Halliwell Manor. Piper and Prue rush around trying to locate things like lip gloss and a plane ticket-- things that Phoebe has all arranged in front of her, perched up on a table in the hall. She grabs each item and concentrates. When she does this with the ticket, she has a premonition of Piper watching a plane take off. If that's SFO, I'd really love to know how she knew from outside that one of the planes taking off was hers.
Phoebe snaps out of it and her sisters discover that she has the very items they are looking for. She tells them the wonderful news that she was trying to have a premonition on command and it worked.
Seven episodes until we got a episode named something Echo-ish. That's some self-restraint.
Sweeney: I only give them partial credit, since they named the girl with all the glitchy remembering stuff issues ECHO. Half points.
Mari: We're nothing if not fair.
We flashback to Caroline and Adelle, making the deal we first saw in Ghost. All Caroline wants is to be left alone, but Adelle says they are past that.
Sweeney: I only give them partial credit, since they named the girl with all the glitchy remembering stuff issues ECHO. Half points.
Mari: We're nothing if not fair.
We flashback to Caroline and Adelle, making the deal we first saw in Ghost. All Caroline wants is to be left alone, but Adelle says they are past that.
We pick up with the aftermath of where we left off last time, with the three couples at their respective locations. Joey thanks Jack a little awkwardly for posing for her. A pantsless Jen tells Dawson that his arrival was "an unexpected encounter." Pacey and Andie kiss sweetly by the Witter Mobile. Jack asks Joey if she has any regrets, and she shakes her head. They kiss. Dawson tells Jen he'll see her tomorrow and kisses her on the forehead before leaving. Pacey and Andie continue to be adorable before she heads inside. Jack leaves. The zoomy cameraman shows us Joey's "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS" face. Then Pacey's. Then Jen's.
I DON"T WANNA WAIT. (D: FOR THIS EPISODE TO BE OVER, OH I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW - WHO GOT LAAAAAIIIIID!)
I DON"T WANNA WAIT. (D: FOR THIS EPISODE TO BE OVER, OH I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW - WHO GOT LAAAAAIIIIID!)
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson wibbles about Shakespeare while watching the Elizabeth Taylor version of The Taming of the Shrew. The camera pans out to show us that his post-break up movie watching partner is Gail. LOL. Gail cries over the movie, and Dawson expresses concern over her excess of emotions. She, in return, says she's worried about his LACK of emotions over Joey breaking up with him. Because apparently wallowing in being dumped makes you a better person. Or something...
Democracy Diva: Dubious advice, but it was nice to see these two have a cute bonding moment.
Democracy Diva: Dubious advice, but it was nice to see these two have a cute bonding moment.
Some dude breaks into a house very easily and tries to tell his twitchy friend, Clay, that they have nothing to worry about; the owner of the house is dead. B&Es Are Easy says he's off to grab the urn. There is a third man present. He follows after B&Es Are Easy and asks if Clay is in the know. B&Es Are Easy says it's better not to spook Clay, who would totally believe that some curse killed the house owner.
Third Man is all, "IDK. Dead House Owner was stung by a scorpion. On an airplane." B&Es Are Easy asks if Third Man is buying into the curse thing too and despite what he just said about scorpions on airplanes, Third Man is like, "nope."
Third Man is all, "IDK. Dead House Owner was stung by a scorpion. On an airplane." B&Es Are Easy asks if Third Man is buying into the curse thing too and despite what he just said about scorpions on airplanes, Third Man is like, "nope."
We pick up exactly where we left off last season, with Dawson and Joey eating each other's faces in the Shrine o' Spielberg. Shit gets monumentally awkward when the kiss ends and Dawson wonders aloud what this means for them now. Joey says they should sleep on it, and Dawson stares at his bed in terror. But no, Joey means they should sleep in their respective beds. Dawson says with a smile that it'll be a like a dream when he wakes up. Joey interprets this as him wishing it had never happened, and glares at him before heading for the window. He stops her and says that's the exact opposite of what he wants. They face-nom some more.
Democracy Diva: So much miscommunication! So much face nomming! I'm already exhausted.
Democracy Diva: So much miscommunication! So much face nomming! I'm already exhausted.
At Rosewood's One Coffee Shop For Girls Who Need to Learn About Sleeping In, the girls are sitting on the couch that they seem to always commandeer as Aria tells them that Ezra sent an, "I'm here" text but otherwise, hasn't communicated with her. I guess he's too busy meeting his child to text his child-girlfriend. Spencer is still acting all shifty and excuses herself to get a coffee refill, leaving the rest of the Liars to discuss whether or not Detective Wilden has already read the Biology Cluebook, meaning he knows what they know. Which is what we know and translates to, "three seasons of very, very little." Something like that.
Sweeney: In the years of working on this blog, I've learned that a lot of people are making very good money by taking things they've already written (or that someone else already wrote) and basically throwing a thesaurus at the situation in order to come out with a "new" thing, for which they can be paid again.
Sweeney: In the years of working on this blog, I've learned that a lot of people are making very good money by taking things they've already written (or that someone else already wrote) and basically throwing a thesaurus at the situation in order to come out with a "new" thing, for which they can be paid again.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson talks to himself as he flips through the TV stations. He pauses briefly on scrambled porn before settling on classic movies. Convenient, really, because it means that when Joey climbs in the window a second later, she doesn't find him bonding with Little Dawson. (D: Except Joey would call it "walking his dog," because she's the worst.) (K: TRUE.) Joey, who's borrowed Faith's coma make up complains about sleep deprivation courtesy of her shiny new nephew and says her GPA is dropping as a result.
Dawson tells her to just stay over, which she rapidly agrees to. She judges him for his choice of movies and he starts to defend Gary Cooper, pining for the days when the nerd could easily get the girl.
Dawson tells her to just stay over, which she rapidly agrees to. She judges him for his choice of movies and he starts to defend Gary Cooper, pining for the days when the nerd could easily get the girl.
We begin in the Cohen kitchen. Sandy, Mama Cohen, Ryan and Seth are standing around looking somber on account of Marissa being in the hospital thanks to all those Mexican painkillers. They’re too upset to eat bagels, (L: What even?) (RIGHT?) so Mama Cohen sets up the premise of the episode. Ryan has a meeting with the dean of Rich Kid High, and Sandy and his eyebrows are starting a new job. Just as they’re about to get ready for the day, the phone rings and they all turn to look at it like, “MARISSA!” Personally, I’d rather eat bagels than deal with her.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
Lorraine: Hello, friends! Long time no see in this dusty "Fifty Shades" corner of Snark Squad. In fact, the last time we were here, Charlie Hunnam was still slated to play Christian Grey.
Sweeney: I'm so glad we got to have this gif for the final Fifty Shades posts. It was so useful!
Lor: Fast forward to ten months later and the official release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer:
Sweeney: I'm so glad we got to have this gif for the final Fifty Shades posts. It was so useful!
Lor: Fast forward to ten months later and the official release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer:
In a parking garage that is strangely lit in blue, one white dude in a suit greets another white dude in a suit, in a stalker-y way. Dr. Mitchell tries to get into his car but the Fanboy Stalker blocks his path and gushes about Dr. Mitchell's studies in cell degeneration. Fanboy says Dr. Mitchell has become kind of a hobby of his and mentions a paper that hasn't even been published yet. Fanboy assures the doctor that it will be published and that he will also find a vaccine. Dr. Mitchell asks for what and Fanboy shoots him with a blue laser in the forehead.
The Halliwell sisters are waiting in a line for something and Phoebe brought along a Magic 8 Ball. In public.
The Halliwell sisters are waiting in a line for something and Phoebe brought along a Magic 8 Ball. In public.
We open with Ryan and my boyfriend Seth Cohen (Just to be clear, I just want Seth, aint even 'bout to homewreck the first couple of teen fandom: Adam Brody/Leighton Meester) in true show-set-in-California style, riding a bike and skateboard (adorably) down a boardwalk with flashes to random dudes playing beach volleyball to further indicate being in a coastal town in SoCal.
Sweeney: The best part of having different recappers write their posts, mostly without ever seeing the posts that came before them is going to be seeing how many people stake their claim on Seth Cohen. Since you're my sister I feel especially obligated to interject with a, "HE WAS MY TV BOYFRIEND FIRST!" even though I've accepted that he's actually everyone's TV boyfriend.
Sweeney: The best part of having different recappers write their posts, mostly without ever seeing the posts that came before them is going to be seeing how many people stake their claim on Seth Cohen. Since you're my sister I feel especially obligated to interject with a, "HE WAS MY TV BOYFRIEND FIRST!" even though I've accepted that he's actually everyone's TV boyfriend.
I first suggested that we cover the original Buffy movie way back in August 2012, not long after we started covering Buffy. Somehow, it ended up as a "this would be a good way to finish things" idea, and then with the birth of #snarkathon in December it became a "watch it alone-together with the Traumateers" thing. Aww.
Anyway, let's get to the movie, shall we?
We open in Dark Ages Europe, where we're given approximately two seconds of Slayer backstory - one girl in all the world, yada yada yada, she has a creepy birthmark on her chest known as "The Mark of the Coven".
Anyway, let's get to the movie, shall we?
We open in Dark Ages Europe, where we're given approximately two seconds of Slayer backstory - one girl in all the world, yada yada yada, she has a creepy birthmark on her chest known as "The Mark of the Coven".
A title card tells us we're in Tijuana, Mexico. And in case you missed the title card there is also some generic, Mariachi-type music playing as we look out a little bar. In a back alley, a young, nervous looking boy is fiddling with a piñata and what looks like a small, bubble wrap envelope. He drops one envelope into a dumpster and grabs something out of it. Once he has that all settled, he walks to a nearby car and knocks on the window. Inside, are Troy and Logan.
Democracy Diva: In a nearby alley, Marissa Cooper is almost dying of a pills-and-tequila overdose. #headcanon
Sweeney: Accepted.
Democracy Diva: In a nearby alley, Marissa Cooper is almost dying of a pills-and-tequila overdose. #headcanon
Sweeney: Accepted.
We jump back in time to that moment in London where Giles is about to get his head chopped off by a Rage Ninja. This time, we see the whole scene through: Giles grabs the axe like a, well, ninja and uses it to cut the Bringer's head off. In the present, Giles is telling this story to Buffy and the Potentials as they walk through a cemetery. This group includes a new Potential named Chao-Ahn. He's going on and on about how it was a mix of luck, years and years of training and an uncanny sense, so you just know something is about to catch him off guard.
Sweeney: It's season 7 people. You should all have learned your lesson about self-assured speech-giving by now.
Sweeney: It's season 7 people. You should all have learned your lesson about self-assured speech-giving by now.