattern. Besides, if the bad guys' aim was just to hurt River, they wouldn't still be after her.
Anyway, he asks Simon if he's ever read the writings of Shan Yu, the psychotic dictator who "fancied himself quite the warrior-poet." Apparently this crazy dictator poet wrote a lot about torture and human endurance, and Book wonders if the people who messed with River's brain did it to see how much she could endure. Simon doesn't think so. He shows Book a picture of River's brain and points out that there is pattern. Besides, if the bad guys' aim was just to hurt River, they wouldn't still be after her.
We open at the Brooding Hotel. Wes, Cordy and her new terrible hair style are worried about Angel. Apparently he's been down in the basement for like forever, and is back to being the King of Broodsville. Plus, Wes keeps hearing a "chucka-chucka sound." Cordy gives Wes crap because he was supposed to do the male bonding thing and get Angel to talk about his feelings, but the English version of that apparently boils down to asking about tea preferences. They squabble a bit before realising that the noise from the cellar has stopped. They sprint for the front desk, and try to look like they've been there the whole time as Angel appears. He was doing his laundry, and says that he loves it when things are still warm from the drier.
We start under a freeway bridge. A dude in a beanie approaches some guys and asks what they're burning because EW STINKY. The answer? A human arm. And the guys doing the burning aren't so much homeless guys as they are demons with lopsided faces. I'm going to call them the Crooked Smile demons, because if I have to read about ONE MORE YA love interest with a crooked smile, I will scream and I'm secretly hoping this stops all authors from adding it to their stories.
Lorraine: High hopes, my friend, but I approve.
Lorraine: High hopes, my friend, but I approve.