It's been a while, friends, but I'm confident that things are ever as we remember in Rosewood.
Sweeney: A place in which dramatic music and zoomy cameramen keep trying to tell you that EPIC THINGS ARE HAPPENING but the actual rate of change suggests that nothing ever happens here.
Lor: Exactly. That's the city motto, I think.
We start the episode with a small peek at TOBY ABS! I mean it's dark and stuff and we're mad at Toby for being part of the A team and making Spencer cry, but yes. Abs are near.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson talks to himself as he flips through the TV stations. He pauses briefly on scrambled porn before settling on classic movies. Convenient, really, because it means that when Joey climbs in the window a second later, she doesn't find him bonding with Little Dawson. (D: Except Joey would call it "walking his dog," because she's the worst.) (K: TRUE.) Joey, who's borrowed Faith's coma make up complains about sleep deprivation courtesy of her shiny new nephew and says her GPA is dropping as a result.
Dawson tells her to just stay over, which she rapidly agrees to. She judges him for his choice of movies and he starts to defend Gary Cooper, pining for the days when the nerd could easily get the girl.
Dawson tells her to just stay over, which she rapidly agrees to. She judges him for his choice of movies and he starts to defend Gary Cooper, pining for the days when the nerd could easily get the girl.
The episode starts looking out at a shed, in a shot very similar to the Pilot. It's five months after the events of the season two finale and the close of summer break. In the clunky way we've come to know and love to make fun of, the girls recap their summers: Aria beat out thousands of applicants for a photography course (S: LOL. Have we ever once seen Aria take a picture?); Spencer took a full load of classes at Hollis College of Pottery and Pedophiles; Emily built houses for the less fortunate; Hanna had a to-do list which she kind of completed.
Sweeney: I feel you, girl. Except, you know, I actually took all those jobs where I worked for free.
Sweeney: I feel you, girl. Except, you know, I actually took all those jobs where I worked for free.
Wallace asks Veronica what her big Friday night plans are. All she's got so far are taking Backup for a run and possibly renting a PG-13 movie. If you take away the "going for a run" part you have a good representative of most of my Friday nights. No shame, V.
Wallace isn't on board with these plans, though, and aspires to a live a life inspired by a Nelly rap video. LOL. Nelly.
Sweeney: "Step back, wild child," is a favorite phrase of mine in life. It's another one of those, "TV informs how I engage with the other humans," moments.
Wallace isn't on board with these plans, though, and aspires to a live a life inspired by a Nelly rap video. LOL. Nelly.
Sweeney: "Step back, wild child," is a favorite phrase of mine in life. It's another one of those, "TV informs how I engage with the other humans," moments.
Our Pretty Liars are congregated in front of Spencer's locker at the Rosewood School for Discussing Secrets Loudly. They are discussing their secrets. Loudly. Emily wants to know how Spencer got $2000 for their informant so quickly, and she vagues about having a relative who helped.
Aria and Spencer are going to meet the informant, Jonah, at 6pm and they will meet with Hanna and Emily afterwards. Hanna wants to know why she doesn't get to go make shady money exchanges; Spencer explains that showing up four deep might freak Jonah out. Emily shouts about wanting to be there to learn the truth but Mona strides up and they have to cut their conversation short. The Liars greet Mona with a tepid, "hey," before she pulls Hanna away to chat about shopping plans
Aria and Spencer are going to meet the informant, Jonah, at 6pm and they will meet with Hanna and Emily afterwards. Hanna wants to know why she doesn't get to go make shady money exchanges; Spencer explains that showing up four deep might freak Jonah out. Emily shouts about wanting to be there to learn the truth but Mona strides up and they have to cut their conversation short. The Liars greet Mona with a tepid, "hey," before she pulls Hanna away to chat about shopping plans
We kick this episode off in the middle of the night with quiet (for real this time!) as Emily and Hanna are sleeping in Hanna's room. Emily checks a text on her phone and then gets out of bed and heads out. Apparently she isn't trying to be too sneaky, because her tires squeal as she takes off.
The next morning, Hanna has gathered the other Liars so they can figure out what's going on with Em. Spencer says that she probably jumped in her car and drove until she reached Texas. Which sounds like a fantastic idea, because A LEGIT TRIED TO KILL YOU, GIRL.
The next morning, Hanna has gathered the other Liars so they can figure out what's going on with Em. Spencer says that she probably jumped in her car and drove until she reached Texas. Which sounds like a fantastic idea, because A LEGIT TRIED TO KILL YOU, GIRL.
This is your semi-regular reminder that at least one of these four girls should now have been driven to full-blown insanity with the stress of an ever-changing cadre of blackmailers, murderers, and murders in their lives. The fact that 4/4 are still fully-functional human beings strikes me as implausible at best. Henceforth, I choose to view the story as all being some sort of vivid dream on the part of an institutionalized PLL. It makes the implausibility factor of all other events easier to handle too! You may all begin voting on which PLL's brain my headcanon should be attributed to.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
Buffy gets home with a bucket of fried chicken, only to find that Willow, Tara, Giles and Dawn are already having dinner. It's says a lot about how not-okay things are that this makes everyone super uncomfortable. Giles even says they haven't eaten, even though we can totally see the food. Buffy assures everyone that it's okay, but they all make a big show of really wanting Buffy's chicken.
Kirsti: Oh, Giles. Don't ever change. Also, this scene made me realise that we're only just at the beginning of Buffy's attempts at bringing things home for dinner, and now I has the sads.
Sweeney: THANKS, KIRSTI. NOW I DO TOO.
Kirsti: Oh, Giles. Don't ever change. Also, this scene made me realise that we're only just at the beginning of Buffy's attempts at bringing things home for dinner, and now I has the sads.
Sweeney: THANKS, KIRSTI. NOW I DO TOO.
Sara: The girls watch the extended version of the "I Know You Wanna Kiss Me" video, which has Alison saying that she has to get back to the barn before the PLLs get suspicious. The girls see the end of the video, where the camera is turned around on Ian. The camera is knocked to the ground, and Ali's hand grabs at the dirt and my closed captions say she groans. Hanna points out that there are things besides pain that make people groan (sex) but Spencer doesn't seem to think that's it.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.
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