Previously: We found the real worst school for magic. Content warnings: Violence, nudity, gore, ableism, incest, infertility, and a hysterectomy. — Betrayer Moon Marines: A very dirty boy is on a bed....
Why wouldn’t we recap fairies at a fairy school? — To the Waters and the Wild Marines: A tale as old as time: Netflix emailed me and everyone else about this new...
Previously: Magical band-aids didn’t help ease the pain. — Witch Perfect Rebecca: Before we start who wants to bet they thought of the title for this episode first and then just...
Previously: Matthew’s mom is MAD. — Episode 5 Marines: Matthew is still driving away from Diana and her witch tears while his voice over/introduction plays. Thais: Mari: Girlfriend, we are just getting...
Previously: The Punisher kidnapped Daredevil! — New York’s Finest Marines: We are looking at a window out of focus. A woman tells Matty to stay down and don’t get up, so...
Previously: The loudest tongue ring in the world. THE WORLD. — Marines: Hello, my patient and beautiful doves. Here we are at last. When we first started recapping After, and...
Previously: The stupidest plan ever did not end well. — Marines: Hey all! Season 8 of Game of Thrones is premiering THIS WEEK. It’s been a long winter without it. Before...
Previously: Man in Black got more clues and William agreed to play black hat. — Contrapasso Marines: 3D-PRINTED ROBOTS! Ford is in the Basement of Don’t Go in There, visiting Old...
Previously: Eleven saw Will. Hopper and Joyce got caught. — The Upside Down Marines: Hawkins National Laboratory. Joyce is handcuffed and in an interrogation room. She’s yelling for someone to...
Previously: Cersei set everybody on fire. Like, EVERYBODY. — Dragonstone Democracy Diva: Welcome back to Game of Snark Thrones! I’ve missed you all dearly and am ready to cry in all...
Previously: There was extra room in Bella’s brain. — Catherine: After the curbhanger of Bella lunging at Jacob because he gave her baby a stupid nickname last chapter, this chapter opens...
New two-parter = new credits! NPH sings, "the lumber mill is where the Baudelaires are forced to work, the eye doctor is sinister, the owner is a jerk, they end up in a fiendish plot with logs and hypnotism, the very thought of watching should be met with skepticism."
Look away, look away, etc.
New dedication to Beatrice: my love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.
Look away, look away, etc.
New dedication to Beatrice: my love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.
It's only been six weeks (at the time of writing this) between recaps, you guys. That's like a hot second to Melisandre. And don't pretend you didn't need some time to digest this madness before digging in. Now that I've made myself feel less guilty for delaying this so long, let's do this fucking finale.
Catherine: Ha! Smart. But honestly, we have so long until the next season starts that us delaying this long just means that you guys won't have to wait that extra six weeks for season 7 posts to start? Maybe?
Catherine: Ha! Smart. But honestly, we have so long until the next season starts that us delaying this long just means that you guys won't have to wait that extra six weeks for season 7 posts to start? Maybe?
We begin with the best previously song yet:
“Have you no sense of decency? My God, you monsters... not the cat!”
Marines: This song is basically doing our job for us.
Dani: (Shhhh...)
The action starts in an apartment building where a woman named Jules (Natalie Gold) meets her next-door neighbor, Noah (Michael Esper), for the first time.
“Have you no sense of decency? My God, you monsters... not the cat!”
Marines: This song is basically doing our job for us.
Dani: (Shhhh...)
The action starts in an apartment building where a woman named Jules (Natalie Gold) meets her next-door neighbor, Noah (Michael Esper), for the first time.
Once again, we begin with a recap song by Jonathan Coulton:
After the previouslies, we open on Senator Ella Pollack (Luke’s new rival for party Whip), who’s home with a cold. She gets a conciliatory arrangement of cherry blossoms from Luke, although it was actually Scarlett who sent them. Luke and Ella decide they’d rather work together than against each other, and they agree to talk soon. Luke tells Scarlett she’s a genius, and I throw up a little in my mouth.
After the previouslies, we open on Senator Ella Pollack (Luke’s new rival for party Whip), who’s home with a cold. She gets a conciliatory arrangement of cherry blossoms from Luke, although it was actually Scarlett who sent them. Luke and Ella decide they’d rather work together than against each other, and they agree to talk soon. Luke tells Scarlett she’s a genius, and I throw up a little in my mouth.